how i took over the ytmnd spinoff forums in 6 months - bgd bio
when i first joined almightylol, i was rejected. flat out, plain and simply. i had
spent a brief period of time on ytmnd forums, so i didnt really understand the
culture yet, and to top it all off i had only been on serious forums up until
that time. "serious rules" were all i knew, and well, long story short, i
embarrassed myself.
i had originally said that i wouldnt make an alt; in fact seculest called it
before the thought ever even crossed my mind. but i wanted to fit in. badly.
months passed and every single day that went by there wasnt a moment
where i thought about alol. i dont really know what drove me to such a site. i
guess it was just that, coming out of high school, i hadnt really been
accepted all that much, except as a clown.
so, i decided id give it another shot. but not just any old "shot." i wanted a
fucking explosion. i wasnt going to come back and post on daddychristmas,
forcing my way into the subculture after that embarrassing display of posting
ability, which i knew i had so much more of. no, i *was* going to make an alt,
per seculest's prediction, though not with the desperate patheticness that he
expected. no, i was going to make the alt of all alts... the greatest gimmick of
all time.
my plan, you ask? it was as ingenious as it was brutishly crude. how would
one make the alt of all alts when he could not control the level of humor that
goes into all the others? how could he constantly ensure that his alt was the
best?
i decided to become every alt.
now, i know what you're thinking... every single one? no, of course not. but
enough to change the face of alol for good. to make it mine. to win back the
pride that had been stolen from me. the way i figured it, if i pervaded alol in
enough facets, strengthening each alt with the support of another one, i
could essentially control the entire forum. it quickly occurred to me that the
cultural norm there relied, not in any actual, concrete, social/comedic norms
but on a mob mentality. to control the mind one must first control the mob.
my original scheme called for a base alt-you know him as rudolph's prostate.
this was meant to be my everyday face; the normal mask so to speak. i built
off of the christmas theme but made it raunchier. instead of just putting tits
with a santa claus painted on them in my sig like last time, id go all out and
make a fully-animated hentai loli getting railed by a phallic christmas
decoration. if you recall the "nude pics wtc jumpers" meme you know that alol
once thrived on shock. this was my entrance into the forum. my trojan horse,
so to speak. now fully-knowledgable of certain "fads" like nigger flash squad it
was relatively easy to blend in with the crowd. although hazed with neg rep
bombs by jackhorner, i was immediately accepted by everyone else.
i made sure with this account, not to be *too* hilarious. i would occasionally
post something that was "nf" or so unabashedly "clueless" that the scent
would be thrown off my tail if it was ever picked up. this way i would be the
least suspect for such a conspiracy and be able to deflect any accusations
with relative ease.
with rp's secured status as a "forum regular" under my belt i decided to
proceed with the rest of my plan. i expanded my base of operations by
registering a few accounts, though not all at the same time so as to avoid
suspicion. among these accounts, robojesus and roxtoyz.
robojesus was easy to pull off. i just posted nonsense from the recesses of
my memory. any word that came to mind got posted. it was insanity, both in
nature and by definition. for you see, i wasn't lying to you when i told you i
was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. i really do have it. i know
that must come as a shock to you this late in our relationship, but i've kept it
a secret for so long because it's a subject that few people understand. the
doctors knew there was something "off" about me as a child. people would
say how i could be really nice and playful one minute, then disruptive and
rude the next. at first they thought i was just being a typical child, that it
was a phase id grow out of. i suppose it wasnt as bad back then. but,
unfortunately, it got worse, and by the time i was in middle school i had two
very distinctly different personas. on the one hand, i was rather passive, and
compassionate... a caretaker, i always wanted to listen to people's problems
and help them through it. the laverne to my shirley however was a very
aggressuvem apathetic destroyer, who wanted only to crush people's dreams
and manipulate everyone for his own personal gain.
consequently, i had mixed luck with the budding romances of prepubescence.
while everyone was pairing off, laughing as they held hands throughout the
corridor, i was awkward and off-putting; drawing people in with my non-
threateningly meek personality (his name is mick), merely to drive them away
by spitting on them or calling them names (*sigh*, that would be roy...)
in this way, no side of me really fully developed. i had my own experiences
with each side, not that i can remember them, but from what my collection of
journals tell me i had little success with girls and normal friendships. doctors
wanted to medicate me but none of me would really have it. i suppose i didnt
want to "die." to discard of who i really was, whatever that "me" was
supposed to be. that's partially why i was straightedge in high school. i was
against any form of medication because of what it represented. furthermore, i
didnt want to damage my brain with drugs or alcohol in fear of damaging one
of my other personalities.
