[Half-Made Mega-Threads: Capeshit] Metal Gear Solid 4, Avengers & Watchmen Reviews - the patriots did 9/11 special edition
Posting has changed. It's no longer about forums, message boards, or funny threads. It's an endless series of social media updates posted by normies and clickbaiters.
Posting - and its consumption of the internet - has become a well-oiled machine.
Posting has changed. IP-tagged users post IP-tagged messages, use IP-tagged search engines. Memes inside their minds diminish and regulate their discussions.
Opinion control. Information control. Narrative control. Internet control. Everything is monitored and kept under control.
Posting has changed. The age of comedy has become the age of control... all in the name of averting offense from ideas of political incorrectness. And he who controls the internet... controls history.
Posting has changed. When the internet is under total control... posting becomes unfunny.
since my computer is full of half-made megathread projects that I wouldn't finish even if given a thousand years never mind with how dead the forums are and how shit the internet is in general now adays I'm going to just start posting them so I don't have to keep thinking about them and getting pissed off about never doing anything with them and since [GLOW=black]the MGS4 thread is so big I don't think the human race has the technolgoy to read it yet[/GLOW] so I'm going to put them on my freewebs if someone wants to actually pay probably 10 dollars in bandwidth usage to read it and I'll just post all the collages and gifs and shit here since that's all anyone ever cared about anyway, this thread's theme is capeshit (MGS counts as jap capeshit)
first up is MGS4, I started this review OVER SEVEN YEARS AGO when the game originally came out and I figured since MGS5 is coming I'd finally at least add the colored text and images to it before it comes out to sort of refresh myself on the series, MGS is definitely my favorite video game series and the only thing that's come close Lost in how much I enjoy theorizing about the immense canon I've loved it since I first played MGS2 (which literally predicted 9/11 in it features a false flag terrorist attack where a vehicle is hijacked and crashed into lower manhattan lmao) which is still influential to my beliefs to this day concerning making your mind up for yourself and not letting the government or the media or your culture tell you what to think and it was interesting to come back to MGS4 a few years later and noticing all the commentary on ridiculous gun control, how much the modern games industry sucks up to the US military and is literally a recruiting tool for them and what real war actually does to people but reviewing it back then when all I was reading into was the surface plot was just too much fucking work, I think I stopped at just the right period since the funnest part was documenting my gameplay shenanigans and the first 2 Acts have a lot more open environments to experiment in but the next 3 Acts are pretty much you walk down a corridor to trigger the next cutscene and in a game that has EIGHT AND A HALF HOURS OF CUTSCENES (I think because most people didn't get MGS2 so Kojima had literal fucking slideshows slowly explaining the concepts to the audience) it became more of a movie than anything else which wasn't as fun to megathread, I guess I'd recommend at least flicking through it since there is some funny shit in it (the fact that I was having to take screencaps with an in-game camera by pressing a button with my painful in-grown toenail throughout, my barely contained arousal at getting tentacle raped by qt psychopath Laughing Octopus and the outrageously homoerotic fight between a bisexual man and an effeminate fuckboy at the end) if you can fucking load the motherfucker that is and this is only the first 2/5ths of the game lmao
http://www.freewebs.com/rubycalaber/MGS4.htm
here's a collage I made for it with the original shout outs, RIP all these fallen posters
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...s.jpg~original
let me explain why whos in it trust me I have some reason to this Eagle Bird as Raging Raven because they are both bird furry faggots roflbrothel as Crying Wolf because she is emo thats what a scene kid is right idk I dont have a life and she can also be a bitch sometimes and aber as Laughing Octopus because she IMs me going lloololllloloolloolololololol all the time and her little probe ball things are hilarous smilies she would post ROY4L as Screaming Mantis because hes pulling everyones strings get it and Ryan as the Psycho Mantis Doll just because I like his face alright he looks funny and hes so cute and Pastor Travis as the The Sorrow Doll because he is a crybaby faggot and I wish he would die like him haha just kidding and then Siburke as Colonel Roy Campbell because they are both retired Military badasses artemis as Dr. Naomi Hunter because I was running out of forum girls to use and they are both uhhh smart or something Trollinator as a FROG because they are both sexy badass robotic babes StompleB as Vamp because he was the most unvegan character I could think of since he drinks blood if StompleB was him he would throw carrots instead of knifes and he is also probably bi iwascruel as Eva because they are both really old lmao owned AlsotPace as Liquid Ocelot because he is a megalomaniac and would probably take over the world for the lulz and force everyone to use his avatar character Vitafin as Raiden because they are both sexy twinks Ruby as Solid Snake because I am getting unfunny and useless but still