Antisera
09-09-2014, 08:46 PM
On March 8, at 1am, on my 18th birthday, I left. I stayed with a friend for the weekend, and then got married on March 10th. A week later, we visited the momster, and a month after that I spoke with her on the phone. I've been NC since then. A little back story that is necessary at this point. My 'momster' is my maternal grandmother who adopted and raised me from infancy. She 'is' 56. I'll continue referring to her as momster. Because I am legally adopted by my grandmother, my bio mom and me are both the next of kin and equally legally in charge of making any decisions about her and her possessions. Just for understanding, my bio mom is 37 and my half sister is 16.
Yesterday, at 11pm, I was watching the kids at my church like every normal Sunday when my phone went crazy. My husband rushed back through the kids area to tell me there'd been an emergency, and all we knew was that Momster had been in a horrible car accident where her pregnant passenger had died and she was air lifted to a better hospital than our local one. My husband and I met up with all the family, my bio mom, her fiance, my half sister, and a long time family friend/enabler, all uncertain of what we'd find upon entering her room in the Trauma center, and drove the 45 minutes to the hospital. We get there to find that she is brain dead, kept 'alive' only by the machines that monitor her blood pressure and make her breathe. I understood immediately upon seeing her, but my bio mom and half sister had a hard time understanding that she wasn't going home...
I already mourned the loss of the mother I never had, and I'm doing okay. My half sister never liked her much because she was the scapegoat, so she's mostly okay, but worse than me. My bio mom, though, is a wreck. She always hoped she'd have the mother she never had, but this post is about me. Right now, although at peace with knowing I'm both sad that she's gone, stressed at all the decisions that must be made and things to be done, and relieved that she's gone, I'm mad that she 'died' on impact. That there will never be an apology. That she will never come to terms with how utterly awful she was to everyone she ever touched with her narcissism and manipulation.
But that's not all. Her ex narc husband (who raised both me and my bio mom, and abused/raped my bio mom when she was young) thinks he can make an 8 hour road trip, nwife and kids in tow, and tell us all what we need to do because he used to be married to her. We've all, except Momster, been NC with him for several years. None of us want him around, and while we're safe at the hospital, he knows where my bio mom lives. He knows where Momster's storage unit is, and asserts that he has a right to it since he believes he bought the stuff in it while they were married. And, no, he never tried to claim it in the divorce. It's only natural that the last remaining narc is who makes the death difficult.
I don't really have a reason for posting other than knowing you guys might have gone through this, and might have some advice for me/my bio mom/my half sister. It's been kinda nice to be able to write it all out in a somewhat permanent manner, also.
Yesterday, at 11pm, I was watching the kids at my church like every normal Sunday when my phone went crazy. My husband rushed back through the kids area to tell me there'd been an emergency, and all we knew was that Momster had been in a horrible car accident where her pregnant passenger had died and she was air lifted to a better hospital than our local one. My husband and I met up with all the family, my bio mom, her fiance, my half sister, and a long time family friend/enabler, all uncertain of what we'd find upon entering her room in the Trauma center, and drove the 45 minutes to the hospital. We get there to find that she is brain dead, kept 'alive' only by the machines that monitor her blood pressure and make her breathe. I understood immediately upon seeing her, but my bio mom and half sister had a hard time understanding that she wasn't going home...
I already mourned the loss of the mother I never had, and I'm doing okay. My half sister never liked her much because she was the scapegoat, so she's mostly okay, but worse than me. My bio mom, though, is a wreck. She always hoped she'd have the mother she never had, but this post is about me. Right now, although at peace with knowing I'm both sad that she's gone, stressed at all the decisions that must be made and things to be done, and relieved that she's gone, I'm mad that she 'died' on impact. That there will never be an apology. That she will never come to terms with how utterly awful she was to everyone she ever touched with her narcissism and manipulation.
But that's not all. Her ex narc husband (who raised both me and my bio mom, and abused/raped my bio mom when she was young) thinks he can make an 8 hour road trip, nwife and kids in tow, and tell us all what we need to do because he used to be married to her. We've all, except Momster, been NC with him for several years. None of us want him around, and while we're safe at the hospital, he knows where my bio mom lives. He knows where Momster's storage unit is, and asserts that he has a right to it since he believes he bought the stuff in it while they were married. And, no, he never tried to claim it in the divorce. It's only natural that the last remaining narc is who makes the death difficult.
I don't really have a reason for posting other than knowing you guys might have gone through this, and might have some advice for me/my bio mom/my half sister. It's been kinda nice to be able to write it all out in a somewhat permanent manner, also.