rubycalaber
08-08-2013, 02:51 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YU1_t4VpgKY
tek seems especially sassy today trying to come at me about not knowing what pleb means or why fish and chip shops are closed on sunday even though I do know what it means and chip shops are sure as fuck open in scotland every day of the week and only a shithole like australia would have a cultural tradition other countries get to choose to follow or not as part of the law but dont worry he fucks off after this video anyway a nice guy I was trolling in the loading screen (in dayz loading screens have their own communication channel so you can shit talk with other people also stuck on waiting for character to create lmao) warns me about a guy in a ghillie suit running around with a huge sniper rifle killing everyone so we just go try another server so this really is the point where there's just too many hackers to take the game seriously because you can find the top level loot they leave laying around and they can kill you at any time so its like whatever fuck off and then I talk about reporting Snoop Lion from the last game when we play borderlands 2 which obviously I havnt done and a game we havnt even finished the single player of yet just like how I will supposedly edit all these game sessions which I have actually done and how I will supposedly do a rap about gta which m-maybe I will get done in the next 12 days m-maybe oh god all my retarded thread ideas from a year ago that have never been made god this video is shit I swear when I make more gaming vids they will not be like fucking fly on the wall style documentaries on how not fun dayz is anyway then when me and tek meet up I almost open fire on him which he claaaaaaaaaaaims woulda been fine with him because it was funny well we'll see about that and then I get pinned down by sniper fire up a tower while trying to invite this guy radi0volta I know from IGN to play whos one of the only people I still chat to from there because he unironically hates niggers and likes to discuss how all blacks must die with me and he is constantly getting banned from IGN's forums for racism lmao and I'm trying to talk him through the elaborate hacker bullshit you need to do to play a walking sim while bullets ping around me and then I'm getting rustled since this retardo cant find us but the bullshit hasnt even started where we're in the appartments and start taking fire from the school and I open fire on FurFreak as hes on a ladder and due to lag I have to put half a mag into his head while zombies run infront of me to block the bullets and I'm sure on that guys end he just dropped dead while behind cover because I shot his lagged out body on a ladder all while I get annoying messages from barry about duping and the zombies are descending on tek whos trying to fight them off with an axe and then with expert building to building operating skills I spot Mikeysan's head through a window poking out his window shooting at tek and headshot him but of course due to lag he is able to return fire at me even though I've put like 5 rounds into his head and I run back to cover and then suddenly drop dead as the damage "catches up" to me hmm realism actually what was I saying this is a pretty funny video sine the game is reaching peak not funness since we were still trying to play seriously but the hackers and glitches and lag and hit detection were all working against us so we were getting legit pissed off at this shit game and my last body has become some sort of unlimited item generator and everyone in elektro has found me and taken a grenade from me but it just dupes it so the next person also gets a grenade so theres just shit blowing up all over the place over there lol realism and then I literally get murdered by triangle graphical glitches that cover me screen and make me run off an aircontrol tower so we switch servers so I can see what is going on and my rustling intensifies when I accidentally push escape and minus on the num pad at the same time which I guess is the command to take a screenshot with steam and cause all the programs on your computer to open at once because my game keeps getting minimized this is actually pretty funny to me at least since only fucking DayZ can get me this irritated and I start getting stressed out like when 99999 things were happening in the stompleb game and I get rustled even more trying to get radi0volta to meet me as zombies bother me and at one point I tell tek to kill himself if he likes since I dont care and he seems a bit butthurt lmao and then barry tells me he has another satchel charge to let off so I give him the server we're in so he can come play and then JUST as I see a chopper in the middle of a field (probably left by a hacker since this game cant be legit cool by itself)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEcbKeF34hY
teknorats GOOK CUNT comes home and I can hear her ridiculously stereotypical asian voice thats all aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooohhhhhmmmmm like a sound that isnt even a word she is just making these vocalizations that are the kind of thing you do to try and sooth a baby or something and then tek hangs up and radi0volta messages me and barry messages me so thats three people I hate bothering me within the space of a second as I'm on my way to this chopper so I risk losing this chopper to chat to barry thankfully he has steam unlike radi0 so I can use the overlay hack to keep my guy running but for no reason he stops running when I go back in which doesnt happen any other time and I get legit mad at my character and scream STOP IT YOU FUCKING MONKEY :raged: lmao then I laugh hysterically at the zombies who cant walk under where the choppers rotters would go so I have a wee sit inside it to ask barry how to fly it but then my camera slooowly pans back and from behind my friends list another player is revealed so I get in the pilots seat so he cant steal it and I'm counting on realisms stopping people from being shot accurately once they're inside a vehicle like in every other game ever made but I see him running away so I jump on the door gun and unload it at him but he gets away which is a shame because that woulda been a