Generic Ruby DayZ Videos Thread #9: Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder Special Edition

apparently I literally have a fanbase on youtube now that fight over who likes me more and even though it's probably an elaborate conspiracy to troll me I made another shoutout to my latest #1 fan whos literally a hot girl oh well just another week of pimpin for lets play superstar ruby calaber

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KotnIeFziAc

this is one of those games where everything that could go wrong went wrong because we got all the usual bullshit error messages logging in and I am lagging like a motherfucker throughout because virgin media, where just the name isn't enough to troll you, thinks 2 in the morning is a good time to do their maintenance since I mean what kind of a loser is online at that time right lmao well me that is when I usually game with tek because thats before he goes off to work and when I stream TV shows because thats 9am in americlapper land fuck you richard brandson so teknorat has to just guess what I am saying I'm so broken up to the extent that I have to say everything 10 times in a row so he can piece together my sentence and my gun wont even fucking load into my hands it looks like I'm doing sex hands and we went back to the same server we were on when we went up to the NEAF so we could visit those tents above elektro again because we were gonna go inside stary sobor this time and hopefully teleporting hackers dont get us but when I climb up a smoke stack to cover tek as he looks for a rifle in the firestation I make the mistake of doing the bandaging animation 50 meters off the ground on a tiny little glitchy platform and of course it throws me off to my death but MY LAG IS SO BAD IT LITERALLY GAVE ME TIME TRAVEL POWERS, SO I JUST JOINED ANOTHER SERVER AND I WAS BACK UP ON THE SMOKE STACK, LIKE SOME PRINCE OF PERSIA SHIT and for some reason I had to change mic so I'm using the one that goes in the front audio jax that makes a helicopter sound I dont have that problem anymore since I found audio jax on the back of my computer that aren't busted so I finally have a headset with no problems (yet) unlike the usb one that crashes my computer when I pull it out or the one that only works with msn unless you pay microsoft and then some cheeky cunts start sniping at me from the hills but my lag comes back and THE DESYNC IS SO BAD IT LITERALLY GIVES ME TELEPORTING POWERS SO IM APPEARING ALL OVER THE PLACE NIGHTCRAWLER STYLE TO THEM AND THEY CANT HIT ME and then teknorat does some operator shit where while they're being distracted by me lagging all over the place he comes up behind them and kills this sniper and his spotter with his shotgun Bandit Olive and Bandit Kamichi hah matching names what fucking gayboys and then we go back to the last server to get ammo out of those tents but of course when I log into it my le enfield starts firing for literally no reason and wont stop until I run out of ammo and then my lag reaches maximum bullshit where from my POV tek is teleporting but its actually me thats like experiencing a flash from Lost and going forwards in time to where teknorat is in front of me and then flashing back to the main timeline where he's behind me and its really disorientating and gay but thankfully I am saved by battle eye that kicks me off the game lmao thanks m8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pzxF0DiITk

you think the rustling is over? it hasnt even started! the next day when we log in in the fuck middle of no-where the game kills teknorat for literally no reason and this is his longest character, longer than the last one he had that was alive for 7 days I went to zub with, this ones been alive for 11 days (he started this character on June 30th, which is 25 days short from exactly a year ago, lmmfao) and this bitch has killed a guy with a rifle with an axe with me (where I died), walked up to the north west air field and survived a jet fighter attack, driven an ATV back down south, fought a teleporting hacker (where I died), fought hoards of zombies with me in cherno (where I died), been shot by me and then had me throw myself in front of her to take a killshot for her in elektro, helped me snipe a guy on the way up to the north east air field (where I died (from a ladder)), walked through devil's castle back to the NWAF, almost got killed by a stair, got rescued by tek's brother at 2000 blood, cleared out a chopper with me, followed me on my bike back down south, killed a sniper and spotter in elektro, and headed back up north again, but holy fuck, TEKS CHARACTER IS BACK FROM THE DEAD YET AGAIN! NO AMOUNT OF BULLSHIT CAN KEEP THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN! and then since me taking a drink yesterday registered me using my coke can but didnt register it going into my body I have to get another drink so tek fills up a canteen at a pond for me since I cant work out how to do it and then we go on a lovely little Walking Sim™ where we have some Top Banter™ but when we finally get to stary sobor after like an hour straight of walking and then 20 minutes of slowly crawling around the perimeter looking for a clear entry point TEKNORAT DOUGIES WHILE HOLDING UP HIS BINOCULARS AND IT CRASHES THE SERVER! AND WHEN WE LOG INTO ANOTHER SERVER IT'S SENT US BACK IN TIME TO THE START OF THIS VIDEO!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nsx73OrzY5I

