Originally Posted by
m0nde
Im sorry and embarrassed. But most of all, Im REALLY deeply sorry.
I've had some retardation mental phases that couldn't control myself, since i registered was the worst experience in forum some months history. I've insulted to the most important members like maks, sex with dead people, barry, jon, camoron, ascii_genitals, etc... Words cannot express how truly sorry im for the anxiety, frustration and inconvenience that i caused.
This is especially saddening because i was founded on the promise of bringing fun social back to the internet and making the experience of posting happier and easier for everyone who chooses to laugh with us. I know i failed to get accepted on this forum.
You deserved better a lot than me. Nothing is more important than regaining your trust and all of us here hope you will give us the opportunity to welcome.
I'm going to reveal the truth about my rape history:
My father emotionally, physically and sexually abused me. I moved out at the age of sixteen, hoping to escape all the pain, only to find out that it would follow me. My psyche and boundaries were very damaged and I did not realize that because of my upbringing and appearance I attracted sexual predators.
After dating at age twenty-one, I discovered my boyfriend was a porn addict. So great was his sexual perversity and infidelity that I was at a loss to know what to do to save my relationship. Finally, after five years of relationship, i broke up and im still lonely...
He took a keen interest in me that made me feel special. I really thought he cared and wanted to help me. His acts of kindness convinced me that I had found a father figure I could trust and who would help me forget my relationship and work through my past abuse.
We got to the hotel room and to my surprise he had a key and opened the door. He went inside and I followed. Once inside he began kissing me. Shockedand terribly confused, I pushed him away and told him I didn’t understand. He said he was in love with me and had been waiting to tell me. He told mehe thought I was the most beautiful woman he ever had seen and that he wanted to make love to me.
I was stunned. I told him I could not do that as I was convinced and did not have the same feelings towards him. This seemed to make him angry and he became more forceful. Why I did not run out of the room I am not sure. Part of me felt immobilized. I felt obligated to stay and talk him down. After all I did not want to hurt his feelings!
I kept physically fighting him off and telling him that though I respected him as my pastor and as a father figure I wanted him to stop. He pushed me, tore my clothes and raped me. The ugly event seemed to last forever. It was as if I mentally checked out. I remember that it hurt, that I was crying and that he was calling me names like whore and slut and saying many derogatory things about me. As he was violating me there was a knock on the door. Apparently he had this whole thing planned and had invited others to join him. He let four strangers into the room, who all took their turn raping me. They raped me both anally and vaginally. The pain was incredible as they were very rough and forceful. After what seemed like forever I blacked out. I remember the pastor shaking me hard and slapping me across the face.
One of the most disturbing things that happened that night is that I had an orgasm. Despite years of relationship, it was my first orgasm ever. It really`confused me. I thought some part of me must be mentally sick to have experienced the pleasure of an orgasm during this horrific trauma. My only conclusion was that there was something terribly perverted and wrong with me.
That's all.
