rubycalaber
09-04-2013, 02:28 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DwgMN-KSUM
lmao it says 666 in the thumbnail hail satan, anyway this was the game session where tek completely loses faith in the game and I had already given up playing seriously after my hacker adventure and was only playing to get footage for these shit videos and I think even barry was finding the limits to his autism because there's just free loot laying around everywhere from hackers who then instakill you and there's really no point anymore so this is sort of the ending of the main storyline in this thread where we all give up and the thread after this is like the epilogue of the last thing I wanted to do before I could stop playing for like 8 months but anyway after I get up into the hills in elektro with the AS-50 I got from those hackers from my last game I actually see the draw distance closing in towards me lmao because its raining so heavily and not only is the game itself shit and the hacking was getting simply depressing the game architecture itself was reaching critical mass of shit since it takes literal hours to load into a server and the update that added a new loading screen thank god for that have fucked up the rest of the game and teknorat is having a serious chimpout and its time for my daily dayz rustlage since I find a daytime server (manually, this was before I used dayz commander) but at first I cant move for no reason without pressing V and then the game teleports me to the other side of the valley with no cover and I realize I've had my gamma and brightness turned up for 3 months straight from when we used to play nighttime servers so thats why my videos are always washed out colorless messes and then I see a guy and put a 50 cal straight through his chest but of course hes lagged out and it doesnt count realisms and as I'm trying to cover tek as he runs around elektro barry is spamming the fuck out of me with his patented one word per line of chat bullshit but he gets in the chat and tek tries to fight someone in the supermarket which is a bad idea since I don't have eyes-on in there but he thinks hes playing some sort of fun video game where you shoot people and they die so he tries to do some james holmes shit and throw in a smoke grenade before he wades in and shoots the guy with a crossbow but he just falls unconscious and that was teks last bolt so he has no way to kill him and before he can drag him outside for me to shoot him which woulda been hella gangsta the guy wakes up and mag dumps his marakov at him to no effect and tek has to run away and fiddle to pick up a steel bolt for his crossbow while this guy has to roll around on the ground fiddling to reload but the guy wins the fiddling match and kills him and teknorat just completely calmly and frankly says hes done playing maybe forever so I'm left with timbo to talk to while I sit in a fucking bush for an hour waiting for someone to show up and I ask barry if the AS-50 one shots someone anywhere and he says not in the limbs so since I know my shit games I put two bullets through a guy while hes fiddling at the top of the elektro firestation (which is something thats almost happened to me several times before) just in case my obvious body shot counted as a limb shot and I'm like I AM ELEKTRO'S RECKONING :bane: because I was on a binge of Bane jokes this time last year and then tek confronts me that he doesnt believe I'll stop playing but I say I will just so I can stop making these videos because I cant stop myself otherwise and I knew it would take me a fucking year to post them and then just as tek is revealing his plans to kill >9000 cops battleye kicks me from the game lovely jubbly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isQ6hy_hkGI
then the next day barry, the master of making shit games even less fun, has discovered how to dupe weapons by doing some long convoluted hacker shit about putting it on a zombie you killed that was spawned by you entering the area and then when you pick it up it stays on the body once like what happened to me and my grenades a few games back so he is trying to dupe nvgs and a gun with a thermal and nv scope on it for night time operating which along with an AS-50 kill (which I forgot I already got two of when I shot down that chopper lol) and playing with deso is on my to-do list of shit to make vids of so I can never play again so after some jew fiddling I leave in because when I was editing these I thought I was making a documentary on how shit dayz is which I guess I succeeded in I try out the thermal and love it but barry still needs to dupe some ammo for it so we go towards elektro and have some Medium Banter™ about the best game ever made The Secret of The Magic Crystal and how m0nde is the most emotionally destroyed human being in the world and when we get there timbo immediately gets himself swarmed by zombies and I have to hold them off L4D style but he teleports away with his insta-disconnect skills and logs back in to give me my clipz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eabHVQyG6AA
