I didn't want to have sex with him and I hate myself for letting it get to that point
I saw my ex boyfriend recently. We broke up about a year ago, and never had sex although we dated for ~2 years. Since we've broken up i've had sex with another person. When we saw each other we proceeded to get high, and started watching a movie. At which point I suggested we watch porn. I dont know why I did it. We ended up watching a very rough video and began hooking up. I would refuse and say no however I wouldn't actually stop him. For most of it I was just laying there, unresponsive, not sure about how I should react. I think it was the combination of being high and not knowning what I wanted. I feel horrible because I sent a shitton of mixed signals and if I had stopped it then it wouldn't have gotten out of hand. We got to about third at which point he inserted himself into me. I've only had sex a few times with another man and right then it hurt like hell. I started crying and told him to stop, which he did after a few thrusts. I still feel upset and confused, and everything still hurts. I dont know what to do and I feel that I only have myself to blame. I wish it never happened.
