Generic Ruby DayZ Videos Thread #24: The Return Of Teknorat Special Edition

this thread chronicles the three games where I convinced teknorat to start playing the dayz mod with me again after an ELEVEN MONTH BREAK he took and it's notable for tek and I getting really testy with each other mostly because of how fucking bad the mod was getting at this point where glitches seemed to be snowballing into each other and getting literally unplayable, you know, more than usual

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeWFjF_X1sM

another typically shit dayz video where teknorat is whispering lest he wake up his wife and get karate chopped and my audio isnt synced and is a second off so its almost unaudiable so here's the funniest things tek says in this vid: I like girls who know what they want and what they want is COCK, when he predicts the stand alone: if only we had motorcycle helmets this would be so much fun, when he admits to being a nonce: I told you about how I showed that 15 year old brazilian girl my dick yeah? she said she liked it, it was hot, well this is according to google translate and I get real testy in this game about tek not knowing the locations because I am losing my fucking mind over how bad this game is where like you start randomly sidestepping uncontrollably and getting disconnected from a server and then not being able to official exit the server because it happened when I was near another player and they added new doors to the game that you cant interact with and hackers randomly teleport you into the sky and not being able to pick up a backpack with another player within 5 meters and zombie corpses casting invisible force fields above them and all this bullshit but at least I manage to kill three people with my machete the first is me and a guy put about 3 mags each into each other to no effect but of course me whacking him with a machete gets him and I'm like are you enjoying some fucking realism mate? FUUUCK YOUUU! OH WELCOME TO DAYZ! HE THOUGHT HE COULD KILL ME BY MAG DUMPING TWO FUCKING MAGAZINES FROM A MARAKOV INTO ME BUT I COULD JUST KILL YOU WITH A MACHETE? WELCOME TO DAYZZZZZZ MATE! fucking prick and then I get another guy with it and tell him you like playing fucking fun video games do you mate? fucking see about that you cunt, uninstall this game, I'm doing you a favor, uninstall this game and then when a badass bandit turns up with cool gear we have a big stupid fight where I dump on him to no effect and spend several minutes slashing at him until I finally get him and before I can get his gear a zombie comes towards me so I start swinging my machete so of course the zombies scratch teleports through the blade and instakills me then start looking up when I find an MP5 and tek finally finds me and I start fighting zombies for fun only to find tek was behind me so I was actually defending him by accident thus retroactively having fun and I actually get to shoot someone by random chance because I leave the building and follow who I think is tek and then I see a third person who is actually tek and I dont konw which one to shoot until the first guy aims and tek whispers intently to shoot him as if hes not the one taking aim at the enemy so I shoot the first guy and am surprised to find I didnt teamkill tek and those were my last two bullets and then the game changes my skin to that of a bandit even though I saved my teammate from getting shot and then tek thinks I'm a new player running up and shoots at me but misses lmao we were mad casual before we came up with pro tactics like always stack up on each other and how to call contact on enemies clearly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBAnTVaPagM

a short video that takes place when teknorat is getting judo flipped by his wife for playing games too loudly where I spend an entire hour sitting up in a tower and I actually lie down in bed and watch my screen from there lmao and then I see a team of four fuckers running around so I climb down and when I see one of them I start throwing smoke grenades at him to scare him and he runs into a tent so I throw smoke grenades into it and run around to the side and shoot him through the window as hes waiting for me to run in through the front entrance covered in smoke while I yell EAT ZYCLONE B JEW, INTO THE FUCKING GAS CHAMBER, ENJOY YOUR ZYCLONE B YOU FUCKING JEW, GET GASSED YOU FUCKING KIKE, WHITE POWER, HAIL HITLER MOTHERFUCKER, SIEG HEIL SIEG HEIL SIEG HEIL! GET GASSED YOU FUCKING JEW, ENJOY YOUR ZYCLONE B MATEY BOI YOU FUCKING KIKE THIS IS FOR 9/11 YOU FUCKING JEW HAIL HITLER MOTHERFUCKER, HAIL HITLER MOTHERFUCKER, HAIL HITLER YOU FUCKING JEW, HAIL FUCKING HITLER oh my god the gas chamber, it's filling up with undead jews, block me, oh no the jews are coming, adolf give me strength, please adult let me kill these undead jews, adolf protect me, my lord hitler who art in hell, adolf be thine name protect me, get back you undead hook nosed bastards

