rubycalaber
05-07-2013, 07:56 PM
last week I went a bit mental with the big walls of text but since this thread has 6 fucking videos in it I will try to keep myself under control no promises though also elezzzark is getting gradually more and more angry at these threads listen m8 its alright if you cant hear the videos because, now, this isnt a joke, or a troll, or whatever, they're not worth listening to lmao they are not funny... the podcasts however... well... those you should keep getting angry about because they're great
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VagUgX7ZsA
literally nothing happens in this video all we do is walk from that hospital rooftop we logged out on the day before in cherno to elektro only funny shit that happens is I almost fall off the hospital roof about one minute in but land on a lower roof fine other than going into shock yeah I know game shocking I didnt fall down and die or break my leg falling one meter and this video marks I think the first appearance of TRIANGLES graphical glitches that somehow appear in multiple games I had this shit on my fucking XPS playing second life with stevey and they are back with a vengeance in this game apparently they are caused by barbed wire or something idk but it is reassuring to know that other people get it and its not just me since in second life no one knew what I was on about and there's a hint of something cool happening where I spy a three man team running across an open field like plebs but fucking teknofat is off talking to his gook whore so we never find them and there is one cool moment where I have a shotgun and am back in the sean of the dead bar holding off zombies and teknorat tells me the key for the flashlight on the shotgun at just the right moment to help me and then we log off in a bedroom together since we are gay lovers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rGOp2KBST8
then the next day when we load back in the next day teknorat is shitting his pants like a bitch nigga that theres someone in the building with us so I literally use wall hax to look through the floor and see a guy but its only him and we're taking it real seriously since we dont know the goal of elektro is to run between the same four buildings shooting wildly at people and we do some operator shit where tek crawls across the road and I cover him and then he was meant to cover me going over but the second I look up and see the sniper ontop of the school he blows my brains out which I think shows he was literally just watching us fiddling about in that building and slowly planning to slowly cross a road and only shot me when he saw my head go up to see him I should have just fucking frozen and not made any sudden movements but there you go owned by a pro gamer or not since he knows the goat of elektro is to shot people on sight when you see someone near any of those same for buildings and this game takes no skill and then tek loses his five day old character thats been all along the coast and to stary sobor and back and survived multiple hacker attacks and we both respawn in elektro and try to get revenge but I end up getting gang banged by zombies but at least tek has what sounds like the most fun hes had in the game by killing an armed man with an axe but he gets sniped again by that guy oh god I'm doing it again I cant stop typing basically I run around screaming abuse at zombies so they'll kill me and then get stuck in that one fucking cabin again and have to resort to throwing a glass bottle ned style at zombies but then shit gets Fun In A Video Game™ when I find my first vehicle a bike and have a fun wee ride around for a bit until some FAGMASTER shoots me when all I did was ride past him screaming that he was a gayboy and for some reason I can only backpedal with a broken leg lmao so I :backpedal: barry style as this guy tries to shoot me but zombies swarm him so I literally killed someone through the power of trolling by just screaming abuse at this guy so much that he wanted to kill me more than pay attention to his surroundings and I stash my bike in a bush for later and bleed to death and then something funny happens where teknorat has broken his legs and is slowly crawling back to elektro and I am just running down the main road with zombies behind me and when I see someone crawling on the ground I think they are trying to be stealthy I try to bring the zombies towards them and run past them screaming abuse and it turns out to be tek lmao and when he finally finds morphine he then immediately breaks his legs again and then I fall off a very small roof and die wow what a fun and rewarding game and even at the time we realized that we went from extreme operators going on missions and getting 1337 gear and surviving for days to basically just dying in elektro over and over again and when I'm like within line of sight of where I stashed my bike I get Session Lost so its gone and teknorat leaves to pick up his wife hmm cool and rewarding gameplay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5mZypHSQZU
