rubycalaber
05-01-2013, 07:43 PM
oh god I cant stop myself from writing big walls of text help meeeeeeeee-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7F98ns2oM0
there is a vaguely amusing bit at the start of this where teknorat holds a guy up for his food with an empty shotgun but of course I didnt film it since me and teknorat have literally not found each other in this Lets Play yet lmao we've only been together for one game that took place two weeks before this and only now months later did I realized the point of this idea that Rocket was tossing around to replace the idea of bandit skins of crows flying around you meaning you are a murderer which I didnt get but just now I understand its a MURDER OF CROWS wow g1 Rocket not really thats fucking appalling and it fucking better not be in the standalone anyway then I see this prick called kocy4ok driving around in a motherfucking DHARMA van
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/lostpartyvan.gif
and I try to shoot it but my fucking stupid bitch cunt character keeps leaning to the left for no goddamn reason :angry: and I almost get a severe zombie rustling but I discover that docks arnt the only thing zombies cant understand how to walk down they also for some reason have to walk slowly down the side of bridges thank god for poorly coded mods and I try to seduce some guy called Ben to help me but the zombies just end up eating him which is fine by me and as I was walking along the mountain I made the crucial mistake of thinking a human being can walk along a small incline which sent me sliding in a retarded manner and I get my leg broken for the first time which basically feels like this
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/brokenlegbullshit_zpsa5276ebb.png
le epic funny pic includes desolation and lisa for being the hottest forum girls, elezzzark since I mean he cant listen to my videos or podcast I gotta throw him a bone now and again ooh bone pun I did that by accident, camoron and skrizach for playing DayZ with me and drunk puppies aka dp aka autistic spectrum aka Brian so he will give my positive replies and includes special shout outs to eagle bird and fjs (http://2fjs.com/) then after putting in my panty liner I had to crawl like two fucking miles until Teknorat found me but all he had was a flashlight that was somehow working now and an axe so if any shit kicked off I'd have to stand in one spot and shoot but thankfully he manages to put his wood inside of me so that I can make a camp fire like a good housewife so he can eat my raw meat and to further our elaborate gay cyber sex roleplay I stay by the fire preparing more food while he runs off to get morphine from me oh my big strong teknorat uguuu I am gay but thankfully I am a strong independent woman who dont need no man so when Bojangles comes creeping through the forest to investigate our camp fire I murder the fuck out of him laying in the darkness since the fucking retard was running around in the dark with his flashlight on aka paint a target straight at your chest to please shoot and then Tek gets his jimmies bashed when he finds a 1911 and some mags for it but when he goes to pick up the mags they delete his gun lmao and he gets so rustled he almost cries and I remember not being sure if he was joking or not and then I gradually realized he was very serious and legitimately upset at a video game and I like tried not to say anything that would upset him even more so he wouldn't stop playing but he does anyway since his cunt wife comes home and since I am a really good friend who would definitely not betrayed to him by a bad reason I edited out the audio I had of her shrieking like the banshee she is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdspHr1VGKM
then the next day I log in with my leg still broken but thankfully teknorat has discovered an uber 1337 exxxploit that lets me but first he has to TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIEEEEE
http://i1141.photobucket.com/albums/n592/coolorangegif2/chris-brown-dougie.gif
yeah thats right you can literally jump forwards with a broken leg if you just keep hammering V over and over again but christ forbid you try to just walk forwards while dragging your leg or something people actually do in real life when injured also its funny how I cant follow teknorats very simple instructions I stand up and then try to walk forwards and just fall flat on my face but teknorat only knew this because he had broken his leg crawling through a door (this is not a joke or a gimmick, this actually happens in the game) so he was crawling around elektro looking for morphine I think this was before we realized they only spawn in hospitals and he meets this guy called deathstorm who he defends from zombies with his hatchet but as soon as he turns his back to him TEKNORAT CLEAVES HIS FUCKING HEAD OPEN welcome to dayz bitch and then I see someone while I'm slowly dougieing towards elektro but I cant pivot
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/Gifs/tumblr_m1yocpHLQg1ql3ya7o1_400_zpsd9ad2f98.gif
thankfully shit gameplay master teknorat has realized if you double tap alt it locks which direction you are aiming in I have no fucking idea why you would ever EVER want that but I guess not being able to look more than a few inches to your left or right is realisms speaking of realistic gameplay the guy I saw was TigerClaw going for a nice wee run and I try to shoot him for daring to attempt to have fun in a video game and he knows to zig zag but unfortunately for him white dots are on which means that the white dots that are usually at the side of your screen to give the function of peripheral vision or something are in the middle of your vision so its literally like a targeting system that puts a big bullseye over your targets for you to easily line up with and murder now thats realisms! and then when I'm looting this guys body I see daniel and I thought there were two of them but it was just one guy lagging out lmao and I notice that I literally like breathe in and out steadily before I try to take my shot like you are meant to do in real life shooting as if it fucking matters using a mouse in a video game so I am literally becoming an operator in real life from DayZ and after a quick guest star appearance from unfunny bunny I see Niemad (oh you gonna be mad alright) and try to shoot him from half a mile away but even though Teknorat had given me a blood transfusion yesterday at our camp these fucking faggot zombies knock me down in one hit and I die that was my longest character so far I think literally only because I had a broken leg and couldnt run anyway but it was still oddly fun dealing with that injury like meeting up with teknorat and making a fireplace and actually doing some resource management and he had to go get morphine and shit that was fun too bad now we know the correct course of action is to just fucking click respawn and start a new character because there is zero point in trying to survive and when I respawn I'm real close to where I die so I ran back to my body but Niemad is there taking my shit and I try to sneak up on him and steal shit out his bag unfortunately there is no disarm function like in the best game ever made Enter The Matrix which I wish I could use in other games to just grab a gun out of peoples hands which is what you do in real life when someone has a gun and you dont and you're trying to kill them you grab the fucking gun and keep it pointed away from you and try to take it off them but thats been possible in literally one game ever made and I get stuck on a small fence and get shot by him while dougie fiddling and then as I'm running around cherno Teknorat gets on the phone to his wife and tells her whats going on since apparently he explains the video games he plays in depth to her lmao what a lucky woman and when he tells her that I died and lost all my progress she starts laughing hysterically :raged: just kidding :fap: I love it when women make fun of me too bad I am literally insane popular on the internet and whenever I venture into real life and the only person who is ever mean to be is tim when his hole is particularly damaged or dp when I dont include him in a thread and when his wife asks isnt that lame if you lose all your equipment and he says "thats cool honey... it makes it more... it makes it more... fun..." lmao you can tell he doesnt really believe that and already understands how shit this game is and then I find my first automatic weapon the AKM which serves me almost as well as the Le Enfield and then teknorat finds a guy hiding in a bush probably trying to spy on female characters to wank to and tells him to stay still but since half the people in this game are russians who dont speak english and the other half are complete retards who cant pay attention to what other people are saying to them he moves and teknorat blows his brains out because he couldnt see his hands and he mighta had a gun completely justified force imho rip A Radical Cat :fffffff: and when we finally meet again outside Cherno we fiddle about with maps since teknorat has managed to live for more than a few minutes I think this character of his has been alive since the start of the last video since he died trying to bring us that boat a few days ago and he wants to take a stab at Serious Gameplay™ and try to survive for as long as possible and actually go exploring since if you stay at the coast you'll get shot in the face by some cod kiddy n00b like me within minutes but up in the wilderness is where the real pro gamers go to try and take the game seriously and actually live for a few days (more like dayz wow so funny) and try to find good gear this was back before we realized its pointless due to gltiches killing you and hackers leaving amazing loot laying everywhere at the coast but we'll find out soon enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni865JZ7BBg
at the start of this vid we literally have a crawling vs dougie race to determine which is faster and of course crawling is faster so I wasted probably an hour of my life dougieing between cherno and elektro when I coulda just crawled and not had to hammer V over and over again and then we find extremely rare proof that the holocaust actually happened :shock: and then there is a vaguely funny bit where I get south and north mixed up and realize it mid sentence and then just change what I'm saying and hope teknorat doesnt notice which is the case since half the shit I say makes no sense either way usually and teknorat enforces his autistic survival instinct tactic of only running through forests and not open fields so other players cant spot us and own us which is annoying but actually does serve us well about like one time lmao also I remember when teknorat made a niggers stealing TVs joke I didnt get it at all since he is a racist in real life and I love and respect blacks so I just pretended to laugh so then we go on a huge big literal Hiking Sim Adventure™ that's literally what it is we dont see any action or fire our guns or see other players or zombies its literally just walking through a forest but you know what other than the absolutely fucking insane shit that happens later on this is what I remember most about the game not fighting other players or zombies or getting vehicles it's just walking through a forest with teknorat because this was as immersive as the game got because the rest of it is just unrealistic glitchy clearly a game bullshit where nothing matters but meta-game shenanigans but walking through the forest on a big hike is something I've actually done in real life and it actually matters to stay alive because its not just deathmatch the point is to get somewhere and you lose your physical progress if you go back to the coast so keeping track of what food, ammo medical supplies actually matters since you live long enough to worry about running out and this first time we ventured north was the one I remember best and it was like an important part of my year or some shit since getting into this shit game was the most interesting thing I did all year and this was the most interesting part I wouldnt exactly say it was fun since I get a thrill out of ruining other peoples games and pretending there is anything close to a functioning combat system and at the time I was just bored and thinking teknorats a fucking moron for wanting to go on hiking missions but looking back it was uhhh important I guess a new experience of taking a game seriously and not just wanting to piss of other players or get a quick thrill out of combat and actually investing effort into its mechanics this is the first time I ever really did that and gave a shit about taking a game seriously like people take WoW and shit like that real serious and know all the spells off by heart this was my version of this actually trying to play a survival sim properly even though it was not fun and became negative fun later on when things go tits up but there you go DayZ is realisms after all and then I fuck my game up even worse by turning off bloom and head bob so the videos probably end up looking even worse and speaking of realisms every time I look away from tek since its first person and no white dots or nametags I lose track of him since I'm so used to a giant username hovering over my teammates or like a literal line connecting us in ghost recon onlne and what made it a bit fun was we were taking it so seriously we'd shit our pants everytime we see literally like a log that looks like a tree never mind a human figure like you would while running around in the middle of nowhere in the post apocalypse with bandits out to get you irl and when I go in this little shed this is the first time I bluescreen while playing a game which is the start of almost a year long rustling also I think another reason why this had a big impact on my pathetic empty life is because this was like male bonding between me and teknorat where instead of just screaming kill that fucking faggot hell yeah suck a dick or trying to amuse each other on an instant messenger we were just having like casual banter about nothing in particular to pass the time as we hiked to Zub castle which we had never really done before because we could always do something else and weren't literally just walking through a forest beside each other so I guess all this stupid small talk that is of course still funny since we are hilarious people had an impact on me as being my version of having a mate I hang out with even if we're not doing anything in particular or like how we were calling out every little thing and discussing tactics it was like how people in the military bond even if they never have to fight together just working as one unit makes you closer mates wow I an a fucking gayboy and then there is an amazingly cinematic moment that in any other game would have to be scripted where we are searching for where this fucking castle is and I climb up an antenna array to look around and just as teknorat sees it and goes OH OH I see it at the exact same time and am like OH SHIT and it turns out we overshot it but now we're up a hill we can see it ontop of another one in the distance and it was so cool and rewarding thats dynamic and emergent gameplay bub and then there's some drama where we think we see another player on the hillside but I think it was just a fucking boar or something I looked at my footage and couldnt see anything other than like a grey shape behind a tree also the only reason we are going to this castle is because barry told tek good loot spawns in them but of course that turns out to be classic Timformation™ and when we get to the top of it we enjoy the view even though the horrible graphics and drawdistance make it pointless lmao thats one of the rare things thats funner in real life than games looking at a good view since all graphics are still shit and as long as I keep my glasses on real life still had better graphics and then we decide to go up to Stary Sobor to raid some military tents and kill the pro gamers who camp there for days on end but we are attacked for the first time in this hours long game session by some zombies a little monkey business bastards comes for us and I get to fire my AKM for the first time and it doesnt go to well idk where the fuck these guys came from I guess there was a deer stand nearby (elezzzark terminology shout out, Deer Stand™) and just as something cool happened we get Session Lost which is error message #29475038 when playing DayZ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GSk4MG5Vbc
then the next day we jack back into the DayZtrix in the same spot it kicked us off yesterday and this server as white dots so we can see the zombies from miles away through bushes and so when we get to Stary Sobor and see a helicopter crash which is like not a real helicopter in the game but a like a stationary piece of the scenery that gives good loot sometimes we have a fun game of sloooooowly crawling towards them through bushes trying to avoid white dots for like an hour straight this is what I'm talking about this is the only time I've ever been into a game so much that I bother doing that and not just rush up to sit in a fucking bush for an hour waiting for the coast to be clear thats fucking realisms m8 but also boring and not fun so obviously the perfect thing to make a youtube video out of but it pays off because after slowly crawling towards a crashed helicopter at one inch per hour tek finds some night vision goggles the most pro loot we've found yet after only having