rubycalaber
08-30-2013, 01:20 PM
this thread has A FAIRLY HIGH CONCENTRATION OF COMEDY (well for these DayZ threads) since it is basically m0nde getting bullied 2 hours s-so you know i-if y-you like maybe give it a watch-actually I dont care sucj my dick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnEmgQlDxcE
this was the point when editing these videos that I realized no one gives a fuck about the stupid little banters I have with tek'n'tim so of course the right thing to do is set Lost screencaptures to it lmao this is a pretty funny story though about how skype used to automatically pick up calls and automatically unmute my speakers so people could earrape me irl but at least all it woke me up from was a dream about finding out where obnoxious bitch lives and writing insults in the snow outside "her" house with marks and stomple and in case my videos are 2deep4u the gag is Jack from Lost is being woken up by a phone call too and teknorat has a funny line here where I tell him my first fear was that it was him getting rustled in a game and I had to calm him down but he says YESTERDAY I DID GET MY JIMMES RUSTLED AND YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS TO BEGIN TROLLING ME AS HARD AS YOU COULD, I THINK AT ONE POINT YOU ACTUALLY SAID DELETE ME OFF OF EVERY MESSENGER THAT YOU HAVE AND STOP PLAYING WITH ME AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN in reference to me shooting him in the last game but I honestly wasn't trying to get him mad on purpose I was just a bit rustled myself that I had made such a blatant mistake and was lashing out so another instance of me accidentally trolling someone so badly they're butthurt for days by complete accident so the day I decide to troll someone on purpose is the day I kill someone via a heart attack from terminal jimmy oscillation and then I get a wee bit rustled by teknorat trying to tell me to double tap minus on the num pad to pull my camera back and it takes me a minute to get him to acknowledge smaller things are harder to see I havnt gotten pissed at people for not knowing what I was saying in like 7 years but this game puts me under a lot of stress which I guess is why I "like" it, I just remember it well because it made me feel strong emotions and even if they're negative that'll have a bigger impression on me than a game or whatever that is just kind of fun or just kind of annoying while this game is like an accurate simulation of how much duress it is to be in a survival situation and combat situation and shit game situation at the same time: extremely not fun, and then m0nde picks up our steam call but hes afk but we can tell its him since he has his fan on and as teknorat explains HES A FAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE FACE WHO HAS TO HAVE HIS FAN ON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE HES SWEATING AT ALL TIMES LIKE ALL FAT FUCKING INDIANS DO, HES A FAT FUCKING GENUINE CHOCOLATE FACE WHO JUST SWEATS ALL THE TIME and then big boy barry chips in with M0NDES SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXPERT AT COMPUTERS, BUT HE CANT PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR SHIT and then we discuss this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogfdVqBmuVk) which m0nde has been lying he did on purpose to rage me out and then how barry's brothers used to beat on him: IF I TRIED TO SWEAR, THEY'D SLAP ME SOME :barrytears: which explains a lot, then I finally find a guy in my favorite corner store in elektro so I tell him HEY STOP SHOP LIFTING as I blow his brains out which of course doesnt kill him die to realism so I have to go back there and shoot him over and over again as he stands up and tries to take out a weapon, then I spot a guy across the road and in real life I woulda killed him with one perfectly placed shot to the solar plexus but I have to chase him across town and gun him down while yelling NICE CROSSBOW QUEERBOY, YOU AINT FUCKING HAWKEYE then some silly cunt thinks hes playing some sort of fun video game where you shoot zombies and is letting a shotgun off in the firestation so I go in and tell him HEY GOOD JOB KILLING THESE ZOMBIES M8, OH WAIT YOU MISSED ONE, OH WAIT THATS YOU, NICE SHOTGUN THAT YOU'RE MISSING, GOOD JOB FAGGOT trolled hard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHje5jatY8c
then m0nde finally gets the balls to talk as we're discussing why allison left him and he talks shit about teks love life which sets me off since I have had to suffer through all his stories about all the internet bitches hes fucked and had my gaming time cut down by his 10/10 korean waifu and barry starts laughing and tek says dont let m0nde know you know more about someone than he does or he'll get very upset and m0nde starts stuttering away like a bitch nigga which is pretty funny we are having a polite conversation but as soon as sid shows up all four of us immediately start yelling over each other lmao this is pretty funny, if you'd like to hear m0nde getting dissed listen to this vid but shit gets serious after we are done joshing him and try to find out where he is which of course takes several minutes to get a straight answer out of this sub-human brown and I end up screaming YOU TOLD ME YOU HAVE TWO MONITORS! I MANAGE IT WITH ONE MONITOR YOU SUB-HUMAN BROWN PIECE OF SHIT! NOW FUCKING GOOGLE DAYZ MAP! ON YOUR OTHER MONITOR! AND CROSS REFERENCE YOUR FUCKING RUSSIAN! ALRIGHT?! at him but thankfully teknorat teaches him the most advantageous skill in the game: just giving up and dying but then awwww shit AT 8:15 M0NDE'S LANDLORD COMES IN AND STARTS HARASSING HIM ABOUT TALKING