rubycalaber
06-28-2013, 09:54 PM
so my last two threads got interesting feedback apparently everyone FUCKING HATES these threads to the extent that I am noticing people having goes at me way more than they used to I'm literally less popular than barry now since I've started posting these threads and usually I dont care since you know all haters can take their complaints to my robot gf and get trolled but I was starting to worry wow are these DayZ threads so bad they will ruin my e-rep forever and when I actually post threads that are funny and cool and I put a lot of time and heart into are people just gonna be like wow a ruby thread fuck off bye but as soon as I post a thread that has anything tentatively to do with the forums it gets iron man numbers so I think I have not destroyed my credibility too much and should literally stop these threads but my autism wont let me so my advice is to literally not read these threads or watch these videos as they are not funny but next weeks is I swear well not really but anyway enjoy these 11 terrible videos which is as many videos as these threads get I think unless I decide fuck it and just roll some together for the sake of time but I also get like 20 kills which is as much as I get in one thread too so h-have fun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEZSlgx0yuU
I manage to have fun at the start of this video by blind fucking luck by loading back in ontop of the apartment roof with my M24 just in time for some dumb bitch to climb up onto another roof so I can blow her fucking brains out and then of course the fun plummets since teknorat is there and wants to go to some tents he found to stock up for a big autistic hiking sim that thankfully never happens there are no hiking sims left in these videos it's all running around cherno and elektro shooting people and the only time we go north it's with a vehicle or uh other methods and then I realize that this server is so shit you can see other players on the map and spot a blue dot representing another player up on the hills and I try to snipe him but since you have to do advanced calculus and be wearing 108 rabbits feet around your neck to kill someone over 10 meters away I miss and then I get killed lmao but I go and get my rifle back and uh you know how I said no more walking sims... well... theres... theres some walking here until I meet up with tek and check out these tents and special shout out to jon when some gayboy asked him what gun he'd most like to have in a gun fight and he answered very pragmatically that he'd want one that he could make the most hits with and thats the gun he's already made the most hits with so I go for the le enfield since that's what I've gotten most of my kills with other than a shitty marakov that you spawned with back in the day and then teknorat manages to fit my M24, an AK-47, a 1911 and a DMR on his person for maximum realism and before he can drag me any further north he has to fuck off to pick up his wife so thankfully I can have fun in a video game running around cherno for literally 8 hours straight with my best friend barry pot head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py1n6IleSY4
I manage to have fun at the start of this vid too all thanks to teknorat leaving I spot two gayboys checking some empty tents under that faggot radio tower above cherno so I shoot them both with my le enfield thanks jon for helping me become an operator like you :heart: but as I'm looting their bodies the first one I shot turns out just to have been unconscious so I put my crosshairs over him and of course shoot the ground due to fun gameplay this has been fixed in ARMA 3 to be fair the crosshairs show when somethings blocking your shot and he pulls out his revolver and literally does the same thing he shoots at the ground between us because of this awful game and I'm the first to go into first person and put one in his brainpan and I'm like HOLY SHIT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE and this guy says with his dying breath WELL I WAS so I tell him NOT ANYMORE GAY BOY lmao and these two guys had matching usernames Solid Snake and Naked Snake nice matching names from a shitty video game series m8s definitely not gay at all maybe he was literally playing with his son and the other guy was his like 5 year old son who loves mgs and his dad is like listen up son this is what a REAL game is and he makes him play DayZ which is literally worse child abuse than rape and then of course I leave in me explaining to tim what had just happened everyone who says anything bad about these videos is right and they are shit and if I ever bother to make more gaming videos I will try to keep this gay bullshit to the minimum but for some reason I thought I was making a fly on the wall documentary when I was editing these and then barry points out that Solid Snake and Naked Snake have left a note on the map to everyone else on the server with a cross over my position saying FAG HERE KILLH IM lmao mad as all fuck m8 and then we do some pro gamer shit where I spot a guy climbing up the hospital and I run up an apartment and call him out when I see him on the roof and expert sniper barry blows his head off from a mile away with his AS50 just as I was about to take the shot myself it would have been cool if we both hit him at the same time but that only happens in fun games but when I go down to check his loot I see another guy running around and this is one of the rare times where I engage someone and I dont either kill them or they kill me or they disconnect because he actually does the smart and fair thing by taking cover in the hospital, bandages and runs around the back of it and then thats probably when he disconnects lmao but whatever and then barry spots some guys on the tallest building and then gets legit rustled by accidentally putting on his night vision goggles lmao like how I always do with my map and hes like FUCK OFF FUCKING GOGGLES FUCK OFF :barryscream: and he takes a shot but he misses and one disconnects and the other takes cover and he gets very seriously rustled and says MAN IM MAD. IM MAD AS HELL. :barryorly: but then one of these cheeky cunts pokes his head out and barry takes it off and as I'm running over there to check his shit some guys waiting in the stairway and shoots me before I can react fair play m8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BwgiIf2ERo
and then the faggot barry kills goes back up for his body and barry takes the shot but due to lag he rubber bands away from the bullet and hes like OOOH BOY, I DONT KNOW WHY I PLAY THIS GAME :barrydown: me either m8 me either but then he manages to kill him and then logs out in case his m8 had server hopped behind him and his friend was trying to get barry to give away his position for him and then I get an AKM off of his old body and leave asap because we are wary of server jumpers teleporting in around us and I get on a new server and I see two gayboys running across the field into cherno that I haphazardly send bullets over to since I have no idea what the bullet drop or range is for this gun so it's literally guess work of just gradually shooting higher and higher over these little dots running around but I eventually get one of them when the silly bastard runs behind a wall and has a nice we sit thinking hes safe but then barry needs black up on the server he tried so I completely legitimately and in no way unfairly join his server laying ontop of the biggest building in the game to call out where people are for him and then I see a team of three fagmasters running in over the same field and I start doing my haphazardly flinging bullets over to them thing and I guess I got one since my murders went up but they were so far away I couldn't tell and then I kill a guy climbing up onto one of the hospitals I am pretty impressed watching this back I could get anyone with an AKM from ontop of this building and then barry calls out someone going near my building but I call out a player on a bike racing like a mad cunt through the main road but WHEN BARRY STARTS SHOOTING AT HIM HE DOES A WHEELIE TO DODGE HIS BULLETS LMAO EXTREME PRO BIKE RIDING and I laugh so hard I dont notice my head is poking over the top of the building and some cheeky cunt headshots me but thankfully my world class sniper back up timbo revenges to me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAs4_Z5yrhs
