this DayZ game was especially notable, or, well, like, notable for once, since not only did I get stevey, jon, camoron, skrizach and barry all in one dayz server with me but I also spent £20 on buying the game for general doli so he's technically playing the game even if he couldn't get it to work lmao but that is the whole game AND we were using a tinychat room to talk which also had garfield, reno, lisa, stompleb, cag and rootbeer talking in it and mrs. hyde, dustin, ooble, cody, drunkpuppies and plug drugs in the chat, this of course took place on April 18th 2013 so we're literally 8 days short of this being 2 years ago lmao, I should have really posted this last year when the forum wasn't either completely dead or the lisa trolling hour but thats the good thing about my dayz videos no one would have cared anyway but if anyone does I'll dump all the material I accumulated from a tinychat that had been going for about 40 hours straight
first up is perhaps the start of a new podcast or whatever where I just dump all the audio I have of shooting the shit with various posters I've amassed throughout the years if I do more of these it'll be mostly me and teknorat sitting in a bush in dayz chatting away like old grannies gossiping about people and he's suggested I release those recordings under the label "bushside chats", maybe that'll be a separate series, who knows (or cares)
Banter Archive #001: Tinychat April 18th 2013
this nigger rigged podcast thing features me of course, elezzzark, cag, barry, general doli, stompleb, skrizach, camoron, reno, stevey, rootbeer, garfield and of course her majesty the lizard queen herself lisa
it's basically just a compilation of the funniest shit that people said and covers such important topics as tim showing his hole, verbally abusing cag, tim finding out I'm vegetarian and wanting to "put some meat in me", how cag prefers uncut cocks, how I still have feelings for fanfare, me viral marketing my podcast, '05 poster foxe still living in garland by being too scared to leave since you never make it out of garland alive, lisa hearing circus music and immediately doing circus tricks like a trained dog and thoughout I am trying to get doli to get dayz working, also includes a favorite quote of mine that goes bary: "ruby there's only 5 million in scotland, do you know how easy it would be to find you?" me: "uh... very hard because you're a fucking idiot?"
second up is the sequel to this smash hit video but instead of being only 21 seconds long this is 23 MINUTES OF ELEZZZARKS DEAF RETARD NOISES!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e13WY2RQEn4
this video, I guess I made it a video since I think its very funny to put pictures of the big man himself on them, features elz of course, me of course, stevey, lisa, rooty, stompleb, jon, general doli, skrizach
it's basically us trying to teach elz how to speak (only words he can really manage are steffies and bushpig lmao) also features stompleb trying to hold a moment of silence and reading out some poetry in memoriam for the bostom marathon bombings (for some reason every time I play DayZ there is some mass murder , when I first started playing it was james holmes, the dorner shootings were just before this and I was playing dayz while listening to the hostage situation in australia 4 months ago) but elz keeps talking over him since hes fucking deaf, also note that someone is doing a comically evil laugh and lisa is dumb enough to think its elz even though its clearly not him and she also likes it since she is attracted to evil men and it probably reminded her of flaglerchats mwahaha thing thank fucking god he's dead irl now lmao
now for some screencaps, you know that browser game someone made where you get to beat up anita sarkeesian? well... yeah... elz made a game about beating up iwascruel
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...b.jpg~original
elz threatening to let his "little john" out to play
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...v.jpg~original
elz disney princess mouse...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...l.jpg~original
steveyo's rendition of elz
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...8.jpg~original
timmy's opinion on elz
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...g.jpg~original
speaking of timbo...
ITS THE BARRY POTHEAD JERK OFF INSTRUCTIONS!
7 QUICK TIPS FOR BETTER MALE ORGASMS!
step one: show your ballsack to other men on the internet
http://i.imgur.com/hHIS07K.jpg
step two: waggle your sack for other men on the internet
http://i.imgur.com/2q2zNUr.gif
step three: show your bum and arsehole to other men on the internet
http://i.imgur.com/Q4stE7L.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/H4V2JfZ.jpghttp://i.imgur.com/BhTTv65.jpg
step four: show your cats arsehole to other men on the internet
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...6.jpg~original
step five: attach clothespegs to your nipples
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...8.jpg~original
step six: tie a belt around your neck and choke yourself as you jerk off until climax
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...w.gif~original
step seven: put on your tiger fursuit and enjoy the afterglow in yifftastic comfort
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...h.jpg~original
up next is THE JON & LISA WORKOUT HOUR!
work out tips to keep you fit for fucking cag and/or arguing with cag on a gay nigger dick forum!
step 1: lift two 30lbs weights 10 times
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...o.gif~original
step 2: do some pushups
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.gif~original
step 3: put on some circus music
step 4: do handstands
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...y.gif~original
step 5: play with a hula hoop
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...a.gif~original
step 6: waggle your sweaty feet to relax your musles
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...f.gif~originalhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...x.gif~original
our final forumer visual tutorial is
CAG'S PARTY HARD #YOLO GUIDE!
step 1: get crunk every day
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...c.jpg~original
step 420: smoke weed every day
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...v.gif~originalhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...q.gif~originalhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...4.gif~original
step 69: show your cleavage on webcam to attract beta orbiters online
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...b.jpg~original
disclaimer #1: make sure you don't party too hard and fall into the internet!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...3.jpg~original
disclaimer #2: the Cag Party Hard #YOLO Guide™ may include side effects such as turning into hitler...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...r.jpg~originalhttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...r.jpg~original
making you reveal your fursona...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...b.gif~original
(they work for the arm-wrestler... the mosquito man!)
and making 45 year old single mothers show their tits online
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...t.jpg~original
now that the actually engaging content is out of the way let's get onto....
