rubycalaber
06-22-2013, 01:33 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9c1B0L_9yE
so after waiting three days for either tek or tim to stop having a fucking life and play this game with me since I knew I'd never make it out of cherno alive alone and didn't want to be a bitch nigga and just go to an empty server to move so I can make some le funny videos I get to enjoy listening to teknorat taking a minute to kill someone with a crowbar and when barry tries to tell a story tek just says STOP TALKING THIS IS SERIOUS NOW THIS IS GAMING TIME NOT TALKING TIME because I dont even want to log in yet before tek can confirm the firestation is clear since his character had had been alive for 16 days and had been around the entire map twice finally died idk how I guess when he played by himself or something so its his own fault for not coming straight to me so then any bullshit in the area automatically magnetizes to happen to me instead but hes a black guy now instead of a white woman so rip his old and best character that finally achieved his stupid dream of finding tents in the far north east of the map before she passed away anyway so as soon as I log in I fucking leg it like a mad cunt with my heart pounding and trying to ignore all teknorats autism where he thinks his fucking awful advice of oh stand in snipe-me-central so you can see me for literally no reason since we're both going to move means I'm bad at teamwork fuck you faggot and then I touch the right Ctrl key for literally the first time in my life to bring up my GPS so I can become a pro gamer just kidding since it disappears everytime you bring up iron sights as if the game's pretending your characters holding it in their hand either bother to animate the object in their hand and I'll believe that or fuck off actually no I wont since I'd just look at it again after I put my gun down shout out to cberry for spoiling red dead redemptions ending for me and then me and tek have literally a nice little sit down to look at our gear we're meant to be hiking inland to meet barry but this is the first time we've ever both gotten good gear at the same time and it was both from just killing better players lmao so we want some time to chillout and fiddle about with our gear and literally fisting a pig
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/pigfisting_zpsb3ca5543.png~original
and I'm glad we did that because of what's coming up next so then we run up to Rogovo to meet barry which we josh him for knowing the name of but we've actually been to before when we rode an ATV to it from the NWAF and when we finally meet up on a hill teknorat screams OH SHIT THERES A GUY HERE KILL HIM! and barry bricks it and of course timbo is the only one not cool enough to be a black guy hes this fucking awful hyper-generic old grampa I hate this character model if only we could all be black then we'd be pro as fuck and always know who our teammates were but anyway this is the first and SPOILER WARNING! last time the three of us are ever together other than a uh other time were we are sort of close together but only for a split second and I'm only half way through what I guess is my "first season" of DayZ videos before I stopped playing for half a year and tek stopped playing forever and this is my last excursion inland other than literally by accident and then for maximum pro gaming barry gives tek a DMR he had in his bag because hes already got an AS-50 and we've all literally got all the best loot except tek doesnt have a rangefinder and I give him mine in a bit and then we run through open fields not giving a motherfuck on the way to a chopper crash site barry saw and we run past a town and attract some zombies and since I have a silenced M4 and silenced beretta I'm on zombie killing duty and after barry tells me the best pro-tip I've ever gotten that you hold down shift to walk backwards and shoot I am actually a credit to the team for once and I literally have fun with good gear fighting zombies to protect my m8s its almost like I am playing some sort of fun video game and then teknorat takes a sniper position in the treeline as me and tim go down to the chopper and we kill all the zombies down there but due to realistic gameplay the zombie chopper crew all repsawn in an extremely terrible looking manner and teknorat starts taking them out for us and when the bullets come in they make a sound like wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWRRRP that scares the shit outta me and after barry hoovers up two new NVGs we head back up to tek and have a nice we sit together and soak in that we are literally having fun in DayZ finding great loot with our m8s and taking out zombies with no problems but of course we can't have that and the game influences my mind to make me suggest going to a night time server since we all have NVGs and this was before I started using DayZ commander so it was just guess work which server was night time or not so we disconnect just inside the tree line and oh yeah I just remembered I stopped playing Chainsaw Lollipop almost a year ago and it only feels like last month I was running around a school chopping up zombies as a sexy cheerleader ah time flies when you're playing awful games and then only a few seconds after me and barry load into a day time server I GET MY FUCKING HEAD BLOWN OFF BY A SNIPER AND I SCREAM OHNOIGOTKILLED AND BARRYS LIKE OH MY GOD WHAT AND IM LIKE GET OUTTA THERE BARRY GET OUTTA THERE RUN AWAY RUN AWAY :rubyflash: and then there's a beat of silence before teknorat bursts out laughing because he was too busy talking to his korean mail order bride to load in and I'm like OH THE RACISM!! WHY DID THEY GO FOR THE BLACK MAN?! WHY'S IT ALWAYS THE BLACK MAN WHO DIES FIRST?!!! FUCKING RACIST JIMMY RUSTLING, FUCK SAKE! so yeah there we go yet more bullshit stopping me from going on a proper mission and not just playing it like COD back then I presumed we were just really really unlucky but now I know it was probably literally a hacker who looked at his hacker map and saw oh here are two people loading in in the middle of nowhere lol they will get so mad if I get them and then teleporting over to us and killing me with his aimbot 99999999999 damage infinite ammo A$-9001 but thankfully I almost gave barry a heartattack screaming at him so he managed to escape with his lightning fast DC skills so he could log back in and try to get my gear back