after barry rats on bob hughes top secret silk road drug connections and a guest star appearance from Stephen Hawking I find another AKM at the airfield and jump to another server and when I spawn in there is literally a guy standing over me watching me load in like he is about to take his dick out and piss on me or something so I of course dump into him and blood sprays out in an awesome manner and then I go back into cherno to spot people for barry and I watch as he takes a shot on someone at the very top of the radio tower but the bitch nigga disconnects I should fucking report this guy if this video wasnt taken almost literally a year ago and the guys probably stopped playing by now and then barry uses some pro gamer shit where he uses the night vision in the rangefingers to see a guy hiding in the shadows ontop of the biggest building and kills the fuck outta him and barry tells me YOU JUST GOTTA USE YOUR NOODLE :barryjap: deep thoughts from a gay abo so I climb up there to get his shit but some cheeky cunt on one of the lower levels kills me on the ladder and barry gets yet another kill of someone on that roof as I'm getting killed trying to get back over there also guest star cberry as barry talks about him because I started saying nigger over and over again to people in the loading screen and then barry gets yet ANOTHER kill on that rooftop goddamn son the ownage never stops and then I run from elektro to cherno killing some zombies with a double barreled on the way and then pick up a winchester and put at least three slugs from it into a woman while screaming BITCH CUNT SLUT WHORE at her but of course she doesnt kill her and when she topples over her body disappears so that's her disconnecting but fuck off I am counting that as a kill since unless she hacked the gibson and joined an outdated server or something that damage would "catch up" to her and kill her but then when I try to climb up the tower again to find the like six people barry has killed bodies someone kills me on the ladder again lel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGfRFDGbKgE
then after some fiddling about in an air control tower I finally get back ontop of the tallest building and the game does its best to have me throw myself off of it but I resist its bullshit for long enough for barry to join me up there and I get a PDW from a corpse on the edge of the building and it literally gives me vertigo that is one of the rare feelments at work of fiction can get me like I saw Mission: Impossible: 4: IV: Ghost: Protocol: Revenge of the Manlets in IMAX and the scene where he climbs the sky scraper had me gripping the arms of my seat because I felt like I was gonna fall forwards idk if that is an emotion lmao but I think I got it from my mum who is scared of heights and would never let me go near the sides of bridges or whatever when I was a little kid so I still feel danger when I'm looking down from a big hight even if its in a video game and then I accidentally do some pro gaming where I try to run to the firestation but get shot at and it reveals another snipers position to barry who kills him but before I can even get to cover someone else starts shooting at me to so I dive behind a wall and do my medical shit while barry takes the second shooter out it feels good to have barry covering me lmao I can run around like a headless chicken with impunity since if anyone has a go timbo rains holy terror down upon them but of course no good thing in DayZ can lost longer than a minute and I go back up the tower to him to get a blood tranny with my vision blurred to fuck and this STUPID FUCKING GLITCH WHERE CORPSES DRINK COKES plays and since for some fucking reason we can both hear it and both confirm its not us I think theres a third person on the roof and when barry comes around the corner my shitty vision makes me see him as black so I for once in my life immediately snap to his head and put one in him and I TEAMKILL TIM and I'm like OH NO I JUST SHOT YOU IM SO SORRY OH GOD OH MY GOD I JUST KILLED YOU OH MY GOD lmao and barrys like UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH... CASUAL :barrytears: and he literally has to take deep breaths to not have his jimmies impale him my reaction is p funny I was playing it up a bit to keep barry from spazzing out but I was legit distressed because it was so fun having barry cover me and it was an actual accident but thankfully after discussing Sasha Grey's hemorrhoids he manages to spawn back in cherno and after almost deleting his AS50 he gets it back for the second time including him falling off the radio tower before
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4IjLVaBvdA
then I finally get to go over to the firestation to check out all these dead bodies around it but I see a guy coming in so master sniper barry pot takes him out while having to put up with the same flashing triangles I had when I sniped that guy on the construction site also lmao at m0nde bothering barry with steam messages fuck off you paki fuck and then I go ontop of the firestation and use my pro spotting skills to see there is another guy up there with barry probably just teleported in or something since he'd hear him using the ladder and I try to get him with my AK but it just makes him run around the other side and I call out where hes going like a pro gamer so barry can catch him sneaking up on him and he puts at least three 50 cals into his upper torso but it of course has no effect on him but then this guy gets one rifle shot on him and it instantly kills him seems like a fun and realistic military sim to me but I see the guys blood raining down through the roof too so I guess it was a double kill but I saw another guy climbing up too who's up there now and I actually manage to take him out with my AK-74 using my "aim over his head and fling bullets over in his general direction" technique to try and stop him from nicking barrys gear but he managed to get it into his ALICE pack before but thankfully his body stays there and barry can get it back for the third time now but he gets sniped right away again lmao and I see some woman running around in the street so I take out my AK and for some reason think I can have some sort of fun in a video game and I just go full auto and start blasting the fuck outta the road but shes weaving all over the place dodging my bullets like I am the bad guy in a shitty action movie while screaming at her YOU'RE GONNA DIE CUNT! but I guess it wasnt her that was shooting at barry since I get sniped by someone else while standing on top of a tower going full auto lmao but I survive but I wish I hadnt since then I get trolled by three ladders in a row and then I go back up to the tower and see barrys body's still there but the guy who seems to have a DMR ontop of the tallest building that hit both of us kills me nice camping spot loser
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Euki_6t4gQ
