Counter-Strike Duel: Plug Drugs vs. rubycalaber
so yesterday I posted in this shitty plug drugs thread where he was failing to post unfunny images which I made fun of him for and advised him to take more drugs so he'll end up being a good poster like bob hughes which got plug drugs even more butthurt than his opiate abuse induced constipation but like any real man he knows exactly how to solve his problems: IN A VIDEO GAME and he challenged me to a duel wild west style
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Plug Drugs
:raged:
ruby i challenge you to a duel; see you on the playground, de_dust2, 5 o clock
so I of course accepted since unlike in real life I am a hardcore badass already ready to throw down and he specified 5 o clock so he'd have time to get into the zone by playing for the hours leading up to our showdown and I intended to do the same thing but like anything that requires me to do work I avoid it and just posted on 4chan instead and when the time came I loaded up the game and changed my default settings since I hadn't played since literally 2006 when I'd play with roy4l and his oddity artfag crew but we couldn't find an empty server that would stay on dust2 so we settled on office and started the asskickery, the only rule: first to 10 kills wins!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrjebHpSUbw
ROUND 1
things are off to a rough start for me as everything is confusing me from the mouse sensitivity to the lack of iron sights to how things randomly explode around you and I forget that you are meant to buy weapons before the round starts so all I have is my starting glock and I soon hear a bin getting knocked over and spot Plug Drugs aka spunkyskunk347 (what are you, a gay furry or something?) and unload my glock at him putting a few rounds in his sides but I forgot that this game is typical retarded video game bullshit where you can soak up 9mms to the chest no problem and Plug Drugs takes me out with a headshot from his M16 and I rage out
SCORE: Plug Drugs 1 - 0 rubycalaber
ROUND 2
this round I actually remember to buy a gun and go for the AK-47 since I forgot that it's the worst gun in the game which soon gets me killed when I have to actually aim as I exchange fire with Plug Drugs down the long hallway and he gets me again with his M16
SCORE: Plug Drugs 2 - 0 rubycalaber
ROUND 3
I feared I was in for an ass kicking since all I've been playing the last few months has been the dead fucking serious Day Z mod for ARMA 2 and now I'm playing this cartoony bullshit I havn't played in 6 years against a guy who plays it every single day of his life this time I choose the UMP just because it looks cool and I manage to get my first kill with it by channeling the might of The Fuhrer by screaming OH HIIIIIITLEEEEEEEEEEEER also this was the round that I remembered you could buy body armor so I got some which I didnt really need but then two rounds later I literally forgot body armor existed so for all I know Plug Drugs was kitted out with kevlar vests and helmets for every round lmao
SCORE: Plug Drugs 2 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 4
pumped up from my first kill I run straight to the garage and let off a shot so Plug Drugs will come to me and I catch him trying to hide in the corner and get me through the stupid hole in the wall that no one would ever put there in real life and I completely empty my UMP at him hitting him twice and taking a total of 37 HP off of him and take cover as he fires his pump action shotgun at me what kind of a retard goes for the pump and not the auto and then I pull out my twin berettas Wesley Wyndam Pryce style and jump out of cover guns blazing but oh fuck Plug Drugs isn't there I try to find him further in the garage but hes managed to hide behind the big dumpster or whatever since he is a dumpster poster and I fire off a few shots as I catch him running up the stairs this was the only time I used the dual elites which are my favorite guns and I wished I used them more but I ended up sticking with the gun that got me the most kills since I took some advice I once read jon give on here to always go with the gun you have the highest chance of making hits with and then I throw a grenade for the only time in the game and it bounces back out through that stupid hole and takes off 1 point of armor from me lmao and then I reload my UMP and check those crates I remember people used to camp on and just as I turn the corner back up to the offices Plug Drugs comes leaping down the stairs the bunny hopping bastard but I take him out so that we're even which makes me so overjoyed my character in the game shakes violently
SCORE: Plug Drugs 2 - 2 rubycalaber
ROUND 5
I check the stiarway again but hear Plug Drugs coming from the other way and I let the UMP rip spewing out 13 shots but only a few hit him in the arm which of course would probably make him fall over and be unable to use that arm for months in real life but in video game land he can spin around and put one M249 round through my head and instantly send me flying back like I've been hit by a train
