Generic Ruby DayZ Videos Thread #1: Kill Whitey Special Edition
literally 10 months ago my hetero life partner teknorat brought the mod DayZ to my attention which I wasnt sure of at first until he pointed out that people get very very angry when you kill them in it and when I tried to get barry in on it he was like I dont know dude it doesnt look very good but due to the power of autism when he played it he got addicted to it and all day every day and learned more about the game than I ever did since I was too busy with my own autism of thinking for some fucking reason I could make le funny videos out of this and I recorded over 2 terabytes of footage over the course of 42 games where I had to buy two new external harddrives to save onto and it ended up being one of those projects that at several points I had no idea why the fuck I was doing this because it really is a fucking walking sim but I had started it and frankly I have nothing better to do so I might as well finish it and this is the result I honestly dont mind if people dont watch these since the best bits are in the trailer I made for these shit threads I think the only people who will watch them is literally the people who were in these games lmao but if you have autism as bad as me then enjoy my shitty dayz videos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY6EqJ7Bd8g
the first game I ever played was by myself where I was just testing to see if it worked and my username was User since thats my username on my computer and this game automatically names you that if you dont tell it what you want your name to be which means a lot of people here are named after their real names there are a fuck load of Chris's who play this game and some people have their full name there so if someone really rustles you in this game you can literally kill them in real life if they're too dumb to change their name and I spawned in Cherno and saw a pile of bags in the middle of the street and then this guy ran up to them and I'm like oh fug another player but then he got his brains blown out by a sniper who had laid the gear down there as a trap and then this guy with an assault rifle came up behind me and was like don't go out there its a trap and I was like damn this guy must be a pro gamer to have this shit and then we met two other guys and one of them had a pistol and as we were running along the west coast the guy with the gun shot me in the back and the first guy I met was like come on bro dont make me kill you but he kept shooting and then this guy killed the other one and I had like 8 blood and I spent like half an hour laying down on the ground unconscious for 3 minutes and then standing up for 5 seconds before immediately falling over to be passed out for another 3 minutes and these two guys were like dont worry bro we'll find you some health and they were trying to work out how to kill an animal and take its meat for me to eat and they eventually got some raw meat and tried to give it to me but I only had a window of 5 seconds to go through the menus and heal but I had no idea how anything worked and I just gave up and left and that about sums up what playing the game is like not having fun and trying to work out what is going wrong but its funny if theres other people there and then the first time I played with teknorat we fucking somehow managed to find each other we hadnt realized how fucking amazing that is yet and we crawled for half an hour through the pitch black across a field and then a heard of zombies passed over us but we just stayed stock still and they never saw us and we could only tell they were there by the sounds they made and when they got close to us and their silhouettes blocked out the stars and this was as good as the game ever got because it actually was realistic and we had to stay stock still in the pitch black night to not be detected as the zombies wandered about and it was fucking terrifying and cool to be like oh I hear its far enough away now we can go forwards oh shit I hear one coming up stop and then we eventually got to a barn and then we see two guys running towards the barn attracting the dozens of zombies in the field we had snuck through and as soon as they got through the doors we mag dumped on them and killed them both but they managed to get shots off on us too and those were both our fists kills but teknorat died as I was fiddling about trying to work out what hacker bullshit I had to do to save him and then I bled to death too and then we respawned and somehow found each other again and we couldnt find a gun so we just ran down the main road with flares in our hands hearding zombies towards other players and ran around them in circles making zombies swarm them it was pretty funny now the first few of these videos I recorded on a version of fraps where the human race had still not developed the technology to record both audio output and audio INPUT I can do that now thank my lord hitler in hell :hankler: but for the first two games I had to record what I was seeing and hearing on fraps and record what I was saying on audacity and edit them together in WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER not even windows movie maker live or whatever its called now because its shit the version from like 2008 and I was using an other microphone that uses the audio jack and gives a weird helicopter sound effect in the background so thats why these first few vids sound different than most of the series so this was the first time we had played with barry and I was still getting to grips with what a non-intuitive badly designed and not fun game this was so the first time I hit record on fraps I had seen three guys running around in the field west of the electro firestation and this was when I realized I had to keep fraps on all the time because comedy could be behind any corner and I was trying to see their position better by throwing flares at them which was all I knew how to do in the game toss flares but of course the game had some fiddly bullshit that made me keep throwing flares over and over again lmao after not being able to for several minutes and the other players were long gone anyway then I learnt the joys of fiddling to bandage while zombies gang rape you and then I try to kite