badass fucking kill and then of course since barry is calling me while I already have the game open fraps takes dayz as more important than steam so hes pretty quiet but he tells me you gotta press Q to turn the engine on which is very intuitive and neat and you could just press any of the direction buttons or anything and then I FLY A CHOPPER (LIKE 100 YARDS STRAIGHT FORWARD WHILE IT ROCKS BACK AND FOURTH BARELY STAYING IN THE AIR) FOR THE FIRST (AND LAST) TIME! and I am trying to pick barry but my landing site is determined by whats not blocked by triangles but once he finds me at the end of balato airfield (which is probably the fist time someone's ever actually used it as an airfield properly) I let him fly since I know I'll just smash it into a building and then we fly to cherno and barry expertly hovers the chopper over the water tower or whatever radi0 is on and even though on my screen hes still down there on barry's end he successfully got in what a well made game! so pretty cool we actually managed to find this guy communicating only via aim and the games terrible chat functions and we are going to show him a good time with a chopper (well....... a dayz time) and after he tells me I sound like I have cocks in my mouth lmao which I unironically do have every night we take him chopper crash site hunting and I am suspicious of radi0 in this game at first since he is a right jimmy rustler over on ign oh here is something funny I just remembered ONCE THIS FAT GUY OUT OF THE BLUE SENT ME THIS
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/1272208431334_zps4a111e18.jpg~original
AND IT TURNED OUT RADI0VOLTA HAD TOLD HIM IF HE SHOWED ME HIS MANTITS I WOULD BUY HIM A PS3 lmao so that's the kind of shit he gets up to and I was worried as soon as he gets a gun hes gonna cap both of us and 9/11 our chopper into cherno and at the first crash site I get an M16 and at the second we find an M14 for radi0 to roll Anders Breivik style and when we take off I theorize how I found this chopper that maybe someone was flying it and their computer crashed and it landed on the ground but barry says if that happened it'd just crash and explode which is quite the coincidence since as we're flying over Devil's Castle BARRY GETS KICKED FROM THE GAME AS HE WAS FLYING THE CHOPPER AND IT SUDDENLY STARTS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY SO I HIT EJECT AND JUMP OUT WITH MY PARACHUTE AND THE CHOPPERS ROTTERS COME SO CLOSE TO SAWING ME IN HALF THEY NUDGE MY CAMERA AND I SOAR DOWN TO THE GROUND AS THE CHOPPER SMASHES INTO THE TREELINE AND EXPLODES IN A HUGE FIREBALL lmao that was probably one of the funnest moments in the game actually since it was like some action movie shit where I had a split second to jump out before it was too late to survive and it wasn't some other player fucking with us which would be annoying it was just barry's brothers downoloading porn and making his ping go up over the server's limit but hes too beta to go and say anything or they'll kick his ass lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxwS6szq1_Q
then due to realisms the helicopter wreckage keeps blowing up again every minute so its easy to find and also due to realisms I find radi0 who is completely unharmed after the helicopter he was in smashed into the ground at 200mph and erupted in a huge flaming mushroom cloud that destroyed every tree in the area and I ask him how he survived but he insists I talk in a black accent since my character is black and he is an cody-style unironic racist :kkk: so I have to ask him YO MOTHAFUCKA HOWD YALL STAY STRONG THRU DAT GODDAMN MUFUCKIN GHETTO BIRD CRASH NIGGA?! and he finally answers not sure lmao realisms so then we run to Devil's Castle and fend off zombies together so we can cover from the top of the turret barry logging in as he bitches about his family lagging his internet thankfully I am not an australian so my country doesnt have literally one cable connecting it to the internet so its ok if my family wants to internet at the same time as me lmao and then radi0 IMs me saying like it's clear to log back in because all the time he thought barry was me and I was someone else even though I very very fucking obviously already know him and he says he didn't know I was me because I didn't sound scottish enough lmao and then barry smartly figures this is a good enough time as ever to use his satchel charge so plants it in the stair case of the main castle and I thought he had already set the timer since he stats running and tells us to get out and I FALL DOWN THE STAIRS AND PASS OUT AS WE'RE EVACUATING THE CASTLE THATS SCHEDULED TO BE DEMOLISHED IN 30 SECONDS but turns out he hadnt set it yet so I have time to wake up and get my medical shit done and my shit character wont stop running on the spot and barry is like STAY STILL YOU ASPIE MOTHERFUCKER and once I'm healed he goes to set its timer going and me and radi0 watch as barry comes running out and does the gay stair sliding thing too but hes already and manages to make it over to us before before the 30 seconds runs out and DEVIL'S CASTLE EXPLODES IN A HUGE CLOUD OF DUST SENDING THE ENTIRE TOP HALF OF THE BUILDING CRUMBLING DOWN IN RUBBLE so that's a fun climax to a nice wee adventure our final trip up north and it was a goodone actually finding and flying a chopper and showing my m8 some shit thats at least 10 times more exciting than the game usually is and wow this is my 100th DayZ video so it's actually not fitting at all that really fun stuff happens in it but the fun fucking stops there because the sound of the explosion draws all the zombies in the area to us and barry gets kicked again so its up to us to hold off the hoard in a gameplay situation thats like if Left 4 Dead was made in 1997 but then they get my legs so I have to crawl over to barry whos logged back in unconscious so I use my epipen on him for the first and last time in my dayz career so he an give me some morphine and then of course a few moments later RADI0 GOES FLYING OFF THE STAIRS AND BREAKS HIS LEGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and barry has to come over and bandage him and when he wakes up he types in the chat zombie apocalypse and the thing that kills me is falling down stairs hahaha true dat but barry used our last morphine on me so me and barry have to explain that we have to go to North West Air Field to get some morphine and he'll have to just stay there and wait for us and spoilers this mission doesnt go too well so hopefully he didnt wait too long for us at the time I thought maybe he broke his legs on purpose after seeing it happening to me as an excuse to stop playing but looking back at the footage it seems legit so maybe he did literally crawl around a blown up castle for hours waiting for his morphine lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGCp2vKSSMs