well here it is probably the only funny thing that's ever happened in this shitty game the moment that I told teknorat about and when he remembered it he laughed so hard he woke his wife up which is why it gets its own video and isnt buried in a sea of walking sim bullshit I am walking (sim) into a medical tent that someone has helpfully failed to put a sandbag exactly across the doorway and this guy nem comes in and thankfully doesnt just leg it the dumbass runs inside and dives on the ground to surrender I guess so I stand in his way so he cant leave and ask if he put the standbags there and hes like HEY DONT SHOOT NO GUN NO GUN so I aim my le enfield at him and ask WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR ME NOT TO SHOOT YOU? WOULD YOU EAT ME OUT? and hes like I DUNNO MAN and I tell him HAVE CYBER SEX WITH ME AND ILL LET YOU LEAVE and hes like ALRIGHT, YOU WANNA DO IT BEHIND THE BUNKER HERE? but I have to stay where I am to block his way so I order him to CRAWL OVER HERE AND EAT ME OUT and hes like AWW SHIT and starts crawling headfirst into my crouched down characters crotch and I tell him YOU HAVE TO MUFFLE YOUR VOICE LIKE ITS IN MY PUSSY and he starts going OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM and I'm like OH YEAH ITS SO GOOD OH OH OH OOH OOOOH OH NO MY HANDS CLENCHING UP AS IM CUMMING and I SHOOT HIM AS HES EATING ME OUT and HE DIES GOING ASHASHASHASHASHASHASHASHA STILL EATING ME OUT and me and barry have a right fukin giggle m8 and only then do I notice there's a sniper rifle in the corner lmao good thing this guy didnt see it and of course my next thought is how teknorat is gonna love this vid lmao I am gay I always think of my gay boyfriends after having gay cyber sex in a gay game and since homos burn in hell someone snipes me through the tent and I die RIP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRRRjl6sAVA
after seeing a hacked in MiG bombing a hill and barry takes out the fag who killed me for me I see a guy called Wesley and this was just after I had marathoned Angel so I start calling him Wesley Wyndam-Pryce an unironically good character who starts out a comically incompetent and naive nerd and gradually gets more and more experienced and world weary until he becomes a fucking badass whos the only person who realizes you should just fucking shoot monsters instead of trying to have a kung fu match with them but this guy sounds like a fucking brazilian or something and he says hi to me but as soon as he sees a zombie hes like AH FUCK like he thinks he's playing some sort of zombie survival game or something and you cant just run away and be fine and I tell him to sacrifice himself to save me lmao but he says I NO WEAPON thats what he guy who I made eat me out said, just no weapon, but he seemed to speak english alright so I guess thats what people say in this game just in case they or you cant speak english since english is the best language on earth and if you dont speak it you're sub-human so just no weapon is the default thing to say unless you're english is so bad you dont know what no and weapon together means (hi elz) and you just hear the word weapon and you're like oh fuck they're armed and kill them and he stops dead in his tracks when I ask where hes from so maybe hes trying to type and I go to hit him with my crossbow but a zombie gets me bleeding so when he stops to tell me something like he'd be happy to help if he could find a weapon or something in broken english I shoot him in the chest with a bolt which of course he can keep running with and he yells AY! AY! AY! AY! and he stops dead in his tracks again so I put another arrow in him and hes like WHAT?! and then legs it while I scream abuse at him but he uses the power of lagy brazilian intenet to disappear so I figure he must be using vampire magic like in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter but thankfully I have a crossbow that fires uh steel bolts well good enough and I yell at him ILL LET YOU GO IF YOU HOOK ME UP WITH FRED
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/angel-amy-acker_zpsea97b356.jpg~original
which peaks barrys interest because he probably thought I was talking about a guy and then Wesley stops and turns around and I think he says I'd be happy to help you or something like that but I'm like DIE VAMPIRE SCUM and put a bolt straight in his heart so third fucking one to the chest and he keeps running and I look around trying to find the bolt but I guess its in his body or something fucking mental not that the other two were displaying and I'm out of ammo but Wesley bleeds out while trying to run away and hes like OH MY GOD WHY as he dies and I'm like CONSIDER YOURSELF SLAIN VAMPIRE SCUM human power fanger and then I pick up a CZ 550 and barry is trying to get back up that tower and has to kill a guy to get closer and then something amazing happens, barry actually makes a goodone, he gets swarmed by triangles and says THERES LIKE EXTREME TEARING TO THE MOTHERFU-HOLY SHIT, MORE SCREEN TEARS THAN A CHILDS ARSEHOLE :barry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eg_MGeHuktk
but triangles are the least of our worries since there is a cheeky cunt on top of the tallest building in the game so barry cant go back up to the second tallest so I climb up this smoke stack thing to counter snipe him but oh boy here we go video game bullshit comes into action and I CANT RAISE MY GUN, THE STUPID BITCH WONT BRING THE GODDAMN SNIPER RIFLE UP AND I MISS MY SHOT ALL BECAUSE A FUCKING LADDER HAS PARALYZED MY ARMS, FUCKING LADDERS :raged::raged::raged: and then I have a severe sperg out and start screaming HOW DO I GET MY GUN OUT YOU FUCKING TERRIBLE SHIT GAME?! LET ME AIM THE GUN YOU FUCKING SHIT TERRIBLE GAME! :rubymad: getting legit angry in real life and this faggot aims at me and I run back behind this small piece of cover thats of course over a terrifying hole in the platform I could fall through for no reason at any time and barry tells me to chill out but I'm like I CANT AIM MY FUCKING GUN INTHISTERRIBLESHITGAME!!! :rubyflash: and I have to tell barry I'm calm before he'll explain how to fucking bring my gun up like he's my fucking therapist or something and then of course he gets me to verify if I'm holding the gun as if a ladder can steal it which is probably possible and then he finally tells me to just pull the trigger once and it'll come up and thank fuck it does but of course by this time hes back in cover and only now do I realize I keep hitting over his head when I see it poking out because barry has told me to put the zeroing too low or high or whatever and you can only set it to hundreds you cant set it to 666 or whatever only 600 or 700 since fuck video games and I keep trying but can never hit him and he manages to kill barry ironically if I had had an AK I could have probably got him lmao since you can just spam bullets over their heads and one will get them but with a sniper rifle you need to have sacrificed a goat to satan that morning to get a kill and I think that MiG I saw bombs the second biggest tower since theres a big explosion too big for grenades that happens ontop of it but thankfully barry had gone to the tallest building in the game not the second tallest where that happened and I do a good job not shooting at him on sight not that I'd make any hits with this piece of shit CoX fag50 and as I watch barry go up the second biggest building someone murders me and then again literally a few seconds after he gets the AS50 back for the fourth time from the body of the last guy that killed us BARRY FALLS OFF THE TOWER AND DIES nice one m8 and then after barry realizes hes been walking around with chewing gum on his shirt for a week and everyone thought it was cum from a gay gang bang I find barrys body and save all his shit for him and for the fifth fucking time he gets this AS50 back and while hes fiddling about he hears someone coming up the stairs so I stand guard with a le enfield I got off a dead guy and as soon as he comes up the stairs I put one straight in his chest and he topples over in a funny manner and I finish him off with one straight through the top of his head and I take his M16 that has an underbarrel grenade launcher which would be awesome to get a kill with but of course as soon as I take it this faggot game gives me no message received and when we find a new server it hasnt saved me picking up his gun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2mIkBGgnXc