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Htqbz5rB3zs
these two videos are some of my favorites since the last one was finally playing the game at something approaching fun for one fucking half hour out of the 200 hours I've put into it and I get up to some hilarious trolling shenanigans here since as soon as tek fucks off its time to have fun with master sniper barry so I see this unarmed guy called J. Todd ontop of that one shitty grey building in komarovo and even though I have an axe I decide to win his trust first since he actually gets on mic and yells down asking if I'm friendly and hes like HELLO LETS NOT KILL EACH OTHER OK? heh implying you have a weapon m8 and when I get up onto the roof he shits himself but I use my expert social engineering skills to cal him down and I tell him he can leave if he wants and then confirm he doesnt have a weapon and I was gonna kill a zombie to win him over but he just gives up and leaves lmao and Todd is like ZOMBIES CAN GO UP LADDERS?! and the zombie suddenly pops back up the ladder so I take care of it and Todd for some reason literally walks everywhere idk if his shift has been double tapped or he thinks thats how you be stealthy and that that matters but he walks through every single room trying to find a dead body saying he can hear flies and then barry comes up with the idea for me to lead Todd to him so he can snipe him with his AS-50 so I clear out all the zombies outside this building with the horrible axe combat while this guy sloooowly walks around but then suddenly he realizes how to run and goes pelting across a field attracting all the zombies to him jesus now I know what it's like to play with me so I run after him trying to save him just so barry can kill him but this retard is literally playing ring around the rosies with the zombies but I manage to get him to follow me and then I have to do some high octane heroic Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter style axe fighting shit where hes bleeding and I tell him to bandage and I'll hold off the zombies and I have to fight them perfectly since if they damage me I'm fucked if I need to stop to bandage since this retard wouldnt know how to distract them and that doesnt work half the time anyway but I manage to spawn my stand name unfunny bunny to help me and gayboy manages to get his shit in check and we leg it down the road with 10 zombies after us and this dumbass keeps walking for no reason which is very frustrating since even when you try not to kill randoms they still do their best to die themselves and then this dumbass starts turning around and he says hes looking to see if I'm still there and I have to tell him how to look around with alt what a fucking n00b and this dumbass says we need to find a church or something man since for some reason new players think that god exists and if they go in a church the zombies cant come in and I tell him to go to the airfield but he doesnt know where anything is so he has to follow me and as we're running towards the airfield this guy says MAN... THIS MAY BE A TRAP lmao idk if hes talking about the actual fucking trap I am leading him into since hes doing what I'm saying and telling me he thinks its a trap or maybe he just thinks there's gonna be other people in there waiting for anyone to look in to get them and I didnt know where barry had positioned himself so I just had to follow his instructions to take him up the top of the control tower and I am pretty proud of the editing here I took footage from barrys kill compilation and spliced it perfectly into my video and I think not having had a cut since the start of the video and it following me and Todd seamlessly up until now makes it seem cooler and more natural to move to another POV but of course this retard doesnt know where the control tower is so I just say follow me and I say the zombies can run in this kind of building which sounds like the most made up bullshit out there but its literally true because the hangers count as outside for some reason and the zombies can leg it around but thats DayZ for you the truth is more bullshit than a lie and barry tells me not to go up but I have to so I just throw myself onto the ground so he doesnt hit me and I wait for Todd to come up the stairs and I tell him to take him out and barry follows him with his crosshairs and as soon as he stops to look at a lovely empty whiskey bottle BARRY PUTS A 50CAL STRAIGHT INTO HIS CHEST THROUGH THE WINDOW FROM 360 METERS AWAY AND BLOOD SPRAYS EVERYWHERE AND IM LIKE YEAAAHEHEHEH! WELCOME TO DAYZ GAY BOY!!! and barry seems very pleased with his first ever AS-50 kill all thanks to pro infiltrator rubycalabrax but then only a few seconds later this guy caleld Ryuvos climbs up the ladder and pokes his head over and asks YOU FRIENDLY? so I say YEAH IM FRIENDLY and barry's actually taking out the zombies that have come up thankfully this guy didnt notice he was clearly walking into a snipers killbox and he tells me I HAVE NO AMMO IN MY GUN DONT WORRY and I yell to barry HES COMING UP THE LADDER! TAKE HIM OUT! AND BARRY RAINS LEAD DOWN INTO HIM AND IM LIKE IM FRIENDLY BUT MY MATES NOT!!! and then I take his empty AK as my guardian angel barry effortlessly picks off the zombies like one meter in front of me I'd never want to take these shots since I'd definitely miss and kill my m8 but barry is literally better at games than me so its fine and then I go up to barry and he gives me back my silenced M4 which is all those hackers left me and we discuss how rustled everyone is gonna get when they see our videos of killing n00bs (well barrys videos that do iron man numbers my videos get 4 views each lmao)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7QxsHkDSLU
