DIRECTV Hardballing Post-Recession; Abandons All Respect for Customers to Mug Them For One Last Buck Before Bailing the Titanic
Have you noticed an elderly relative of yours lately paying upwards of $200-$300 a month to have spam, informercials, 'pay day' loan scams, ads for unaccredited trap colleges, debt inducing booby-traps, reality television, and medieval stockade humiliation porn beamed into their dwelling? You may not be alone! With generation T, U, & V approaching dementia age now, completely oblivious to the modern corporate philosophy of hiring psychoanalysts to figure out how to subconsciously terrorize the masses with manipulatory soul-raping psychological socioeconomic warfare brandishing newly unleashed technology such as f-MRI brain reading conducted at focus groups, heat-reading cameras in all devices detecting emotional response, and experimental frequency bombardment both audibly and visually designed to disorient, confuse, and awe viewers with a fantastic sensory overload from pulsating ultra-neons, fore-head penetrating radical-end spectrum radiation emitting smart-device displays, and willpower-negating rage-inducing square-waves, the pigs are able to drain away the last of grandma and grandpa's retirement; whatever was left of it anyways after the planned investment-crashing by robber barons in the late 2000s.
It's not too late though to purchase a hunting shack in the middle of the wilderness and live off the grid however; hunting deer, snag-netting, brewing your own alcohol and watching old VHS tapes with a VCR hooked up to homemade car-battery windmill; Uncle Sam hasn't taken away your Right to abandon society entirely and opt out of your life of poverty and misery having no real trade skills, about to get stuck working in the service industry; it's still technically more profitable to get rid of people like you than it is to spend the legal fees involved with lobotomizing and assimilating you.
On the bright side, here's a few statistics that will cheer you up:
Canada only has a population of like 30 million. The whole country is like a big Minnesota but with public college and healthcare. Do you like blondes?
If you thought the number "190,000 deaths from medical malpractice per year" just had to be false or made up, turns out the new 2014 figure is 440,000 deaths from medical malpractice a year! JUST IN THE US!!! =D ..You weren't wrong; it totally IS a Lovecraftian nightmare, and it totally IS getting exponentially worse! And you actually let people convince you to lose your ability to believe in your ego; for 4 sexless years you convinced yourself you were a delusional failure when all that time you could have been acting like an indulgent jackass and banged a bunch of bitches! At least you got some decent pussy in your late teens.... man, can you imagine how hellish you would feel right now if you had never even gotten that? Boy you think you have it bad, but the virgins at your age are in a skin-peeling fire lake; that might explain why there's all those corporate psychopaths getting off on inventing intentionally carcinogenic household products or doctors who plot to sterilize children with Depo-Provera laced vaccinations.
An estimated 180,900 in the US are HIV positive and don't even know it! Well that uhh wasn't in any way a statistic meant to cheer you up, actually I just wanted to mention it and get the word out about that so more people will go and get tested.. yeah.. kind of need to take care of that, soonish.
Trump 2016