so we go off on our last serious mission and discover that triangles trigger at the exact same fucking distance for everyone which is nice to know they're the only thing in the game that's synced up (fun fact: the color code for that dark grey color is the same as the password for the bomb vest in 30 minutes or less: 696969) and when we get to the NWAF a zombie immediately incaps shocks bleeds and breaks my legs which is lovely since now we have to find two morphines and barry gets rustled since he actually has autism so walks around really carefully everywhere and I dont have the care in me for that and want to run everywhere and end up attracting zombies and the fucking toolbox I picked up hours ago with my character I was considering just throwing off a roof actually comes in handy because theres barbed wire set up which I think might actually cause triangles so if someone set up barbed wire everywhere it would explain why this airfield is like shifting into the triangle dimension where everything is made out of grey graphical glitches and there's a "stay in the car Chuck!" moment where barry tells me to stay in the firestation because I just get in the way but I follow him anyway and end up getting knocked out by a monkey business and when barry tries to save me he ends up getting knocked out too because a fucking triangle was hiding me from him and then disguised a pile of rubble he got stuck on so he just disconnects being the alt+f4 master and then unfortunately I wake up and I manage to kill all the zombies and then I have to slooooowly crawl up the air control tower but dont find anything and then slooooooowly crawl through all the hangers and find one bandage that I try to use on barry who logs in bleeding out and still passed out but I cant find him for the fucking triangles so he logs out and sends me a map of his position but when I crawl over there with my fucking 2% health and vision all to fuck there is like a squad of zombies waiting to ambush me and I die so we have to leave it to the next day to try and save barry who had a pretty togged up character
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9FGiHaN_w
alright, this is it, this is the point where THIS GAME SESSION TOOK PLACE EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO (well it was but my internet died so I had to wait today to post it fuck you its still the 7th in hawaii) hahahaha jesus and then all the other games left for these threads take place in the week after this ones so its gonna be all in the past for the next three week's threads god I am so lazy but I dont care and no one even watches these other than jon so whatever and after 3 minutes of Medium Banter™ I meet up with tek in a forest north of cherno with the intention of heading up to the NWAF to get barry to load in and get medical treatment from us but as soon as we leave the forest A HACKER TELEPORTS BEHIND US AND I START SCREAMING WE DONT WANT TROUBLE BUT TEK STARTS SHOOTING AT HIM AND HIS BULLETS JUST BOUNCE OFF OF HIM LIKE HES A TERMINATOR AND THE HACKER IS LIKE WOAH YOUR FRIEND WANTS TROUBLE SO I SAY I DONT KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS HES NOT MY FRIEND AND THE HACKER KILLS TEK hahahahahahahaha so another life lesson from DayZ: when things get tough, throw your friends under the bus! and then I literally just ask this hacker to teleport me to the NWAF to save barry but he says he'll just go himself to save him and he tells me to tell barry to load in so I do and then I like casually order this immortal teleporting hacker to go wait at the airfield for barry hahaha god I am a fucking baller while little bitch boy tek is telling me oh you shoulda aborted while I am fucking completing our mission in a 100th of the time with my expert social engineering skills and then this hacker spawns a military flatbed truck for me and I ask him if you can get this legit in the game and he says I have no idea probably not wow these hackers are n00b as fuck and he tells me once he fixes barry up I can drive there and pick him up since his hax arnt as good as Snoop Lion's and he can only teleport himself and as we're waiting for barry to get in he teleports away to kill someone and when he comes back he explains he only kills bandits and helps survivors since he hates hackers who ruin peoples fun by turning them into dogs although he has an odd way of deciding whos a bandit since he warns me to tell barry not to shoot him and shot tek when he shot at him so if you try to defend yourself from a very obviously teleporting hacker coming to pwn you you are a bandit who deserves to die and then barry joins the call and starts whining to tek about how shit I am at games (I am) and I cant hear my new hacker m8 over it but I make the mistake of asking them to shut up so then tek immediately starts going FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT RUBY IS A FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT PENIS VAGINA PENIS PENIS VAGINA NOW THE HACKERS GOING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE YOURE IGNORING HIM BECUASE YOU CANT HEAR WHAT HES SAYING HAHAHAHAHA but he doesnt mind and teleports away to save barry who feels bad for being saved by a hacker since he has a sense of fair play (that doesnt involve alt+F4ing all the time) the loser but when the hacker shows up and finds barry he just starts dragging him around and barry says hes crippled his character stompleb style so he's just going to roll a new one lmao and then he gets mad at me for sending this hacker to him who doesnt know how to heal someone and wasting his time and tek says thats what he said