so I'm back to the le enfield so I go back up the tallest building in the game and I see some guy called Salad running from zombies on the coast and spend 7 bullets until he goes down and use another 2 to make sure hes dead and then barry goes up this hill 800 meters away so he can get the drop on fagmasters ontop of any building in cherno so we go and find a more active server which was a bad idea since some cheap bastard server hops up there and kills me well I hope he enjoys the four enfields up there with no ammo since the game deleted mine as I was trying to loot a guys body lel but he logs out when barry takes a shot at him what a bitch nigga and then I respawn in baloto and after a quick guest star appearance from Hurley driving a DHARMA bus which is like only the second time I've ever seen a car in this game I've only been on bikes and an ATV before and then I go up the control tower and hear two people running around with a big crowd of zombies behind them and one sounds like a girl or like literally how trannies sound telling someone shes getting chased by zombies I've literally only met one random girl in this game lmao and it was in a lobby screen and they were just chatting away instead of playing and since I have no gun I use the power of trolling to try and get them killed by yelling down that if they go into the hangers the zombies cant run lmao and then I literally phase down a ladder through zombies and this CMG guy asks for help but I dont have anything but I do have a bandage and I literally save his life so I can kill him later lmao and his friend is like NONE OF US HAVE GUNS! so I think they are both dudes and they just sound gay and then all three of us have to fiddle for the ladder prompt as a dozen zombies close in on us and of course I'm the only one who can find it due to being pro and one of them just throws himself off the control tower as to not get eaten alive but just breaks his legs lis and his character makes the best AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! screams I've heard there is some rare voice acting in this game such as a woman literally orgasming that you almost never hear and I need another bandage but hes already used his and I have to back off as the zombies close in on him and he dies in horrific suffering as I run away screaming IM SOOOORRYYYYYY but as soon as I find a DMR in the hanger I go back and this CMG guy runs past his dead m8 yelling HELP MEEEEE!!! and I'm like DONT WORRY BRO I WONT LET THEM EAT YOU ALIVE and pop him with the DMR lmao and he died asking for blood oh well at least he died in a pool of it lis and I take his bandage and while I'm healing myself barry gets a kill while trying his best to ignore my insane autist screaming and then my wallhack turns on showing me theres a "Man" in the werehouses up ahead and I find a guy in there and no scope a bullet into his leg just as he was almost out of sight and then run outside and I literally mag dump all 19 rounds of the DMR into him at an automatic rate for maximum ownage and just in case the game got any funny ideas about not counting any of my hits like it loves to do try ignoring that you piece of shit sulis and then I have some "fun" wasting my last 16 shots in the DMR on zombies also barry literally reads out a post at the end here where dp (drunk puppies, drunkpuppies, brian, namesearching) owns stevey (steveyos, steven yelle, stevenyelle, steffies, fjs) apparently by telling him to go to his families funeral and eat them all lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r5ibfJuHlg
after some more "fun" sacrificing a goat to satan, killing a zombie that has the nametag "Man" on it for no reason and missing sniper shots I take my last victims winchester and go for a run through the forest to barrys position but guest star dead forum dalmatian tries to warn me that I'll soon be dead since some cheeky cunt starts shooting at me but I go into maximum operating mode and start running behind trees making a B-line straight towards him as the bullets are making PING PING PCHOWWWWWWNG noises all around me and I'm like >IMPLYING YOU'RE HITTING ME and aim out from the side of a tree and get him down on the ground in one shot and when I run up to confirm my kill I find there is a DRAG BODY option on him so I do that and I drag him away but he seems to die as I'm doing that because his body like flips about back and fourth a bit and then my character starts doing this insane necrophilia ritual dance that I think is meant to be you putting the other character model in the position to do a firemans carry or something but of course only you do the animation the other model is not effected at all and stays in the dragging position instead of over your shoulder or whatever and now you can run around when a dead body in a sitting position attached to your feet thanks to the wonder that is DayZ and I go and find barry to show him literally surfing a corpse and this fucking pricks corpse has the drinking soda sound effect glitch so every five seconds there is a slurping sound effect lmao literally a simulation of necrophilia and then as I'm fiddling about with this guys gear barry notices that I HAVE NEGATIVE TWO SLOTS IN MY BACKPACK so I've literally opened up a portal to the hammerspace dimension and after barrys got yet another kill because he never stops pro gaming with his AS50 that he's lost and got back five times he gives me a blood tranny and somehow this guys corpse steals barrys rangefinder lmao and then I take inventory of what weapons I have which is this guys AKM in my hands a revolver I took off my last vic on my hip and in my backpack I have this guys spare Lee Enfield and 1911 and on his body is my old winchester so eat your heart out teknorat I've one-upped your four weapons from the first vid in this thread I guess I could have like 8 weapons if this guys corpse had a sidearm and a backpack or whats the most weapons I could have if I had the two active slots and the largest backpack with 24 slots with 4 sidearms in it taking up 5 slots each and room left for a mag each in my backpack and then double it for the corpse stuck on me I could have 12 weapons on me at one time with ammo for all of them lmao and barry says I have so many guns on me I'm like The Punisher if this game wasnt the worst piece of shit ever made I would literally roleplay as him and only ever kill bandits and use all his pro gaming tactics I've learnt from the comics but unfortunately just like real life the only fun to be had is hurting innocent people but maybe one day when a good video game gets made I will bring punishment to those I used evil trolls to be like and then barry goes to bed so I just run straight into cherno with this body stuck to me because I don't give a mothafuuuuuck until I find someone who I just want to show this dead body to but of course he shoots me on sight and then my stupid cunt character does an animation that I have never and will never see play again where she topples over backwards and just lays there I'm not even unconscious or bleeding the only status ailment is shock so shes just having a nice wee lie down and THIS GUY COMES UP AND LITERALLY SHOOTS MY DEAD SEX SLAVE because hes sitting upright as if hes still alive and my character is sprawled out on the ground like it's a corpse that was already there hahahha so he like fell for my cunning decoy that I definitely had with me on purpose for that reason and then a zombie cop comes up and starts shoving me and the dead guys bodies which are still bound together along the ground lmao and then a zombie breaks my legs and starts eating us and my screens hue gets all fucked up where everything turns a shade of blue including my blood all the time I'm yelling to this guy to spare me and then finally my character passes out and dies with -3000 blood and then my character who should have gone to heaven for being a woman gets dragged to hell aka the debug plains by the spirit of my sex slave corpse, make sure to tune in next week or dont if you dont want to because these threads are shit when we are joined by guest star stompleb!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEZSlgx0yuU