like shit rifles at the coast and as we get bored and just run towards a second helicopter crash site we see another player called Mike running towards it from the opposite side of the field so being the pro gamers that we are we crawl straight towards the wreckage and I try to loot it but apparently Mike's already cleared it out and if only the mini-gun still worked I coulda hopped on and raked the field with it but alas no fun in games allowed and then teknorat has a massive cock up where he has gotten to cover and I'm crawling to him and he tells me to not bother sneaking since I'm too exposed and to just run towards him but as soon as I stand up and run to him he realizes he was looking at fucking Mike and he just told me to stop stealthing and it got me vaguely rustled and it seems to teknorat that Mike had done the log out move to a better position on another server and log back into this one to basically teleport and own people from behind thing and shots start ringing out around us so I just tell teknorat to log out since he has night vision goggles now and snap crackle and pop is going on all around me as I try to crawl towards Mike but I'm not sure where he is and as teknorat logs out a huge snap goes past me and I scramble to disconnect this is the only time we ever do this and its only because he used aborting teleporting hacks on us first fuck you faggot cheater
>Mike's face when survivors combat disconnect near him
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/Gifs/1366509673101_zpsb36bc3f2.gif
and then we decide to find a nighttime server on purpose for once so teknorat can enjoy his new NVGs which doesnt go so well since I am as blind as a bat and have to just follow his footsteps to navigate since whenever I turn on my flashlight it blinds him lmao and things only get worse when a hoard of a dozen zombies attacks us it looks pretty fucking badass tbh just flashes of light in the dark as teknorat takes them out but at the time I was like trying to run away from zombies I could only hear and not run infront of teknorat and get shot judging only by where his last muzzle flash was coming from as we were running up and down this road and after we manage not to die we disconnect since we are not faggot cheaters we finish our battles like real men and then go and find a server where we can actually see where we are going and after getting put into shock from walking through a bush and almost getting killed by a teleporting hacker teknorat comes around to my way of thinking that big long hiking adventures and realistic survival are pointless and only lead to rustling and the only fun way to play the game is to treat it like Call of Duty and we realize that the game is like uh some sort of economic system I'm sure jon knows all about where you cant create fun yourself only steal it from others I think that economic system is JEWRY :jewgold: and we dont even bother checking the military tents in Stary Sobor we decide to just go back down to the cost and kill n00bs but on our way I spot a player running across the road and we stalk him as he crosses a field and it was extremely intense waiting for him to get behind trees so we could advance and we do some pro gaming maneuvering to surround him and I think he sees us coming since he hits the ground and hides well since teknorat passes him but I see the bright red axe on his back and think its just on the ground until he takes a shot at tek and I run up unload the AKM into his back but the FUCKING CHEATER disconnects and it gives this effect like he is a fucking twin from the matrix reloaded and just sort of phases through the ground so you cant get him its total bullshit and then when tek is checking his tent and I keep the look out this faggot like logs onto another server and runs a few meters behind us and then logs out and back into this one so he can kill me which is probably what Mike tried on us so I guess this was when the community realized you could basically teleport behind people I'm glad theres no combat logging allowed anymore because thats some gay shit and teknorat disconnects again since its not cheating if he does it first R.I.P. in peace my longest surviving character so far and then its back to the coast to run round the same balota airstrip and the same buildings in cherno I've already been to ten times and will visit a thousand times more while fiddling about with axes and getting hyper rustled by ladders yelling WHATS THE FUCKING HOLD UP YOU CUNT?! :bang: and I guess at this point in time teknorat knew I could be taking videos but he hadnt realized the extent of my autism that I had been recording literally everything since he asks if I've got any good footage yet then I get even more rustled by zombies that wont die because I think PROBLEM SOLVED PROBLEM FUCKING SOLVED M8 OH YOU PIECE OF SHIT I SHOT YOU THREE TIMES :rubymad: god the combat in this game is so shit I cant believe I played it for months and still play it please kill me then there's a cool scene where we do some operating together taking out a wave of zombies in a backyard after we've met up again teknorat still has the same character he managed to bring it back down to the coast which is really impressive and some cheeky cunt takes a pot shot at us and we get up ontop of the roof he was on but of course hes disconnected by then and we have to literally play a quick time event to climb down a fucking ladder jesus christ :stare: but then teknorat lags out and I spot a sniper in a ghillie suit ontop of the hospital but of course for the fourth time in this vid he has disconnected by the time I get up there fucking piece of shit
so if people teleporting behind you and shooting you in the back in a realistic military sim is your idea of fun hit me up and play some DayZ with me and dont forget to tune in tomorrow for the first part of the highly anticipated Lisa interview on the Teknorat & Ruby show!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7F98ns2oM0
there is a vaguely amusing bit at the start of this where teknorat holds a guy up for his food with an empty shotgun but of course I didnt film it since me and teknorat have literally not found each other in this Lets Play yet lmao we've only been together for one game that took place two weeks before this and only now months later did I realized the point of this idea that Rocket was tossing around to replace the idea of bandit skins of crows flying around you meaning you are a murderer which I didnt get but just now I understand its a MURDER OF CROWS wow g1 Rocket not really thats fucking appalling and it fucking better not be in the standalone anyway then I see this prick called kocy4ok driving around in a motherfucking DHARMA van
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/lostpartyvan.gif
and I try to shoot it but my fucking stupid bitch cunt character keeps leaning to the left for no goddamn reason :angry: and I almost get a severe zombie rustling but I discover that docks arnt the only thing zombies cant understand how to walk down they also for some reason have to walk slowly down the side of bridges thank god for poorly coded mods and I try to seduce some guy called Ben to help me but the zombies just end up eating him which is fine by me and as I was walking along the mountain I made the crucial mistake of thinking a human being can walk along a small incline which sent me sliding in a retarded manner and I get my leg broken for the first time which basically feels like this
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/brokenlegbullshit_zpsa5276ebb.png
le epic funny pic includes desolation and lisa for being the hottest forum girls, elezzzark since I mean he cant listen to my videos or podcast I gotta throw him a bone now and again ooh bone pun I did that by accident, camoron and skrizach for playing DayZ with me and drunk puppies aka dp aka autistic spectrum aka Brian so he will give my positive replies and includes special shout outs to eagle bird and fjs (http://2fjs.com/) then after putting in my panty liner I had to crawl like two fucking miles until Teknorat found me but all he had was a flashlight that was somehow working now and an axe so if any shit kicked off I'd have to stand in one spot and shoot but thankfully he manages to put his wood inside of me so that I can make a camp fire like a good housewife so he can eat my raw meat and to further our elaborate gay cyber sex roleplay I stay by the fire preparing more food while he runs off to get morphine from me oh my big strong teknorat uguuu I am gay but thankfully I am a strong independent woman who dont need no man so when Bojangles comes creeping through the forest to investigate our camp fire I murder the fuck out of him laying in the darkness since the fucking retard was running around in the dark with his flashlight on aka paint a target straight at your chest to please shoot and then Tek gets his jimmies bashed when he finds a 1911 and some mags for it but when he goes to pick up the mags they delete his gun lmao and he gets so rustled he almost cries and I remember not being sure if he was joking or not and then I gradually realized he was very serious and legitimately upset at a video game and I like tried not to say anything that would upset him even more so he wouldn't stop playing but he does anyway since his cunt wife comes home and since I am a really good friend who would definitely not betrayed to him by a bad reason I edited out the audio I had of her shrieking like the banshee she is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdspHr1VGKM
then the next day I log in with my leg still broken but thankfully teknorat has discovered an uber 1337 exxxploit that lets me but first he has to TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIEEEEE
http://i1141.photobucket.com/albums/n592/coolorangegif2/chris-brown-dougie.gif
yeah thats right you can literally jump forwards with a broken leg if you just keep hammering V over and over again but christ forbid you try to just walk forwards while dragging your leg or something people actually do in real life when injured also its funny how I cant follow teknorats very simple instructions I stand up and then try to walk forwards and just fall flat on my face but teknorat only knew this because he had broken his leg crawling through a door (this is not a joke or a gimmick, this actually happens in the game) so he was crawling around elektro looking for morphine I think this was before we realized they only spawn in hospitals and he meets this guy called deathstorm who he defends from zombies with his hatchet but as soon as he turns his back to him TEKNORAT CLEAVES HIS FUCKING HEAD OPEN welcome to dayz bitch and then I see someone while I'm slowly dougieing towards elektro but I cant pivot
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/Gifs/tumblr_m1yocpHLQg1ql3ya7o1_400_zpsd9ad2f98.gif
thankfully shit gameplay master teknorat has realized if you double tap alt it locks which direction you are aiming in I have no fucking idea why you would ever EVER want that but I guess not being able to look more than a few inches to your left or right is realisms speaking of realistic gameplay the guy I saw was TigerClaw going for a nice wee run and I try to shoot him for daring to attempt to have fun in a video game and he knows to zig zag but unfortunately for him white dots are on which means that the white dots that are usually at the side of your screen to give the function of peripheral vision or something are in the middle of your vision so its literally like a targeting system that puts a big bullseye over your targets for you to easily line up with and murder now thats realisms! and then when I'm looting this guys body I see daniel and I thought there were two of them but it was just one guy lagging out lmao and I notice that I literally like breathe in and out steadily before I try to take my shot like you are meant to do in real life shooting as if it fucking matters using a mouse in a video game so I am literally becoming an operator in real life from DayZ and after a quick guest star appearance from unfunny bunny I see Niemad (oh you gonna be mad alright) and try to shoot him from half a mile away but even though Teknorat had given me a blood transfusion yesterday at our camp these fucking faggot zombies knock me down in one hit and I die that was my longest character so far I think literally only because I had a broken leg and couldnt run anyway but it was still oddly fun dealing with that injury like meeting up with teknorat and making a fireplace and actually doing some resource management and he had to go get morphine and shit that was fun too bad now we know the correct course of action is to just fucking click respawn and start a new character because there is zero point in trying to survive and when I respawn I'm real close to where I die so I ran back to my body but Niemad is there taking my shit and I try to sneak up on him and steal shit out his bag unfortunately there is no disarm function like in the best game ever made Enter The Matrix which I wish I could use in other games to just grab a gun out of peoples hands which is what you do in real life when someone has a gun and you dont and you're trying to kill them you grab the fucking gun and keep it pointed away from you and try to take it off them but thats been possible in literally one game ever made and I get stuck on a small fence and get shot by him while dougie fiddling and then as I'm running around cherno Teknorat gets on the phone to his wife and tells her whats going on since apparently he explains the video games he plays in depth to her lmao what a lucky woman and when he tells her that I died and lost all my progress she starts laughing hysterically :raged: just kidding :fap: I love it when women make fun of me too bad I am literally insane popular on the internet and whenever I venture into real life and the only person who is ever mean to be is tim when his hole is particularly damaged or dp when I dont include him in a thread and when his wife asks isnt that lame if you lose all your equipment and he says "thats cool honey... it makes it more... it makes it more... fun..." lmao you can tell he doesnt really believe that and already understands how shit this game is and then I find my first automatic weapon the AKM which serves me almost as well as the Le Enfield and then teknorat finds a guy hiding in a bush probably trying to spy on female characters to wank to and tells him to stay still but since half the people in this game are russians who dont speak english and the other half are complete retards who cant pay attention to what other people are saying to them he moves and teknorat blows his brains out because he couldnt see his hands and he mighta had a gun completely justified force imho rip A Radical Cat :fffffff: and when we finally meet again outside Cherno we fiddle about with maps since teknorat has managed to live for more than a few minutes I think this character of his has been alive since the start of the last video since he died trying to bring us that boat a few days ago and he wants to take a stab at Serious Gameplay™ and try to survive for as long as possible and actually go exploring since if you stay at the coast you'll get shot in the face by some cod kiddy n00b like me within minutes but up in the wilderness is where the real pro gamers go to try and take the game seriously and actually live for a few days (more like dayz wow so funny) and try to find good gear this was back before we realized its pointless due to gltiches killing you and hackers leaving amazing loot laying everywhere at the coast but we'll find out soon enough
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ni865JZ7BBg
at the start of this vid we literally have a crawling vs dougie race to determine which is faster and of course crawling is faster so I wasted probably an hour of my life dougieing between cherno and elektro when I coulda just crawled and not had to hammer V over and over again and then we find extremely rare proof that the holocaust actually happened :shock: and then there is a vaguely funny bit where I get south and north mixed up and realize it mid sentence and then just change what I'm saying and hope teknorat doesnt notice which is the case since half the shit I say makes no sense either way usually and teknorat enforces his autistic survival instinct tactic of only running through forests and not open fields so other players cant spot us and own us which is annoying but actually does serve us well about like one time lmao also I remember when teknorat made a niggers stealing TVs joke I didnt get it at all since he is a racist in real life and I love and respect blacks so I just pretended to laugh so then we go on a huge big literal Hiking Sim Adventure™ that's literally what it is we dont see any action or fire our guns or see other players or zombies its literally just walking through a forest but you know what other than the absolutely fucking insane shit that happens later on this is what I remember most about the game not fighting other players or zombies or getting vehicles it's just walking through a forest with teknorat because this was as immersive as the game got because the rest of it is just unrealistic glitchy clearly a game bullshit where nothing matters but meta-game shenanigans but walking through the forest on a big hike is something I've actually done in real life and it actually matters to stay alive because its not just deathmatch the point is to get somewhere and you lose your physical progress if