manage to be heroic and maybe this is my final mission because the forums will probably be dead for good by the time Lost is on again man that would be an epic thread if I got like AIDS and had a week to live and I gave up on the forums but then I siburke cyber stalked me and phoned me saying he had one final mission for me to make a generic ruby review thread of the forums themselves and I post it just as I die oh man epic stuff fanfare as Meryl Silverburgh because they are both kickass cute redheads ooble as Dr. Hal "Otacon" Emmerich because they are both anime nerds ted stevens as Drebin 893 because they are cool motherfucker niggers steveyos as Jonathan because they are both big as fuck and CheYeah as Johnny "Akiba" Sasaki because they start out being useless n00bs but turn out to be pretty awesome and Camoron as Ed because his avatar is a nigger and it was either him or Link and finally cberry as Little Gray because they are both MONKEYS OOK OOK OOK YOU COON MOTHERFUCKER
up next is Avengers which I really loved when it first came out since I was genuinely shocked it wasn't a complete cluster fuck and actually flowed well but this was in 2012 and I had definitely already grown out of the megathread formula a few years ago so all I managed to write was the opening scene, don't recommend it and am only really posting it to also post the following images
http://www.freewebs.com/rubycalaber/Avengers.htm
here's the poster I made for this thread with the original shout outs
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...u.jpg~original
rubycalaber as Iron Man: ultra-rich hyper-intelligent witty dream boat who puts off working on the organization he was handed control of in favor of wasting a bunch of money on flashy hardware that has a snarky AI and frequent malfunctions but he still manages to show-off and own the fuck out of people with it, marks as Captain America: the character with the most prolific career and a strong sense of patriotism and old fashioned values who defends his homeland from sissy forefingers, Clay as Thor: uhhh he has a ban hammer he owns people with idk I just didn't want to make him sigge since they are both scandinavian but fuck that fag, Cberry as Colonel Nick Fury: all niggers look the same, siburke as Hawkeye: expert soldier reprises his role from my previous two marvel comics parodies, fanfare as Black Widow: cute redhead :3, boobz as Agent Phil Coulson: b-lister who tries to hang out with the a-listers but gets owned, Barrypothead as The Hulk: beta male who gets extremely fucking angry in a fit of sperg rage to comedic effect and has a habit of prancing about wearing nothing but a pair of effeminately colored shorts
here's what the signature bar would have been
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...y.jpg~original
guest starring deso as maria hill
here's what my avatar would have been
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...0.jpg~original
I also intended to write a review of Age of Ultron after being hyped for it for like a year straight and while I still had a lot of fun watching it I was also quite disappointed by how comedic and inconsistent Ultron was written who the whole movie hinges on and the plot is outrageously contrived (Tony finds an AI in Loki's scepter that might have been put there by him or by the Chitauri army or by Thanos or be put by fuck knows who or a natural occurrence in one of six super powerful stones the mind gem that is color coded yellow but makes the scepter glow blue that lets you control peoples minds which seemed like a power Loki had himself all along but suddenly doesnt and the AI turns evil either because it was learning from Tony's dysfunctional personality or the mind gem is corruptive in nature or he was already evil from any of those three alien origins and he scans the internet and sees all the war and since Tony tried to design him to be a peace keeping program he wants to stop this and discerns the Avengers are at fault for for all this chaos even though they only try and stop evil people already trying to cause mass violence and this is meant to be a commentary on american foreign policy even though they don't work for the government anymore they are a private organization acting outside of the law but Ultron decides to kill them but their punishment must be more severe so the world sees they are weak and he will replace them with a super android that's made from a 3D printer that prints human flesh for medical operations but upgraded with vibranium the same ultra impact resistant material Cap's shield is made out of and he uploads his own consciousness to the body and gives it true conciousness by embedding the mind gem in his head but the Avengers steal it and also put the Jarvis AI into it and then Thor strikes it with his enchanted Asgardian lighting which brings it to life like Frankenstein's monster or something and this results in him being as smart as the two smartest AI's in the world and being super strong and super fast and flying and being able to manipulate his body entirely to shapeshift and he can alter his density to be super strong or phase through solid matter and he can control peoples minds with the mind gem and hes over powered as all fuck and and has 5 different origins and then he literally defeats Ultron but resetting his wifi settings so Ultron can't access the internet to back-up his AI and escape which he didn't do before for literally no reason and the Avengers defeat him by destroying all of his physical bodies even the one made out of supposedly indestructible vibranium... you can see why I couldnt be fucked talking about that for a whole megathread) and Joss really overdid it with writing every conversation like a reddit-style chain of puns one after the other but I did manage to make this collage before the movie came out, I was gonna add in a bunch of other posters for the robots but you know, work, and we get invaded by spambots on a regular basis so it's still accurate