then we decide to run over to cherno and pwn some nubs and I get a good kill from within an apartment shooting out a window like an operator at some cheeky cunt whos killing another player but I dont realize shot him straight in the heart and he died since I looked at my murder counter instead of my bandit counter and this retarded fucking glitch that plays the sound effect of a drink being opened around dead bodies happens so I think hes up in one of the apartments and I waste the two grenades barry got off of my last body for me bombing an empty room and while I'm fucking around in there barry sees some retard literally doing barrel rolls for no reason on the roof of one of the apartment buildings and once hes sniped this Freezing guy I go and loot him but I've literally got too good gear and already have all his moderately ok shit so then I go further into cherno as barry covers me and the dumb fucking retard is following me around with his scope and accidentally fires off a shot that goes through the tent him I'm this is why when I play DayZ I always maintain trigger discipline and keep my index finger off the left click unless I'm firing my weapon see further proof I am learning operator skills from this shit game and then there is some weird optical illusion where I am looking at a hopper but because hes on a slight hill with a building behind him it makes it look like hes giant which freaked me out and then when I go to look at where barrys repositioning himself up a radio tower TIM FALLS OFF THE TOWER AND DIES!!! AND HES LIKE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD :barryorly: lmao ladders claim another victim and I could see one little pixel falling down but on my shitty videos you cant make it out but I really was watching as he fell and it was funny so I go up and guard barrys body with all his leet shit and I am constantly under duress while up this tower because its so small and fidgety and I can tell its just begging for you to phase through it or break your legs or throw you off a ladder and after killing the same zombie three times due to shit gameplay I do some advanced fiddling where I take his backpack and put his AS50 in it just in case his body despawns and then I see a little dot of a person running around in the hills so I get extremely rustled trying to take out the AS50 to kill him but when I try to swap it for my M4 it disappears and I'm like PFFFT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED and after a lot of fiddling it turns out that I fucking somehow even though I was facing away from it put it on barrys corpse and then I have to go and save barrys new character who got his legs broken and once I find him and get him high on morphine and he goes back up and gets his gear back he takes up another position in the treeline and spots a trio of gay faggots running into cherno oh ho ho whats this bubba some gay m8s trying to have fun in dayz together? not on our watch! and I call out their positions and gear to him like a pro spotter and barry takes out another homo called Tim with his first shot and then fucks up the second Zac and he shoots at the last guy and I thought tim was gonna get him since hes running straight away from him so I didnt bother shooting at him running side on to me but once he gets over the hill I blast the fuck at him and I definitely hit him since bloods coming out but then it looks like the gay faggot disconnected so enjoy running around on your own with your mates spawned a hundred miles in either direction fuckboy and then we take a break since barry has to go to the store and buy some more condoms and lube for keith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPUtka-I15c
after literally discussing what a deaf retard freak elezzzark is we have some Bottom Banter™ on our way over to elektro and as soon as I go up the first firestations tower some other cheeky sniper cunt starts trying to get me but hes really terrible and he just keeps kicking up dust around me but little does he know that I have the world's best counter sniper covering me and as this retard is running down a hill with a DMR barry blows his fucking back out rip Monk I hope your OCD didnt get you killed but then he gets zombie trolled has disconnects and I run up to give him medical attention but I see a bunch of retards running around on the road I cant tell if its one guy and two zombies or two guys and a zombie or what but since I live by #YOLO I try to engage to no effect so I just go onto a new server barry went onto to exploit a hax where if you go onto a server with an older version of the game on it it wont be able to remember you're bleeding and it stops it lmao but he still needs me to give him his blood and morphine and shit and after I give him his socialist welfare he still wont wake up so I click drag body and pull him back into cover but I realize this will only end well and drop him but it leaves him in a sitting upright position and since I am not at all gay but am accurately roleplaying a girl I TAKE A RIDE ON BARRYS CURVED COCK, RAPING HIM AS HES PASSED OUT :imgay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB_t7LGrdFQ
then the next day barry and I are still in elektro's hills and tek makes his way through the wilderness from where we logged off yesterday and has Fun In A Video Game without me of course killing some bitchboy and when I finally manage to log in he's in position up at the end of the power lines where barry was and barry is now across the road up the hill so we have sniper cover going from two different directions for double the pro gaming and I go up the firestation tower to spot retards for them since tek has a DMR and barry has an AS50 and I still have the M4 and tim completely overshadows tek tbh since he spots a guy called Spencer on the schoolroof and takes him out in one shit himself and then he spots two survivors at the other firestation and I watch through my binoculars as tek and tim agree on which ones they're going to take out at the same time for some Act of Valor extreme high end simultaneous long distance operating but tek misses his shots and starts spamming at his guy missing every time and barry just has to take one shot on his guy and kills him instantly and after teknorat has wasted a hundred bullets tim takes out the other guy in one shot too lmao RIP rglazner and Jazzman and I get happy and start clapping like a seal and then after some intense rustling where barrys