Connecticut Jokes

Keep in mind for these jokes that Connecticut is populated by just a few types of people:
Feeble-minded easily-startled white people; rich politicians; the upper class; and the intelligence agencies and private security teams they summoned/employed to protect them.

I wrote all of these with the exception of two jokes I might have heard from somewhere else:

-The only true entrance into Connecticut is behind a Bee Gee's poster at a diner in Rhode Island

and

-(NYC resident) 'Boulders ain't real! They're magical sorcerers from Connecticut.'

There's a receipt tucked in my outdoor Christmas tree in Connecticut but I'm scared to touch it cause I might get framed.

If my aunt in Connecticut tries to move her state mandated decorations, painfully loud alarms start going off until it's moved back to where it was.

The dishwasher in my aunt's guest house in Connecticut is also a portal to Narnia

My aunt's bathtub in Connecticut fills up with laundry detergent whenever the cat takes a piss in it.

My aunt and uncle in Connecticut recently discovered that 'outside' has a ceiling, and their whole neighborhood is actually within a giant warehouse.

The entire state of Connecticut can actually detach from the continental United States and float away to safety in the event of a nuclear holocaust.

Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell was arguing with my dad in our living room in Connecticut; Sam bopped him on the top of his head with a water bottle then went to use the john.

Once in a while my TV in Connecticut grows legs and hangs out with me for 2 hours and we fight crime together

Sam Fisher from Splinter Cell was in my dad's living room in Connecticut; he shrugged while looking annoyed, bopped my dad on the head with a water bottle, then went to go use the john.

Will post more if people reply

Didn’t read but nf anyway

This thread is intentional to make fun of Maks

I thought he was making fun of himself for being a stupid faggot

a poster from connecticut walks into a thread. he sees that it's a plug drugs thread, doesn't read it, and appeals to the admins to lock the thread and herp plug drugs.