you go back to the coast so keeping track of what food, ammo medical supplies actually matters since you live long enough to worry about running out and this first time we ventured north was the one I remember best and it was like an important part of my year or some shit since getting into this shit game was the most interesting thing I did all year and this was the most interesting part I wouldnt exactly say it was fun since I get a thrill out of ruining other peoples games and pretending there is anything close to a functioning combat system and at the time I was just bored and thinking teknorats a fucking moron for wanting to go on hiking missions but looking back it was uhhh important I guess a new experience of taking a game seriously and not just wanting to piss of other players or get a quick thrill out of combat and actually investing effort into its mechanics this is the first time I ever really did that and gave a shit about taking a game seriously like people take WoW and shit like that real serious and know all the spells off by heart this was my version of this actually trying to play a survival sim properly even though it was not fun and became negative fun later on when things go tits up but there you go DayZ is realisms after all and then I fuck my game up even worse by turning off bloom and head bob so the videos probably end up looking even worse and speaking of realisms every time I look away from tek since its first person and no white dots or nametags I lose track of him since I'm so used to a giant username hovering over my teammates or like a literal line connecting us in ghost recon onlne and what made it a bit fun was we were taking it so seriously we'd shit our pants everytime we see literally like a log that looks like a tree never mind a human figure like you would while running around in the middle of nowhere in the post apocalypse with bandits out to get you irl and when I go in this little shed this is the first time I bluescreen while playing a game which is the start of almost a year long rustling also I think another reason why this had a big impact on my pathetic empty life is because this was like male bonding between me and teknorat where instead of just screaming kill that fucking faggot hell yeah suck a dick or trying to amuse each other on an instant messenger we were just having like casual banter about nothing in particular to pass the time as we hiked to Zub castle which we had never really done before because we could always do something else and weren't literally just walking through a forest beside each other so I guess all this stupid small talk that is of course still funny since we are hilarious people had an impact on me as being my version of having a mate I hang out with even if we're not doing anything in particular or like how we were calling out every little thing and discussing tactics it was like how people in the military bond even if they never have to fight together just working as one unit makes you closer mates wow I an a fucking gayboy and then there is an amazingly cinematic moment that in any other game would have to be scripted where we are searching for where this fucking castle is and I climb up an antenna array to look around and just as teknorat sees it and goes OH OH I see it at the exact same time and am like OH SHIT and it turns out we overshot it but now we're up a hill we can see it ontop of another one in the distance and it was so cool and rewarding thats dynamic and emergent gameplay bub and then there's some drama where we think we see another player on the hillside but I think it was just a fucking boar or something I looked at my footage and couldnt see anything other than like a grey shape behind a tree also the only reason we are going to this castle is because barry told tek good loot spawns in them but of course that turns out to be classic Timformation™ and when we get to the top of it we enjoy the view even though the horrible graphics and drawdistance make it pointless lmao thats one of the rare things thats funner in real life than games looking at a good view since all graphics are still shit and as long as I keep my glasses on real life still had better graphics and then we decide to go up to Stary Sobor to raid some military tents and kill the pro gamers who camp there for days on end but we are attacked for the first time in this hours long game session by some zombies a little monkey business bastards comes for us and I get to fire my AKM for the first time and it doesnt go to well idk where the fuck these guys came from I guess there was a deer stand nearby (elezzzark terminology shout out, Deer Stand™) and just as something cool happened we get Session Lost which is error message #29475038 when playing DayZ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GSk4MG5Vbc
then the next day we jack back into the DayZtrix in the same spot it kicked us off yesterday and this server as white dots so we can see the zombies from miles away through bushes and so when we get to Stary Sobor and see a helicopter crash which is like not a real helicopter in the game but a like a stationary piece of the scenery that gives good loot sometimes we have a fun game of sloooooowly crawling towards them through bushes trying to avoid white dots for like an hour straight this is what I'm talking about this is the only time I've ever been into a game so much that I bother doing that and not just rush up to sit in a fucking bush for an hour waiting for the coast to be clear thats fucking realisms m8 but also boring and not fun so obviously the perfect thing to make a youtube video out of but it pays off because after slowly crawling towards a crashed helicopter at one inch per hour tek finds some night vision goggles the most pro loot we've found yet after only having like shit rifles at the coast and as we get bored and