trying and failing to call out where a woman with an M4 is without getting me murdered he takes out another guy who was running around bleeding called Daniel and then barry spots someone else this nf retardo called #BASEDGOD and takes a shot but misses and he runs inside the cafe and and then tek gets an angle on him walking along the hallway up the stairs and manages to get him through a window which is pretty pro but the DMR is not a one shot one kill also note how when you smash one window every window on the building shatters very realistic and definitely does not ruin the game by making you think you're under attack from a different angle so it's finally time for me to do something and I run over there and see this nigger laying down in the hallway with a le enfield so I just mag dump 15 rounds directly into his face until he lays down since if shit games have taught me anything it's that you keep firing at your enemy until they've hit the ground and I'm like GUESS WHAT: GOD DOESNT EXIST MATE :jesus: and then tek has to fuck off without getting one kill due to his cunt wife also this video made me realize that barry says "fricken" sometimes instead of fucking probably because his brothers beat the fuck out of him if he ever swore in front of them or something
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXXfrGIX-R4
so when me and barry find a busier server it goes me a rustling where it puts me in the debug plains and theres two other players with me but for no reason I'm the only one who can move so I go right up to a guys face and say IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, YOU'RE A FAGGOT and he says back YOU'RE A FAGGOT AND YOU SOUND LIKE ONE TOO but the option to drag body is displaying even though he's standing upright so I start dragging him around and he asks me ARE YOU A HACKER? DID YOU JUST KILL EVERYONE? so I say YEAH YOU MAD ABOUT IT BRO? :troll: and he tells someone else THERES HACKERS IN HERE, FUCKING FAGGOTS! and then this guy starts twisting his head around at me like even his characters mad so I leave him with his face shoved in a womans vagina lmao and then I leave and rejoin and the game puts me in kamenka and just out of reflex I ACCIDENTALLY COMMIT SUICIDE :hang: because I'm so used to not being happy with a new spawn point that I just roll a new character but the shit game had put my already existing togged up character in a new spawn for no reason so nice troll m8 so then I have to repsawn over and over again until I get back to kamenka and can get my old gear back from my body and as I'm being a complete retard barry has been in an extremely high octane sniper battle back in elektro for 25 minutes straight and manages to take a guy out on another hill 570 meters away and he's like HE MUST BE RUSTLED. AS. FUCK. :barry: and then I see a guy who was running along the coast lagging out and as always just to be sure and not give up on an opertunity to make someone miserable I take out my 1911 as to not waste a rifle round and put one in his head and it didnt seem to effect him at first but then suddenly the message Rusty was killed comes up and I get a murder and then I find his body up ahead lmao so from my end hes running on the spot and then his dead body appears a hundred meters in front of me and on his end he was walking along just fine having a nice we run by the sea and then he suddenly drops dead for no reason hahahaha welcome to Dayz gayboy and then I yell to my sister to leave something for an hour and I only left it in to bother all the people who will dedicate their lives to analyzing the audio of this video to try and find my sisters voice and fail since my youtube videos are terrible quality and then I find a guy at the top of the air control tower in baloto and I dump literally 25 rifle rounds into him but of course he still has a chance to kill me and we get a double kill since I dont get another kill but he definately toppled over and "G4m3rB was killed" pops up so fuck you I'm counting that as a confirmed kill and then barry tells me I'm going about the game wrong I get a full load out and then I just rush into the most active area of the game guns blazing and I think he was trying to tell me to play more carefully but since I'm me I decided yeah he's right so I just wont bother getting good gear anymore I just want to get a gun and then run straight at people and shoot them and then I have to take a break since I heard a bunch of people coming in my house but it was just my cleaners
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24x0gGIVlEM
so of course barrys all quiet in this video because dayz has taken fraps priority over steam since I hung up since computers are shit and then I'm minding my own business running around a firestation in cherno when this guy starts shooting at me but little does he know the best sniper in gaming is covering me and murders the fuck outta him so now I have some lovely new gear including an M24 which I dupe by accident so I put the extra one in my backpack for tek if he'd like to try another sniper rifle to see if hes less shit with it and while I'm fiddling barry gets another kill on someone ontop of the apartments and yet another guy climbs up onto the roof to loot his body and barry takes him out too the pro gaming literally never ends with barrypothead on the server and then its my time to shine when I see someone spawning on the beach but of course when I put my crosshairs right over his head and fire it doesnt hit him at all and then me and barry run up into the hills and have some nice we lagging adventures and the only gear we need is medical supplies so I head down to the hospital but of course a zombie and ladder team up to try and murder me but thankfully theres a blood bag there for me and barry gets fucking attacked by zombies and disconnects yet again so I have to go play doctor with him but not in the gay way and then I go ontop of the apartments to loot the two guys barry killed and log out since I had to go to the supermarket with my sister to stock up on food because my family were going away on holiday and it's almost that time of the year again lmao I will be posting these shitty threads from last year when I was home alone while home alone again