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAbFPuLhFHw

in this video I introduce tek to origins that I've played with tim and cam and he gets snippy about me turning on fraps well you couldnt be watching these epic videos if I hadnt 2 years later so whos laughing now eh heh uhhh and tek hates the lighting problems that I dont notice but completely believe happen and after a big stupid gunfight with a guy where we both run around shooting each other with all our ammo I run into a bedroom and lay down next to the bed since you cant get onto it and tell him he can rape me if he bandages me but he just runs away so I run after him yelling IM READY TO GET RAPED, WHY DONT YOU WANT TO RAPE ME? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU? MATE, LOOK, LOOK, ILL LITERALLY HAVE SEX WITH YOU and he does actually start to bandage me so I'm like OH YES TOUCH ME ALL OVER MASTER but as soon as hes done I'm like YEAH I WAS JUST KIDDING IM NOT GAY YOU FUCKING FAGGOT and then I explain building houses to tek and how autistic it is and I sum it up with barrys clan does it, and he likes to build a house, and he roleplays living in a house with a man, because he's fucking gay and after it suddenly turns to night instantly tek runs down a hallway into me and breaks his legs and I'm like I THINK YOU BUMPED INTO ME, IN THE HALLWAY, AND IT BROKE YOUR LEGS and he says WELL THIS IS A FUN AND EXCITING GAME then after both mag dumping on a passing truck to no effect we simulate walking up to a castle on a hill in the pitch black where I fall off a break my legs and I tell tek could you put my pantie liner in? beacuse I'm bleeding out of my vagina, I got raped by a stair and then I immediately fall off the stairs again lmao but I tell him to just let me die this time and while I'm respawning I tell him plug drugs fucking pathetic message about sucking a dick with lisa, made me think could I ever be that pathetic? and I thought no I think I'm getting less pathetic, I'm not even into traps anymore, cus like traps are like an excuse to get around girls having a vagina, but I like vagina now, and I find it attractive, and I think about putting my penis inside them now that I have a fleshlight so I'm literally a nice normal boy who likes to fuck sexy ladies, which is a shame and tek says thinking about putting your penis in a vagina? you fucking faggot! lmao special shoutout to trollinator for taking my virginity love you babe


