I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me "Pick a star sign, any star sign". "Capricorn" I replied. "Yeah yeah, right" he tutted. "As if I'm about to tell you that you have Capricorn. Try again".
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My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man, it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water". I know he means well.
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Two priests at a Bucking Bronco contest. The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds, but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money. The first priest says "I don't know how you do it".. The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic"
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No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden looked shocked and told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said "Are you going to fish or talk?"