so after waiting three days for either tek or tim to stop having a fucking life and play this game with me since I knew I'd never make it out of cherno alive alone and didn't want to be a bitch nigga and just go to an empty server to move so I can make some le funny videos I get to enjoy listening to teknorat taking a minute to kill someone with a crowbar and when barry tries to tell a story tek just says STOP TALKING THIS IS SERIOUS NOW THIS IS GAMING TIME NOT TALKING TIME because I dont even want to log in yet before tek can confirm the firestation is clear since his character had had been alive for 16 days and had been around the entire map twice finally died idk how I guess when he played by himself or something so its his own fault for not coming straight to me so then any bullshit in the area automatically magnetizes to happen to me instead but hes a black guy now instead of a white woman so rip his old and best character that finally achieved his stupid dream of finding tents in the far north east of the map before she passed away anyway so as soon as I log in I fucking leg it like a mad cunt with my heart pounding and trying to ignore all teknorats autism where he thinks his fucking awful advice of oh stand in snipe-me-central so you can see me for literally no reason since we're both going to move means I'm bad at teamwork fuck you faggot and then I touch the right Ctrl key for literally the first time in my life to bring up my GPS so I can become a pro gamer just kidding since it disappears everytime you bring up iron sights as if the game's pretending your characters holding it in their hand either bother to animate the object in their hand and I'll believe that or fuck off actually no I wont since I'd just look at it again after I put my gun down shout out to cberry for spoiling red dead redemptions ending for me and then me and tek have literally a nice little sit down to look at our gear we're meant to be hiking inland to meet barry but this is the first time we've ever both gotten good gear at the same time and it was both from just killing better players lmao so we want some time to chillout and fiddle about with our gear and literally fisting a pig
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/pigfisting_zpsb3ca5543.png~original
and I'm glad we did that because of what's coming up next so then we run up to Rogovo to meet barry which we josh him for knowing the name of but we've actually been to before when we rode an ATV to it from the NWAF and when we finally meet up on a hill teknorat screams OH SHIT THERES A GUY HERE KILL HIM! and barry bricks it and of course timbo is the only one not cool enough to be a black guy hes this fucking awful hyper-generic old grampa I hate this character model if only we could all be black then we'd be pro as fuck and always know who our teammates were but anyway this is the first and SPOILER WARNING! last time the three of us are ever together other than a uh other time were we are sort of close together but only for a split second and I'm only half way through what I guess is my "first season" of DayZ videos before I stopped playing for half a year and tek stopped playing forever and this is my last excursion inland other than literally by accident and then for maximum pro gaming barry gives tek a DMR he had in his bag because hes already got an AS-50 and we've all literally got all the best loot except tek doesnt have a rangefinder and I give him mine in a bit and then we run through open fields not giving a motherfuck on the way to a chopper crash site barry saw and we run past a town and attract some zombies and since I have a silenced M4 and silenced beretta I'm on zombie killing duty and after barry tells me the best pro-tip I've ever gotten that you hold down shift to walk backwards and shoot I am actually a credit to the team for once and I literally have fun with good gear fighting zombies to protect my m8s its almost like I am playing some sort of fun video game and then teknorat takes a sniper position in the treeline as me and tim go down to the chopper and we kill all the zombies down there but due to realistic gameplay the zombie chopper crew all repsawn in an extremely terrible looking manner and teknorat starts taking them out for us and when the bullets come in they make a sound like wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWRRRP that scares the shit outta me and after barry hoovers up two new NVGs we head back up to tek and have a nice we sit together and soak in that we are literally having fun in DayZ finding great loot with our m8s and taking out zombies with no problems but of course we can't have that and the game influences my mind to make me suggest going to a night time server since we all have NVGs and this was before I started using DayZ commander so it was just guess work which server was night time or not so we disconnect just inside the tree line and oh yeah I just remembered I stopped playing Chainsaw Lollipop almost a year ago and it only feels like last month I was running around a school chopping up zombies as a sexy cheerleader ah time flies when you're playing awful games and then only a few seconds after me and barry load into a day time server I GET MY FUCKING HEAD BLOWN OFF BY A SNIPER AND I SCREAM OHNOIGOTKILLED AND BARRYS LIKE OH MY GOD WHAT AND IM LIKE GET OUTTA THERE BARRY GET OUTTA THERE RUN AWAY RUN AWAY :rubyflash: and then there's a beat of silence before teknorat bursts out laughing because he was too busy talking to his korean mail order bride to load in and I'm like OH THE RACISM!! WHY DID THEY GO FOR THE BLACK MAN?! WHY'S IT ALWAYS THE BLACK MAN WHO DIES FIRST?!!! FUCKING RACIST JIMMY RUSTLING, FUCK SAKE! so yeah there we go yet more bullshit stopping me from going on a proper mission and not just playing it like COD back then I presumed we were just really really unlucky but now I know it was probably literally a hacker who looked at his hacker map and saw oh here are two people loading in in the middle of nowhere lol they will get so mad if I get them and then teleporting over to us and killing me with his aimbot 99999999999 damage infinite ammo A$-9001 but thankfully I almost gave barry a heartattack screaming at him so he managed to escape with his lightning fast DC skills so he could log back in and try to get my gear back