then we pop by the hospital for medical gear and discuss how hackers have ruined the game just after hacking ourselves and then I want to get some night time combat footage but barry reminds me that fuck all anyone plays at nighttime and this is as busy a server as we'll find so I just decide to run around shooting zombies attempting to have fun in a video game and I get to try out a PDW, have a laser rave with timbo and when he goes to bed I just have a laugh running around shooting zombies with the heatvision since I have more than enough ammo to waste and for some reason zombies have the same head signatures as alive people thats not realisms and just as I'm racking up an epic kill combo BattlEye detects fun and kicks me off the server
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyblr9qFPQg
then the next day tek and I have a really short game since we are both having lots of computer and game problems and can barely get in because the server architecture is imploding under its own weight and probably ambient hacker energy and even barry has reached his limit and claims to be 100% done but all he'll say is "don't ask" so I don't lmao and while we're waiting for the server to load I show tek this video of elz's deaf retard noises (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyfxq7E-DIM) and chat about some other gay shit I put images to since it was just taking so long to load at this stage and then I finally get in only to find I'm now a nigger male probably because they realized having a loud heart beat doesnt mean you're an evil murderer but you now what does? having a turban!!! so they have to do some shit to your character model and I guess the game gets confused when you're a girl oh and tek is really quiet half way through since he had to restart and then if you accept a steam call after you open your game fraps records the game louder than the steam call for no reason. Computers. but then I have to restart so hes back to being loud, and hes getting so mad he literally threatens my life at one point since I'm still home alone, too bad I always have trollinator to protect me, and then I claim I wont make recordings for borderlands 2 and well... you'll find out if I did in a years time when I edit them, and then when we fiiiinally get in a server together I finally get my NVG kill when someone runs in the school and I just immediately unload my clip on him and the cheeky cunt tired to have a go at me with his shotgun at the same time so he deserved it and it looks pretty fucking badass with the muzzleflare strobing on the NVGs and gunsmoke filling the small room and the gunshots echoing around band I just wave my gun at him like a hose and it gets him but then I hear another human voice probably his gay bum bud coming for revenge but of course before shit can get fun in any way the server disconnects us and we never find another game we just discuss how I'll give tek this gun to do the duping trick and the he'll have Triple Cheated™: duped a gun I got from barry duping a gun he got from a hacker crate
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IApmLC3a4o8
then the next day we have to wait so fucking long to get into a server that this video turns into a gay wee podcast (which I'm glad I made since when we were actually making a podcast we were deciding between having a structure and just having it banter and I realized I already had plenty of fucking recordings of us just bantering from these stupid videos so we went with having topics and shit) where I am lamenting how much fucking work these stupid videos are and how I hope we never fucking play this game ever again and then I discuss finding morphine pills my parents are going to fucking kill themselves with and discuss my own suicide in a manner that teknorat took seriously and thought I was suicidal for the next year too bad I am literally happy every day and I have never once faced a problem in my life that couldn't be solved by simply going to bed to avoid something stressful or wake up the next day and feel better and I say before I die I wanna get all my stupid projects done (I've since found a new reason to live: waiting until robot girlfriends become a reality, so I can buy one and FUCK it :robosexual: (since I'm currently in trollinators bodyguardzone)) and tek tells me I should have been working on my gta raps, and I figured now they'd never happen since I wasted my 3 weeks alone on this shit game and back then gta was slated for a spring release, but thank fuck it got delayed so I could record them over my last holiday even though I havnt even edited them yet lmao and he tries to get me to just send him the lyrics but I resisted so they may still be released yet and then teknorat gives some of his patented Funny Ideas For Reality TV Shows™ that are expanded upon in our now canceled podcast and we get so bored teknorat just starts singing to himself this wee rhyme thats stuck with me ever since that goes: PUT ALL BABIES IN FOSTER HOMES, SO THEY WILL GET MOLESTED... a lot :pedo: to the tune of like a caribbean steel drum band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhfkgSSbaqQ
then when we fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally get in the server tek comes over to me in the school and takes my L85A2 AWS off me after much fiddling and goes off to dupe it but as soon as he walks down the road A HACKER BLOWS HIS BRAINS OUT so I go up on the roof and wait for him to go and check tek's body and when he does I pop up and DUMP on dat nigga but of course he has a disconnect macro set up and insta-vanishes but due to my planet sized balls I just run out there and grab my gun back while a dozen zombies decent upon me and leg it like a mad cunt and hold out up in the apartments and teknorat admits theres just no fun left in the game but something almost fun happens where someone starts running around outside mic spamming I NEED A HERO! IM HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO TILT HE END OF THE NIGHT, HES GOTTA BE STRONG AND HES GOTTA BE FAST AND HES GOTTA BE FRESH FROM THE FIGHT, I NEED A HERO! and I just get scared its a hacker come to troll me and I brick it when he starts letting off shots down stairs but I just hide int he apartments and let them get swarmed by zombies and then tek finds hacker great and blows up a truck with a satchel charge but he's too horribly impoverished and australian to work fraps but at least I can hear it from a mile away and then I take a shot at someone and miss completely and get a swarm of zombies for my troubles that trap me up the stairs and all pile on me as soon as I look down a corridor and the zombies insta-kill me just like in a shitty horror movie the zombies seem fucking harmless but if they get the drop on you in numbers urrrr fukkkt which would be realistic if it wasnt that my character has the reaction time of a dead turtle that got me killed since in real life I would just instinctively leap backwards and run away at 20mph but whatever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lhs0-o-us4I
then teknorat finds an obviously hacked in ATV so I have to yell everything so his little australian brain can hear me over the engine but he still manages to pick me up outside of cherno on it WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER, BAD GIRLS FOR LIFE which doesn't last for long since we go flying off a railway line and the ATV flips over and BLOWS THE FUCK UP just as we get off of it so that's all the epin loot that was in it gone and we manage to run to that firestation for the final time so I can bandage and tek holds off a wave of zombies and as soon as I'm done he's like fuck it lets go since in any other video game you stay and have fun shooting the enemies but in this game it's like real life it's not worth it just avoid anything that takes effort because it will only ever go wrong and I manage to get my gear back and we decide to just have fun since this is probably our last gameplay session with this and after tek puts an entire glock17 clip in a zombie to no effect HE JUST THROWS A GRENADE AT THE ZOMBIE which obliterates it, gives tek every single status effect and deafens me so I drag him inside to keep him safe and keep in mind to drop him before he wakes up and struggles and snaps his neck so that's a rare bit of good teamwork using the drag body thing for its intended purpose and then I cover tek while he goes for med supplies and you can tell we are both getting a bit pissed at each other from being in this shit game for too long and we're gradually taking it less and less seriously and I had been suspicious of tek having certain thoughts since he first got the L85A2 AWS from me and every time he looks at me while we're fiddling I get more suspicious but we have some more fun letting off smoke grenades and using up our regular grenades on the zombies and sniping a boar I thought was a dude crouched in a bush I saw with my thermal scope lol and when teknorat says I'm just gonna do whatever's funny since this is the last time I'll play this game that confirmed my feelings I was now pretty fucking sure was to what he was going to do and I was 100% ready as soon as he started letting off shots near me thinking it would scare me and I was getting ready for him to throw a grenade at me or something but hes just chucking chem lights around since whatever and tek never does get to dupe my L85A2 AWS since hes just rocking an M4 and running around firing it full auto and I'm making sure to keep moving to dissuade him from his idea until the situation is under my control and then he gets onto the phone to his wife who has good news for him and he says cool cool cool like Abed from Community but more patronizing and he starts taking out zombies with his sidearm so I could tell hes saving his last mag for something special and we have one last good bit of operating together taking out