TOO LOUDLY TO HIS INTERNET FRIENDS AND HES LIKE L-LISTEN TH-THIS IS MY ONLY 2 DAYS OFF A-A-AND IM FORCED TO GO AND LIVE U-UP HERE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH IVE TOLD YOU FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS THAT I WANT TO MOVE DOWN STAIRS AND IM LIKE OH, WHATS GOING ON, HES NOT TALKING TO US? AND TEK IS LIKE LISTEN TO THIS, ARE YOU FUCKING-I TOLD YOU! EVERYONE LISTEN TO M0NDE! AND I SHUSH EVERYONE AND WE LISTEN TO M0NDE BEING THE BIGGEST BETA BITCH IN HISTORY HES LIKE FOR UM Y-YOU KNOW YES AT TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, WHETHER ITS THREE O'CLOCK OR FIVE O'CLOCK... IN THE MORNING AND BARRY SAYS TELL HER YOU WANT TO DEEP THROAT AND M0NDE'S LIKE SO WHAT?! IT'S IT'S NOT-THESE ARE ALL-HI-HIGH EFFICIENCY RATES! SO WHAT?! WH-WHAT R-REALLY B-BOTHERS ME WH-WHEN IM PAYING $750 TO LIVE IN A SMALL LITTLE ROOM Y-YOU'RE SAYING ALL THIS AND WE HAVE TO HOLD IN OUR GIGGLES AND THEN HES LIKE LISTEN! FOR A DOWN STAIRS AP-AP-APARTMENT I-I'VE, LOOKED AT THIS STUFF, IT COSTS ABOUT $450 TO LIVE IN THIS ROOM AND IM LIKE HIS LIFE'S SO FUCKING AWFUL! AND M0NDE TRIES TO STAND UP TO HIS LANDLORD BUT ONLY MANAGES TO GURN D-DON'T... GIVE ME ALL THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT AND TEK IS LIKE HE LITERALLY HAS A VAGINA! AND M0NDE JUST HAS A BETA BITCH MELT DOWN TRYING AND FAILING VERY HARD TO PLAY IT COOL AND START TALKING TO US LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL AND HES JUST ANNOYED AND NOT COMPLETELY EMASCULATED STUTTERING AWAY WITH AH FUCK 'KAY M-MISSED WHAT-WHAT DID H-H-H-HE EVEN FUCKING UM TH-TH-SAID OVER HERE BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID HIS LANDLADY DOMINATE HIM LIVE ON THE INTERNET HE FUCKING MISSED HIS SPAWN LOCATION AND HES LIKE NOW I HAVE TO GET-GET... KILLED AGAIN AND I TELL HIM YEP, KILL YOURSELF, IN A VIDEO GAME LIKE YOU SHOULD IN REAL LIFE AND TEK IS LIKE I THINK YOU GOT FAR BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN US FINDING YOU IN THE GAME DONT WORRY ahahaahahhahah jesus christ I've never heard of anyones life going to shit as abruptly as m0ndes losing his company, wife and even his dog and being reduced to living in an old indian hags attic for almost double the going rate and he cant even play games in peace and then I do some operating where I go into first person and cut the pie into the firestation until I see some ghillie suited fag and dump my entire mag which of course only breaks his leg half way through and he gets to return fire with his M4 and all I can do is run to the side before my damage "catches up" to him and the game realizes he has 23 bullets in him this was my 105th kill so only 3 more to go until I get my total of 108 kills well total of "season 1" I havnt even counted how many more I've gotten since I started playing again and then the video becomes extremely boring where tek is explaining the game basics to sid while I fuck around with this guys gear using an ACOG sight for the first time to get my call of duty on and I get some rustling from my binoculars replacing my nvgs and I have to ask barry what to do and he calls me a "sped" which has a nice ring to it and then I try to run east to meet up with m0nde and tek who are about to find each other when I get rustled by zombies and have to engage them with my M4 before I can heal when barry says HAH, IM WATCHING SOME IDIOT BANDAGE! lmao and I let him know its me so I think he almost sniped me there but when I come towards him he tells me to fuck off since I only ever kite zombies and players towards him but I have nvgs so I'm playing seriously now but he wants to stay away from me so badly he leaves to get some food lmao so there goes our chance to have four people together in the game when before we could only get three together once but as soon as I get up into the tree line I get shot by a hacker and I'm not just saying that since barry already confirmed there was a hacker in the server with a fucking golden gun so yet another one of my deaths that was 100% barrys fault for not covering me it's a shame I dont get any kills with the 3 grenades I had for the underslung grenade launcher but *spoilers* I got some a few weeks ago when I played with stevey so you can enjoy watching those in probably over a years time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nm60S_bvZY
after exactly one minute of a nice wee walking sim where I get auto-killed by the hacker thankfully m0nde and tek were not killed and they manage to meet up with all the odds of hacker bullshit against them thank our lord hitler and then ↑ THIS VIDEO GETS EXTREMELY FUNNY EXACTLY ONE MINUTE IN ↑ since something fucking funny happens when tek and sid meet up but I wasnt there due to fucking hackers so I had to make my own interpretation of events since I only had the audio you can probably guess what's gonna happen if you are a fan of shit tv shows since I used the same gag I did with lost caps I dont even want to spoil it with huge text since its really funny how well the images and audio synch up and like I respawn and have zombie groans going on at just the right moment too so ↑↑↑ JUST WATCH THE FUCKING VIDEO BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY ↑↑↑
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHhfHShDMTQ
after tek reads out some entries from a pedophiles diary and I enjoy a nice little Speed sim where I find elektro has had cows and buses airdropped b hackers onto it but when you drive one it fucking blows up I try to find radi0volta whos actually in the same server and trying to find us so I guess the game from 2 days again didnt completely destroy his jimmies so this is quite the busy game we have 5 people in it so far and of course its dayz so only two of us have met up so far but I never find him since some random guy warns me not to go to where he is since there's a sniper working the area but he's not warning me out of the goodness of his heart he wants me to run out there and try and get the sniper to give away his position so he can kill him and in return hes promised me his gear but I have a better idea that doesnt end with me probably dying where I just keep running into cherno and get a gun and fucking murder him and just take his shit but of course I cant find anything and the guys left by the time I get back and tek fucks off so I'm left with barry to try and find sid aww jeez and tim cant take one fucking second of mentoring sid before he has a go at him for speaking so slowly any other case I would call projecting but m0nde talks at like one inch per year but then aww shit the hackers have only just started their bullshit because I get teleported into a church and am immediately gunned down by a dozen pro gamers with assault rifles as everyone opens up on each other and then timmy and sid have a like 15 minute long argument about if you should instal dayz files manually or use an installer and I take tims side since m0nde isn't even human at this stage of his life to pretty funny effect I think the funniest thing I say is YOU NEED TWO MONITORS TO WATCH TWO CHILD PORN VIDEOS AT THE SAME TIME lmao its funny because its true and he rapes children on a daily basis and after I had destroyed sid by pointing out he cant even say shit to me and can only focus on barry I get teleported to the thunderdome and for some fucking reason it is only ever me that gets teleported and no one else and this is pretty funny since WE'RE BEING FORCED TO KILL EACH OTHER USING THE V STEP like I have trolled people into thinking can be offensive but it usually isnt before then after barry points out m0nde doesnt stutter when he argues, sucking off a guy called Adrian, being shot at by the worst sniper in history up a lighthouse, getting killed legitimately, getting free gear from a hacker at my spawn I try to track down a sniper who was having a go at me up a mountain I've never been to before while barry and m0nde discuss if obnoxious bitch is real or "her" horrible life is just a gimmick but I get teleported again before I can find them since they are probably a fucking hacker and did it because I was getting close and there is that amazing shot I got to use in the trailer where I mag dump an mp5 into a crowd of a dozen people while screaming LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!! but of course I dont get a kill register for any of them realism bitch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYbEhviUbAk
after finding a bike and cycling several miles because m0nde cant read a fucking sign I have to turn around and cycle through people shooting at me because m0nde finally worked out he was in the other direction and after an extremely narrow escape from a zombie the triangles go fucking ballistic and force me to crash into a car so then I cant pick up enough speed to escape a sniper thanks gay grey graphical glitches then the first time I ever learnt of lisa happens where barry talks about how he won an argument with her about australian wages being good but she wont admit it which sounds about right and then I fail to kill some guys since I had gotten used to having assault rifles you can just run around mag dumping on people with I hadnt used a lee enfield in ages so forgot you have to stay hidden and line up your shots and they own me fair and square and then we have some Top Fucking Banter™ that brings a big smile to my face because we have like the perfect trifecta where barry will rag on me and m0nde will rag on barry and I will rag on m0nde and then we'll switch around or team up against each other and theres always comedy flowing and this is where I get the really amazing opening line from my trailer where I explain why I play and it was just totally organic and genuine but came out in a way that was really good to edit shit to and introduce this pathetic let's play series
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-ovE8NiH-o
and then awww shit nigga SURPRISE GUEST STAR STOMPLE BANE UP IN DIS HIZZY!!! whos apparently been in the call for an hour just listening which is fucking pathetic but I did the same thing to him and deso when they were playing dota but only because I was severely depressed from Lost ending so I can only assume stomple is about to kill himself at all times which sounds about right and we have some Pretty High Banter™ also note how barry says hes browsning porn and literally sends us photos of naked men and then I find an obviously hacked in PBX and after much rustling I manage to spot m0nde standing on a pier waiting for me but of course THE FUCKING COWARD BROWN IS BLEEDING and he jumps in the sea so we have to slowly swim back to land and I have to tell him to just not touch his computer so I can bandage him in peace and then we both hop in the PBX and go for a nice we drive behind a little island so hackers dont snipe us from a mile away but barry and stomple arnt even in the game anymore and radi0 has probably killed himself irl I just take us back to the pier and before I can take m0nde inland I get fucking teleported again and shot to shit without getting any kills and the lobby is filled with angsty sounded americlaps and prepubescent children having a whine about it and when I chip in I am greated with NOICE MANLY VOICE CUNT so I tell him to COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE IN THE GAME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS and this australian (of course, the worst fucking people on earth are always australian (and the best are austrian (hitler))) faggot tells me WE'RE COMING FOR YA CUNT! australians are the only people I'm unironically racist against since I have never spoken to one who wasnt a white trash obnoxious dickhead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TwpPq17sj4