so enjoy watching the exact same shitty boring walking sim video AGAIN as if once wasn't enough and of course it didnt save that I took a drink AGAIN because all our progress on the last server got undone by tek pressing V while looking through binoculars so we have to go back to that pond and then we set off again and have some Medium Banter™ since we have taken a hit to our morale but I do solve a mystery here teknorat asked me last week what that brushing sound was at the end of my first video from my last thread and I say here I was watching the movie Deja Vu staring that nigger when I was running up to the NWAF on my own so :mysterysolved: it was like time travel sound effects from that movie which is appropriate for these videos since there's time travel all over the shop and then we finally get to stary sobor again and finally find a safe way in and we start doing legit tactical operator shit where we crouch shift walk in there with tek taking out any zombies who just MIGHT see us with his silenced M4 for maximum stealth but once we get to the military tents shit gets mega real when a sniper starts taking shots at us and he hits me so I have to take a little nap and teknorat considers disconnecting but he doesnt since he's a real man and not a bitch nigga like timbo and then this prick starts trying to hit my body to finish me off due to this game not being realistic and you can see if you killed someone or not by if your kill counter went up and then I wake up with 800 out of 12000 blood so literally 6% health and of course the stupid bitch has to take out her gun three times as I go down to 700hp and I scramble to the menu at 500 blood, I select the bandage at 400 blood, I wrap it around myself at 300 blood and I just manage to stop the bleeding at 200 blood so that's literally 1% health I'm at skin of my fucking ballbag m8 and I try to sneak out to get to tek but a fucking invisible wall by a bin stops me lmao so I have to go around the other way with my head down while walking slow so I dont agro zombies and give away our position and thank my lord hitler tek has a blood bag for me so I get back up to max health and I literally ask tek for permission to use my le enfield because I know it'll bring all the zombies out of the city and dont want it to be on me when we get gang raped by zeds and also because I'm the submissive bottom in our gay relationship and then I use third person hax to illegitimately look over the tent and both of our jimmies are on edge here since this shit games fiddling bullshit is doing its best to get us killed but I see like one pixel up in the hills being chased by two other pixels because the stupid fucker doesnt know you cant let zombies get agro'd in a fight or they point a huge arrow to where you are and since they are running away teknorat tells me to stay in cover but as soon as he runs out from behind and a tree and I have a clear line of sight on him I decide it's time to end this since I'm a real man who doesnt let anyone get away with fucking with me and I run out and take aim and I ask if I should take the shot and tek says no but since I am actually an alpha male who makes my own decisions and knows to never give up just like my anime heroes taught me I say I CAN MAKE IT FROM HERE and I KILL HIM IN ONE SHOT and I'm like [GLOW=#FFD700]YEAH I GOT HIM DIE YOU FUCKING FAGGOT EAT UP ZOMBIES EAT UP!!![/GLOW] :rubylol: but then teknorat says hes not dead because no kill message came up so I run full pelt up the hill to confirm my kill because I'm a real operator unlike him who runs away after only winging someone if only my body wasn't a skinny piece of shit I would honestly be the top operator on earth since I have been training in simulations all my life that are literally harder than anything anyone will ever encounter in real life because video games are all retarded glitchy pieces of shit and I know everything from covering fire to tactical reloads to evasive driving to always shooting someone until they hit the ground and I could kill everyone on earth by myself if I could just leave my house anyway that was a good vid I think I felt like editing it up when I passed out or when we were hiding behind the tent but I didnt because its one of the only times in the game where we actually have something approaching a real engagement where an enemy from an unknown position fires on us and we have to take cover and find them and use actual fucking skill to kill them and no one is using hax and everyone wants to live unlike every other fight I've ever had in a video game in my entire life where its just running straight at someone guns blazing and since its all one take it keeps the tension going and it was some real action movie shit where it looked like the protagonist was gonna die but he survives by one fucking percent and then comes back with the help of his friend to get revenge using pure skill at the crucial moment after seizing the window of opportunity due to being a badass motherfucker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiITVC2BnWo