but I tell them it coulda worked and barry says ILL JUST TAKE A MENTAL NOTE: TAKING ADVICE FROM RUBY IS LIKE SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT and I yell back WELL IT LITERALLY HAD A BETTER CHANCE OF WORKING THAN US PHYSICALLY GETTING UP THERE AND MANAGING TO FIDDLE ABOUT BANDAGING YOU WHILE A HUNDRED DESCEND ON US AND TWENTY SNIPERS SHOOT AT US SO SUCK MY FUCKING DICK TIM ALRIGHT and barry starts going on about how another guy who actually knows how to play the game was gonna go and rescue him and Tek says ITS TIMFORMATION VS. RUBY'S LACK OF CARE so then I take the truck and drive it down to cherno but I meet the hacker and I ask him if he helped my friend and hes like OK I UH KIND OF MESSED UP UUHHH LIKE I BANDAGED YOUR FRIEND BUT UHHH HE STILL DIED SO UMMM and then he gives me full loot and offers to do the same for barry but hes already hung up and isnt having any of it lmao hes too butthurt (Tim's Damaged Hole™) so I just take the truck east to try and pick up tek but ANOTHER HACKER BLOWS UP MY TRUCK WITH A FULLY AUTOMATIC AS-50 lmao you can tell this is when the game was getting unplayable since one hacker will give you all the loot and ruin the point in the game and another hacker will insta kill you when you're trying to have fun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrY9EkNeRRs
so then I respawn and go and meet tek in elektro and he gives me a glock and I go for a nice we run around from zombies while he takes a break and he told me where he was but I wasnt listening due to concentrating on losing zombies so when I run into the orange house and see a guy on the floor I immediately bring up my iron sights and start dumping and teknorat is like IS THAT YOU SHOOTING AT ME? and since again I'm not listening and concentrating on killing this guy I'm like NO, IM NOT and he shoots back so I expertly run behind him and keep shooting since I know how long it takes to turn around when prone on the ground but then I actually process what he just asked and realize he is talking about me and I go OH IS THAT YOU OH GOD I AM SHOOTING AT YOU WE'RE SHOOTING AT EACH OTHER IM SORRY and tek erupts YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT WHY WOULD YOU SHOOT AT ME I SAID IS THAT YOU SHOOTING AT ME and I explain myself saying I thought my target was white since he was laying face down and then he starts screaming SAVE ME, I HATE YOU, SAVE ME!!! SAVE MEEEE!!! so I just mag dump the flock at an automatic rate into the house down the hallway through all the zombies pouring in but he dies and then he gets pretty fucking legit rustled and has a go and even though its obviously 100% my fault I do not care and hes like I-I-I THINK I MIGHT HAVE HAD ENOUGH PLAYING THIS GAME, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE JUST RUSTLED MY JIMMIES FOR THE LAST TIME so I say FINE NEVER PLAY AGAIN SEE IF I GIVE A SHIT 100% meaning it nigga which tek likes and starts laughing and he says I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE PUSHED BOTH ME AND BARRY OVER THE LIMIT lmao in the space of half an hour I got barrys great character killed by sending a n00b hacker to rape him and teamkilled tek and they both got legit rustled as fuck about it also fun fact: teknorat was my 100th kill in DayZ lmao a lot of 100ths and fitting shit in this thread but then a guy in a ghillie suit so an obvious hacker shows up with an axe and cuts my head off as I'm bandaging so I warn tek to watch out if hes not gonna delete his game files and delete me from every single messenger and kill himself and I can tell his jimbos are quite on edge since he seems to take it seriously and then tell me hes rustled at the game not me or maybe thats his way of dissing me by taking away from me that I rustled him even though it was a legit accident lmao imagine if I tried to troll someone on purpose they would actually kill themselves since this is how rustled I get people by complete accident and then I respawn and go back to that house and see a guy with obvious hacker gear running around inside so I grab a double barreled but then ask him if hes the hacker I met and he says no thats the other guy and I ask him if hes the guy who blew up my truck and say I wont try to shoot him since hes probably immortal but THEN THE GUY WHO BLEW UP MY TRUCK BLOWS THIS GUY AWAY WITH HIS AUTOMATIC AS-50 lmao what a fucking tweeeeeeest the guy I was asking if he was killed him like some fucking thriller movie and I guess this guy got his hacker gear from the friendly hacker I met since he knew of a hacker going around helping people and before I can do anything he gets me too so then I regret killing the normal guy who had just been given good gear so I could use it but I'd just have gotten hacked anyway and then I get back to elektro and pick up a silenced MP5 from a guy and then waste literally half an hour trying to shake off zombies by running around buildings so I can get to someones backpack and I end up having to lure them into the school so I DO A SCHOOL SHOOTING ON THE ZOMBIES WHILE SCREAMING EAT SHIT BULLIES! CALL ME A NERD NOW WILL YOU?! so I can loot in peace and I get an M16 for my troubles and then I camp for another half hour at the top of the school and when I see a guy coming in I scream SHITS ABOUT TO GET COLUMBINE UP IN THIS BITCH while mag dumping at him and since its dayz it takes like ten bullets and I yell FUCK YOU NIGGER at him and as hes dying he says sarcastically WOAH BRO, YOU'RE GOOD! so I say THANKS M8 ITS CALLED CAMPING HERE FOR AN HOUR and then I try to kill a bitch on the hospital roof but shes afk and there is a fun moment where tek says hes never found a cz50 and then finds one 0.5 seconds later so the game is confirmed for being self aware and then a chopper thats been buzzing elektro starts to land so I run towards it asking for a pick up BUT THEN THE EVIL HACKER SHOOTS IT DOWN WITH HIS FULLY AUTOMATIC AIMBOT AS-50 WITH UNLIMITED EXPLODING BULLETS AND IT SMASHES INTO THE HILLSIDE IN A BIG EXPLOSION so a good ending to a game session full of exploding choppers and gay hackers and I actually would unironically well sort of unironically since you dont tune into the internet but tune into next weeks thread where m0nde gets owned hard so everyone will enjoy that since everyone hates that sad sack of paki shit