the start of this video is basically like a podcast or something with some Medium Banter™ and lobby shit talking where I think I actually hear the first ever girl I've come across playing DayZ in there and after four minutes of podcasting about nothing I am a nigger for no reason and a jeep rocks up and I ask for a lift but he just gets out and shoots me and m0nde tells me hes killing me because I keep calling him mate lmao and then him and stomple gang up on me and try to troll me it was very mean but not as mean as these guys in the jeep who come driving through elektro and one of them says in a threatening manner GET IN THE CAR RUBY probably so they can take me into the woods and whack me sapranos style so I go out and try to sound harmless and ask if I can get in and they say yeah but I cant since even though it looks like a four seater it acts as a two seater but what I can do is go into their gear and they have 15 FN FAL mags so of course I steal them all and even open up my backpack to take them all and then I calmly tell them its a two seater but i just went into your gear and stole all your FN FAL mags fuck you for killing me suck my dick and run off and I can hear this little kid saying OH YOU'RE GETTING KILLED RUBY YOU ARE GETTING KILLED so I turn around and scream at him as he drives away EAT SHIT FAGGOT! SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FN FAL MAGS YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! THATS RIGHT YOU RUN! SUCK MY DIIIIIIIIIICK!!! and then a few seconds later I drop dead because he just got his hacker friend to find my name in the playerlist and click the kill user button next to me or some gay shit and as soon as I respawn I hear the jeep rolling up so I'm like can't kill me legitimately? what's the matter boys? missing your FN FAL ammo? cant kill me legitimately? you fucking pussies! you couldnt fucking kill me legitimately, give me a gun and see what happens you fucking pussy! BITCH!!! FAGGOT!!! and then I hear the australian poofter say OH I CANT HEAR YOU UNDERNEATH MY CAR YOU FUCKIN FAGGOT and then I respawn and have to wade through m0ndes unfunny jokes to find these guys again and the aussie guy says in his horrible cat getting tortured over a broken radio accent WHATS UP BUDDY? WHATS UP BUDDY? IM BACK, YOU FUCKING CUNT, YOU FUCKING CUNT MATE! legitimately mad as fuck probably from getting raped by his dad like all australians so I just dare him to kill me since I'm unarmed and he mag dumps at me but only nicks me and I survive by simply running around a corner and I'm like WOW YOU'RE REALLY SKILLFUL WITH THAT HACKED WEAPON YOU'VE GOT THERE and I catch a glimpse of him in full hacker regalia in the ghillie suit running through the supermarket reloading his ting ting and he yells at me WHO SAYS IM FUCKING HACKING FAGGOT IM JUST PLAYIN THE GAME NOW COME ON COME BACK HERE YOU FUCKIN FAGGOT IM KILLIN YOU WITH A PISTAL and we start yelling over each other me telling him YOU'RE FUCKING TELEPORTING IN A CAR YOU PIECE OF SHIT which I then see outside the school and I run behind it so this australian hacker cant get me with his fucking golden gun or whatever and I'm like THERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND! YOU'RE WEE GAY BOYFRIEND! YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! YOU'RE GAY IN REAL LIFE! CANT SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING QUEER! but his heatseeking hacker clips get me before I can get in the school and I scream GAYBOY!!! YOU'RE FUCKING GAY!!! and hes like I CANT HEAR YA! I CANT HEAR YA IN THE DOORWAY MATE! and I'm like uh that's not funny why would a door make me quiet you fucking idiot? and then him and his mate with their fucking hacked in AS-50s come and mag dump into my face while I tell them to suck my dick and then after taking out my rage on sid I see these two gayboys get a taste of their own medicine when they stop their jeep in the middle of the street another hacker with an AS-50 BLOWS THEIR JEEP THE FUCK UP and they both burn to death haha eat karma bitch so I run down and take the AS-50 and nvgs and range finders off the whiney little americlap child's body and leg it while zombies attack me and hackers dump 50 cals at me but I mange to get inside and bandage myself as a huge hacker battle goes on outside and then m0nde says hes gonna get someone from his work to play with us but I'm guessing he went on facebook and then got distracted looking at 5 year old girls braces because he leaves which is a shame since talking to people from posters real lives is always funny and I get cocky and try and get an AS-50 and nvgs and rangefinders in my backpack for tek off of another hacker but of course m0nde calls me and I have to rush to log out to answer his call which I miss anyway and surprise surprise the game didnt save the second hacker gear I just got and I even try to go back into that server in hacker show down central to get it again for him but I log in unconscious for no reason so I just quit my game but at least I have hacker gear for myself but there you go m0nde ruins games hes not even in, well that is pretty much as funny as these videos get, tune in next week or idk tomorrow or whenever I fucking feel like it fuck you for a bunch of walking around in the dark and then the grand finale next week