due to not having anything better to do I kept playing for a bit that day and I had a lot of fun trying to help a guy who probably couldnt speak english or afford a mic and kept shooting at me while I was trying to bandage him and even though he mag dumps into me twice and all that happened to him was he crawled through a door he still dies before me and I'm left with fuck all health and I find a 1911 and try to shoot him but of course since I'm laying down on the ground and clearly aiming up it just hits the ground so I have to stand up to shoot him while screaming FAG! GAYBOY! QUEER! :die: and then some weird shit happens where another character model appears in the corner and I shoot it and it falls down but it doesnt give me another kill count so idk if that was someone else logging in and they left and it did the fall down animation anyway or I killed them but they already left the server so it didnt attribute it to me or it was the same guy like hacking or the game trying to respawn him or what and I remember I was aware of being on my own so I was just talking to myself and I was Trying Hard™ to be funny so when I made the joke about CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2 BITCH I literally counted in my mind what would this aisle be called well theres three of them and this is the middle one so two I am the master of comedy deal with it and then I go about whacking zombies with my axe that needs to be reloaded and can hit stuff a meter away from itself but not if its closer and makes a bullet sound effect when it hits until I get to the school and some pro gamer snipes me through one of the obscure windows I've ever even looked at also I remember I had put my marakov and 1911 in my bag and a revolver in my hand so at least I died with a lot of guns which is how to win at life the american way :9/11:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJHMpVdvDQE
like all abuse victims teknorat carried on the circle of violence in his family by introducing his little brother to this game and he was going to get him to play with me but never did because hes a fucking bitch nigga and was scared I would troll him even though I am such a top bloke that I edited out him saying personal stuff about his brother in these videos that or his brother just realized what a terrible game it was and stopped playing after one day and then I go on a nice wee walking sim to meet tek in cherno and we run around armed only with axes trying to kill people and in a moment of actually being good at games we manage to co-ordinate our attack on a guy I was following into a firestation and tek yells WE GONNA KILL YOU MOTHAFUCKA while I'm all SUP GAYBOY SUP GAYBOY SUP FAGGOT FUCKING OWNED FOR LIFE M8 as we both hack the shit out of him in an extremely hilarious way and I get credit the kill even though on my end it looks like he teleports away from me and I accidentally stab teknorat at one point and then the zombies have sensed we are having fun so pour in and kill me and teknorats stupid faggot fuck sense of fairplay makes him want to give me the AK even though I could just be lying that it accredited the kill to me since sometimes it doesnt give it to anyone for no reason note to self lie to teknorat all the time about earing stuff in broken video games
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7nQ5KIUtWI
so since we had a lot of fun in the last video and rolled on some guy with axes we of course decided to do the least fun thing possible (because DayZ can only take fun happening in it about once per week or the game will explode your computer and kill you irl) go on a journey to ownage central the North West Air Field which is about as far from the coast as you can get just straight up and it's where most of the military level loot spawns so all the proest gamers and hackers and server jumpers go there to destroy each others gaming careers and as I scuttle around cherno looking for a rifle for our big hiking sim journey we have a serious and frank discussion over the firearms term CLIPS then I make the mistake of checking the apartment buildings north of cherno and theres like seven of them and all are non stop bullshit inside I was in these things for like an hour straight and heres like 7 minutes of just non stop bullshit going on inside where I get legitimately angry and rustled at stairs breaking my legs and blocking my aim and zombies phasing through the floor and it gets so bad that when I shoot a zombie three times I tell him IF YOU DAMAGE ME IM DELETING THE GAME :raged: which was semi-serious since thats the most thats ever gone wrong in a game but thankfully for my lack of a life he dies and tek starts making bets in his mind about if I'll make it out of there alive and I do but when I go across the street to a hospital a shot rings out and I brick it and if it was real life I would just fucking BOLT but of course this FUCKING FAGGOT BITCH character has to stop in place to stand up from a crouch to a run and it gets me killed and I get legitimately distressed thankfully I never found a rifle so it wasnt too bad and then teknorat literally takes a wank break and I jokingly tell him to jerk off to my character but then when he is going like uhhhhh i had a wee panic in case he thought I was literally hitting on him and wanted gay cyber sex and you can hear my voice breaking when I say "good" thankfully we are both aheh v-very straight and not at all gay so he knew what I meant and since I still havnt found a gun I have to run after a guy screaming for help when zombies are chasing me and I think for the first time in this game a guy who both understands english and has his sound on and has a working mic he replies to me running around screaming but hes unarmed too and says I cant do anything about those zombies DUDE since hes an americlapper so I suggest he distract them for me but he says YEAH IM NOT GONNA DISTRACT THEM SO YOU CAN LIVE AND I CAN DIE and runs off huh I guess americans arnt so stupid after all so I just give up and let them eat me I cant take anymore rustling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qluV-KOkqmk
