Deso posting on GLP

I am an intersex person, curious?

I am posting this mostly as a way of empowering myself, because I have felt a lot of shame about the way I was born, and have tried to hide it from people all my life. But I've recently started to feel like what makes me different, is really beautiful. And for the first time in my life, I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm writing this not just for myself, but for anyone out there who feels different, or like a freak. If you look in the mirror and hate what you see, then I want to show you that the thing that makes you unique and different from others, is not where your beauty as a person ends. That's where it begins.

I am an intersex person. My physical anatomy does not fit the traditional definitions of male or female. I was born with normal female genitalia, so I was considered to be female at birth, and have identified that way for most of my life. My intersex characteristics did not start showing up until I hit puberty, at around 8 or 9 years old.

It began very subtly with growing hair in places where girls really shouldn't. As the years passed, the hair growth got worse. And now that I'm an adult I have hair all over my body, and can grow a full beard, although I tweeze and shave everything for the sake of social convenience (other people's and mine). I also have much more muscle definition than a normal girl would, and my facial features are very androgynous. Despite the beard and the muscles and the androgynous features, I am a small person, 5'4" and 115 lbs. so I could never convincingly pass as a man. On a physical scale of 0 being totally male, and 10 being totally female, I would probably be a 6 or a 7. So I choose to live as a female because it is easier to pass as one.

I don't really identify as a girl psychologically. My gender identity is very much both male and female. I can pretend to be either one, depending on the company I keep, but it is essentially all play-acting. The amazing thing, what I really love about being intersex, is that I literally feel like I am a bridge between the genders. The most fundamental division between human beings is not a division for me. Everything is wide open, and I find myself drifting back and forth, able to understand on a very deep level what it feels like to be a man or a woman.

I can appreciate that not many, maybe not anyone, on GLP will accept me. There is a lot of hate for people who are different here. But I'm okay with that. This is not about begging you all to acknowledge and accept me, or care about my predicament. It's about standing up and being what I am regardless of the response, because I know there is someone out there reading this who needs to know it's okay to be themselves, and that they are not alone.

So for anyone who has ever felt ashamed, or like they had to hide what they really are….. be free. Be at peace. You are a miracle. You are beautiful.

Intersex Society of North America - FAQ
[link to www.isna.org]