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_I7cyI5Vck

after playing GTA4 on my PS3 while the next server loads which used to take like half an hour I come back to find that I'VE SPAWNED 500 METERS UP IN THE AIR AND AM FALLING TO THE GROUND and when I find the option to open a parachute it makes my character invisible lmao and I try to snipe another invisible parachuting spawner when the gun I spawned with but idk if hes even interactable with yet and I'm still invisible when I change to third person lmao so hopefully that makes me invisible to everyone else when I turn on third person like a stealth mode and I tell tek about how a bunch of 10 star hackers in GTA wouldnt start the next game if I didnt change teams so they could all play together I told them fine and browser the internet on my computer wasting 30 minutes of their time and then when they gave in and started the game I blew up the escape boat and left lmao happy memories when GTA multiplayer was actually good and then after finding a car thats phased into a building that I get into making my game crash lmao and leaving it on so that it makes a smashing sound that earrapes the entire city I find an HMVV and manage to run over a bitchboy with it while hollering BACK THE FUCK UP BITCH I drive up to a new town some modder has put in where tek is pinned down by two guys and I hop out of my car to sweep the supermarket but the guy I'm looking for steals my car and drives off lmao and then I meet up with tek and we track the other guy down and after unloading on him over and over again as he casually walks down the road towards him tek kills him but then someone kills me while I'm looting all the dead bodies and I hear some little kid screaming WHY YOU KILL ME? like a literal 11 year old lmao and then tek dies after shooting someone 7 times who gets off one shot on him before falling over which instakills him of course and then I shoot at a car passing by and find a bike to chase after him with and when he gets out to shoot at me I ride around him screaming FUCK ALL NIGGERS, KILL ALL BLACKS, KILL ALL NIGGERS AND FUCK ALL BLACKS, KILL ALL FUCKING NIIIIGGERS YOU SUUUUBHUMAN FUCKING APES YOU SUBHUMAN FUUUUCKING MONKEY! YOU MONKEY! YOU SUBHUMAN MONKEY! YOU'RE A FUCKING NIGGER then after clearly running past a bus and getting run over anyway some little kid goes please can I have an evac so tek yells ILL EVAC MY DICK INTO YOUR FUCKING MOUTH CUNT and when tek doesnt want to play anywmore so I try and close my game but it wont let me and I'm like WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM IN COMBAT BECAUSE I THREW A FLARE AS A JOKE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT? and then we start up GTA but I keep playing DayZ lmao and tek tells me I'm not gonna play this game with you if you're going to play a shit game at the same time and I say uh I'm good at games mate I can play two games at once and he asks me politely please dont play dayz its really bad and I'm like let me just get one kill and hes like please dont play dayz its so bad its not even funny, I killed a guy, after putting lots and lots of rounds in him, and I felt nothing, its not fun anymore for me so I say I'll play GTA but every time there's a loading screen I go back to DayZ since I literally have an addiction to simulating walking and tek just gives up and turns his PS3 off and I get testy at him trying to manipulate me but tek just genuinly doesnt want to play gta alone or play dayz at all lmao and the rustling pays off when I get a sniper shot on someone up a lighthouse oh wait it doesnt since the bullet bounces off the empty space between two rungs of a railing brilliant and then I climb up the tallest building in the game and get shot at so I simply use nametags to find the guy hiding in the woods but hes getting chased by a zombie so I cant hit him not that I'd get him while he was stationary

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-IvrfQPzNI

in our next game we decide to have an actual mission like finally going to the North East Air Field which I got to the outskirts of once but got thrown off a ladder and died and was trying to get to again but got phased into a floor and died funnily enough both of those times I ended up infiltrating a group of other players and finding a gun and then killing them all so maybe dayz karma is real and while trying to gear up I try and jump over a banister to jump down the stairs from a zombie blocking the way but another zombie is under my on the stairs and my character hovers in the air before bouncing back up over the banister lmao and then I hear tek saying keep away from me or I'll fucking kill you, keep away from me nigger, keep away from me, I dont care fuck off or I'll kill you, no blacks allowed mate, keep the fuck away from my beautiful white skin I know you're a fucking rapist that's why I've got a gun, back off, last warning, stop following me and then he has to kill the guy and the guy goes ugh, ugh, ugggh, are you kidding me? awwww! lmao I think a lot of people in this game dont even have their sound turned up and are listening to music or something because fucking hell and then we meet up and immediately see a guy so tek unloads into him and nothing happens but when I shoot him once he drops dead realisms and then we run inland trying to get to the NEAF and have a lot of bickering about avoiding zombies and where to go since this shit game irritates us both and then we get to solnichni industrial which we coulda gotten to half an hour sooner if we just followed the coast and we think its a cool new town we've never been to when we like basically live there in the stand alone and after getting chased outta town by dozens of zombies tek tells me I literally wish I was a child rapist so I could explain to lisa in detail how I'd have raped her and then I hear a man coughing and I figure out that its me even though I have a female character kek and it means I am starving to death and since I have an axe I figure I'll just get some wood and kill an animal and cook some meat over a fire but I cant even do step one of this plan since when I run up to a tree to chop firewood off of it it says you must be in the forest to harvest wood and I cant figure out what this dogshit game considers a forest so I run back into town and tek has some beans for me that I eat but I only have like 1hp left form starving to death and as we're running down the traintracks I pass out and the zombies all immediately home in on me and kill me as I scream in agony lmao so that's the third attempt to get to the NEAF that ended in bullshit (and I never do get there in the mod after 55 games lol) lets run down the list

