Counter-Strike Duel: Dustin vs. rubycalaber
so my beautiful internet girlfriend and fulltime power exchange mistress Desolation told me that her e-bud Dustin wants to duel me in CS:S who I thought was a fucking lizard before this and even though I was still reeling from the ownage I received from S-Mod Overlord Plug Drugs a few days ago I accepted since if I've learnt anything from the horrendous movies I watch it's to Never Back Down
the only rule: first to 15 kills wins!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBmhXTiUZM8
ROUND 1
we were hoping to play on dust2 but then the server reset to aztec the worst map thats ever been made for anything ever and probably what the aztecs tried to predict as the 2012 apocalypse since they looked around then and saw how shit the map they were living in was and knew if people were still experiencing it thousands of years in the future it would destroy the world thats how shit it is and right away I know which fucking gun I am buying the M249 the most illegitimate gun ever invented any taliban that get killed by it by evil western troops get free entry into heaven even if they didnt jihad anyone since Allah knows how unfair that gun is and I get the first kill by extreme megamag dumping bullshit and honestly felt very confident and I was hoping he was some bitch n00b gaylord like all of desos friends (hang yourself reno)
SCORE: Dustin 0 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 2
here on this fucking bridge my main weakness of having to actually aim over a long distance and not just run straight at the enemy mag dumping gets exploited also note how much of a fucking pro gamer I am literally predicting to the second when he would throw a grenade that explodes right at my feet and would turn me to mush irl but does 0 damage in this shit game and then he literally just aims at my head and shoots me and I die oh boyo
SCORE: Dustin 1 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 3
and since I just saw how shit grenades are I refuse to buy any throwables since they just get in the way and are all completely pointless and for some reason whenever I say confident it comes out like competent which is fine since they are usually interchangeable in the context I use them in since I'm shit at games and a beta bitch as we see when uses the common hack known as crouching to aim at my face and kill me
SCORE: Dustin 2 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 4
and I know I need to keep him close but the millisecond I spy him down that fucking bridge and try to retreat he headshots the one pixel of my head still around the corner
SCORE: Dustin 3 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 5
I do so shit I cant even buy the m249 because this isnt deathmatch and I cant just buy that hacker gun over and over again like some sort of cheap piece of shit *cough*plugdrugs*cough* also here I notice when I say deso I say it like detho so maybe I do have a lisp like some people I get very very very angry in video games tell me jokes on you m8s I only realized it when talking about my girlfriend so I cant be gay and I go with the AUG which has a zoom function which I dont even get a chance to use since as soon as I see him he whips around and headshots me from a mile away
SCORE: Dustin 4 - 1 rubycalaber
ROUND 6
I decide to start operating operations operationally /k/ style by putting useless tacticool bullshit accessories on both my guns and it actually works since I just make sure to stay behind cover when hes far away and use the pillars to hide behind neo style as I get closer and closer to him and illegitimately shoot at him through a small gap as his useless flashbang thats never blinded anyone ever goes off and then run straight at him and blast at him and break his chain its on now nigga you just got operated on
SCORE: Dustin 4 - 2 rubycalaber
ROUND 7
then I use the same pro tactic of hiding behind pillars and I try to lay down covering fire but he doesnt give a shit motherfucker and I hide behind a pillar to reload neo style since I cant afford the best mag dumping gun and he throws another 100% ineffective grenade and when he pops out I try to get him but I'm a shit shot and he tries to get me but I weave in and out of pillars like a badass and then just jump out of cover and hold down the trigger and bullet hose at him and manage to get him and I was getting very confident since yeah he can get headshots but in my last two games with plug drugs he kicked my ass for the first half of the game until I started catching up but I'm almost caught up to him already
SCORE: Dustin 4 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 8
I picked up something I thought was the symbol for a smoke grenade and when I spot Dustin coming for me I drop the canister down at my feet behind some cover but OH FUCK IT WAS ACTUALLY A FLASHBANG NOT A SMOKE GRENADE AND I JUST FLASHED MYSELF OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD:rubyrage: so a flashbang finally blinded someone myself and Dustin said later it got him too but I had to wait for it to go away so it didnt even matter and I shoulda got him here since he was aiming at me to come around the other side of the boxes but he still whips around and gets me in the head
SCORE: Dustin 5 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 9
and then I buy the m249 again and get ready for some illegitimate gameplay and we end up behind the same boxes and I try to jump up them to shoot down at him but he shoots the one pixel of my head thats exposed between two boxes hmmm not making any hacking jokes since hes literally hitting me in the head everytime lets continue to watch
SCORE: Dustin 6 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 10
I try to camp behind a box for a few minutes but I get bored lmao I would not be a very good sniper and then he headshots me from across that fucking bridge again
SCORE: Dustin 7 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 11
now I cant even afford rifles and am stuck with the MP5 the gayest gun ever made and I try to use the same pro tactic of hiding behind pillars but since FPS games are a joke and you can never tell where your body actually is in the game world he keeps hitting me in the shoulders and chipping away my health bit by bit and then gets me again for the first time not in the head but literally only because there was only one pixel of me out of cover and that was my shoulder since my vision of him was clearly blocked by the wall I had just ran behind and he did 5hp damage which is all he needed wow nice aim.... ing m8
SCORE: Dustin 8 - 3 rubycalaber
ROUND 12
I come up with the craaaaazy idea of using a sniper rifle which are terrible in every game ever made just like all shotguns and I spot him through the scope not looking at me and if I had fast enough reflexes I coulda pegged him then but of course not killed him since video games are a joke and then he spots me and jumps back into cover and we both take a shot at each other at the exact same time and I think I got him but he got me down to 62 health since I uh forgot to buy armor again lmao and then he throws a flashbang into the room that in real life would have deafened and blinded me for several hours but since it went off one pixel behind a door it has no effect on me so then I take out my silenced pistol and crouch in the corner waiting for him to come in thinking I'm blinded and even though hes aiming right at me I get extremely mega lucky and I just happen to hit him in the head while mag dumping at him not even aiming for his head I just happened to be aiming at an upward angle since I was crouched down and I've barely been managing to keep up with half his score but I still thought I could shut him down if I was just pro enough
SCORE: Dustin 8 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 13
I tried to pick up his gun but it disappeared or some bullshit so I got the carbine again and I toss my flashbang I picked up by accident from him since it would just get me killed through selfflashing or inventory fiddling and then the lack of a lean function gets me killed when he shoots me in the head from a mile away again and I start to wonder...
SCORE: Dustin 9 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 14
this is where it gets embarrassing since I give the FAMAS a try and its shit as fuck just like in every other game and I even have the drop on him by unfairly hiding behind a box until he walks past and I just shoot at his back that would cripple him for the rest of his life in real life and he just whips around and guess what hits me in the head
SCORE: Dustin 10 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 15
now I cant even afford a main weapon I am left with only pistol money so I go deagle since I know how unfair it is in every game ever made and when I spot him down that fucking bridge I do the pro move and walk backwards while pushing myself against the wall so he cant aimb I mean hit the one pixel of my shoulder that might pop out and he had an opportunity for a split second but he misses and I just run around the entire map to take him up the rear end and I put AT LEAST four desert eagle 50mm bullets in his back which doesnt seem to effect him at all and then he just whips around and instantly shoots me in the head while going full auto with the same AK-47 hes been using for the whole game
SCORE: Dustin 11 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 16
and he noticed that I was coming at him with a deagle and couldnt afford anything else and he told me he needed me to lose money asap so I couldnt use the m249 to hack him so everyone knows how unfair that gun is *cough*plugdrugs*cough* and he offers to go pistols only so I go deagle again and he clips me as I'm going around a corner leaving me with 10hp and I try to use the same pro tactic if running behind the pillars to get closer to him but :fffffff::rubyflash:I FALL OFF THE LEDGE AND DIE:rubyflash::dinorage: and he laughs at my suicide wow talk about a rustling I should just jump off a fucking ledge in real life so for the first time in counter-strike duel history the kill score does not change as we go onto a new round
SCORE: Dustin 11 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 17
I try to camp behind a box and wait for him to come around a corner again and I get the drop on him but the deagles too slow firing I cant mag dump 20 bullets at him so I miss since I cant aim and he hits me center mass with his deagle for some reason not getting a headshot I guess his aimbo I mean skill only works with long weapons
SCORE: Dustin 12 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 18
I go with the silenced pistol again since I actually got a kill with it and when he hears me through a door he tries to wallhack me through it but penetration makes no sense in this game so I retreat and wait for him to come out but I have to aim so he immediately headshots me ah there we go I missed getting headshotted
SCORE: Dustin 13 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 19
I go with the glock so I have 20 bullets to dump at him but he has the same thoughts and hits me in the head while mag dumping his glock at me
SCORE: Dustin 14 - 4 rubycalaber
ROUND 20
all I can do is try to hold him off now so I go with the Five-seveN (whys the N capitalized and not the S? fuck you thats why) and I catch him bunny hopping around outside heading this way but his wallh I mean good gaming skills detects me and he throws a grenade in which actually gets almost half my hp so its not useless for once and I hide in the same corner as before and if I was fucking good at games I coulda got him since he had his back turned to me but he whips around as soon as my gun goes off and puts his first round straight between my eyes
SCORE: Dustin 15 - 4 rubycalaber
:uzi: WINNER: DUSTIN :uzi:
dustin actually wanted to take a screencap of me saying in the chat how good he was at games and I said I'd post one from the video but I didnt actually record that but for the whole vid I am saying hes good at games so hopefully that suffices so welp all I can say is I'm fucking glad we didnt wager anything and also 86.6% headshot rate wow nice aimb uh skills that are very genuine good work m8... plug drugs... my rival.... I gave you a chance to redeem yourself now please... team up with me against this obvious ha-very good pro gamer so that I can avenge my jimmies
make sure to tune into rubynet this evening to be the first to see the astoundingly professionally edited trailer for ruby's new Let's Play series and an amazing new forum collage, will you be included? only one way to find out: tonight! on RUBYNET!