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...g.jpg~original
the Rubynet Avengers aka the only remaining users, starring rubycalaber as Quicksilver: reprising my role as the cocky misanthrope who wants to fuck his sister from my first avengers parody 8 years ago, marks as Captain America: returning as the star spangled man, Clay as Thor: sigge hasn't posted in over half a decade so there isn't any competition for the role anymore, jon as Hawkeye: taking over for siburke as the traditional family man and projectile weapon specialist whos been romantically linked to the sluttiest member of the group, Cag as Black Widow: a stunningly beautiful woman who has made a career out of seducing men to extract what she needs from them and then betrays them to move onto her next target, Barrypothead as The Hulk: returning as the angriest man on earth and pink pants lover, Lisa as The Scarlet Witch: would have been deso since I want to fuck her like qucksilver fucks his sister but considering Lisa has literally unironically actually performed witch craft IRL it has to be her, Steven Yelle as Iron Man: the most confident, funny and technologically savvy member of the group, Doctor Romulac as Vision: mysterious synthetic human of indeterminate origin that keeps a vigil over the group so he can appear at any time when needed
and finally is my Watchmen review megathread that DOESNT EXIST because I never wrote a single word of it all I did was make these gifs and then got too mad at my favorite comic being wasted on an unfitting zack snyder film and didnt want to spend any more time on it but these have still been knocking about my computer from folder to folder since 2009 so here ya go
marks98 gets ambushed by a mysterious poster who figures hes become too much of a powerful forum influence (spoilers: it's max)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...l.gif~original
marks98 gets owned for life, probably to stop him from changing his username to maks and impersonating the evil jewish mastermind
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...p.gif~original
dp tries to troll max while he's attending peace talks with eric bauman and his team
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...3.gif~original
also featuring: Lina Goldberg, Neil Bauman, Devastation, EvaMonkey, Lividum, Nocturnal, d[o_o]b, gabi and sspunkyali
roflbrothel shows off her sexy body (remember this was made 6 years ago before she got fat)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.gif~original
100% accurate recreation of vitafin losing his virginity to roflbrothel which I listened to on skype
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...f.gif~original
a play on Rorschach putting on his mask he considers his real face as me putting on my matthew fox avatar using a pic ROY4L was passing around as being me irl, guest staring camoron as my shrink
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.gif~original
a larger, shorter version, eagerly awaiting lizards to find this in 5 years time and think they've seen my real face
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...f.gif~original
ruby and vitafin try to stop max's evil plot to do 9/11 again but his jew tricks are too much for us
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...q.gif~original
max blows me the fuck out
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...o.gif~original
movie had fun fight choreography I'll give it that
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.gif~original
vitafin cant keep up with max without his tipex gun
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...s.gif~original
the b-lister crew come after me for leaving them out of too many threads
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...2.gif~original
featuring .gaysexmmk., CrazyRay, Elezzzark, bliz and bje32 as the SWAT team
this is probably my favorite scene in the movie, set fire to all cops tbh
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.gif~original
this is an extremely rare one of a kind limited edition half-made generic ruby gif where I literally gave up half way through trying to edit tiny avatars that take up 6 pixels over cops almost entirely hidden in the dark
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...x.gif~original
featuring timlololol, jazz, heineken_skywalker, blender fresh, krazytacos, Ando_2006, AlexGuy10 and Bang! as the cops
here are some rare extras you might find interesting, to keep track of where I was in the production of these I took these screencaps, here's the no-namers who were going to be in more gifs
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...e.jpg~original
also you can see I was literally working on the robot patrol sigs at the time, feels just like yesterday people were getting legit mad at a motorbike gimmick editing their posts
some of the other gifs I had yet to edit and the ones I had already made crossed out
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...b.jpg~original
well that's a bunch of shit I don't have to think about anymore hope you had fun getting mad you weren't in the images and crashing your browser from the MGS link, happy 9/11 and death to america!