some zombies into the church since I saw someone going in there but hadnt realize that people just disconnect and then I had to shoot like 30 zombies but thankfully you still spawned with the makarov back then and I could attempt to defend myself also I just remembered doing this fraps/audacity duel wielding shit made barry and teknorat really quiet so you cant really hear them or the gameplay sound effects so it is just me droning on but its ok since they were playing wandering around in the dark games while I was actually doing stuff SHOUT OUT TO BOB HUGHES WHEN I TAKE ALL MY DRUGS and then something funny finally happens where I run in the school for the first time and hear some guy yell WHO GOES THERE? and I already know the trick is to pretend to he harmless and need help so you can shoot them in the back of the head while they're defending you but I have to fight a bunch of zombies following their programming to go to school like a good little drone and I realized how impossible getting headshots was and how you can headshot a zombie and it'll stay alive for five seconds and damage you due to no fun allowed and then when I go outside looking for this guy you can see a little silhouette ontop of a building and a little flash right before I go down that I saw a flicker of but before I could react and I GET MY JIMMIES RUSTLED FOR THE FIRST TIME and thats what dying in DayZ feels like and then we can hear what the other two are saying not that thats a good thing since barry starts giving us what shall now be refereed to as "TIMFORMATION" information originating from tim that is very likely to be highly inaccurate and he tells us when you run out of ammo for your pistol you can throw it which is complete bullshit and like a joke he read on the dayz forums or something and then we hear teknorat getting rustled by a gate not opening for the first time ah such good memories of trying to open a door in a video game and barry gives some accurate timformation that you have to use the middle wheel button to open doors because if you click with the left button half the time it wont connect and you'll just shoot the door this is a well designed video game and then barry introduces me to the illegitimate gameplay tactic of just clicking respawn over and over again until you get to where you want to go and then TEKNORAT GETS HIS JIMMIES RUSTLED FOR THE FIRST TIME by crawling over a small rock that forces him to stand up and get eaten by zombies SHOUT OUT TO STEVEN YELLE for being the best aqua based character type since hes very buoyant and teknorat gives us a fun fact: the first person to own a slave in america was a black man! :kkk: and then I get excited that I'll get my first recorded kill and mag dump into a guys face but he turns out to just be lagged out also that looked cool when I shot him I am going to be annoyed throughout that I didnt use certain clips for my dayz trailer but everyone says its fucking awesome anyway so whatever now I know what its like to have success and wish I had done something different like uhhh joss whedon or some shit and its really cute that I still think like stealth is important and you should crawl everywhere as if that doesnt just make you an easy target you just have to crouch run everywhere blindly basically and then WE START TALKING ABOUT SEEING OUR SISTERS NAKED and then teknorat realizes this is Running Sim 2012™ and I tell him to just abort since ABORTION IS ALWAYS THE SOLUTION, RIGHT LISA? and then I hear my first ever pray scrambling about up the stairs of the bar and I honestly didnt see him asking in the chat if I was friendly and offering to take care of the zombies I'd brought in I wish I had since it would have been even more satisfying and it goes so dark when flares go out that I didnt see him on the ground at first and if he just didnt move I woulda probably went outside but I saw his leg scuttling about in a little sliver of moonlight and then I GET MY FIRST KILL DIE USOCRAZY THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR SAYING YOU'RE FRIENDLY USOMAD MORE LIKE and we have a good chuckle about how mad he is that he left yeah WELCOME TO DAYZ M8 and someone else saw how rustled he was and asked who killed him and I have to hack the gibson to be able to type a troll in the chat and then there is a cool bit where I spot another guy scuttling around in the darkness but as I follow him he melds into the shadows splinter cell style and I have to toss a flare to see where he is and when it illuminates my surroundings OH SHIT HES RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and when I look down hes right there aiming at me in a very cool fashion like some movie shit and I'm like OH OH HES SEENS ME since I get a bit of word salad when I get startled and I of course mag dump into his face while saying PROBABLY TYPING ARE YOU FRIENDLY rip Boski and then I get my hands on a gun other than the Makarov for the first time the Le Enfield as named by reddit this was just when the mod was starting to get popular so people had not quite realized that humans are pure evil and will murder you on sight for fun and would still like give you the benefit of the doubt and say that they're friendly hoping you'll get along so getting kills gets harder the more well known the game gets and people realize to just stay way from other people if you dont want to get shot and then barry comes up with the amazing idea of having all our characters be black so we can just meld into the darkness and this is a dream it takes like 8 months to accomplish but we get there eventually and then I discovered that when you fire le enfield your character has to take a fucking wank before he can bring his hand up to pull the bolt back and it has a rate of fire of once per ten minutes and then Boski says in the chat grats on all your new shit to me yep I can definitely tell you are not in any way very rustled bub and then when we're talking about Prometheus or as I like to call it Plebmetheus I let slip that I enjoy watching movies with StompleB which is the gayest thing barry has ever heard which is really saying something and then I get into a hilarious Shaun of the Dead style situation where I'm stuck in the local pub with zombies at the windows with only a bolt