tek seems especially sassy today trying to come at me about not knowing what pleb means or why fish and chip shops are closed on sunday even though I do know what it means and chip shops are sure as fuck open in scotland every day of the week and only a shithole like australia would have a cultural tradition other countries get to choose to follow or not as part of the law but dont worry he fucks off after this video anyway a nice guy I was trolling in the loading screen (in dayz loading screens have their own communication channel so you can shit talk with other people also stuck on waiting for character to create lmao) warns me about a guy in a ghillie suit running around with a huge sniper rifle killing everyone so we just go try another server so this really is the point where there's just too many hackers to take the game seriously because you can find the top level loot they leave laying around and they can kill you at any time so its like whatever fuck off and then I talk about reporting Snoop Lion from the last game when we play borderlands 2 which obviously I havnt done and a game we havnt even finished the single player of yet just like how I will supposedly edit all these game sessions which I have actually done and how I will supposedly do a rap about gta which m-maybe I will get done in the next 12 days m-maybe oh god all my retarded thread ideas from a year ago that have never been made god this video is shit I swear when I make more gaming vids they will not be like fucking fly on the wall style documentaries on how not fun dayz is anyway then when me and tek meet up I almost open fire on him which he claaaaaaaaaaaims woulda been fine with him because it was funny well we'll see about that and then I get pinned down by sniper fire up a tower while trying to invite this guy radi0volta I know from IGN to play whos one of the only people I still chat to from there because he unironically hates niggers and likes to discuss how all blacks must die with me and he is constantly getting banned from IGN's forums for racism lmao and I'm trying to talk him through the elaborate hacker bullshit you need to do to play a walking sim while bullets ping around me and then I'm getting rustled since this retardo cant find us but the bullshit hasnt even started where we're in the appartments and start taking fire from the school and I open fire on FurFreak as hes on a ladder and due to lag I have to put half a mag into his head while zombies run infront of me to block the bullets and I'm sure on that guys end he just dropped dead while behind cover because I shot his lagged out body on a ladder all while I get annoying messages from barry about duping and the zombies are descending on tek whos trying to fight them off with an axe and then with expert building to building operating skills I spot Mikeysan's head through a window poking out his window shooting at tek and headshot him but of course due to lag he is able to return fire at me even though I've put like 5 rounds into his head and I run back to cover and then suddenly drop dead as the damage "catches up" to me hmm realism actually what was I saying this is a pretty funny video sine the game is reaching peak not funness since we were still trying to play seriously but the hackers and glitches and lag and hit detection were all working against us so we were getting legit pissed off at this shit game and my last body has become some sort of unlimited item generator and everyone in elektro has found me and taken a grenade from me but it just dupes it so the next person also gets a grenade so theres just shit blowing up all over the place over there lol realism and then I literally get murdered by triangle graphical glitches that cover me screen and make me run off an aircontrol tower so we switch servers so I can see what is going on and my rustling intensifies when I accidentally push escape and minus on the num pad at the same time which I guess is the command to take a screenshot with steam and cause all the programs on your computer to open at once because my game keeps getting minimized this is actually pretty funny to me at least since only fucking DayZ can get me this irritated and I start getting stressed out like when 99999 things were happening in the stompleb game and I get rustled even more trying to get radi0volta to meet me as zombies bother me and at one point I tell tek to kill himself if he likes since I dont care and he seems a bit butthurt lmao and then barry tells me he has another satchel charge to let off so I give him the server we're in so he can come play and then JUST as I see a chopper in the middle of a field (probably left by a hacker since this game cant be legit cool by itself)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEcbKeF34hY
teknorats GOOK CUNT comes home and I can hear her ridiculously stereotypical asian voice thats all aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaooooooooooooooooohhhhhmmmmm like a sound that isnt even a word she is just making these vocalizations that are the kind of thing you do to try and sooth a baby or something and then tek hangs up and radi0volta messages me and barry messages me so thats three people I hate bothering me within the space of a second as I'm on my way to this chopper so I risk losing this chopper to chat to barry thankfully he has steam unlike radi0 so I can use the overlay hack to keep my guy running but for no reason he stops running when I go back in which doesnt happen any other time and I get legit mad at my character and scream STOP IT YOU FUCKING MONKEY :raged: lmao then I laugh hysterically at the zombies who cant walk under where the choppers rotters would go so I have a wee sit inside it to ask barry how to fly it but then my camera slooowly pans back and from behind my friends list another player is revealed so I get in the pilots seat so he cant steal it and I'm counting on realisms stopping people from being shot accurately once they're inside a vehicle like in every other game ever made but I see him running away so I jump on the door gun and unload it at him but he gets away which is a shame because that woulda been a badass