turns out it was just that teknorats brother realized this is the shittest game ever made lmao he swam across to the sunken boat on the island island (the Black Rock) and lost all his gear in the water and broke his leg and there was nothing on the boat anyway welcome to dayz bro and when I finally find myself a Le Enfield I know to get the fuck away from those apartments and as I'm making a B-line north to try and meet teknorat for our epic journey I see a cunt running around in the fields and I request permission to fire from my missions commanding officer since I am the bottom in our gay relationship and after 9 shots I finally get her and for the first time I get my hands on a DRM which is my favorite sniper rifle since it doesnt have any range toggling fiddle bullshit and its automatic and the NVGs work for it and then I try to run north but I end up running west and ending up at baloto airfield and almost lose my DRM the minute I got it by running past some fucker having a wee camp in a shipping container and zombies chasing me teknorat for some reason is taking the game seriously and thinks theres a point to avoiding zombies but I know you can just run in doors and play ring a round the rosies with them and they cant do shit and I start operating the fuck out of them with both my DRM and 1911 killing a bunch of cops and soldiers and I guess the guy I saw was menu fiddling or lagged out since hes still there but I never get a chance to kill him this was before I realized the combat was unrealistic as fuck and its alright to just run in and mag dump on someone without moving because its random if it will damage them or instakill them and that at least raises your chances of managing to damage them than if you played it careful and they're just mag dumping in your general direction but I see another player and kill them so the little airfield trip was well worth it and then I just retrace my steps back to cherno and I'm trying to see where the right direction to go to meet tek is when I end up back at those fucking apartments I tried to escape them but they just wouldnt let me leave they drew me back towards them for one final rustling and I'm doing my best not to get owned running straight away from them actually north this time when some cheeky cunt up in them starts shooting at me so I zig zag like a mad cunt with three zombies chasing me and I'm almost free from the rustling when it happens I accidentally press M and a map that doesnt even fucking exist pops up and I am like awww fuck FUCK OOOOOOOOOFF!!! :rubyflash: and I manage to lose the zeds and find teknorat up the road and we start our massive journey to the NWAF both togged out with a DMR and AK-47 prepared to operate operations
will teknorat and ruby make it to the north west air field? will we find epic loot? will we get our jimmies savagely rustled? find out next week only in ruby's generic dayz videos thread! cant wait for more of the funniest comedy duo since eric and dylan? check out part 2 of our groundbreakingly edgy Lisa interview tomorrow only on the Teknorat & Ruby show!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VagUgX7ZsA
literally nothing happens in this video all we do is walk from that hospital rooftop we logged out on the day before in cherno to elektro only funny shit that happens is I almost fall off the hospital roof about one minute in but land on a lower roof fine other than going into shock yeah I know game shocking I didnt fall down and die or break my leg falling one meter and this video marks I think the first appearance of TRIANGLES graphical glitches that somehow appear in multiple games I had this shit on my fucking XPS playing second life with stevey and they are back with a vengeance in this game apparently they are caused by barbed wire or something idk but it is reassuring to know that other people get it and its not just me since in second life no one knew what I was on about and there's a hint of something cool happening where I spy a three man team running across an open field like plebs but fucking teknofat is off talking to his gook whore so we never find them and there is one cool moment where I have a shotgun and am back in the sean of the dead bar holding off zombies and teknorat tells me the key for the flashlight on the shotgun at just the right moment to help me and then we log off in a bedroom together since we are gay lovers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rGOp2KBST8
then the next day when we load back in the next day teknorat is shitting his pants like a bitch nigga that theres someone in the building with us so I literally use wall hax to look through the floor and see a guy but its only him and we're taking it real seriously since we dont know the goal of elektro is to run between the same four buildings shooting wildly at people and we do some operator shit where tek crawls across the road and I cover him and then he was meant to cover me going over but the second I look up and see the sniper ontop of the school he blows my brains out which I think shows he was literally just watching us fiddling about in that building and slowly planning to slowly cross a road and only shot me when he saw my head go up to see him I should have just fucking frozen and not made any sudden movements but there you go owned by a pro gamer or not since he knows the goat of elektro is to shot people on sight when you see someone near any of those same for buildings and this game takes no skill and then tek loses his five day old character thats been all along the coast and to stary sobor and back and survived