just run towards a second helicopter crash site we see another player called Mike running towards it from the opposite side of the field so being the pro gamers that we are we crawl straight towards the wreckage and I try to loot it but apparently Mike's already cleared it out and if only the mini-gun still worked I coulda hopped on and raked the field with it but alas no fun in games allowed and then teknorat has a massive cock up where he has gotten to cover and I'm crawling to him and he tells me to not bother sneaking since I'm too exposed and to just run towards him but as soon as I stand up and run to him he realizes he was looking at fucking Mike and he just told me to stop stealthing and it got me vaguely rustled and it seems to teknorat that Mike had done the log out move to a better position on another server and log back into this one to basically teleport and own people from behind thing and shots start ringing out around us so I just tell teknorat to log out since he has night vision goggles now and snap crackle and pop is going on all around me as I try to crawl towards Mike but I'm not sure where he is and as teknorat logs out a huge snap goes past me and I scramble to disconnect this is the only time we ever do this and its only because he used aborting teleporting hacks on us first fuck you faggot cheater
>Mike's face when survivors combat disconnect near him
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/Gifs/1366509673101_zpsb36bc3f2.gif
and then we decide to find a nighttime server on purpose for once so teknorat can enjoy his new NVGs which doesnt go so well since I am as blind as a bat and have to just follow his footsteps to navigate since whenever I turn on my flashlight it blinds him lmao and things only get worse when a hoard of a dozen zombies attacks us it looks pretty fucking badass tbh just flashes of light in the dark as teknorat takes them out but at the time I was like trying to run away from zombies I could only hear and not run infront of teknorat and get shot judging only by where his last muzzle flash was coming from as we were running up and down this road and after we manage not to die we disconnect since we are not faggot cheaters we finish our battles like real men and then go and find a server where we can actually see where we are going and after getting put into shock from walking through a bush and almost getting killed by a teleporting hacker teknorat comes around to my way of thinking that big long hiking adventures and realistic survival are pointless and only lead to rustling and the only fun way to play the game is to treat it like Call of Duty and we realize that the game is like uh some sort of economic system I'm sure jon knows all about where you cant create fun yourself only steal it from others I think that economic system is JEWRY :jewgold: and we dont even bother checking the military tents in Stary Sobor we decide to just go back down to the cost and kill n00bs but on our way I spot a player running across the road and we stalk him as he crosses a field and it was extremely intense waiting for him to get behind trees so we could advance and we do some pro gaming maneuvering to surround him and I think he sees us coming since he hits the ground and hides well since teknorat passes him but I see the bright red axe on his back and think its just on the ground until he takes a shot at tek and I run up unload the AKM into his back but the FUCKING CHEATER disconnects and it gives this effect like he is a fucking twin from the matrix reloaded and just sort of phases through the ground so you cant get him its total bullshit and then when tek is checking his tent and I keep the look out this faggot like logs onto another server and runs a few meters behind us and then logs out and back into this one so he can kill me which is probably what Mike tried on us so I guess this was when the community realized you could basically teleport behind people I'm glad theres no combat logging allowed anymore because thats some gay shit and teknorat disconnects again since its not cheating if he does it first R.I.P. in peace my longest surviving character so far and then its back to the coast to run round the same balota airstrip and the same buildings in cherno I've already been to ten times and will visit a thousand times more while fiddling about with axes and getting hyper rustled by ladders yelling WHATS THE FUCKING HOLD UP YOU CUNT?! :bang: and I guess at this point in time teknorat knew I could be taking videos but he hadnt realized the extent of my autism that I had been recording literally everything since he asks if I've got any good footage yet then I get even more rustled by zombies that wont die because I think PROBLEM SOLVED PROBLEM FUCKING SOLVED M8 OH YOU PIECE OF SHIT I SHOT YOU THREE TIMES :rubymad: god the combat in this game is so shit I cant believe I played it for months and still play it please kill me then there's a cool scene where we do some operating together taking out a wave of zombies in a backyard after we've met up again teknorat still has the same character he managed to bring it back down to the coast which is really impressive and some cheeky cunt takes a pot shot at us and we get up ontop of the roof he was on but of course hes disconnected by then and we have to literally play a quick time event to climb down a fucking ladder jesus christ :stare: but then teknorat lags out and I spot a sniper in a ghillie suit ontop of the hospital but of course for the fourth time in this vid he has disconnected by the time I get up there fucking piece of shit
so if people teleporting behind you and shooting you in the back in a realistic military sim is your idea of fun hit me up and play some DayZ with me and dont forget to tune in tomorrow for the first part of the highly anticipated Lisa interview on the Teknorat & Ruby show!