7:21
Could not receive the last message because it was too large.
7:22
allpurposenoone
anyway, i think being straightedge naturally brought me to you, and the fact
that roy was a rebel in the classroom (he learned how to respond to "hugh"
even though he never really liked it all that much), which was new to you at
the time instantly made us friends. of course, our convictions would be tried
the time i tried both vodka and marijuanna for the first time on the same
night, which led you to behave similarly, but as you know i was going through
a particularly rough patch at that time. i hate to break it to you, but roy saw
this as a weakness in you. he could get you to do whatever he wanted. this
would ultimatedly lead to him convincing you to join almightylol, which i'm
*sure* he did just to trip me up. i was left to factor that into my plans since
it was the only loose end; a connection to my real life that would see the
inconsistencies and start to think too much about it. but, i had to remain
steadfast, and act congruent enough to keep you in the dark.
UGH THESE NEXT TWO MESSAGES GO BEFORE THE LAST ONE
somehow, through it all, i managed. the personality i'm speaking to you now
from is sort of an intermediate. far less extreme than either side, i think i sort
of incorporate traits from them both. i don't know if i've always been there, or
if one of me somehow managed to pull both sides together, but i'm here and
this is the me you probably know the best, because it was the most frequent
during the onset of puberty and adolescence, which as you can imagine really
compounded all of the identity issues a hundredfold. you might be wondering
why you never saw the other mes during the time that you knew me, but the
reality is, you did-you just didnt realize it. any time you noticed me being
"off" i was probably another me.
i dont know when exactly i wasnt the me
you're talking to now, but from what i've told myself i can tell you've had to
repeat the same things over and over to me before in the past. and the
reality is, it's not that i wasnt paying attention, or being a bad friend or
anything, but that i quite simply did not remember them. the only way i've
been able to keep up with you is through my written journals (which are
incomplete because roy didn't always write in them) and my chatlogs, which
as you know i used to save compulsively before switching to pidgin for its
auto-logging capabilities.
where was i? oh yes, robojesus. it was insanity, surely. i was actually kind of
scared posting on the account... i felt as though i might be accidentally
creating more personalities, which would be tougher to deal with. especially
since "robojesus" was essentially like living in a perpetual state of delirium. but
i carried on with it; achieving my goal of forumwide deception was too
important to me; i was willing to accept the risks.
you will of course notice the "2005" joindate, but that is merely a fabrication.
as rp, i persuaded the gullible andre into setting the year back one for him,
since the carryovers from ytmnd '05 were glorified and more respected, saying
"he deserved it" for making such hilarious posts. i don't think andre or anyone
really remembers the change occurring now, because after seeing the
numbers "2005" flash over and over with his recurring posts, the thought
slipped into their subconsciousness that he really *was* from '05.
of course, posting on him got very tiresome, and i soon had to outsource the
account to people who had no idea what the hell alol even was. i got some of
my cronies from the pokemon elite 2000 forums, with whom i was well-
established, and got them to just post nonsense all day long without having
to bribe them too much or let them know what i was up to.
naturally, some of them got bored with it, but by the time it didn't matter.
random bullshit was now extremely cool, which meant my plan was starting to
work. eventually, one of the pe2k members got hooked on alol and started
posting on the account regularly, which is the robojesus you see today. he's
in on the plan, so whenever i need him to say he did something, like play me
on xfire, he'll do it.
