I slick my hair back.
black and tight to the scalp. not a hair out of place.
this evening is going to be magical.
have to make sure everything is just right. she'll be here in less than an hour.
table cloth is tight, hangs off each edge of the table by exactly 5 1/2 inches.
each utensil places precisely 2 centimeters from the next.
I check my watch, then the wall clock...... the watch is off by 17 seconds.......... the rage boils up temporarily, but then subsides......
clunk clunk clunk........ down into the basement I go...
the sounds of the basement set me free, a place, the one place where everything doesn't have to be EXACT...... where I can lose myself, and allow for the randomness of life to take control.
the clanking of the chains.
good.
one thing I can trust is their iron grip to the wall.
I hose down the floor and watch as the crimson streaks dance their way down the 6 inch drain in the concrete floor...... flowing through the reflective water like a child down a water slide.
naked I sit in the dark of the basement..... I scream, imagining I can see my voice in waves bouncing around the room, fighting to escape through a crack and into the free winds of outside, begging for a neighbor to come knocking at my door asking questions..... questions that never come.
the room is sealed......... no light can penetrate these walls, no sound, no air...... the water drains into the sewer, assimilated by the flow of shit and piss from the neighbors screaming child.....