multiple hacker attacks and we both respawn in elektro and try to get revenge but I end up getting gang banged by zombies but at least tek has what sounds like the most fun hes had in the game by killing an armed man with an axe but he gets sniped again by that guy oh god I'm doing it again I cant stop typing basically I run around screaming abuse at zombies so they'll kill me and then get stuck in that one fucking cabin again and have to resort to throwing a glass bottle ned style at zombies but then shit gets Fun In A Video Game™ when I find my first vehicle a bike and have a fun wee ride around for a bit until some FAGMASTER shoots me when all I did was ride past him screaming that he was a gayboy and for some reason I can only backpedal with a broken leg lmao so I :backpedal: barry style as this guy tries to shoot me but zombies swarm him so I literally killed someone through the power of trolling by just screaming abuse at this guy so much that he wanted to kill me more than pay attention to his surroundings and I stash my bike in a bush for later and bleed to death and then something funny happens where teknorat has broken his legs and is slowly crawling back to elektro and I am just running down the main road with zombies behind me and when I see someone crawling on the ground I think they are trying to be stealthy I try to bring the zombies towards them and run past them screaming abuse and it turns out to be tek lmao and when he finally finds morphine he then immediately breaks his legs again and then I fall off a very small roof and die wow what a fun and rewarding game and even at the time we realized that we went from extreme operators going on missions and getting 1337 gear and surviving for days to basically just dying in elektro over and over again and when I'm like within line of sight of where I stashed my bike I get Session Lost so its gone and teknorat leaves to pick up his wife hmm cool and rewarding gameplay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5mZypHSQZU
due to not having anything better to do I kept playing for a bit that day and I had a lot of fun trying to help a guy who probably couldnt speak english or afford a mic and kept shooting at me while I was trying to bandage him and even though he mag dumps into me twice and all that happened to him was he crawled through a door he still dies before me and I'm left with fuck all health and I find a 1911 and try to shoot him but of course since I'm laying down on the ground and clearly aiming up it just hits the ground so I have to stand up to shoot him while screaming FAG! GAYBOY! QUEER! :die: and then some weird shit happens where another character model appears in the corner and I shoot it and it falls down but it doesnt give me another kill count so idk if that was someone else logging in and they left and it did the fall down animation anyway or I killed them but they already left the server so it didnt attribute it to me or it was the same guy like hacking or the game trying to respawn him or what and I remember I was aware of being on my own so I was just talking to myself and I was Trying Hard™ to be funny so when I made the joke about CLEAN UP ON AISLE 2 BITCH I literally counted in my mind what would this aisle be called well theres three of them and this is the middle one so two I am the master of comedy deal with it and then I go about whacking zombies with my axe that needs to be reloaded and can hit stuff a meter away from itself but not if its closer and makes a bullet sound effect when it hits until I get to the school and some pro gamer snipes me through one of the obscure windows I've ever even looked at also I remember I had put my marakov and 1911 in my bag and a revolver in my hand so at least I died with a lot of guns which is how to win at life the american way :9/11:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJHMpVdvDQE
like all abuse victims teknorat carried on the circle of violence in his family by introducing his little brother to this game and he was going to get him to play with me but never did because hes a fucking bitch nigga and was scared I would troll him even though I am such a top bloke that I edited out him saying personal stuff about his brother in these videos that or his brother just realized what a terrible game it was and stopped playing after one day and then I go on a nice wee walking sim to meet tek in cherno and we run around armed only with axes trying to kill people and in a moment of actually being good at games we manage to co-ordinate our attack on a guy I was following into a firestation and tek yells WE GONNA KILL YOU MOTHAFUCKA while I'm all SUP GAYBOY SUP GAYBOY SUP FAGGOT FUCKING OWNED FOR LIFE M8 as we both hack the shit out of him in an extremely hilarious way and I get credit the kill even though on my end it looks like he teleports away from me and I accidentally stab teknorat at one point and then the zombies have sensed we are having fun so pour in and kill me and teknorats stupid faggot fuck sense of fairplay makes him want to give me the AK even though I could just be lying that it accredited the kill to me since sometimes it doesnt give it to anyone for no reason note to self lie to teknorat all the time about earing stuff in broken video games
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7nQ5KIUtWI