I manage to have fun at the start of this video by blind fucking luck by loading back in ontop of the apartment roof with my M24 just in time for some dumb bitch to climb up onto another roof so I can blow her fucking brains out and then of course the fun plummets since teknorat is there and wants to go to some tents he found to stock up for a big autistic hiking sim that thankfully never happens there are no hiking sims left in these videos it's all running around cherno and elektro shooting people and the only time we go north it's with a vehicle or uh other methods and then I realize that this server is so shit you can see other players on the map and spot a blue dot representing another player up on the hills and I try to snipe him but since you have to do advanced calculus and be wearing 108 rabbits feet around your neck to kill someone over 10 meters away I miss and then I get killed lmao but I go and get my rifle back and uh you know how I said no more walking sims... well... theres... theres some walking here until I meet up with tek and check out these tents and special shout out to jon when some gayboy asked him what gun he'd most like to have in a gun fight and he answered very pragmatically that he'd want one that he could make the most hits with and thats the gun he's already made the most hits with so I go for the le enfield since that's what I've gotten most of my kills with other than a shitty marakov that you spawned with back in the day and then teknorat manages to fit my M24, an AK-47, a 1911 and a DMR on his person for maximum realism and before he can drag me any further north he has to fuck off to pick up his wife so thankfully I can have fun in a video game running around cherno for literally 8 hours straight with my best friend barry pot head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py1n6IleSY4
I manage to have fun at the start of this vid too all thanks to teknorat leaving I spot two gayboys checking some empty tents under that faggot radio tower above cherno so I shoot them both with my le enfield thanks jon for helping me become an operator like you :heart: but as I'm looting their bodies the first one I shot turns out just to have been unconscious so I put my crosshairs over him and of course shoot the ground due to fun gameplay this has been fixed in ARMA 3 to be fair the crosshairs show when somethings blocking your shot and he pulls out his revolver and literally does the same thing he shoots at the ground between us because of this awful game and I'm the first to go into first person and put one in his brainpan and I'm like HOLY SHIT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE and this guy says with his dying breath WELL I WAS so I tell him NOT ANYMORE GAY BOY lmao and these two guys had matching usernames Solid Snake and Naked Snake nice matching names from a shitty video game series m8s definitely not gay at all maybe he was literally playing with his son and the other guy was his like 5 year old son who loves mgs and his dad is like listen up son this is what a REAL game is and he makes him play DayZ which is literally worse child abuse than rape and then of course I leave in me explaining to tim what had just happened everyone who says anything bad about these videos is right and they are shit and if I ever bother to make more gaming videos I will try to keep this gay bullshit to the minimum but for some reason I thought I was making a fly on the wall documentary when I was editing these and then barry points out that Solid Snake and Naked Snake have left a note on the map to everyone else on the server with a cross over my position saying FAG HERE KILLH IM lmao mad as all fuck m8 and then we do some pro gamer shit where I spot a guy climbing up the hospital and I run up an apartment and call him out when I see him on the roof and expert sniper barry blows his head off from a mile away with his AS50 just as I was about to take the shot myself it would have been cool if we both hit him at the same time but that only happens in fun games but when I go down to check his loot I see another guy running around and this is one of the rare times where I engage someone and I dont either kill them or they kill me or they disconnect because he actually does the smart and fair thing by taking cover in the hospital, bandages and runs around the back of it and then thats probably when he disconnects lmao but whatever and then barry spots some guys on the tallest building and then gets legit rustled by accidentally putting on his night vision goggles lmao like how I always do with my map and hes like FUCK OFF FUCKING GOGGLES FUCK OFF :barryscream: and he takes a shot but he misses and one disconnects and the other takes cover and he gets very seriously rustled and says MAN IM MAD. IM MAD AS HELL. :barryorly: but then one of these cheeky cunts pokes his head out and barry takes it off and as I'm running over there to check his shit some guys waiting in the stairway and shoots me before I can react fair play m8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BwgiIf2ERo
and then the faggot barry kills goes back up for his body and barry takes the shot but due to lag he rubber bands away from the bullet and hes like OOOH BOY, I DONT KNOW WHY I PLAY THIS GAME :barrydown: me either m8 me either but then he manages to kill him and then logs out in case his m8 had server hopped behind him and his friend was trying to get barry to give away his position for him and then I get an AKM off of his old body and leave asap because we are wary of server jumpers teleporting in around us and I get on a new server and I see two gayboys running across the field into cherno that I haphazardly send bullets over to since I have no idea what the bullet drop or range is for this gun so it's literally guess work of just gradually shooting higher and higher over these little dots running around but I eventually get one of them when the silly bastard runs behind a wall and has a nice we sit thinking hes safe but then barry needs black up on the server he tried so I completely legitimately and in no way unfairly join his server laying ontop of the biggest building in the game to call out where people are for him and then I see a team of three fagmasters running in over the same field and I start doing my haphazardly flinging bullets over to them thing and I guess I got one since my murders went up but they were so far away I couldn't tell and then I kill a guy climbing up onto one of the hospitals I am pretty impressed watching this back I could get anyone with an AKM from ontop of this building and then barry calls out someone going near my building but I call out a player on a bike racing like a mad cunt through the main road but WHEN BARRY STARTS SHOOTING AT HIM HE DOES A WHEELIE TO DODGE HIS BULLETS LMAO EXTREME PRO BIKE RIDING and I laugh so hard I dont notice my head is poking over the top of the building and some cheeky cunt headshots me but thankfully my world class sniper back up timbo revenges to me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAs4_Z5yrhs