zombies coming up the stairs since I knew he wouldn't try anything while distracted on the phone and then we go out onto the roof and I can tell hes telling his wife he'll leave soon so I make sure I'm standing up since the other stances slow you down and I look away from him but look around with alt since he hasnt got NVGs and and might not be able to see I'm watching him and I stand stock still waiting for him to make his move and he puts his phone down and tells me ME AND MY WIFE ARE CELEBRATING SINCE THIS IS UH WE GOT THE VISA THINGY TODAY SO SHE DOESNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT and he looks over at me and I look over at him and I decide I'm wise to what hes just about to do and I'm standing and he's crouching and I have NVGs and he doesnt so this is the best situation for this to go down so I manipulate him into definitely doing it with my expert social engineering skills I learnt from Walter White by lining up the perfect punchline for him by saying I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY YOU WERE CELEBRATING BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN, AND SHE'S LIKE OH I HAVE MY HUSBAND BACK and I pretend to casually look out over the town as tek very obviously aims at me and I get the idea to go towards the ladder so he'd think I'd be stuck fiddling for the prompt and engaging the animation and he would have the time needed to dump his entire mag into my back which is what you gotta do to get a kill in this game and then TEKNORAT IS LIKE UH NO THIS IS WHAT IM DOING TO C*stutters like a little bitch nigga m0nde style*THIS IS WHAT IM DOING TO CELEBRATE NEVER PLAYING AGAIN AND HE OPENS FIRE ON ME AND IM LIKE OH YOU FUCKING- BUT I RUN TO THE LADDER AND WHIP AROUND TO AIM AT HIM AND HIS SHOTS TEAR ALONG THE WALL UNTIL THEY CLIP MY ARM AND I DODGE TO THE SIDE THEN RUN RIGHT UP TO HIM AND GET BEHIND HIM AND ON HIS END HES PROBABLY UNLOADING INTO ME BUT ON MINE I START FUCKING DUMPING MY CLIP INTO HIS BACK AS HE WAVES HIS GUN AROUND WHERE I WAS HALF A SECOND AGO LIKE A BAD GUY IN AN ACTION MOVIE AND I JUST EFFORTLESSLY STRAFE AROUND HIM HAMMERING HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND HES CROUCHED DOWN SO HE HAS A SLOWER TURNING TIME AND I GET HIS LEG AND HE GOES PRONE BUT I JUST KEEP PUMPING HIM UP THE BACK END OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND HIS LAST WORD IS OOH! AS I GIVE HIM ONE LAST BURST AND HE DIES FACE DOWN AND IM LIKE DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT M8, DONT YOU EVEN FUCKING TRY IT M8, DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT AND TEKS LIKE LITERALLY UNLOADING ON YOU WITH FULL AUTO! AND IM LIKE DEAL WITH IT BRAH, JUST DEAL WITH IT! YOU CANT TROLL RUBYCALABER! YOU CANT TROLL THE LEGENDARY RUBYCALABER! AS I BANDAGE AND TEKS LIKE WELL THERE YOU GO, I GAVE YOU A GOOD VIDEO AT LEAST and we both have a good laugh lmao that was pretty intense since I was fucking waiting for it and making sure to keep myself moving for the last 20 minutes or so and I didn't want to fire on him first on the tiny chance that I was just being paranoid and he would want to play again and I knew the fact that I knew he'd probably fire on me would only be an advantage until he actually did and it would come down to a wild west style quickdraw but it did help that I was ready for it since as soon as he said his one liner I was already moving and moving in this game is key to not get shot since this game's terrible lag makes you hard to hit and the hit detection only counts like one out of every five hits so if you dont get a headshot you really need to dump the entire mag so I just had to keep moving around him and his little betrayal failed and tek tells me I am actually finished playing, I'm literally clicking delete local content on steam and I tell him yeah, I'm gonna play once with detho, and then never fucking play again and we decide we'll just play gta4 until borderlands 2 comes out which we were getting tired of before but then seemed fucking lovely in comparison to DayZ's bullshit and as I'm logging out I tell tek I've got three bandit kills now and once I do my kill compilation he can be the last kill which will be fitting too bad I get a kill in the next thread but whatever I still put teks kill at the end so yeah a pretty fitting as fuck ending to these threads and this let's play if we consider the next deso thread a epilogue since it ends with my partner from the start betraying me and trying to kill me, the very essence of DayZ, being shot in the back by even your best friend, because the only way to have fun is to take it from other people, but due to the game being FUCKING TERRIBLE I manage to outgun him in an epic duel to the death since I am the main character of these shitty videos so it has a happy ending after all and I only have one more thing left to do and teknorat gets to leave the game forever and then go to a celebratory dinner with his 10/10 korean waifu, tune in next week or whatever I don't know to watch me taking my 11/10 texan waifu on an even better date
lmao it says 666 in the thumbnail hail satan, anyway this was the game session where tek completely loses faith in the game and I had already given up playing seriously after my hacker adventure and was only playing to get footage for these shit videos and I think even barry was finding the limits to his autism because there's just free loot laying around everywhere from hackers who then instakill you and there's really no point anymore so this is sort of the ending of the main storyline in this thread where we all give up and the thread after this is like the epilogue of the last thing I wanted to do before I could stop playing for like 8 months but anyway after I get up into the hills in elektro with the AS-50 I got from those hackers from my last game I actually see the draw distance closing in towards me lmao because its raining so heavily and not only is the game itself shit and the hacking was getting simply depressing the game architecture itself was reaching critical mass of shit since it takes literal hours to load into a server and the update that added a new loading screen thank god for that have fucked up the rest of the game and teknorat is having a serious chimpout and its time for my daily dayz rustlage since I find a daytime server (manually, this was before I used dayz commander) but at first I cant move for no reason without pressing V and then the game teleports me to the other side of the valley with no cover and I realize I've had my gamma and brightness turned up for 3 months straight from when we used to play nighttime servers so thats why my videos are always washed out colorless messes and then I see a guy and put a 50 cal straight through his chest but of course hes lagged out and it doesnt count realisms and as I'm trying to cover tek as he runs around elektro barry is spamming the fuck out of me with his patented one word per line of chat bullshit but he gets in the chat and tek tries to fight someone in the supermarket which is a bad idea since I don't have eyes-on in there but he thinks hes playing some sort of fun video game where you shoot people and they die so he tries to do some james holmes shit and throw in a smoke grenade before he wades in and shoots the guy with a crossbow but he just falls unconscious and that was teks last bolt so he has no way to kill him and before he can drag him outside for me to shoot him which woulda been hella gangsta the guy wakes up and mag dumps his marakov at him to no effect and tek has to run away and fiddle to pick up a steel bolt for his crossbow while this guy has to roll around on the ground fiddling to reload but the guy wins the fiddling match and kills him and teknorat just completely calmly and frankly says hes done playing maybe forever so I'm left with timbo to talk to while I sit in a fucking bush for an hour waiting for someone to show up and I ask barry if the AS-50 one shots someone anywhere and he says not in the limbs so since I know my shit games I put two bullets through a guy while hes fiddling at the top of the elektro firestation (which is something thats almost happened to me several times before) just in case my obvious body shot counted as a limb shot and I'm like I AM ELEKTRO'S RECKONING :bane: because I was on a binge of Bane jokes this time last year and then tek confronts me that he doesnt believe I'll stop playing but I say I will just so I can stop making these videos because I cant stop myself otherwise and I knew it would take me a fucking year to post them and then just as tek is revealing his plans to kill >9000 cops battleye kicks me from the game lovely jubbly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isQ6hy_hkGI
then the next day barry, the master of making shit games even less fun, has discovered how to dupe weapons by doing some long convoluted hacker shit about putting it on a zombie you killed that was spawned by you entering the area and then when you pick it up it stays on the body once like what happened to me and my grenades a few games back so he is trying to dupe nvgs and a gun with a thermal and nv scope on it for night time operating which along with an AS-50 kill (which I forgot I already got two of when I shot down that chopper lol) and playing with deso is on my to-do list of shit to make vids of so I can never play again so after some jew fiddling I leave in because when I was editing these I thought I was making a documentary on how shit dayz is which I guess I succeeded in I try out the thermal and love it but barry still needs to dupe some ammo for it so we go towards elektro and have some Medium Banter™ about the best game ever made The Secret of The Magic Crystal and how m0nde is the most emotionally destroyed human being in the world and when we get there timbo immediately gets himself swarmed by zombies and I have to hold them off L4D style but he teleports away with his insta-disconnect skills and logs back in to give me my clipz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eabHVQyG6AA