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Htqbz5rB3zs
these two videos are some of my favorites since the last one was finally playing the game at something approaching fun for one fucking half hour out of the 200 hours I've put into it and I get up to some hilarious trolling shenanigans here since as soon as tek fucks off its time to have fun with master sniper barry so I see this unarmed guy called J. Todd ontop of that one shitty grey building in komarovo and even though I have an axe I decide to win his trust first since he actually gets on mic and yells down asking if I'm friendly and hes like HELLO LETS NOT KILL EACH OTHER OK? heh implying you have a weapon m8 and when I get up onto the roof he shits himself but I use my expert social engineering skills to cal him down and I tell him he can leave if he wants and then confirm he doesnt have a weapon and I was gonna kill a zombie to win him over but he just gives up and leaves lmao and Todd is like ZOMBIES CAN GO UP LADDERS?! and the zombie suddenly pops back up the ladder so I take care of it and Todd for some reason literally walks everywhere idk if his shift has been double tapped or he thinks thats how you be stealthy and that that matters but he walks through every single room trying to find a dead body saying he can hear flies and then barry comes up with the idea for me to lead Todd to him so he can snipe him with his AS-50 so I clear out all the zombies outside this building with the horrible axe combat while this guy sloooowly walks around but then suddenly he realizes how to run and goes pelting across a field attracting all the zombies to him jesus now I know what it's like to play with me so I run after him trying to save him just so barry can kill him but this retard is literally playing ring around the rosies with the zombies but I manage to get him to follow me and then I have to do some high octane heroic Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter style axe fighting shit where hes bleeding and I tell him to bandage and I'll hold off the zombies and I have to fight them perfectly since if they damage me I'm fucked if I need to stop to bandage since this retard wouldnt know how to distract them and that doesnt work half the time anyway but I manage to spawn my stand name unfunny bunny to help me and gayboy manages to get his shit in check and we leg it down the road with 10 zombies after us and this dumbass keeps walking for no reason which is very frustrating since even when you try not to kill randoms they still do their best to die themselves and then this dumbass starts turning around and he says hes looking to see if I'm still there and I have to tell him how to look around with alt what a fucking n00b and this dumbass says we need to find a church or something man since for some reason new players think that god exists and if they go in a church the zombies cant come in and I tell him to go to the airfield but he doesnt know where anything is so he has to follow me and as we're running towards the airfield this guy says MAN... THIS MAY BE A TRAP lmao idk if hes talking about the actual fucking trap I am leading him into since hes doing what I'm saying and telling me he thinks its a trap or maybe he just thinks there's gonna be other people in there waiting for anyone to look in to get them and I didnt know where barry had positioned himself so I just had to follow his instructions to take him up the top of the control tower and I am pretty proud of the editing here I took footage from barrys kill compilation and spliced it perfectly into my video and I think not having had a cut since the start of the video and it following me and Todd seamlessly up until now makes it seem cooler and more natural to move to another POV but of course this retard doesnt know where the control tower is so I just say follow me and I say the zombies can run in this kind of building which sounds like the most made up bullshit out there but its literally true because the hangers count as outside for some reason and the zombies can leg it around but thats DayZ for you the truth is more bullshit than a lie and barry tells me not to go up but I have to so I just throw myself onto the ground so he doesnt hit me and I wait for Todd to come up the stairs and I tell him to take him out and barry follows him with his crosshairs and as soon as he stops to look at a lovely empty whiskey bottle BARRY PUTS A 50CAL STRAIGHT INTO HIS CHEST THROUGH THE WINDOW FROM 360 METERS AWAY AND BLOOD SPRAYS EVERYWHERE AND IM LIKE YEAAAHEHEHEH! WELCOME TO DAYZ GAY BOY!!! and barry seems very pleased with his first ever AS-50 kill all thanks to pro infiltrator rubycalabrax but then only a few seconds later this guy caleld Ryuvos climbs up the ladder and pokes his head over and asks YOU FRIENDLY? so I say YEAH IM FRIENDLY and barry's actually taking out the zombies that have come up thankfully this guy didnt notice he was clearly walking into a snipers killbox and he tells me I HAVE NO AMMO IN MY GUN DONT WORRY and I yell to barry HES COMING UP THE LADDER! TAKE HIM OUT! AND BARRY RAINS LEAD DOWN INTO HIM AND IM LIKE IM FRIENDLY BUT MY MATES NOT!!! and then I take his empty AK as my guardian angel barry effortlessly picks off the zombies like one meter in front of me I'd never want to take these shots since I'd definitely miss and kill my m8 but barry is literally better at games than me so its fine and then I go up to barry and he gives me back my silenced M4 which is all those hackers left me and we discuss how rustled everyone is gonna get when they see our videos of killing n00bs (well barrys videos that do iron man numbers my videos get 4 views each lmao)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7QxsHkDSLU