SCORE: Plug Drugs 3 - 2 rubycalaber
ROUND 6
I see how overpowered the M249 is so change to it, release the smoke monster Benjamin Linus style to not much effect and catch Plug Drugs sneaking into the offices to murder my hostages which I thought would make him lose the game but apparently not and he tops it off by killing me instantly with a headshot from his M249 so I guess Plug Drugs was using a pro tactic there to distract my eye by making me look at the crosses on my mini-map instead of him coming out to kill me that or he's just a terrible counter-terrorist
SCORE: Plug Drugs 4 - 2 rubycalaber
ROUND 7
I go back to the UMP since I've actually managed to get some kills with it but as soon as Plug Drugs comes around the corner he yet again shoots me in the head with his M249 so of course I accuse him of hacking
SCORE: Plug Drugs 5 - 2 rubycalaber
ROUND 8
things are looking bad for me Plug Drugs already has half the kills he needs to win and I'm three kills behind so I decide to give the M249 another try and mix things up with a flashbang I spend most of the round waiting to flash long hall but when I see Plug Drugs murdering my fucking hostage again on the mini-map he gives away his position and of course I can't stop myself from directly telling Plug Drugs exactly what I know since I'm not very good at intelligence warfare or intelligence of any kind for that matter and Plug Drugs decides to throw all three different types of grenade out into the hallway but I just hang back and listen to a ghost reloading his gun and when I hear him coming through I toss my flashbang into the stupid little hallway that would never exist in a real building and Plug Drugs freaks out and starts firing his UMP at random (which he made fun of me for using, more like the U MadP mate) but he's clearly been blinded so I tear up the offices with my machine gun to great effect, just be lucky I didnt flash you with my massive cock mate that would have left you stunned for way longer than that
SCORE: Plug Drugs 5 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 9
I start to notice how much trouble chairs can give you in this game when I spot Plug Drugs running in so I toss a flashbang that has zero effect and neither does shooting him several times in the chest with a high caliber machine gun due to video games and he just blows my brains out with his P90 using the illegitimate exploit known as aiming well
SCORE: Plug Drugs 6 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 10
so like anyone with a good sense of sportsman ship I accuse him of being on steroids and camp in the paper storage room or whatever and see Plug Drugs throw a smoke grenade past the door I thought was a flash and then blast the M249 at him as he tries to peak around the doorway but I own him so hard he goes flying back and hits a painting off the wall and I even get an achievement for it
SCORE: Plug Drugs 6 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 11
I spend a minute sitting on a table trying to catch Plug Drugs out but I think hes figured where I am since he tosses a grenade that destroys the dells in the office thats what they get for not having an alienware thats made from parts of a crashed UFO so its resistant against explosive attacks and then flashes me but thankfully I played so much office I can literally navigate it blind and run back into the supply closet thing and try to give Plug Drugs a taste of his own flash medicine but the piece of shit thing wont go off fast enough and I'm rewarded with more untold jimmy rustling I thought I was in fucking trouble here since I was three kills behind again and he only needed three more to win
SCORE: Plug Drugs 7 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 12
I sneak around to long hall and catch him walking through the toilets and fire down at him but he slips away only losing 25 HP and I stay in that hallway so he'll come to me and when I hear him coming through the door behind me I throw my flashbang which literally hits him in the ballsack, taking away 1 HP, as he's trying to bunny hop through the doorway like a faggot causing him to get stuck in the doorway long enough for me to whip back out my M249 and unleash it we both wade back and forth spraying out bullets until he pussies out and tries to retreat but I hit him so hard he goes flying back into the desk brutal ownage tbh
SCORE: Plug Drugs 7 - 5 rubycalaber
ROUND 13
I accidentally picked up one of his smoke grenade so I unleash the smoke monster again in the hallway for cover and jump out into the snow but I hear him laying siege to my precious filing cabinets back inside so I rush to their rescue only to find them laid out across the hallways like a barricade pretty pro moves but not pro enough as I catch up with him in the stairwell and plug Plug Drugs full of bullets