then we pop by the hospital for medical gear and discuss how hackers have ruined the game just after hacking ourselves and then I want to get some night time combat footage but barry reminds me that fuck all anyone plays at nighttime and this is as busy a server as we'll find so I just decide to run around shooting zombies attempting to have fun in a video game and I get to try out a PDW, have a laser rave with timbo and when he goes to bed I just have a laugh running around shooting zombies with the heatvision since I have more than enough ammo to waste and for some reason zombies have the same head signatures as alive people thats not realisms and just as I'm racking up an epic kill combo BattlEye detects fun and kicks me off the server
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyblr9qFPQg
then the next day tek and I have a really short game since we are both having lots of computer and game problems and can barely get in because the server architecture is imploding under its own weight and probably ambient hacker energy and even barry has reached his limit and claims to be 100% done but all he'll say is "don't ask" so I don't lmao and while we're waiting for the server to load I show tek this video of elz's deaf retard noises (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyfxq7E-DIM) and chat about some other gay shit I put images to since it was just taking so long to load at this stage and then I finally get in only to find I'm now a nigger male probably because they realized having a loud heart beat doesnt mean you're an evil murderer but you now what does? having a turban!!! so they have to do some shit to your character model and I guess the game gets confused when you're a girl oh and tek is really quiet half way through since he had to restart and then if you accept a steam call after you open your game fraps records the game louder than the steam call for no reason. Computers. but then I have to restart so hes back to being loud, and hes getting so mad he literally threatens my life at one point since I'm still home alone, too bad I always have trollinator to protect me, and then I claim I wont make recordings for borderlands 2 and well... you'll find out if I did in a years time when I edit them, and then when we fiiiinally get in a server together I finally get my NVG kill when someone runs in the school and I just immediately unload my clip on him and the cheeky cunt tired to have a go at me with his shotgun at the same time so he deserved it and it looks pretty fucking badass with the muzzleflare strobing on the NVGs and gunsmoke filling the small room and the gunshots echoing around band I just wave my gun at him like a hose and it gets him but then I hear another human voice probably his gay bum bud coming for revenge but of course before shit can get fun in any way the server disconnects us and we never find another game we just discuss how I'll give tek this gun to do the duping trick and the he'll have Triple Cheated™: duped a gun I got from barry duping a gun he got from a hacker crate
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IApmLC3a4o8
then the next day we have to wait so fucking long to get into a server that this video turns into a gay wee podcast (which I'm glad I made since when we were actually making a podcast we were deciding between having a structure and just having it banter and I realized I already had plenty of fucking recordings of us just bantering from these stupid videos so we went with having topics and shit) where I am lamenting how much fucking work these stupid videos are and how I hope we never fucking play this game ever again and then I discuss finding morphine pills my parents are going to fucking kill themselves with and discuss my own suicide in a manner that teknorat took seriously and thought I was suicidal for the next year too bad I am literally happy every day and I have never once faced a problem in my life that couldn't be solved by simply going to bed to avoid something stressful or wake up the next day and feel better and I say before I die I wanna get all my stupid projects done (I've since found a new reason to live: waiting until robot girlfriends become a reality, so I can buy one and FUCK it :robosexual: (since I'm currently in trollinators bodyguardzone)) and tek tells me I should have been working on my gta raps, and I figured now they'd never happen since I wasted my 3 weeks alone on this shit game and back then gta was slated for a spring release, but thank fuck it got delayed so I could record them over my last holiday even though I havnt even edited them yet lmao and he tries to get me to just send him the lyrics but I resisted so they may still be released yet and then teknorat gives some of his patented Funny Ideas For Reality TV Shows™ that are expanded upon in our now canceled podcast and we get so bored teknorat just starts singing to himself this wee rhyme thats stuck with me ever since that goes: PUT ALL BABIES IN FOSTER HOMES, SO THEY WILL GET MOLESTED... a lot :pedo: to the tune of like a caribbean steel drum band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhfkgSSbaqQ
then when we fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally get in the server tek comes over to me in the school and takes my L85A2 AWS off me after much fiddling and goes off to dupe it but as soon as he walks down the road A HACKER BLOWS HIS BRAINS OUT so I go up on the roof and wait for him to go and check tek's body and when he does I pop up and DUMP on dat nigga but of course he has a disconnect macro set up and insta-vanishes but due to my planet sized balls I just run out there and grab my gun back while a dozen zombies decent upon me and leg it like a mad cunt and hold out up in the apartments and teknorat admits theres just no fun left in the game but something almost fun happens where someone starts running around outside mic spamming I NEED A HERO! IM HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO TILT HE END OF THE NIGHT, HES GOTTA BE STRONG AND HES GOTTA BE FAST AND HES GOTTA BE FRESH FROM THE FIGHT, I NEED A HERO! and I just get scared its a hacker come to troll me and I brick it when he starts letting off shots down stairs but I just hide int he apartments and let them get swarmed by zombies and then tek finds hacker great and blows up a truck with a satchel charge but he's too horribly impoverished and australian to work fraps but at least I can hear it from a mile away and then I take a shot at someone and miss completely and get a swarm of zombies for my troubles that trap me up the stairs and all pile on me as soon as I look down a corridor and the zombies insta-kill me just like in a shitty horror movie the zombies seem fucking harmless but if they get the drop on you in numbers urrrr fukkkt which would be realistic if it wasnt that my character has the reaction time of a dead turtle that got me killed since in real life I would just instinctively leap backwards and run away at 20mph but whatever
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lhs0-o-us4I
then teknorat finds an obviously hacked in ATV so I have to yell everything so his little australian brain can hear me over the engine but he still manages to pick me up outside of cherno on it WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER, BAD GIRLS FOR LIFE which doesn't last for long since we go flying off a railway line and the ATV flips over and BLOWS THE FUCK UP just as we get off of it so that's all the epin loot that was in it gone and we manage to run to that firestation for the final time so I can bandage and tek holds off a wave of zombies and as soon as I'm done he's like fuck it lets go since in any other video game you stay and have fun shooting the enemies but in this game it's like real life it's not worth it just avoid anything that takes effort because it will only ever go wrong and I manage to get my gear back and we decide to just have fun since this is probably our last gameplay session with this and after tek puts an entire glock17 clip in a zombie to no effect HE JUST THROWS A GRENADE AT THE ZOMBIE which obliterates it, gives tek every single status effect and deafens me so I drag him inside to keep him safe and keep in mind to drop him before he wakes up and struggles and snaps his neck so that's a rare bit of good teamwork using the drag body thing for its intended purpose and then I cover tek while he goes for med supplies and you can tell we are both getting a bit pissed at each other from being in this shit game for too long and we're gradually taking it less and less seriously and I had been suspicious of tek having certain thoughts since he first got the L85A2 AWS from me and every time he looks at me while we're fiddling I get more suspicious but we have some more fun letting off smoke grenades and using up our regular grenades on the zombies and sniping a boar I thought was a dude crouched in a bush I saw with my thermal scope lol and when teknorat says I'm just gonna do whatever's funny since this is the last time I'll play this game that confirmed my feelings I was now pretty fucking sure was to what he was going to do and I was 100% ready as soon as he started letting off shots near me thinking it would scare me and I was getting ready for him to throw a grenade at me or something but hes just chucking chem lights around since whatever and tek never does get to dupe my L85A2 AWS since hes just rocking an M4 and running around firing it full auto and I'm making sure to keep moving to dissuade him from his idea until the situation is under my control and then he gets onto the phone to his wife who has good news for him and he says cool cool cool like Abed from Community but more patronizing and he starts taking out zombies with his sidearm so I could tell hes saving his last mag for something special and we have one last good bit of operating together taking out zombies coming up the stairs since