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...c.jpg~original
this gay collage features: general doli, stevey, barry, reno, elz, stompleb, jon, ruby, cag, camoron, teknorat, plugdrugs, lisa, rootbeer and skrizach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIa3ZSvNV6M
video features: me of course, general doli, stevey, reno, camoron, barry, jon, cag
after an opening scene that might trick you into thinking things will actually happen in these videos now there is a lot of aimless jogging around as 4 different people try and talk general doli through installing the game I spent 20 pounds buying him, I get kicked from the server by a butthurt admin as camoron tries to tell him in the chat I'm not a hacker which seems to work so I can enjoy the horrible gameplay, I dont remember the gunfighting being so fucking bad but it really was literally unplayable, includes such amazing quotes as "that was so funny I cant wait to tell cody and lisa" - stevey "all cards on the table I'm stupid dont listen to me" - me "it's cool that I spent an hour of my life trying to get this game to work" - doli "I have not talked to a real girl in so long" - reno
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgGak06dqa4
video features: me of course, general doli, stevey, skrizach, camoron, barry, jon
after the high end nerd wrangling it takes to get more than two people to play a video game together at the same time the pro gaming begins when I meet stevey and we hold up in cherno's church when big man big ears jon arrives and we have an intense siege situation where a ghillie suited hacker starts letting off smoke bombs and grenades at the door and sends in his zombie minions and we manage to hold it down with extreme teamwork skills long enough got camoron to drive a truck up to the front door and immediately get his brains blown out lmao and then in an epic firefight he kills me and tim stops playing because he was only playing to find us and kill us lmao cheeky cunt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0l2oo8_PZRk
video features: me of course, general doli, stevey, skrizach, camoron, barry, jon, lisa, stompleb, cag
while tim entertains the rest of the chat by showing his ballsack, cats asshole and his tiger fursuit, in that order, general doli gradually loses more and more of his shit with such amazing quotes as "TIM YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU DAMAGED HOLE FREAK, I WILL COME OVER THERE AND USE A WIDE VARIETY OF DILDOS ON YOUR HOLE UNTIL ITS BLEEDING ONTO THE STREET UNTIL IT FORMS A SORT OF APPARATUS THAT CONCAVES DOWNWARDS AND HAS A NEGATIVE DERIVATIVE" when barry starts hitting on his girl lisa and as camoron sums up "the joke is you're going through all this shit to play the worst game on earth" and since I've already done my mandatory jimmy rustlings for today (getting doli to try and play this game) the others try to catch up with skrizach getting a guy called nick so angry by killing him that he swears revenge and some cheeky cunt in the chat starts playing earrapes of lonely island songs and and gangnam style, ah the musical tastes of 2013, what a bunch of plebs, unlike today where Iggy Azealea will be with us for the entire future if music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTjT8JGnTmo
video features: me, barry, rootbeer, general doli, lisa, skrizach, jon, stompleb
after a brief rustling where my mic stopped working for no reason I start viral marketing the latest episode of the teknorat & ruby show podcast and rootbeer tells me "I almost puked in the one that iwascruel talked about being fingered dude" and I in turn compliment his minecraft letsplays, ah, simpler times, before rooty got lisa'd, but stevey wasn't a fan back then either when he told hhim "you're fatter than I've ever been, all you can do is eat a sledgehammer, shut up!" in response to rooties benchpressing advice, after stompleb is revelead to be the earrape culprit (probably in revenge for snapping his neck and leaving him paralyzed when he last played DayZ with us lmao) and I mute him I meet up with jon again in the construction site but he's only getting 5 frames per second (spoilers for season 3 of my dayz lets play: thats lisa's average fps lmao) because his ears are blocking his wifi signal and it takes him a full minute to kill one zombie but I totally on purpose and intentionally pop some smoke that attracts all the local zombies to let him kill them all and also crash a helicopter by distracting it which I also planned out, also skrizach asks me to put "let the bodies hit the floor" in this video but I didnt since I couldnt be fucked and I already used it like 3 times but I remembered bro at least thats something actually it makes it worse than if I'd just said I didnt notice he said that oh well
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41YZhpr30sQ
video features: who cares fuck you
in our last short video I maximize my game after several hours of chatting to find a plane stuck in some trees and when I get in the fucking fuzz turns up and tells me "sir please step out of the vehicle!" and I demonstrate the correct course of action when the police pull you over (teleport behind them, unsheathe your pistol and shoot them in the back, heh, nothin personal kid, then of course run around your vehicle and shoot them some more so that the desynced combat "catches up")
thanks for (not) reading!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...2.jpg~original