after barry rats on bob hughes top secret silk road drug connections and a guest star appearance from Stephen Hawking I find another AKM at the airfield and jump to another server and when I spawn in there is literally a guy standing over me watching me load in like he is about to take his dick out and piss on me or something so I of course dump into him and blood sprays out in an awesome manner and then I go back into cherno to spot people for barry and I watch as he takes a shot on someone at the very top of the radio tower but the bitch nigga disconnects I should fucking report this guy if this video wasnt taken almost literally a year ago and the guys probably stopped playing by now and then barry uses some pro gamer shit where he uses the night vision in the rangefingers to see a guy hiding in the shadows ontop of the biggest building and kills the fuck outta him and barry tells me YOU JUST GOTTA USE YOUR NOODLE :barryjap: deep thoughts from a gay abo so I climb up there to get his shit but some cheeky cunt on one of the lower levels kills me on the ladder and barry gets yet another kill of someone on that roof as I'm getting killed trying to get back over there also guest star cberry as barry talks about him because I started saying nigger over and over again to people in the loading screen and then barry gets yet ANOTHER kill on that rooftop goddamn son the ownage never stops and then I run from elektro to cherno killing some zombies with a double barreled on the way and then pick up a winchester and put at least three slugs from it into a woman while screaming BITCH CUNT SLUT WHORE at her but of course she doesnt kill her and when she topples over her body disappears so that's her disconnecting but fuck off I am counting that as a kill since unless she hacked the gibson and joined an outdated server or something that damage would "catch up" to her and kill her but then when I try to climb up the tower again to find the like six people barry has killed bodies someone kills me on the ladder again lel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGfRFDGbKgE
then after some fiddling about in an air control tower I finally get back ontop of the tallest building and the game does its best to have me throw myself off of it but I resist its bullshit for long enough for barry to join me up there and I get a PDW from a corpse on the edge of the building and it literally gives me vertigo that is one of the rare feelments at work of fiction can get me like I saw Mission: Impossible: 4: IV: Ghost: Protocol: Revenge of the Manlets in IMAX and the scene where he climbs the sky scraper had me gripping the arms of my seat because I felt like I was gonna fall forwards idk if that is an emotion lmao but I think I got it from my mum who is scared of heights and would never let me go near the sides of bridges or whatever when I was a little kid so I still feel danger when I'm looking down from a big hight even if its in a video game and then I accidentally do some pro gaming where I try to run to the firestation but get shot at and it reveals another snipers position to barry who kills him but before I can even get to cover someone else starts shooting at me to so I dive behind a wall and do my medical shit while barry takes the second shooter out it feels good to have barry covering me lmao I can run around like a headless chicken with impunity since if anyone has a go timbo rains holy terror down upon them but of course no good thing in DayZ can lost longer than a minute and I go back up the tower to him to get a blood tranny with my vision blurred to fuck and this STUPID FUCKING GLITCH WHERE CORPSES DRINK COKES plays and since for some fucking reason we can both hear it and both confirm its not us I think theres a third person on the roof and when barry comes around the corner my shitty vision makes me see him as black so I for once in my life immediately snap to his head and put one in him and I TEAMKILL TIM and I'm like OH NO I JUST SHOT YOU IM SO SORRY OH GOD OH MY GOD I JUST KILLED YOU OH MY GOD lmao and barrys like UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH... CASUAL :barrytears: and he literally has to take deep breaths to not have his jimmies impale him my reaction is p funny I was playing it up a bit to keep barry from spazzing out but I was legit distressed because it was so fun having barry cover me and it was an actual accident but thankfully after discussing Sasha Grey's hemorrhoids he manages to spawn back in cherno and after almost deleting his AS50 he gets it back for the second time including him falling off the radio tower before
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4IjLVaBvdA
then I finally get to go over to the firestation to check out all these dead bodies around it but I see a guy coming in so master sniper barry pot takes him out while having to put up with the same flashing triangles I had when I sniped that guy on the construction site also lmao at m0nde bothering barry with steam messages fuck off you paki fuck and then I go ontop of the firestation and use my pro spotting skills to see there is another guy up there with barry probably just teleported in or something since he'd hear him using the ladder and I try to get him with my AK but it just makes him run around the other side and I call out where hes going like a pro gamer so barry can catch him sneaking up on him and he puts at least three 50 cals into his upper torso but it of course has no effect on him but then this guy gets one rifle shot on him and it instantly kills him seems like a fun and realistic military sim to me but I see the guys blood raining down through the roof too so I guess it was a double kill but I saw another guy climbing up too who's up there now and I actually manage to take him out with my AK-74 using my "aim over his head and fling bullets over in his general direction" technique to try and stop him from nicking barrys gear but he managed to get it into his ALICE pack before but thankfully his body stays there and barry can get it back for the third time now but he gets sniped right away again lmao and I see some woman running around in the street so I take out my AK and for some reason think I can have some sort of fun in a video game and I just go full auto and start blasting the fuck outta the road but shes weaving all over the place dodging my bullets like I am the bad guy in a shitty action movie while screaming at her YOU'RE GONNA DIE CUNT! but I guess it wasnt her that was shooting at barry since I get sniped by someone else while standing on top of a tower going full auto lmao but I survive but I wish I hadnt since then I get trolled by three ladders in a row and then I go back up to the tower and see barrys body's still there but the guy who seems to have a DMR ontop of the tallest building that hit both of us kills me nice camping spot loser
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Euki_6t4gQ
well here it is probably the only funny thing that's ever happened in this shitty game the moment that I told teknorat about and when he remembered it he laughed so hard he woke his wife up which is why it gets its own video and isnt buried in a sea of walking sim bullshit I am walking (sim) into a medical tent that someone has helpfully failed to put a sandbag exactly across the doorway and this guy nem comes in and thankfully doesnt just leg it the dumbass runs inside and dives on the ground to surrender I guess so I stand in his way so he cant leave and ask if he put the standbags there and hes like HEY DONT SHOOT NO GUN NO GUN so I aim my le enfield at him and ask WHAT WOULD YOU DO FOR ME NOT TO SHOOT YOU? WOULD YOU EAT ME OUT? and hes like I DUNNO MAN and I tell him HAVE CYBER SEX WITH ME AND ILL LET YOU LEAVE and hes like ALRIGHT, YOU WANNA DO IT BEHIND THE BUNKER HERE? but I have to stay where I am to block his way so I order him to CRAWL OVER HERE AND EAT ME OUT and hes like AWW SHIT and starts crawling headfirst into my crouched down characters crotch and I tell him YOU HAVE TO MUFFLE YOUR VOICE LIKE ITS IN MY PUSSY and he starts going OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM and I'm like OH YEAH ITS SO GOOD OH OH OH OOH OOOOH OH NO MY HANDS CLENCHING UP AS IM CUMMING and I SHOOT HIM AS HES EATING ME OUT and HE DIES GOING ASHASHASHASHASHASHASHASHA STILL EATING ME OUT and me and barry have a right fukin giggle m8 and only then do I notice there's a sniper rifle in the corner lmao good thing this guy didnt see it and of course my next thought is how teknorat is gonna love this vid lmao I am gay I always think of my gay boyfriends after having gay cyber sex in a gay game and since homos burn in hell someone snipes me through the tent and I die RIP