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnEmgQlDxcE
this was the point when editing these videos that I realized no one gives a fuck about the stupid little banters I have with tek'n'tim so of course the right thing to do is set Lost screencaptures to it lmao this is a pretty funny story though about how skype used to automatically pick up calls and automatically unmute my speakers so people could earrape me irl but at least all it woke me up from was a dream about finding out where obnoxious bitch lives and writing insults in the snow outside "her" house with marks and stomple and in case my videos are 2deep4u the gag is Jack from Lost is being woken up by a phone call too and teknorat has a funny line here where I tell him my first fear was that it was him getting rustled in a game and I had to calm him down but he says YESTERDAY I DID GET MY JIMMES RUSTLED AND YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS TO BEGIN TROLLING ME AS HARD AS YOU COULD, I THINK AT ONE POINT YOU ACTUALLY SAID DELETE ME OFF OF EVERY MESSENGER THAT YOU HAVE AND STOP PLAYING WITH ME AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN in reference to me shooting him in the last game but I honestly wasn't trying to get him mad on purpose I was just a bit rustled myself that I had made such a blatant mistake and was lashing out so another instance of me accidentally trolling someone so badly they're butthurt for days by complete accident so the day I decide to troll someone on purpose is the day I kill someone via a heart attack from terminal jimmy oscillation and then I get a wee bit rustled by teknorat trying to tell me to double tap minus on the num pad to pull my camera back and it takes me a minute to get him to acknowledge smaller things are harder to see I havnt gotten pissed at people for not knowing what I was saying in like 7 years but this game puts me under a lot of stress which I guess is why I "like" it, I just remember it well because it made me feel strong emotions and even if they're negative that'll have a bigger impression on me than a game or whatever that is just kind of fun or just kind of annoying while this game is like an accurate simulation of how much duress it is to be in a survival situation and combat situation and shit game situation at the same time: extremely not fun, and then m0nde picks up our steam call but hes afk but we can tell its him since he has his fan on and as teknorat explains HES A FAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE FACE WHO HAS TO HAVE HIS FAN ON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE HES SWEATING AT ALL TIMES LIKE ALL FAT FUCKING INDIANS DO, HES A FAT FUCKING GENUINE CHOCOLATE FACE WHO JUST SWEATS ALL THE TIME and then big boy barry chips in with M0NDES SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXPERT AT COMPUTERS, BUT HE CANT PLAY VIDEO GAMES FOR SHIT and then we discuss this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogfdVqBmuVk) which m0nde has been lying he did on purpose to rage me out and then how barry's brothers used to beat on him: IF I TRIED TO SWEAR, THEY'D SLAP ME SOME :barrytears: which explains a lot, then I finally find a guy in my favorite corner store in elektro so I tell him HEY STOP SHOP LIFTING as I blow his brains out which of course doesnt kill him die to realism so I have to go back there and shoot him over and over again as he stands up and tries to take out a weapon, then I spot a guy across the road and in real life I woulda killed him with one perfectly placed shot to the solar plexus but I have to chase him across town and gun him down while yelling NICE CROSSBOW QUEERBOY, YOU AINT FUCKING HAWKEYE then some silly cunt thinks hes playing some sort of fun video game where you shoot zombies and is letting a shotgun off in the firestation so I go in and tell him HEY GOOD JOB KILLING THESE ZOMBIES M8, OH WAIT YOU MISSED ONE, OH WAIT THATS YOU, NICE SHOTGUN THAT YOU'RE MISSING, GOOD JOB FAGGOT trolled hard
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHje5jatY8c
then m0nde finally gets the balls to talk as we're discussing why allison left him and he talks shit about teks love life which sets me off since I have had to suffer through all his stories about all the internet bitches hes fucked and had my gaming time cut down by his 10/10 korean waifu and barry starts laughing and tek says dont let m0nde know you know more about someone than he does or he'll get very upset and m0nde starts stuttering away like a bitch nigga which is pretty funny we are having a polite conversation but as soon as sid shows up all four of us immediately start yelling over each other lmao this is pretty funny, if you'd like to hear m0nde getting dissed listen to this vid but shit gets serious after we are done joshing him and try to find out where he is which of course takes several minutes to get a straight answer out of this sub-human brown and I end up screaming YOU TOLD ME YOU HAVE TWO MONITORS! I MANAGE IT WITH ONE MONITOR YOU SUB-HUMAN BROWN PIECE OF SHIT! NOW FUCKING GOOGLE DAYZ MAP! ON YOUR OTHER MONITOR! AND CROSS REFERENCE YOUR FUCKING RUSSIAN! ALRIGHT?! at him but thankfully teknorat teaches him the most advantageous skill in the game: just giving up and dying but then awwww shit AT 8:15 M0NDE'S LANDLORD COMES IN AND STARTS HARASSING HIM ABOUT TALKING TOO LOUDLY TO HIS INTERNET FRIENDS AND HES LIKE L-LISTEN TH-THIS IS MY ONLY 2 DAYS OFF A-A-AND IM