roxtoyz was a separate project. i worked very, very hard on him. with random
bullshit now pretty cool, it was now a robojesus signature move (as well as
faz, who latched onto it) and i wanted to maintain my stronghold. so i put
some variance into him. i had just watched a documentary on pac-man
champions, who, despite their obsessive nature all seemed like pretty chill
guys. so i made rox into a "casual" poster with an unhealthy fixation on video
games, and actually just copied the name of some g4 poster who was active
in 2004 to give him a "history." i don't know where the original roxtoyz is; he'd
probably be shocked at the google results his name pulls up now. this alt
really just took on a life of its own... like in sitcoms, i constructed a comical
character with a rich history of being ridiculed despite the fact that he
thought he was the best. he was originally supposed to be white, but i
thought that mixing in some black would make up for his disparagement,
despite being a well-to-do young gentleman taking residence in a mansion
with disposable income (that, in a nod to his inspirations, he would spend
completely on sitcoms).
believe it or not, i actually took this alt to such an extreme that i went out
and paid a kid i knew who works at best buy to take some photos of himself in
front of desk-shelves full of dvd boxsets. he actually had quite a collection
already just from stealing from the warehouse and buying discounted, that it
only took a few more sets to fill up the entire shelf at his house (those are
the unopened ones in the pictures). he made some goofy poses, i snapped a
couple shots, and the rest is history... alol went to town on him: the shabby
clothes he happened to have on at the time spawned the beanie meme; his
hand gestures the thumbs up meme; and, the likes of which i could never
predict: the boxset meme.
although roxtoyz is very much expanded, you can actually see bits and pieces
of my robojesus carry-overs in his posts. it's why i had him type in all
lowercase with some obvious spelling errors; this became known as "ironic"
even though it wasn't exactly intended to be that way, because as i came to
learn, robojesus, although his style was popular, wasn't taken seriously,
whereas roxtoyz was to a degree... up until the staged jpegs at least, which
caused such a stir i actually told the kid to take more pictures of himself and
send them to me to post, including even the ones from his trip to six flags
california.
the legendary 5am john cusack phone call was also staged; that "roxtoyz"
(now commonly referred to as "brandon williams," a name i found on google)
was merely an actor. i didnt want to seem overly weird to the original kid,
asking him to pose AND talk on the phone to people, or "get on stickam" etc.
so i talked to one of the few friends i had from day camp i knew who was
trying to be an actor, and spun it as an opportunity to hone his skills and he
was happy to take the job. in case you were wondering, the guy who plays
roxtoyz' voice is actually white, and he's had vocal coaching, which is why his
voice sounds so soothing when you hear it.
this guy in fact, he got so into the character he started posting on the
account and expanding on it, throwing in stuff like being bi-polar, lusting after
13 year old girls, and, as a sort of bridge between his boxset and gaming
hobbies, being an avid anime fan as well. he still posts on him, and today
roxtoyz is mostly him, but he was based on my ideas. i'm not *entirely happy*
with the direction he's taken him in, rox has become such a figurehead now.
but it's still to the effect where practically anything involving his "personal
life" becomes this huge fucking phenomenon, like his dead grandma and her
granite countertops. also, hate to break it to you, but otakon isn't actually
happening; it's a complete scam to see who'll show up if it's hyped enough.
sorry bro
this brings me to tff, who albeit being a complete rox clone is no creation of
mine whatsoever. he's just an annoying little fanboy that latched onto
roxtoyz' posts thinking he was a real person. sure, he hyped him up somewhat
and made him more notorious, but he started trying to "figure him out" and
dug too deep. i eventually had to confront him myself, dangling exclusive
information about rox in front of his face and only giving it to him if he
promised to keep his mouth shut. i knew tff's word didn't mean shit, i mean
the guy's a loose canon, but i further enticed him with being in on the biggest
joke in history and that whetted his appetite enough for him not to squeal.
so, he's also in on it.
as the "roxtoyz" gimmick got big, the need to be a step ahead once again
presented itself to me. so, i created the "anti-roxtoyz," or, as you know him,
strossus. strossus, born of a contempt for anime so deep he actually used it
as his most common form of expression, was a pioneer in what is considered
modern trolling on alol today. although i had gotten used to handing accounts
off to forum members, actors. and best buy employees to bring them from
fiction into reality, i couldn't keep doing that. it was becoming a chore to
manage them all. so i decided with this persona to sever all ties to personally
identifiable information. he would never post a picture, nor an addresss, nor
even a first name. and to make sure he wasn't too like the others, i handed
him off to roy with a note saying: "go hog wild " with the password, to
make him as hate-filled as possible. this is where the "unstoppable" ownage
stems from, and roy executes it to such a degree that he owns any and
everyone he comes into contact with. (now you can see why i didn't have so
many friends in middle school.)