so since we had a lot of fun in the last video and rolled on some guy with axes we of course decided to do the least fun thing possible (because DayZ can only take fun happening in it about once per week or the game will explode your computer and kill you irl) go on a journey to ownage central the North West Air Field which is about as far from the coast as you can get just straight up and it's where most of the military level loot spawns so all the proest gamers and hackers and server jumpers go there to destroy each others gaming careers and as I scuttle around cherno looking for a rifle for our big hiking sim journey we have a serious and frank discussion over the firearms term CLIPS then I make the mistake of checking the apartment buildings north of cherno and theres like seven of them and all are non stop bullshit inside I was in these things for like an hour straight and heres like 7 minutes of just non stop bullshit going on inside where I get legitimately angry and rustled at stairs breaking my legs and blocking my aim and zombies phasing through the floor and it gets so bad that when I shoot a zombie three times I tell him IF YOU DAMAGE ME IM DELETING THE GAME :raged: which was semi-serious since thats the most thats ever gone wrong in a game but thankfully for my lack of a life he dies and tek starts making bets in his mind about if I'll make it out of there alive and I do but when I go across the street to a hospital a shot rings out and I brick it and if it was real life I would just fucking BOLT but of course this FUCKING FAGGOT BITCH character has to stop in place to stand up from a crouch to a run and it gets me killed and I get legitimately distressed thankfully I never found a rifle so it wasnt too bad and then teknorat literally takes a wank break and I jokingly tell him to jerk off to my character but then when he is going like uhhhhh i had a wee panic in case he thought I was literally hitting on him and wanted gay cyber sex and you can hear my voice breaking when I say "good" thankfully we are both aheh v-very straight and not at all gay so he knew what I meant and since I still havnt found a gun I have to run after a guy screaming for help when zombies are chasing me and I think for the first time in this game a guy who both understands english and has his sound on and has a working mic he replies to me running around screaming but hes unarmed too and says I cant do anything about those zombies DUDE since hes an americlapper so I suggest he distract them for me but he says YEAH IM NOT GONNA DISTRACT THEM SO YOU CAN LIVE AND I CAN DIE and runs off huh I guess americans arnt so stupid after all so I just give up and let them eat me I cant take anymore rustling
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qluV-KOkqmk
turns out it was just that teknorats brother realized this is the shittest game ever made lmao he swam across to the sunken boat on the island island (the Black Rock) and lost all his gear in the water and broke his leg and there was nothing on the boat anyway welcome to dayz bro and when I finally find myself a Le Enfield I know to get the fuck away from those apartments and as I'm making a B-line north to try and meet teknorat for our epic journey I see a cunt running around in the fields and I request permission to fire from my missions commanding officer since I am the bottom in our gay relationship and after 9 shots I finally get her and for the first time I get my hands on a DRM which is my favorite sniper rifle since it doesnt have any range toggling fiddle bullshit and its automatic and the NVGs work for it and then I try to run north but I end up running west and ending up at baloto airfield and almost lose my DRM the minute I got it by running past some fucker having a wee camp in a shipping container and zombies chasing me teknorat for some reason is taking the game seriously and thinks theres a point to avoiding zombies but I know you can just run in doors and play ring a round the rosies with them and they cant do shit and I start operating the fuck out of them with both my DRM and 1911 killing a bunch of cops and soldiers and I guess the guy I saw was menu fiddling or lagged out since hes still there but I never get a chance to kill him this was before I realized the combat was unrealistic as fuck and its alright to just run in and mag dump on someone without moving because its random if it will damage them or instakill them and that at least raises your chances of managing to damage them than if you played it careful and they're just mag dumping in your general direction but I see another player and kill them so the little airfield trip was well worth it and then I just retrace my steps back to cherno and I'm trying to see where the right direction to go to meet tek is when I end up back at those fucking apartments I tried to escape them but they just wouldnt let me leave they drew me back towards them for one final rustling and I'm doing my best not to get owned running straight away from them actually north this time when some cheeky cunt up in them starts shooting at me so I zig zag like a mad cunt with three zombies chasing me and I'm almost free from the rustling when it happens I accidentally press M and a map that doesnt even fucking exist pops up and I am like awww fuck FUCK OOOOOOOOOFF!!! :rubyflash: and I manage to lose the zeds and find teknorat up the road and we start our massive journey to the NWAF both togged out with a DMR and AK-47 prepared to operate operations
will teknorat and ruby make it to the north west air field? will we find epic loot? will we get our jimmies savagely rustled? find out next week only in ruby's generic dayz videos thread! cant wait for more of the funniest comedy duo since eric and dylan? check out part 2 of our groundbreakingly edgy Lisa interview tomorrow only on the Teknorat & Ruby show!!!