action rifle to defend myself what didnt happen however in Shaun of the Dead is no one accidentally threw flares into a crowd of zombies and then accidentally picked one up and held it in their hands for the battle and I dont even notice I am bleeding but I get hyper rustled by this shit le enfields rate of fire and start screaming SAVE ME!! SAVE ME BARRY!!! :rubyflash: and then the zombies like do some hacker shit I have never seen since where they hack you through a wall but they literally drag me through the wall of the toilet into the hallway behind the bar and I got very confused as to the layout of this building I thought there was a back door in the toilet or something but I literally just phased through a wall for no reason and I didnt know that I could just run out the back door I thought my camera was going wrong and I had to hide in a corner and was getting attacked from all angles it is the stuff of fucking nightmares but not in a wow this is a well made scary game int he sense of wow this makes no fucking logical sense this is retarded why did I just get pulled through a solid wall at random and then the zombies hack me so hard the unconscious hourglass counter only drains three quarters while the zombies give me a swirly oh god I'm gonna get flashbacks to highschool
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKUZdJL7Vk
somehow without even trying this video is exactly 24 minutes and 2 seconds as well and after teknorat fucks off to pick up his wife it is some good old running sim for the first bit where we discuss what a cool guy and good gamer Elezzzark is who is fun to talk to about his flash games we really care about and then barry and me change our characters to nigs for maximum stealth tactics and we manage to meet up at chernos firestation and by meet up I mean I kite a dozen zombies towards barry and run away which is an reoccurring theme of this video and then shit gets gangsta when we have to hold out in the firestation while racist crackers decent upon us note how all the zombies are white lmao kill all honkies and then tim gets rustled by my premature flare throwing problem and then barry tries to give me his winchester but my backpack deletes itself hell yeah I love games but barry passes out from HIV before he can get me another rifle and I thought it was DEAD NIGGER STORAGE but he just had to have a wee lie down typical lazy nigger and then I get my first winchester it is weird watching this now since I know all these places off by fucking heart but I can still remember the awesome feel of not knowing where we were and going to the hospital was like this big scary journey where I had to be looking down every street and having no idea where we're going and every new turn some crazy shit could pop off so we have to take it inch by inch but later on its like literally run in a be line there and then we are accosted by ZOMBIES DOING RACIST MONKEY CHANTS at us because we're black, wow, reported to the NAACP and then for the second time when we get to the hospital I kite zombies to barry and then he tries to fend them off but they get him and then shit gets Enter The Matrix where I am being chased by dozens of AI enemies in black suits coming out from everywhere but I manage to climb up a ladder onto the hospital to escape them and then I have some "fun" shooting all the Agent Smiths lmao they are all the exact same guy in a suit wtf and I start using racial slurs for white people I didnt even know I knew like whitebread, chickenshit, snowman, casper and then I discover the power of aiming your gun sideways GANGSTA STYLE MOTHAFUCKA I think this is about as boring as these videos ever get me running back and fourth looking for white people to kill everything else I am at least talking to someone else but barry fucked off for a bit and then he comes back and we discuss how cberry and steven yelle should play the game and barry tells us a hi-larous story about ordering pizzas to some kids house wow stop bullying now then I have some "fun" defending my house from white people trying to come and lynch me little did I know 10% of all gameplay takes place being stuck in this fucking cabin and then I discover the illegitimate tactic of dock trolling where you just stand on a dock and zombies cant get you due to shitty programming and then for the third time this video I kite a hoard of zombies towards barry I am not actually doing this on purpose I am just bad at games but barry manages to get away while they break my legs and gang rape me and when I respawn I am greeted by zombies fucking throwing themselves off of hills at me I never saw that happening again so I guess zombies love fresh meat (fresh boy holes) and then barry goes to the school to see if notorious pedophiles m0nde and stompleb are there touching kids while I do some more very pro dock trolling but as soon as I go into town I get trapped down an alleyway by zombies illegitimately using teamwork and expend all my ammo escaping but then I get a crowd of like 20 fucking zombies after me again and for the fourth and final time I kite a massive hoard of undead monsters directly towards barry who's like NOOOOO!! :barryscream: and he gives his jimmies to try and save me but dies and I try to hold out in a church but realize there is literally no point at all to surviving in this survival mod and let the zombies kill me
also when I was uploading this video this shit popped up lmao because the first video takes place entirely in the pitch black so I clicked yes even though thats probably a terrible idea that will fuck up my video but I literally do not care
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...0.png:original
so uh yeah there we go that's the Let's Play™ of my first recorded DayZ play session as you can see its not mostly not funny but there is some ok stuff in there so enjoy not watching it but if you'd like to be in one of these videos literally several months in the future by playing DayZ with me hit me up any time you see me online since I obviously have nothing better to do than play this shit game and we can have a laugh playing Walking Sim 2013™ and remember the extremely anticipated iwascruel interview episode of the teknorat & ruby podcast drops tomorrow so stay tuned to rubynet!