fucking kill and then of course since barry is calling me while I already have the game open fraps takes dayz as more important than steam so hes pretty quiet but he tells me you gotta press Q to turn the engine on which is very intuitive and neat and you could just press any of the direction buttons or anything and then I FLY A CHOPPER (LIKE 100 YARDS STRAIGHT FORWARD WHILE IT ROCKS BACK AND FOURTH BARELY STAYING IN THE AIR) FOR THE FIRST (AND LAST) TIME! and I am trying to pick barry but my landing site is determined by whats not blocked by triangles but once he finds me at the end of balato airfield (which is probably the fist time someone's ever actually used it as an airfield properly) I let him fly since I know I'll just smash it into a building and then we fly to cherno and barry expertly hovers the chopper over the water tower or whatever radi0 is on and even though on my screen hes still down there on barry's end he successfully got in what a well made game! so pretty cool we actually managed to find this guy communicating only via aim and the games terrible chat functions and we are going to show him a good time with a chopper (well....... a dayz time) and after he tells me I sound like I have cocks in my mouth lmao which I unironically do have every night we take him chopper crash site hunting and I am suspicious of radi0 in this game at first since he is a right jimmy rustler over on ign oh here is something funny I just remembered ONCE THIS FAT GUY OUT OF THE BLUE SENT ME THIS
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/1272208431334_zps4a111e18.jpg~original
AND IT TURNED OUT RADI0VOLTA HAD TOLD HIM IF HE SHOWED ME HIS MANTITS I WOULD BUY HIM A PS3 lmao so that's the kind of shit he gets up to and I was worried as soon as he gets a gun hes gonna cap both of us and 9/11 our chopper into cherno and at the first crash site I get an M16 and at the second we find an M14 for radi0 to roll Anders Breivik style and when we take off I theorize how I found this chopper that maybe someone was flying it and their computer crashed and it landed on the ground but barry says if that happened it'd just crash and explode which is quite the coincidence since as we're flying over Devil's Castle BARRY GETS KICKED FROM THE GAME AS HE WAS FLYING THE CHOPPER AND IT SUDDENLY STARTS FALLING OUT OF THE SKY SO I HIT EJECT AND JUMP OUT WITH MY PARACHUTE AND THE CHOPPERS ROTTERS COME SO CLOSE TO SAWING ME IN HALF THEY NUDGE MY CAMERA AND I SOAR DOWN TO THE GROUND AS THE CHOPPER SMASHES INTO THE TREELINE AND EXPLODES IN A HUGE FIREBALL lmao that was probably one of the funnest moments in the game actually since it was like some action movie shit where I had a split second to jump out before it was too late to survive and it wasn't some other player fucking with us which would be annoying it was just barry's brothers downoloading porn and making his ping go up over the server's limit but hes too beta to go and say anything or they'll kick his ass lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxwS6szq1_Q
then due to realisms the helicopter wreckage keeps blowing up again every minute so its easy to find and also due to realisms I find radi0 who is completely unharmed after the helicopter he was in smashed into the ground at 200mph and erupted in a huge flaming mushroom cloud that destroyed every tree in the area and I ask him how he survived but he insists I talk in a black accent since my character is black and he is an cody-style unironic racist :kkk: so I have to ask him YO MOTHAFUCKA HOWD YALL STAY STRONG THRU DAT GODDAMN MUFUCKIN GHETTO BIRD CRASH NIGGA?! and he finally answers not sure lmao realisms so then we run to Devil's Castle and fend off zombies together so we can cover from the top of the turret barry logging in as he bitches about his family lagging his internet thankfully I am not an australian so my country doesnt have literally one cable connecting it to the internet so its ok if my family wants to internet at the same time as me lmao and then radi0 IMs me saying like it's clear to log back in because all the time he thought barry was me and I was someone else even though I very very fucking obviously already know him and he says he didn't know I was me because I didn't sound scottish enough lmao and then barry smartly figures this is a good enough time as ever to use his satchel charge so plants it in the stair case of the main castle and I thought he had already set the timer since he stats running and tells us to get out and I FALL DOWN THE STAIRS AND PASS OUT AS WE'RE EVACUATING THE CASTLE THATS SCHEDULED TO BE DEMOLISHED IN 30 SECONDS but turns out he hadnt set it yet so I have time to wake up and get my medical shit done and my shit character wont stop running on the spot and barry is like STAY STILL YOU ASPIE MOTHERFUCKER and once I'm healed he goes to set its timer going and me and radi0 watch as barry comes running out and does the gay stair sliding thing too but hes already and manages to make it over to us before before the 30 seconds runs out and DEVIL'S CASTLE EXPLODES IN A HUGE CLOUD OF DUST SENDING THE ENTIRE TOP HALF OF THE BUILDING CRUMBLING DOWN IN RUBBLE so that's a fun climax to a nice wee adventure our final trip up north and it was a goodone actually finding and flying a chopper and showing my m8 some shit thats at least 10 times more exciting than the game usually is and wow this is my 100th DayZ video so it's actually not fitting at all that really fun stuff happens in it but the fun fucking stops there because the sound of the explosion draws all the zombies in the area to us and barry gets kicked again so its up to us to hold off the hoard in a gameplay situation thats like if Left 4 Dead was made in 1997 but then they get my legs so I have to crawl over to barry whos logged back in unconscious so I use my epipen on him for the first and last time in my dayz career so he an give me some morphine and then of course a few moments later RADI0 GOES FLYING OFF THE STAIRS AND BREAKS HIS LEGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and barry has to come over and bandage him and when he wakes up he types in the chat zombie apocalypse and the thing that kills me is falling down stairs hahaha true dat but barry used our last morphine on me so me and barry have to explain that we have to go to North West Air Field to get some morphine and he'll have to just stay there and wait for us and spoilers this mission doesnt go too well so hopefully he didnt wait too long for us at the time I thought maybe he broke his legs on purpose after seeing it happening to me as an excuse to stop playing but looking back at the footage it seems legit so maybe he did literally crawl around a blown up castle for hours waiting for his morphine lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGCp2vKSSMs