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRRRjl6sAVA
after seeing a hacked in MiG bombing a hill and barry takes out the fag who killed me for me I see a guy called Wesley and this was just after I had marathoned Angel so I start calling him Wesley Wyndam-Pryce an unironically good character who starts out a comically incompetent and naive nerd and gradually gets more and more experienced and world weary until he becomes a fucking badass whos the only person who realizes you should just fucking shoot monsters instead of trying to have a kung fu match with them but this guy sounds like a fucking brazilian or something and he says hi to me but as soon as he sees a zombie hes like AH FUCK like he thinks he's playing some sort of zombie survival game or something and you cant just run away and be fine and I tell him to sacrifice himself to save me lmao but he says I NO WEAPON thats what he guy who I made eat me out said, just no weapon, but he seemed to speak english alright so I guess thats what people say in this game just in case they or you cant speak english since english is the best language on earth and if you dont speak it you're sub-human so just no weapon is the default thing to say unless you're english is so bad you dont know what no and weapon together means (hi elz) and you just hear the word weapon and you're like oh fuck they're armed and kill them and he stops dead in his tracks when I ask where hes from so maybe hes trying to type and I go to hit him with my crossbow but a zombie gets me bleeding so when he stops to tell me something like he'd be happy to help if he could find a weapon or something in broken english I shoot him in the chest with a bolt which of course he can keep running with and he yells AY! AY! AY! AY! and he stops dead in his tracks again so I put another arrow in him and hes like WHAT?! and then legs it while I scream abuse at him but he uses the power of lagy brazilian intenet to disappear so I figure he must be using vampire magic like in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter but thankfully I have a crossbow that fires uh steel bolts well good enough and I yell at him ILL LET YOU GO IF YOU HOOK ME UP WITH FRED
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v606/rubycalaber/In%20use%202/angel-amy-acker_zpsea97b356.jpg~original
which peaks barrys interest because he probably thought I was talking about a guy and then Wesley stops and turns around and I think he says I'd be happy to help you or something like that but I'm like DIE VAMPIRE SCUM and put a bolt straight in his heart so third fucking one to the chest and he keeps running and I look around trying to find the bolt but I guess its in his body or something fucking mental not that the other two were displaying and I'm out of ammo but Wesley bleeds out while trying to run away and hes like OH MY GOD WHY as he dies and I'm like CONSIDER YOURSELF SLAIN VAMPIRE SCUM human power fanger and then I pick up a CZ 550 and barry is trying to get back up that tower and has to kill a guy to get closer and then something amazing happens, barry actually makes a goodone, he gets swarmed by triangles and says THERES LIKE EXTREME TEARING TO THE MOTHERFU-HOLY SHIT, MORE SCREEN TEARS THAN A CHILDS ARSEHOLE :barry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eg_MGeHuktk
but triangles are the least of our worries since there is a cheeky cunt on top of the tallest building in the game so barry cant go back up to the second tallest so I climb up this smoke stack thing to counter snipe him but oh boy here we go video game bullshit comes into action and I CANT RAISE MY GUN, THE STUPID BITCH WONT BRING THE GODDAMN SNIPER RIFLE UP AND I MISS MY SHOT ALL BECAUSE A FUCKING LADDER HAS PARALYZED MY ARMS, FUCKING LADDERS :raged::raged::raged: and then I have a severe sperg out and start screaming HOW DO I GET MY GUN OUT YOU FUCKING TERRIBLE SHIT GAME?! LET ME AIM THE GUN YOU FUCKING SHIT TERRIBLE GAME! :rubymad: getting legit angry in real life and this faggot aims at me and I run back behind this small piece of cover thats of course over a terrifying hole in the platform I could fall through for no reason at any time and barry tells me to chill out but I'm like I CANT AIM MY FUCKING GUN INTHISTERRIBLESHITGAME!!! :rubyflash: and I have to tell barry I'm calm before he'll explain how to fucking bring my gun up like he's my fucking therapist or something and then of course he gets me to verify if I'm holding the gun as if a ladder can steal it which is probably possible and then he finally tells me to just pull the trigger once and it'll come up and thank fuck it does but of course by this time hes back in cover and only now do I realize I keep hitting over his head when I see it poking out because barry has told me to put the zeroing too low or high or whatever and you can only set it to hundreds you cant set it to 666 or whatever only 600 or 700 since fuck video games and I keep trying but can never hit him and he manages to kill barry ironically if I had had an AK I could have probably got him lmao since you can just spam bullets over their heads and one will get them but with a sniper rifle you need to have sacrificed a goat to satan that morning to get a kill and I think that MiG I saw bombs the second biggest tower since theres a big explosion too big for grenades that happens ontop of it but thankfully barry had gone to the tallest building in the game not the second tallest where that happened and I do a good job not shooting at him on sight not that I'd make any hits with this piece of shit CoX fag50 and as I watch barry go up the second biggest building someone murders me and then again literally a few seconds after he gets the AS50 back for the fourth time from the body of the last guy that killed us BARRY FALLS OFF THE TOWER AND DIES nice one m8 and then after barry realizes hes been walking around with chewing gum on his shirt for a week and everyone thought it was cum from a gay gang bang I find barrys body and save all his shit for him and for the fifth fucking time he gets this AS50 back and while hes fiddling about he hears someone coming up the stairs so I stand guard with a le enfield I got off a dead guy and as soon as he comes up the stairs I put one straight in his chest and he topples over in a funny manner and I finish him off with one straight through the top of his head and I take his M16 that has an underbarrel grenade launcher which would be awesome to get a kill with but of course as soon as I take it this faggot game gives me no message received and when we find a new server it hasnt saved me picking up his gun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2mIkBGgnXc