FORCED TO GO AND LIVE U-UP HERE WITH YOU EVEN THOUGH IVE TOLD YOU FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS THAT I WANT TO MOVE DOWN STAIRS AND IM LIKE OH, WHATS GOING ON, HES NOT TALKING TO US? AND TEK IS LIKE LISTEN TO THIS, ARE YOU FUCKING-I TOLD YOU! EVERYONE LISTEN TO M0NDE! AND I SHUSH EVERYONE AND WE LISTEN TO M0NDE BEING THE BIGGEST BETA BITCH IN HISTORY HES LIKE FOR UM Y-YOU KNOW YES AT TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, WHETHER ITS THREE O'CLOCK OR FIVE O'CLOCK... IN THE MORNING AND BARRY SAYS TELL HER YOU WANT TO DEEP THROAT AND M0NDE'S LIKE SO WHAT?! IT'S IT'S NOT-THESE ARE ALL-HI-HIGH EFFICIENCY RATES! SO WHAT?! WH-WHAT R-REALLY B-BOTHERS ME WH-WHEN IM PAYING $750 TO LIVE IN A SMALL LITTLE ROOM Y-YOU'RE SAYING ALL THIS AND WE HAVE TO HOLD IN OUR GIGGLES AND THEN HES LIKE LISTEN! FOR A DOWN STAIRS AP-AP-APARTMENT I-I'VE, LOOKED AT THIS STUFF, IT COSTS ABOUT $450 TO LIVE IN THIS ROOM AND IM LIKE HIS LIFE'S SO FUCKING AWFUL! AND M0NDE TRIES TO STAND UP TO HIS LANDLORD BUT ONLY MANAGES TO GURN D-DON'T... GIVE ME ALL THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT AND TEK IS LIKE HE LITERALLY HAS A VAGINA! AND M0NDE JUST HAS A BETA BITCH MELT DOWN TRYING AND FAILING VERY HARD TO PLAY IT COOL AND START TALKING TO US LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL AND HES JUST ANNOYED AND NOT COMPLETELY EMASCULATED STUTTERING AWAY WITH AH FUCK 'KAY M-MISSED WHAT-WHAT DID H-H-H-HE EVEN FUCKING UM TH-TH-SAID OVER HERE BECAUSE NOT ONLY DID HIS LANDLADY DOMINATE HIM LIVE ON THE INTERNET HE FUCKING MISSED HIS SPAWN LOCATION AND HES LIKE NOW I HAVE TO GET-GET... KILLED AGAIN AND I TELL HIM YEP, KILL YOURSELF, IN A VIDEO GAME LIKE YOU SHOULD IN REAL LIFE AND TEK IS LIKE I THINK YOU GOT FAR BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN US FINDING YOU IN THE GAME DONT WORRY ahahaahahhahah jesus christ I've never heard of anyones life going to shit as abruptly as m0ndes losing his company, wife and even his dog and being reduced to living in an old indian hags attic for almost double the going rate and he cant even play games in peace and then I do some operating where I go into first person and cut the pie into the firestation until I see some ghillie suited fag and dump my entire mag which of course only breaks his leg half way through and he gets to return fire with his M4 and all I can do is run to the side before my damage "catches up" to him and the game realizes he has 23 bullets in him this was my 105th kill so only 3 more to go until I get my total of 108 kills well total of "season 1" I havnt even counted how many more I've gotten since I started playing again and then the video becomes extremely boring where tek is explaining the game basics to sid while I fuck around with this guys gear using an ACOG sight for the first time to get my call of duty on and I get some rustling from my binoculars replacing my nvgs and I have to ask barry what to do and he calls me a "sped" which has a nice ring to it and then I try to run east to meet up with m0nde and tek who are about to find each other when I get rustled by zombies and have to engage them with my M4 before I can heal when barry says HAH, IM WATCHING SOME IDIOT BANDAGE! lmao and I let him know its me so I think he almost sniped me there but when I come towards him he tells me to fuck off since I only ever kite zombies and players towards him but I have nvgs so I'm playing seriously now but he wants to stay away from me so badly he leaves to get some food lmao so there goes our chance to have four people together in the game when before we could only get three together once but as soon as I get up into the tree line I get shot by a hacker and I'm not just saying that since barry already confirmed there was a hacker in the server with a fucking golden gun so yet another one of my deaths that was 100% barrys fault for not covering me it's a shame I dont get any kills with the 3 grenades I had for the underslung grenade launcher but *spoilers* I got some a few weeks ago when I played with stevey so you can enjoy watching those in probably over a years time
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Nm60S_bvZY
after exactly one minute of a nice wee walking sim where I get auto-killed by the hacker thankfully m0nde and tek were not killed and they manage to meet up with all the odds of hacker bullshit against them thank our lord hitler and then ↑ THIS VIDEO GETS EXTREMELY FUNNY EXACTLY ONE MINUTE IN ↑ since something fucking funny happens when tek and sid meet up but I wasnt there due to fucking hackers so I had to make my own interpretation of events since I only had the audio you can probably guess what's gonna happen if you are a fan of shit tv shows since I used the same gag I did with lost caps I dont even want to spoil it with huge text since its really funny how well the images and audio synch up and like I respawn and have zombie groans going on at just the right moment too so ↑↑↑ JUST WATCH THE FUCKING VIDEO BECAUSE ITS ACTUALLY FUNNY ↑↑↑
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHhfHShDMTQ
after tek reads out some entries from a pedophiles diary and I enjoy a nice little Speed sim where I find elektro has had cows and buses airdropped b hackers onto it but when you drive one it fucking blows up I try to find radi0volta whos actually in the same server and trying to find us so I guess the game from 2 days again didnt completely destroy his jimmies so this is quite the busy game we have 5 people in it so far and of course its dayz so only two of us have met up so far but I never find him since some random guy warns me not to go to where he is since there's a sniper working the area but he's not warning me out of the goodness of his heart he wants me to run out there and try and get the sniper to give away his position so he can kill him and in return hes promised me his gear but I have a better idea that doesnt end with me probably dying where I just keep running into cherno and get a gun and fucking murder him and just take his shit but of course I cant find anything and the guys left by the time I get back and tek fucks off so I'm left with barry to try and find sid aww jeez and tim cant take one fucking second of mentoring sid before he has a go at him for speaking so slowly any other case I would call projecting but m0nde talks at like one inch per year but then aww shit the hackers have only just started their bullshit because I get teleported into a church and am immediately gunned down by a dozen pro gamers with assault rifles as everyone opens up on each other and then timmy and sid have a like 15 minute long argument about if you should instal dayz files manually or use an installer and I take tims side since m0nde isn't even human at this stage of his life to pretty funny effect I think the funniest thing I say is YOU NEED TWO MONITORS TO WATCH TWO CHILD PORN VIDEOS AT THE SAME TIME lmao its funny because its true and he rapes children on a daily basis and after I had destroyed sid by pointing out he cant even say shit to me and can only focus on barry I get teleported to the thunderdome and for some fucking reason it is only ever me that gets teleported and no one else and this is pretty funny since WE'RE BEING FORCED TO KILL EACH OTHER USING THE V STEP like I have trolled people into thinking can be offensive but it usually isnt before then after barry points out m0nde doesnt stutter when he argues, sucking off a guy called Adrian, being shot at by the worst sniper in history up a lighthouse, getting killed legitimately, getting free gear from a hacker at my spawn I try to track down a sniper who was having a go at me up a mountain I've never been to before while barry and m0nde discuss if obnoxious bitch is real or "her" horrible life is just a gimmick but I get teleported again before I can find them since they are probably a fucking hacker and did it because I was getting close and there is that amazing shot I got to use in the trailer where I mag dump an mp5 into a crowd of a dozen people while screaming LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!! but of course I dont get a kill register for any of them realism bitch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYbEhviUbAk
after finding a bike and cycling several miles because m0nde cant read a fucking sign I have to turn around and cycle through people shooting at me because m0nde finally worked out he was in the other direction and after an extremely narrow escape from a zombie the triangles go fucking ballistic and force me to crash into a car so then I cant pick up enough speed to escape a sniper thanks gay grey graphical glitches then the first time I ever learnt of lisa happens where barry talks about how he won an argument with her about australian wages being good but she wont admit it which sounds about right and then I fail to kill some guys since I had gotten used to having assault rifles you can just run around mag dumping on people with I hadnt used a lee enfield in ages so forgot you have to stay hidden and line up your shots and they own me fair and square and then we have some Top Fucking Banter™ that brings a big smile to my face because we have like the perfect trifecta where barry will rag on me and m0nde will rag on barry and I will rag on m0nde and then we'll switch around or team up against each other and theres always comedy flowing and this is where I get the really amazing opening line from my trailer where I explain why I play and it was just totally organic and genuine but came out in a way that was really good to edit shit to and introduce this pathetic let's play series
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-ovE8NiH-o
and then awww shit nigga SURPRISE GUEST STAR STOMPLE BANE UP IN DIS HIZZY!!! whos apparently been in the call for an hour just listening which is fucking pathetic but I did the same thing to him and deso when they were playing dota but only because I was severely depressed from Lost ending so I can only assume stomple is about to kill himself at all times which sounds about right and we have some Pretty High Banter™ also note how barry says hes browsning porn and literally sends us photos of naked men and then I find an obviously hacked in PBX and after much rustling I manage to spot m0nde standing on a pier waiting for me but of course THE FUCKING COWARD BROWN IS BLEEDING and he jumps in the sea so we have to slowly swim back to land and I have to tell him to just not touch his computer so I can bandage him in peace and then we both hop in the PBX and go for a nice we drive behind a little island so hackers dont snipe us from a mile away but barry and stomple arnt even in the game anymore and radi0 has probably killed himself irl I just take us back to the pier and before I can take m0nde inland I get fucking teleported again and shot to shit without getting any kills and the lobby is filled with angsty sounded americlaps and prepubescent children having a whine about it and when I chip in I am greated with NOICE MANLY VOICE CUNT so I tell him to COME AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE IN THE GAME AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS and this australian (of course, the worst fucking people on earth are always australian (and the best are austrian (hitler))) faggot tells me WE'RE COMING FOR YA CUNT! australians are the only people I'm unironically racist against since I have never spoken to one who wasnt a white trash obnoxious dickhead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TwpPq17sj4