I knew he wouldn't try anything while distracted on the phone and then we go out onto the roof and I can tell hes telling his wife he'll leave soon so I make sure I'm standing up since the other stances slow you down and I look away from him but look around with alt since he hasnt got NVGs and and might not be able to see I'm watching him and I stand stock still waiting for him to make his move and he puts his phone down and tells me ME AND MY WIFE ARE CELEBRATING SINCE THIS IS UH WE GOT THE VISA THINGY TODAY SO SHE DOESNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT and he looks over at me and I look over at him and I decide I'm wise to what hes just about to do and I'm standing and he's crouching and I have NVGs and he doesnt so this is the best situation for this to go down so I manipulate him into definitely doing it with my expert social engineering skills I learnt from Walter White by lining up the perfect punchline for him by saying I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY YOU WERE CELEBRATING BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN, AND SHE'S LIKE OH I HAVE MY HUSBAND BACK and I pretend to casually look out over the town as tek very obviously aims at me and I get the idea to go towards the ladder so he'd think I'd be stuck fiddling for the prompt and engaging the animation and he would have the time needed to dump his entire mag into my back which is what you gotta do to get a kill in this game and then TEKNORAT IS LIKE UH NO THIS IS WHAT IM DOING TO C*stutters like a little bitch nigga m0nde style*THIS IS WHAT IM DOING TO CELEBRATE NEVER PLAYING AGAIN AND HE OPENS FIRE ON ME AND IM LIKE OH YOU FUCKING- BUT I RUN TO THE LADDER AND WHIP AROUND TO AIM AT HIM AND HIS SHOTS TEAR ALONG THE WALL UNTIL THEY CLIP MY ARM AND I DODGE TO THE SIDE THEN RUN RIGHT UP TO HIM AND GET BEHIND HIM AND ON HIS END HES PROBABLY UNLOADING INTO ME BUT ON MINE I START FUCKING DUMPING MY CLIP INTO HIS BACK AS HE WAVES HIS GUN AROUND WHERE I WAS HALF A SECOND AGO LIKE A BAD GUY IN AN ACTION MOVIE AND I JUST EFFORTLESSLY STRAFE AROUND HIM HAMMERING HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND HES CROUCHED DOWN SO HE HAS A SLOWER TURNING TIME AND I GET HIS LEG AND HE GOES PRONE BUT I JUST KEEP PUMPING HIM UP THE BACK END OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND HIS LAST WORD IS OOH! AS I GIVE HIM ONE LAST BURST AND HE DIES FACE DOWN AND IM LIKE DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT M8, DONT YOU EVEN FUCKING TRY IT M8, DONT YOU FUCKING TRY IT AND TEKS LIKE LITERALLY UNLOADING ON YOU WITH FULL AUTO! AND IM LIKE DEAL WITH IT BRAH, JUST DEAL WITH IT! YOU CANT TROLL RUBYCALABER! YOU CANT TROLL THE LEGENDARY RUBYCALABER! AS I BANDAGE AND TEKS LIKE WELL THERE YOU GO, I GAVE YOU A GOOD VIDEO AT LEAST and we both have a good laugh lmao that was pretty intense since I was fucking waiting for it and making sure to keep myself moving for the last 20 minutes or so and I didn't want to fire on him first on the tiny chance that I was just being paranoid and he would want to play again and I knew the fact that I knew he'd probably fire on me would only be an advantage until he actually did and it would come down to a wild west style quickdraw but it did help that I was ready for it since as soon as he said his one liner I was already moving and moving in this game is key to not get shot since this game's terrible lag makes you hard to hit and the hit detection only counts like one out of every five hits so if you dont get a headshot you really need to dump the entire mag so I just had to keep moving around him and his little betrayal failed and tek tells me I am actually finished playing, I'm literally clicking delete local content on steam and I tell him yeah, I'm gonna play once with detho, and then never fucking play again and we decide we'll just play gta4 until borderlands 2 comes out which we were getting tired of before but then seemed fucking lovely in comparison to DayZ's bullshit and as I'm logging out I tell tek I've got three bandit kills now and once I do my kill compilation he can be the last kill which will be fitting too bad I get a kill in the next thread but whatever I still put teks kill at the end so yeah a pretty fitting as fuck ending to these threads and this let's play if we consider the next deso thread a epilogue since it ends with my partner from the start betraying me and trying to kill me, the very essence of DayZ, being shot in the back by even your best friend, because the only way to have fun is to take it from other people, but due to the game being FUCKING TERRIBLE I manage to outgun him in an epic duel to the death since I am the main character of these shitty videos so it has a happy ending after all and I only have one more thing left to do and teknorat gets to leave the game forever and then go to a celebratory dinner with his 10/10 korean waifu, tune in next week or whatever I don't know to watch me taking my 11/10 texan waifu on an even better date