so we go off on our last serious mission and discover that triangles trigger at the exact same fucking distance for everyone which is nice to know they're the only thing in the game that's synced up (fun fact: the color code for that dark grey color is the same as the password for the bomb vest in 30 minutes or less: 696969) and when we get to the NWAF a zombie immediately incaps shocks bleeds and breaks my legs which is lovely since now we have to find two morphines and barry gets rustled since he actually has autism so walks around really carefully everywhere and I dont have the care in me for that and want to run everywhere and end up attracting zombies and the fucking toolbox I picked up hours ago with my character I was considering just throwing off a roof actually comes in handy because theres barbed wire set up which I think might actually cause triangles so if someone set up barbed wire everywhere it would explain why this airfield is like shifting into the triangle dimension where everything is made out of grey graphical glitches and there's a "stay in the car Chuck!" moment where barry tells me to stay in the firestation because I just get in the way but I follow him anyway and end up getting knocked out by a monkey business and when barry tries to save me he ends up getting knocked out too because a fucking triangle was hiding me from him and then disguised a pile of rubble he got stuck on so he just disconnects being the alt+f4 master and then unfortunately I wake up and I manage to kill all the zombies and then I have to slooooowly crawl up the air control tower but dont find anything and then slooooooowly crawl through all the hangers and find one bandage that I try to use on barry who logs in bleeding out and still passed out but I cant find him for the fucking triangles so he logs out and sends me a map of his position but when I crawl over there with my fucking 2% health and vision all to fuck there is like a squad of zombies waiting to ambush me and I die so we have to leave it to the next day to try and save barry who had a pretty togged up character
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9FGiHaN_w
alright, this is it, this is the point where THIS GAME SESSION TOOK PLACE EXACTLY ONE YEAR AGO (well it was but my internet died so I had to wait today to post it fuck you its still the 7th in hawaii) hahahaha jesus and then all the other games left for these threads take place in the week after this ones so its gonna be all in the past for the next three week's threads god I am so lazy but I dont care and no one even watches these other than jon so whatever and after 3 minutes of Medium Banter™ I meet up with tek in a forest north of cherno with the intention of heading up to the NWAF to get barry to load in and get medical treatment from us but as soon as we leave the forest A HACKER TELEPORTS BEHIND US AND I START SCREAMING WE DONT WANT TROUBLE BUT TEK STARTS SHOOTING AT HIM AND HIS BULLETS JUST BOUNCE OFF OF HIM LIKE HES A TERMINATOR AND THE HACKER IS LIKE WOAH YOUR FRIEND WANTS TROUBLE SO I SAY I DONT KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS HES NOT MY FRIEND AND THE HACKER KILLS TEK hahahahahahahaha so another life lesson from DayZ: when things get tough, throw your friends under the bus! and then I literally just ask this hacker to teleport me to the NWAF to save barry but he says he'll just go himself to save him and he tells me to tell barry to load in so I do and then I like casually order this immortal teleporting hacker to go wait at the airfield for barry hahaha god I am a fucking baller while little bitch boy tek is telling me oh you shoulda aborted while I am fucking completing our mission in a 100th of the time with my expert social engineering skills and then this hacker spawns a military flatbed truck for me and I ask him if you can get this legit in the game and he says I have no idea probably not wow these hackers are n00b as fuck and he tells me once he fixes barry up I can drive there and pick him up since his hax arnt as good as Snoop Lion's and he can only teleport himself and as we're waiting for barry to get in he teleports away to kill someone and when he comes back he explains he only kills bandits and helps survivors since he hates hackers who ruin peoples fun by turning them into dogs although he has an odd way of deciding whos a bandit since he warns me to tell barry not to shoot him and shot tek when he shot at him so if you try to defend yourself from a very obviously teleporting hacker coming to pwn you you are a bandit who deserves to die and then barry joins the call and starts whining to tek about how shit I am at games (I am) and I cant hear my new hacker m8 over it but I make the mistake of asking them to shut up so then tek immediately starts going FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT RUBY IS A FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT PENIS VAGINA PENIS PENIS VAGINA NOW THE HACKERS GOING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE YOURE IGNORING HIM BECUASE YOU CANT HEAR WHAT HES SAYING HAHAHAHAHA but he doesnt mind and teleports away to save barry who feels bad for being saved by a hacker since he has a sense of fair play (that doesnt involve alt+F4ing all the time) the loser but when the hacker shows up and finds barry he just starts dragging him around and barry says hes crippled his character stompleb style so he's just going to roll a new one lmao and then he gets mad at me for sending this hacker to him who doesnt know how to heal someone and wasting his time and tek says thats what he said but I tell them it coulda worked and barry says ILL JUST TAKE A MENTAL