then we decide to run over to cherno and pwn some nubs and I get a good kill from within an apartment shooting out a window like an operator at some cheeky cunt whos killing another player but I dont realize shot him straight in the heart and he died since I looked at my murder counter instead of my bandit counter and this retarded fucking glitch that plays the sound effect of a drink being opened around dead bodies happens so I think hes up in one of the apartments and I waste the two grenades barry got off of my last body for me bombing an empty room and while I'm fucking around in there barry sees some retard literally doing barrel rolls for no reason on the roof of one of the apartment buildings and once hes sniped this Freezing guy I go and loot him but I've literally got too good gear and already have all his moderately ok shit so then I go further into cherno as barry covers me and the dumb fucking retard is following me around with his scope and accidentally fires off a shot that goes through the tent him I'm this is why when I play DayZ I always maintain trigger discipline and keep my index finger off the left click unless I'm firing my weapon see further proof I am learning operator skills from this shit game and then there is some weird optical illusion where I am looking at a hopper but because hes on a slight hill with a building behind him it makes it look like hes giant which freaked me out and then when I go to look at where barrys repositioning himself up a radio tower TIM FALLS OFF THE TOWER AND DIES!!! AND HES LIKE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD :barryorly: lmao ladders claim another victim and I could see one little pixel falling down but on my shitty videos you cant make it out but I really was watching as he fell and it was funny so I go up and guard barrys body with all his leet shit and I am constantly under duress while up this tower because its so small and fidgety and I can tell its just begging for you to phase through it or break your legs or throw you off a ladder and after killing the same zombie three times due to shit gameplay I do some advanced fiddling where I take his backpack and put his AS50 in it just in case his body despawns and then I see a little dot of a person running around in the hills so I get extremely rustled trying to take out the AS50 to kill him but when I try to swap it for my M4 it disappears and I'm like PFFFT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED and after a lot of fiddling it turns out that I fucking somehow even though I was facing away from it put it on barrys corpse and then I have to go and save barrys new character who got his legs broken and once I find him and get him high on morphine and he goes back up and gets his gear back he takes up another position in the treeline and spots a trio of gay faggots running into cherno oh ho ho whats this bubba some gay m8s trying to have fun in dayz together? not on our watch! and I call out their positions and gear to him like a pro spotter and barry takes out another homo called Tim with his first shot and then fucks up the second Zac and he shoots at the last guy and I thought tim was gonna get him since hes running straight away from him so I didnt bother shooting at him running side on to me but once he gets over the hill I blast the fuck at him and I definitely hit him since bloods coming out but then it looks like the gay faggot disconnected so enjoy running around on your own with your mates spawned a hundred miles in either direction fuckboy and then we take a break since barry has to go to the store and buy some more condoms and lube for keith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPUtka-I15c
after literally discussing what a deaf retard freak elezzzark is we have some Bottom Banter™ on our way over to elektro and as soon as I go up the first firestations tower some other cheeky sniper cunt starts trying to get me but hes really terrible and he just keeps kicking up dust around me but little does he know that I have the world's best counter sniper covering me and as this retard is running down a hill with a DMR barry blows his fucking back out rip Monk I hope your OCD didnt get you killed but then he gets zombie trolled has disconnects and I run up to give him medical attention but I see a bunch of retards running around on the road I cant tell if its one guy and two zombies or two guys and a zombie or what but since I live by #YOLO I try to engage to no effect so I just go onto a new server barry went onto to exploit a hax where if you go onto a server with an older version of the game on it it wont be able to remember you're bleeding and it stops it lmao but he still needs me to give him his blood and morphine and shit and after I give him his socialist welfare he still wont wake up so I click drag body and pull him back into cover but I realize this will only end well and drop him but it leaves him in a sitting upright position and since I am not at all gay but am accurately roleplaying a girl I TAKE A RIDE ON BARRYS CURVED COCK, RAPING HIM AS HES PASSED OUT :imgay:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QB_t7LGrdFQ
then the next day barry and I are still in elektro's hills and tek makes his way through the wilderness from where we logged off yesterday and has Fun In A Video Game without me of course killing some bitchboy and when I finally manage to log in he's in position up at the end of the power lines where barry was and barry is now across the road up the hill so we have sniper cover going from two different directions for double the pro gaming and I go up the firestation tower to spot retards for them since tek has a DMR and barry has an AS50 and I still have the M4 and tim completely overshadows tek tbh since he spots a guy called Spencer on the schoolroof and takes him out in one shit himself and then he spots two survivors at the other firestation and I watch through my binoculars as tek and tim agree on which ones they're going to take out at the same time for some Act of Valor extreme high end simultaneous long distance operating but tek misses his shots and starts spamming at his guy missing every time and barry just has to take one shot on his guy and kills him instantly and after teknorat has wasted a hundred bullets tim takes out the other guy in one shot too lmao RIP rglazner and Jazzman and I get happy and start clapping like a seal and then after some intense rustling where barrys trying and failing to call out where a woman