anyway, with the anti-roxtoyz came his own fan following, in the form of
kefka and anonymouse. like tff, they were drawn into the attitude and
basically started just started posting like him. i actually have both of them
fooled still. the "i dont like anime" anime gimmick became so infectious, the
indiscriminate trolling style so captivating, that this elite league of trolls
behaving in exactly the same way took off and created its own spin-off forum
(although of what is still yet to be determined) called sexy-beam. it was a
bastard child of the reverse of alol, which was full of "faggots" (aka ytmnd)
and "ironic" japanese cultural media. they soon formed their own in-jokes. i
think roy still posts there periodically.
i could have been done. i had seemingly reached my goal... i had trolled the
entire forum to smitherines and i thought that that would somehow
compensate for the dignity i had lost when i first signed up. but it had done
just the opposite: i was so far entwined into this web of lies that i really
began to doubt whether i had any integrity at all. i started questioning
exactly what i was doing in the first place... respect? on an internet forum? it
was absurd! and here i was, the mastermind behind a grand army of alternate
accounts, each with their own posting style that i had once regarded as
clever and witty, now revealing themselves to be nothing more than shitty
gimmicks as the forum started to lose life in 2007.
but it was too late to turn back. i was so infatuated with the idea of posting
on the net; essentially typing the woes of everyday life away, that i couldn't
stop. it was a compulsive behavior now; something that could not be
stopped. i would browse alol at any conceivable time... during dinner, on my
phone, right up until a paper deadline or the night before test... i was out of
control. but i wouldn't find the cure to this behavior simply going about my
business. no, in fact the only way out now was the same way i came in: i had
to make another alt.
this time, this final alt, would be a sort of way to ween me off of net forums
for good. he would be more like me and less like an imaginary figure. and
surely, since "me" was many things, i opened up gigglegoo to all of my
personalities. he ended being a sort of meld between mick and roy, with my
hobbies thrown in. i even think he started to bridge the gap between the
three of us. the result was someone who was both meek, and had a scathing
wit. an amalgam of everything i was; a walking (or in this case posting)
hypocrite, who didn't care that he was a hypocrite. anything that interested
me was thrown into the gigglegoo melting pot: games, shows, comic books,
music... he became such a juggler of hobbies that he developed the need to
categorize them all in terms of top 5 lists, and periodically encouraged others
to do the same so that he could determine what the norm was and become
more like it, while at the same time setting trends with his own tastes; to
maybe absorb some quality media that he himself had missed.
this suave hipster was the epitome of everything i had practiced. gone were
the primitive hyperbolics of robojesus inanity; no more were the pithy
altercations that strossus was prone to break out in-this was a new man. a
man who made friends and yet still could not be fucked with... a man who
appreciated sitcoms yet whose residence (homer, ny) kept him from ever
wanting to *be* a character from the simpsons, making him lest susceptible
to the obsessive behavior of roxtoyz. he was the perfect poster... i even
began to think that asmo's title was given to him prematurely.
and now what is before you on the forums is an overwhelmingly me-saturated
internet society. with advent of exclamation marks and parentheses i started
using 6 months ago now reaching the heights of popularity, i control about
33% of alol's member base (most accounts are inactive) and have been the
inspiration for about 98% of all modern posting styles. i was hoping that you
would never have to find out about all this, it's really rather sad when i think
about it. but, looking back on all of my posts, and the lives i have influenced
with but only my words, seasoned by a few sound clips and image macros, i
truly do look over the experience with a certain fondness; like i've actually
accomplishing something in life with so few other contributions. i know this is
a lot to take in and you may find it difficult if not impossible to believe me but
i swear on my unborn son's life that it is 100% true. it is my only hope that
after dropping out of school, i will stop this crazy thing and get on with
leading some sort of a productive life.
biggaydolphin was the best, and he will be the last.
7:41