the start of this video is basically like a podcast or something with some Medium Banter™ and lobby shit talking where I think I actually hear the first ever girl I've come across playing DayZ in there and after four minutes of podcasting about nothing I am a nigger for no reason and a jeep rocks up and I ask for a lift but he just gets out and shoots me and m0nde tells me hes killing me because I keep calling him mate lmao and then him and stomple gang up on me and try to troll me it was very mean but not as mean as these guys in the jeep who come driving through elektro and one of them says in a threatening manner GET IN THE CAR RUBY probably so they can take me into the woods and whack me sapranos style so I go out and try to sound harmless and ask if I can get in and they say yeah but I cant since even though it looks like a four seater it acts as a two seater but what I can do is go into their gear and they have 15 FN FAL mags so of course I steal them all and even open up my backpack to take them all and then I calmly tell them its a two seater but i just went into your gear and stole all your FN FAL mags fuck you for killing me suck my dick and run off and I can hear this little kid saying OH YOU'RE GETTING KILLED RUBY YOU ARE GETTING KILLED so I turn around and scream at him as he drives away EAT SHIT FAGGOT! SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR FN FAL MAGS YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! THATS RIGHT YOU RUN! SUCK MY DIIIIIIIIIICK!!! and then a few seconds later I drop dead because he just got his hacker friend to find my name in the playerlist and click the kill user button next to me or some gay shit and as soon as I respawn I hear the jeep rolling up so I'm like can't kill me legitimately? what's the matter boys? missing your FN FAL ammo? cant kill me legitimately? you fucking pussies! you couldnt fucking kill me legitimately, give me a gun and see what happens you fucking pussy! BITCH!!! FAGGOT!!! and then I hear the australian poofter say OH I CANT HEAR YOU UNDERNEATH MY CAR YOU FUCKIN FAGGOT and then I respawn and have to wade through m0ndes unfunny jokes to find these guys again and the aussie guy says in his horrible cat getting tortured over a broken radio accent WHATS UP BUDDY? WHATS UP BUDDY? IM BACK, YOU FUCKING CUNT, YOU FUCKING CUNT MATE! legitimately mad as fuck probably from getting raped by his dad like all australians so I just dare him to kill me since I'm unarmed and he mag dumps at me but only nicks me and I survive by simply running around a corner and I'm like WOW YOU'RE REALLY SKILLFUL WITH THAT HACKED WEAPON YOU'VE GOT THERE and I catch a glimpse of him in full hacker regalia in the ghillie suit running through the supermarket reloading his ting ting and he yells at me WHO SAYS IM FUCKING HACKING FAGGOT IM JUST PLAYIN THE GAME NOW COME ON COME BACK HERE YOU FUCKIN FAGGOT IM KILLIN YOU WITH A PISTAL and we start yelling over each other me telling him YOU'RE FUCKING TELEPORTING IN A CAR YOU PIECE OF SHIT which I then see outside the school and I run behind it so this australian hacker cant get me with his fucking golden gun or whatever and I'm like THERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND! YOU'RE WEE GAY BOYFRIEND! YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! YOU'RE GAY IN REAL LIFE! CANT SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING QUEER! but his heatseeking hacker clips get me before I can get in the school and I scream GAYBOY!!! YOU'RE FUCKING GAY!!! and hes like I CANT HEAR YA! I CANT HEAR YA IN THE DOORWAY MATE! and I'm like uh that's not funny why would a door make me quiet you fucking idiot? and then him and his mate with their fucking hacked in AS-50s come and mag dump into my face while I tell them to suck my dick and then after taking out my rage on sid I see these two gayboys get a taste of their own medicine when they stop their jeep in the middle of the street another hacker with an AS-50 BLOWS THEIR JEEP THE FUCK UP and they both burn to death haha eat karma bitch so I run down and take the AS-50 and nvgs and range finders off the whiney little americlap child's body and leg it while zombies attack me and hackers dump 50 cals at me but I mange to get inside and bandage myself as a huge hacker battle goes on outside and then m0nde says hes gonna get someone from his work to play with us but I'm guessing he went on facebook and then got distracted looking at 5 year old girls braces because he leaves which is a shame since talking to people from posters real lives is always funny and I get cocky and try and get an AS-50 and nvgs and rangefinders in my backpack for tek off of another hacker but of course m0nde calls me and I have to rush to log out to answer his call which I miss anyway and surprise surprise the game didnt save the second hacker gear I just got and I even try to go back into that server in hacker show down central to get it again for him but I log in unconscious for no reason so I just quit my game but at least I have hacker gear for myself but there you go m0nde ruins games hes not even in, well that is pretty much as funny as these videos get, tune in next week or idk tomorrow or whenever I fucking feel like it fuck you for a bunch of walking around in the dark and then the grand finale next week