Title:

i’m slowly turning into a hikikomori again. i don’t really know what i am afraid of. people, life, social criticism. i am scared to go outside by myself, i’ve realized. now that i am unemployed i have no reason to leave the house except for groceries and i can’t do it on my own. i have mood swings and daily i go from feeling great to feeling rock bottom depressed when i am alone, which is most of the time. this has been going on for over a month.

i almost left the house today, on my own. i was ready to do it, just take a walk around the neighborhood, go to the white hen, anything. i felt good about it. ten minutes later i chickened out.

sometimes i think about getting a life coach, a counselor, medication that i turned down when they diagnosed me with bipolar years and years ago. instead i stay holed up and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. it always wear off, but i suppose meds would, too.

what can i do? i think. i feel so worthless sometimes i want to die. and other times i feel so hopeful and full of ambition, like i can do anything, but i always manage to prove myself wrong.

i wish someone could help me. i don’t want to be a shut in again. i need a friend, but i don’t want to be dependent on one. i just need help.

cool story bro

originally copypasted from someone in the chicago area