so I'm back to the le enfield so I go back up the tallest building in the game and I see some guy called Salad running from zombies on the coast and spend 7 bullets until he goes down and use another 2 to make sure hes dead and then barry goes up this hill 800 meters away so he can get the drop on fagmasters ontop of any building in cherno so we go and find a more active server which was a bad idea since some cheap bastard server hops up there and kills me well I hope he enjoys the four enfields up there with no ammo since the game deleted mine as I was trying to loot a guys body lel but he logs out when barry takes a shot at him what a bitch nigga and then I respawn in baloto and after a quick guest star appearance from Hurley driving a DHARMA bus which is like only the second time I've ever seen a car in this game I've only been on bikes and an ATV before and then I go up the control tower and hear two people running around with a big crowd of zombies behind them and one sounds like a girl or like literally how trannies sound telling someone shes getting chased by zombies I've literally only met one random girl in this game lmao and it was in a lobby screen and they were just chatting away instead of playing and since I have no gun I use the power of trolling to try and get them killed by yelling down that if they go into the hangers the zombies cant run lmao and then I literally phase down a ladder through zombies and this CMG guy asks for help but I dont have anything but I do have a bandage and I literally save his life so I can kill him later lmao and his friend is like NONE OF US HAVE GUNS! so I think they are both dudes and they just sound gay and then all three of us have to fiddle for the ladder prompt as a dozen zombies close in on us and of course I'm the only one who can find it due to being pro and one of them just throws himself off the control tower as to not get eaten alive but just breaks his legs lis and his character makes the best AAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! screams I've heard there is some rare voice acting in this game such as a woman literally orgasming that you almost never hear and I need another bandage but hes already used his and I have to back off as the zombies close in on him and he dies in horrific suffering as I run away screaming IM SOOOORRYYYYYY but as soon as I find a DMR in the hanger I go back and this CMG guy runs past his dead m8 yelling HELP MEEEEE!!! and I'm like DONT WORRY BRO I WONT LET THEM EAT YOU ALIVE and pop him with the DMR lmao and he died asking for blood oh well at least he died in a pool of it lis and I take his bandage and while I'm healing myself barry gets a kill while trying his best to ignore my insane autist screaming and then my wallhack turns on showing me theres a "Man" in the werehouses up ahead and I find a guy in there and no scope a bullet into his leg just as he was almost out of sight and then run outside and I literally mag dump all 19 rounds of the DMR into him at an automatic rate for maximum ownage and just in case the game got any funny ideas about not counting any of my hits like it loves to do try ignoring that you piece of shit sulis and then I have some "fun" wasting my last 16 shots in the DMR on zombies also barry literally reads out a post at the end here where dp (drunk puppies, drunkpuppies, brian, namesearching) owns stevey (steveyos, steven yelle, stevenyelle, steffies, fjs) apparently by telling him to go to his families funeral and eat them all lmao
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r5ibfJuHlg
after some more "fun" sacrificing a goat to satan, killing a zombie that has the nametag "Man" on it for no reason and missing sniper shots I take my last victims winchester and go for a run through the forest to barrys position but guest star dead forum dalmatian tries to warn me that I'll soon be dead since some cheeky cunt starts shooting at me but I go into maximum operating mode and start running behind trees making a B-line straight towards him as the bullets are making PING PING PCHOWWWWWWNG noises all around me and I'm like >IMPLYING YOU'RE HITTING ME and aim out from the side of a tree and get him down on the ground in one shot and when I run up to confirm my kill I find there is a DRAG BODY option on him so I do that and I drag him away but he seems to die as I'm doing that because his body like flips about back and fourth a bit and then my character starts doing this insane necrophilia ritual dance that I think is meant to be you putting the other character model in the position to do a firemans carry or something but of course only you do the animation the other model is not effected at all and stays in the dragging position instead of over your shoulder or whatever and now you can run around when a dead body in a sitting position attached to your feet thanks to the wonder that is DayZ and I go and find barry to show him literally surfing a corpse and this fucking pricks corpse has the drinking soda sound effect glitch so every five seconds there is a slurping sound effect lmao literally a simulation of necrophilia and then as I'm fiddling about with this guys gear barry notices that I HAVE NEGATIVE TWO SLOTS IN MY BACKPACK so I've literally opened up a portal to the hammerspace dimension and after barrys got yet another kill because he never stops pro gaming with his AS50 that he's lost and got back five times he gives me a blood tranny and somehow this guys corpse steals barrys rangefinder lmao and then I take inventory of what weapons I have which is this guys AKM in my hands a revolver I took off my last vic on my hip and in my backpack I have this guys spare Lee Enfield and 1911 and on his body is my old winchester so eat your heart out teknorat I've one-upped your four weapons from the first vid in this thread I guess I could have like 8 weapons if this guys corpse had a sidearm and a backpack or whats the most weapons I could have if I had the two active slots and the largest backpack with 24 slots with 4 sidearms in it taking up 5 slots each and room left for a mag each in my backpack and then double it for the corpse stuck on me I could have 12 weapons on me at one time with ammo for all of them lmao and barry says I have so many guns on me I'm like The Punisher if this game wasnt the worst piece of shit ever made I would literally roleplay as him and only ever kill bandits and use all his pro gaming tactics I've learnt from the comics but unfortunately just like real life the only fun to be had is hurting innocent people but maybe one day when a good video game gets made I will bring punishment to those I used evil trolls to be like and then barry goes to bed so I just run straight into cherno with this body stuck to me because I don't give a mothafuuuuuck until I find someone who I just want to show this dead body to but of course he shoots me on sight and then my stupid cunt character does an animation that I have never and will never see play again where she topples over backwards and just lays there I'm not even unconscious or bleeding the only status ailment is shock so shes just having a nice wee lie down and THIS GUY COMES UP AND LITERALLY SHOOTS MY DEAD SEX SLAVE because hes sitting upright as if hes still alive and my character is sprawled out on the ground like it's a corpse that was already there hahahha so he like fell for my cunning decoy that I definitely had with me on purpose for that reason and then a zombie cop comes up and starts shoving me and the dead guys bodies which are still bound together along the ground lmao and then a zombie breaks my legs and starts eating us and my screens hue gets all fucked up where everything turns a shade of blue including my blood all the time I'm yelling to this guy to spare me and then finally my character passes out and dies with -3000 blood and then my character who should have gone to heaven for being a woman gets dragged to hell aka the debug plains by the spirit of my sex slave corpse, make sure to tune in next week or dont if you dont want to because these threads are shit when we are joined by guest star stompleb!!!