SCORE: Plug Drugs 7 - 6 rubycalaber
ROUND 14
I wait for him to come up the stairs from the garage but he exploits my one weakness: having to actually aim and playing games well, everytime I'm almost caught up to him he starts wracking up the kills again, the tension is starting to get to me as my jimmies tingle, only two more kills and he's won and officially stood up to a guy with a website but I need double that to stave off the ownage
SCORE: Plug Drugs 8 - 6 rubycalaber
ROUND 15
Plug Drugs gives away his position by throwing a grenade through the window or some shit and I just run up and dump fire into his face sending him flailing back down the stairs
SCORE: Plug Drugs 8 - 7 rubycalaber
ROUND 16
after a quick prayer to Allah to bless my jihad I catch Plug Drugs running down long hall and send him fucking flying down it just as someone flushes one of the toilets, that's Plug Drugs skills (which are shit (like his posts)) being flushed away as he finally looses the lead and we're even again after 13 long rounds
SCORE: Plug Drugs 8 - 8 rubycalaber
ROUND 17
shit is getting intense as fuck as we only need two more kills each to end the others gaming career and posting career in one foul swoop so I say a prayer to the immortal jimmy rustler to grant my rounds the power to rustle jimmies and immediately put my blessed bullets to good use by blowing Plug Drugs head off which causes him such severe anus ache that he uses his mic for the first time in the game to scream in frustration, confirming that his jimmies rustled status, one more kill and the game is mine as I finally have the lead after 17 long rounds of fighting tooth and nail just to keep up
SCORE: Plug Drugs 8 - 9 rubycalaber
ROUND 18
I think I have the game in the bag as I hear Plug Drugs coming up the stairs but he's packing the M249 too and puts several rounds into my camping corner as he darts around and my jimmies struggle to stabilize as we go into the final round with 9 kills each for an epic movie style final show down
SCORE: Plug Drugs 9 - 9 rubycalaber
ROUND 19
I almost cant take the tension of our ultimate battle where either of us could win with just one well placed bullet and the chairs getting in my way aren't helping my jimmies are so sensitive that I actually start quoting Barracuda's final lines before he died in Punisher MAX I didn't do that consciously as a joke I literally didn't notice I was muttering "what you got coming, what you got coming from the deep dark asshole of the earth" until I watched the recording and then only after editing did I realize where I was getting that from lmao then I start using psychological warfare threatening to plug Plug Drugs anus and push his constipated shit in bro big time so his hole will be even more damaged and it seems to work since he starts throwing grenade around in a panic and after a quick atheist in fox hole prayer to God plug drugs comes dashing into the room and I unleash the m249 tearing the office apart and Plug Drugs hits me with his p90 taking away 34 of my health and thinks hes safe from answering fire by positioning himself in front of my hostages but I am a cold blooded motherfucker who loves killing innocent NPCs and I let the lead fly proving either God or Allah or the jimmy rustler or all exists by letting their power flow through me and into my gun sending my bullets blasting straight into his faggot face for a headshot dealing 137 damage and winning me the game by the skin of my fucking ballsack
SCORE: Plug Drugs 9 - 10 rubycalaber
WINNER: RUBYCALABER
I go fucking ballistic screaming how I've ended his gaming career and I get so excited I accidentally alt tab by trying to use all talk with alt and check the score with tab at the same time thank fuck I didnt do that mid combat lmao I've done that before the first time Deso and I completed L4D2 I got so excited I minimized my game by accident slapping my keyboard and missed the animation for the bridge blowing up anyway then plug drugs says I have brought shame unto my family yep that's what happens when you fuck with gaming legend rubycalaber but he gave me a fantastic run for my money probably only because I haven't played the game for 6 years but still and then we agree that this is how we should settle forum dispute from now on settle your feuds in video game duels lmao
I will be making some more gaming videos soon since rootbeer kept asking me to make a lets play but I don't have the patience for that but hopefully he will enjoy this I did since it was extremely awesome and I wanna do it again does anyone else want to risk their jimmy stability and take me on maybe we could get a 2 v 2 game going I wish we could have a like counter strike or whatever game tournament but we're all too lazy for it to work oh yeah speaking of lazy fat sacks of shit happy 4th of july god bless America!!! :usa::9/11:
