mastering Engrish with a 9th grade education

I'm a hella ass grown up man now I don't even talk to my mom any more I'm independent and damaged goods and I only am in this apartment for my nieces I'm the best non-dad dad ever so if by any chance you and the baby daddy broke up and you just don't wanna mention it you can come live with me I take my nieces down to the cafeteria in a shopping cart to get things out the vending machine and everything I fucking literally rule so I'm just sayin maybe you could help me find a trap girlfriend and they could live here too so I wouldn't accidentally creep out on you see I got all the bases covered