NOTE: TAKING ADVICE FROM RUBY IS LIKE SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT and I yell back WELL IT LITERALLY HAD A BETTER CHANCE OF WORKING THAN US PHYSICALLY GETTING UP THERE AND MANAGING TO FIDDLE ABOUT BANDAGING YOU WHILE A HUNDRED DESCEND ON US AND TWENTY SNIPERS SHOOT AT US SO SUCK MY FUCKING DICK TIM ALRIGHT and barry starts going on about how another guy who actually knows how to play the game was gonna go and rescue him and Tek says ITS TIMFORMATION VS. RUBY'S LACK OF CARE so then I take the truck and drive it down to cherno but I meet the hacker and I ask him if he helped my friend and hes like OK I UH KIND OF MESSED UP UUHHH LIKE I BANDAGED YOUR FRIEND BUT UHHH HE STILL DIED SO UMMM and then he gives me full loot and offers to do the same for barry but hes already hung up and isnt having any of it lmao hes too butthurt (Tim's Damaged Hole™) so I just take the truck east to try and pick up tek but ANOTHER HACKER BLOWS UP MY TRUCK WITH A FULLY AUTOMATIC AS-50 lmao you can tell this is when the game was getting unplayable since one hacker will give you all the loot and ruin the point in the game and another hacker will insta kill you when you're trying to have fun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrY9EkNeRRs
so then I respawn and go and meet tek in elektro and he gives me a glock and I go for a nice we run around from zombies while he takes a break and he told me where he was but I wasnt listening due to concentrating on losing zombies so when I run into the orange house and see a guy on the floor I immediately bring up my iron sights and start dumping and teknorat is like IS THAT YOU SHOOTING AT ME? and since again I'm not listening and concentrating on killing this guy I'm like NO, IM NOT and he shoots back so I expertly run behind him and keep shooting since I know how long it takes to turn around when prone on the ground but then I actually process what he just asked and realize he is talking about me and I go OH IS THAT YOU OH GOD I AM SHOOTING AT YOU WE'RE SHOOTING AT EACH OTHER IM SORRY and tek erupts YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT WHY WOULD YOU SHOOT AT ME I SAID IS THAT YOU SHOOTING AT ME and I explain myself saying I thought my target was white since he was laying face down and then he starts screaming SAVE ME, I HATE YOU, SAVE ME!!! SAVE MEEEE!!! so I just mag dump the flock at an automatic rate into the house down the hallway through all the zombies pouring in but he dies and then he gets pretty fucking legit rustled and has a go and even though its obviously 100% my fault I do not care and hes like I-I-I THINK I MIGHT HAVE HAD ENOUGH PLAYING THIS GAME, I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE JUST RUSTLED MY JIMMIES FOR THE LAST TIME so I say FINE NEVER PLAY AGAIN SEE IF I GIVE A SHIT 100% meaning it nigga which tek likes and starts laughing and he says I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE PUSHED BOTH ME AND BARRY OVER THE LIMIT lmao in the space of half an hour I got barrys great character killed by sending a n00b hacker to rape him and teamkilled tek and they both got legit rustled as fuck about it also fun fact: teknorat was my 100th kill in DayZ lmao a lot of 100ths and fitting shit in this thread but then a guy in a ghillie suit so an obvious hacker shows up with an axe and cuts my head off as I'm bandaging so I warn tek to watch out if hes not gonna delete his game files and delete me from every single messenger and kill himself and I can tell his jimbos are quite on edge since he seems to take it seriously and then tell me hes rustled at the game not me or maybe thats his way of dissing me by taking away from me that I rustled him even though it was a legit accident lmao imagine if I tried to troll someone on purpose they would actually kill themselves since this is how rustled I get people by complete accident and then I respawn and go back to that house and see a guy with obvious hacker gear running around inside so I grab a double barreled but then ask him if hes the hacker I met and he says no thats the other guy and I ask him if hes the guy who blew up my truck and say I wont try to shoot him since hes probably immortal but THEN THE GUY WHO BLEW UP MY TRUCK BLOWS THIS GUY AWAY WITH HIS AUTOMATIC AS-50 lmao what a fucking tweeeeeeest the guy I was asking if he was killed him like some fucking thriller movie and I guess this guy got his hacker gear from the friendly hacker I met since he knew of a hacker going around helping people and before I can do anything he gets me too so then I regret killing the normal guy who had just been given good gear so I could use it but I'd just have gotten hacked anyway and then I get back to elektro and pick up a silenced MP5 from a guy and then waste literally half an hour trying to shake off zombies by running around buildings so I can get to someones backpack and I end up having to lure them into the school so I DO A SCHOOL SHOOTING ON THE ZOMBIES WHILE SCREAMING EAT SHIT BULLIES! CALL ME A NERD NOW WILL YOU?! so I can loot in peace and I get an M16 for my troubles and then I camp for another half hour at the top of the school and when I see a guy coming in I scream SHITS ABOUT TO GET COLUMBINE UP IN THIS BITCH while mag dumping at him and since its dayz it takes like ten bullets and I yell FUCK YOU NIGGER at him and as hes dying he says sarcastically WOAH BRO, YOU'RE GOOD! so I say THANKS M8 ITS CALLED CAMPING HERE FOR AN HOUR and then I try to kill a bitch on the hospital roof but shes afk and there is a fun moment where tek says hes never found a cz50 and then finds one 0.5 seconds later so the game is confirmed for being self aware and then a chopper thats been buzzing elektro starts to land so I run towards it asking for a pick up BUT THEN THE EVIL HACKER SHOOTS IT DOWN WITH HIS FULLY AUTOMATIC AIMBOT AS-50 WITH UNLIMITED EXPLODING BULLETS AND IT SMASHES INTO THE HILLSIDE IN A BIG EXPLOSION so a good ending to a game session full of exploding choppers and gay hackers and I actually would unironically well sort of unironically since you dont tune into the internet but tune into next weeks thread where m0nde gets owned hard so everyone will enjoy that since everyone hates that sad sack of paki shit