first attempt to reach the NEAF: ejected off of a ladder and died

second attempt to reach the NEAF: phased into a floor and died

third attempt to reach the NEAF: collapsed from starvation after not eating for an hour and then eaten alive by zombies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzPrGB1kPlc

after that rustling I give up on trying to play the game seriously and just go around trolling people like when a guy asks if this game is PvP or PvE (are there even PvE servers? lmao) I tell him its PvE so he gets killed by the first guy he meets rofl and I hear a girls voice but then tek says thats the little kid whos been annoying me with his little kid voice all game and I find him and hes called Jared and hes with his buddy Frost and I want to kill them by a bad reason but I have no ammo so tek says just follow them around until I get there to kill them but these fucking noobs are going to get themselves eaten by zombies before we can kill them so I have to save them lmao so I take charge and tell them to get into the school so we can hold off the zombies and I bandage Jared whos bleeding and Frost needs one too but before I get help him zombies come up the stairs and I tell them to back up but Jared tries to fight them with his crowbar and they knock him out and Frost starts running around like a headless chicken saying hes dead and I try to drag Jared out of the way but zombies go after me and I run up the stairs and try to tell Frost how to drag him but hes too scared and when Jared wakes up I tell him to crawl up the stairs and bandage him again and as I'm trying to finally bandage Frost I fall off the building and start bleeding myself so I run off looking for a bandage for myself and I meet a random guy and beg him to bandage me and he actually does but then a zombie immediately gets me again and I'm like OH I GOT HIT AND STARTED BLEEDING AGAIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE and I ask him for another bandage but he says no sorry I dont have another lmao and I hear Jared crying out that he needs a blood bag and I presume Frost already bled to death so I climb up the school calling for him and he says hes on the fucking top of the building so I have to climb up there intending to bloog bag him so at least tek can get him but he dies the second before I can start the procedure so I get his smoke grenade and let it off like a becon for zombies to kill the other guy at least a second before I die what a clusterfuck and on my next life I see a guy called That Guy and tek lets me know hes not friendly so I loot with him keeping an eye on him and I find a crossbow with only one bolt in it but then the guys friend turns up and I cant decide who to kill the white bandit who tek tells me will kill me on sight or the innocent black person what a tough choice but they run off and I say fuck it and give up and change servers back to the one I was on and on the loading screens I hear tek saying he just killed two players with guns together and when he started shooting he heard a little kid voice saying someones shooting! and then I ask Jared if someone killed him and he asked if it was me and I say no I'm trying to load in lmao so he got those fagboys in the end and then tek says they're coming back for him so I just tell him to disconenct lmao and he survives due to the wonders of combat logging and I try to get there and see where they are so I can tell tek where to go on another server and then load back into this one effectively teleporting behind them but when I get back to elektro theres a guy with a lee enfield so I try and get him with my one crossbow bolt by strafing around a tree hes behind but I accidentally hit M and THE MAP VERY SLOWLY LOADS AND THEN VERY SLOWLY CLOSES GETTING ME SHOT and irl I could whip around and shoot him with the bolt from one meter away as I'm laying on the ground but due to dogshit handling the crossbow gets like caught on the ground and I just waggle around impotently as he shoots me again and I die and then tek says guess what I just did? and tells me I right clicked on ARMA2 operation arrowhead and I clicked delete local game content lmao and he has not played the mod since good for him and then as he watches 7 minutes of raw footage from the los angeles riots I find a sniper rifle and set up over elektro but due to someone spamming gangnam style I dont hear the guy sneaking up behind me and killing me what a good game

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GTAV PC OR STAY OFF THE PORCH

why isnt a woman of your age married yet? these men dont know what their missing!