oOBatteryOo
06-11-2012, 11:21 PM
When I was 15, I "dated" my 22-year-old swim coach. He would never allow me to be seen with him in public, and I met his family and friends only on the condition that I lie and say I was 20. For a female SAP with horrible acne who was constantly teased about her looks, it seemed like the best I'd be able to do. I was deathly afraid of him leaving me, a fact he used very well to manipulate me, telling me I was unattractive, stupid, etc. He was very charming to everyone else--my parents were skeptical, but he won them over (of course he told me exactly what to tell them when they asked detailed questions about our relationship).
It took me 4 years to end the relationship, and 5 years after that to realize how fucked up it was. I wasn't the first (he seemed to like talking about other underage girls he'd had sex with) and I doubt I was the last. He loved coaching swim because it was a chance to flirt with impressionable teenage girls--I heard he hopped around various high school teams until he ended up at an all-girls' school. Classy.
When I go back to my hometown, I see he's well-respected in the local community and still up to all the activities he used to do years ago--namely, any community activity or job where he can be around teenage girls. He's also married now, with a baby girl. I don't worry for the girl, but I worry about her friends once they're all teenagers.
Needless to say this gave me impressions about men and some self-esteem issues that I'm still trying to shake, and I've been seeing a therapist and thinking about this a lot lately. I looked up the statute of limitations on these types of crimes where I live. It's up when I turn 26, which is about 2 weeks from now.
It feels like it would be wrong to do nothing while knowing he's probably fucking up other girls' lives. I want to go to the police and file charges, but the only evidence I have is a bunch of e-mails from our relationship, obviously nothing physical. I'm hoping other girls will come forward but I know I can't count on it. I would just hate to have to go through a trial and recount every awful thing I remember in front of a jury.
Is it worth filing charges so late? Is there anyone else who has done this who regrets their decision? I'm looking for someone who filed abuse/statutory/etc. charges much later and had strong feelings about it.
It took me 4 years to end the relationship, and 5 years after that to realize how fucked up it was. I wasn't the first (he seemed to like talking about other underage girls he'd had sex with) and I doubt I was the last. He loved coaching swim because it was a chance to flirt with impressionable teenage girls--I heard he hopped around various high school teams until he ended up at an all-girls' school. Classy.
When I go back to my hometown, I see he's well-respected in the local community and still up to all the activities he used to do years ago--namely, any community activity or job where he can be around teenage girls. He's also married now, with a baby girl. I don't worry for the girl, but I worry about her friends once they're all teenagers.
Needless to say this gave me impressions about men and some self-esteem issues that I'm still trying to shake, and I've been seeing a therapist and thinking about this a lot lately. I looked up the statute of limitations on these types of crimes where I live. It's up when I turn 26, which is about 2 weeks from now.
It feels like it would be wrong to do nothing while knowing he's probably fucking up other girls' lives. I want to go to the police and file charges, but the only evidence I have is a bunch of e-mails from our relationship, obviously nothing physical. I'm hoping other girls will come forward but I know I can't count on it. I would just hate to have to go through a trial and recount every awful thing I remember in front of a jury.
Is it worth filing charges so late? Is there anyone else who has done this who regrets their decision? I'm looking for someone who filed abuse/statutory/etc. charges much later and had strong feelings about it.