with an M4 is without getting me murdered he takes out another guy who was running around bleeding called Daniel and then barry spots someone else this nf retardo called #BASEDGOD and takes a shot but misses and he runs inside the cafe and and then tek gets an angle on him walking along the hallway up the stairs and manages to get him through a window which is pretty pro but the DMR is not a one shot one kill also note how when you smash one window every window on the building shatters very realistic and definitely does not ruin the game by making you think you're under attack from a different angle so it's finally time for me to do something and I run over there and see this nigger laying down in the hallway with a le enfield so I just mag dump 15 rounds directly into his face until he lays down since if shit games have taught me anything it's that you keep firing at your enemy until they've hit the ground and I'm like GUESS WHAT: GOD DOESNT EXIST MATE :jesus: and then tek has to fuck off without getting one kill due to his cunt wife also this video made me realize that barry says "fricken" sometimes instead of fucking probably because his brothers beat the fuck out of him if he ever swore in front of them or something
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXXfrGIX-R4
so when me and barry find a busier server it goes me a rustling where it puts me in the debug plains and theres two other players with me but for no reason I'm the only one who can move so I go right up to a guys face and say IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, YOU'RE A FAGGOT and he says back YOU'RE A FAGGOT AND YOU SOUND LIKE ONE TOO but the option to drag body is displaying even though he's standing upright so I start dragging him around and he asks me ARE YOU A HACKER? DID YOU JUST KILL EVERYONE? so I say YEAH YOU MAD ABOUT IT BRO? :troll: and he tells someone else THERES HACKERS IN HERE, FUCKING FAGGOTS! and then this guy starts twisting his head around at me like even his characters mad so I leave him with his face shoved in a womans vagina lmao and then I leave and rejoin and the game puts me in kamenka and just out of reflex I ACCIDENTALLY COMMIT SUICIDE :hang: because I'm so used to not being happy with a new spawn point that I just roll a new character but the shit game had put my already existing togged up character in a new spawn for no reason so nice troll m8 so then I have to repsawn over and over again until I get back to kamenka and can get my old gear back from my body and as I'm being a complete retard barry has been in an extremely high octane sniper battle back in elektro for 25 minutes straight and manages to take a guy out on another hill 570 meters away and he's like HE MUST BE RUSTLED. AS. FUCK. :barry: and then I see a guy who was running along the coast lagging out and as always just to be sure and not give up on an opertunity to make someone miserable I take out my 1911 as to not waste a rifle round and put one in his head and it didnt seem to effect him at first but then suddenly the message Rusty was killed comes up and I get a murder and then I find his body up ahead lmao so from my end hes running on the spot and then his dead body appears a hundred meters in front of me and on his end he was walking along just fine having a nice we run by the sea and then he suddenly drops dead for no reason hahahaha welcome to Dayz gayboy and then I yell to my sister to leave something for an hour and I only left it in to bother all the people who will dedicate their lives to analyzing the audio of this video to try and find my sisters voice and fail since my youtube videos are terrible quality and then I find a guy at the top of the air control tower in baloto and I dump literally 25 rifle rounds into him but of course he still has a chance to kill me and we get a double kill since I dont get another kill but he definately toppled over and "G4m3rB was killed" pops up so fuck you I'm counting that as a confirmed kill and then barry tells me I'm going about the game wrong I get a full load out and then I just rush into the most active area of the game guns blazing and I think he was trying to tell me to play more carefully but since I'm me I decided yeah he's right so I just wont bother getting good gear anymore I just want to get a gun and then run straight at people and shoot them and then I have to take a break since I heard a bunch of people coming in my house but it was just my cleaners
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24x0gGIVlEM
so of course barrys all quiet in this video because dayz has taken fraps priority over steam since I hung up since computers are shit and then I'm minding my own business running around a firestation in cherno when this guy starts shooting at me but little does he know the best sniper in gaming is covering me and murders the fuck outta him so now I have some lovely new gear including an M24 which I dupe by accident so I put the extra one in my backpack for tek if he'd like to try another sniper rifle to see if hes less shit with it and while I'm fiddling barry gets another kill on someone ontop of the apartments and yet another guy climbs up onto the roof to loot his body and barry takes him out too the pro gaming literally never ends with barrypothead on the server and then its my time to shine when I see someone spawning on the beach but of course when I put my crosshairs right over his head and fire it doesnt hit him at all and then me and barry run up into the hills and have some nice we lagging adventures and the only gear we need is medical supplies so I head down to the hospital but of course a zombie and ladder team up to try and murder me but thankfully theres a blood bag there for me and barry gets fucking attacked by zombies and disconnects yet again so I have to go play doctor with him but not in the gay way and then I go ontop of the apartments to loot the two guys barry killed and log out since I had to go to the supermarket with my sister to stock up on food because my family were going away on holiday and it's almost that time of the year again lmao I will be posting these shitty threads from last year when I was home alone while home alone again