and after stopping for a wee picnic I for some reason edited in twice and am too lazy to take out lmao so hail satan twice motherfucker I spot a guy running out in the open like a n00b with my expert pro gaming awareness and I aim at him with the DRM I got from my last victim and tek opens up with his m4 and I hear him going OOH! as he gets hit and he falls over but I think that was him hitting his disconnect hotkey because his body is gone and a thing pops up saying Jason Voorhees (vor-hi-hes lol) was killed but it didnt count the kill for tek so illegitimate gameplay wins again and after a nice long Walking Sim™ with such Top Banter™ that I make teknorat laugh so much his nose starts bleeding lmao so I could have killed him irl by being too funny we end up back at the NWAF and do some operator shit to clear out the zombies (I call one a walker by accident, too much walking dead lmao) but dont find any good loot so we head over to Devil's Castle where I've never been and teknorat builds up as PvP central but then teks cunt wife comes home so we have to log off just outside it wow what a lovely walking sim video where only one thing happened in 20 minutes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-BYZVsJMKU

after telling tek about the severe autism I went through to make this map of the first tent we found in the middle of nowhere with l33t loot I tell him about how barry went on a big huge time travel adventure killing hackers and crashing jeeps trying to get up to us again I wish everyone was as aspergers as me and could record everything because that is a really funny like side story to my main story also here is something I learnt towards the end of making these videos three minutes straight of footage of us sitting in a menu chatting is not interesting and I have to overlay our dialog over gameplay or some other engaging visual and when we are finally logging in the loading screen is like a fucking chat room everyone can cheat to each other who are loading too and of course one dickhead is micspamming music so I scream abuse at him and once I'm in the game the weirdest shit yet happens I was gonna call this thread the time travel special edition but this fucking shit takes the cake MY FEMALE CHARACTER WONT STOP MOANING SEXUALLY LIKE SHE HAS AN EGG VIBRATOR IN HER PUSSY AT FULL BLAST so I try to rub against a phallic mushroom to get her to cum so she'll settle down like how I had a friend who said he knew a guy who used to tap his cats vagina with a stick to get her off because she'd go into heat and bother him and roll around on her back and meow until he made her cum but with a video game character she really does sound exactly like she's on the brink of an orgasm I dont know why the fuck this voice acting is even in the game it must be for pain or something and this stupid game had like half counted me as going into pain because I loaded half way inside a tree or something and once teknorat loads in and hears this he is like YOU SERIOUSLY ARE LIKE SEXUALLY AROUSED and we try to do a stealthy infiltration of Devil's Castle but my character wont stop moaning in sexual ecstasy and tek is like OH MY GOD SHUT UP BITCH YOU'RE SO LOUD and he has a theory that running makes it worse because my legs rubbing together stimulates my clit and I try to talk about the game but this slut literally says OOOH OOH OH MY GAWD! OOOH!!! hahahahahaha its LITERALLY sex sound effects, there's no getting around it, no one goes "ooh oh my gawd" while in pain what the FUCK but it actually comes in handy since when me and tek get separated going into the castle he can find me right away since he just has to listen for the whore moans and we decide to switch servers up in the castle, not to server hop for loot, please dont ban us rocket, actually please do, but because this server was the worst one we've ever been on since there's no loot, white dots and your character has a 50% chance of suffering from persistent genital arousal disorder, I remember reading some interview with a woman who had that and the funny thing was she was a christian so she thought masturbating was bad and every time she'd drive a car and feel the vibrsations or smell a man she would get on the brink of orgasm and have to masturbate and she ended up killing herself (so now she's definately going to hell) and there was another woman who got her clit cut off to try and stop it but it didnt and then she had no way to relieve herself so she's wet literally 24/7 which is fucking hot so [GLOW=red]FGM wins again[/GLOW], anyway when we load into the new server I make some g1s about how I'm WAITING FOR CHARACTER TO CUM and how I'd blow my load into anyone whos up there but as soon as I walk out the door I get stuck on a stair' s invisible wall which then throws me off and I break my legs and it seems that between changing server or breaking my legs and getting in real pain finally made my character stop moaning so I guess [GLOW=magenta]breaking her legs made her orgasm and I'm playing as a real painslut[/GLOW] and then we decide to go back towards the north east airfield to try and look for a place where people stash vehicles all the time but teknorats cunt wife calls him so we have to call it a day, will our heroes finally make it to the NEAF? or will lightning strike twice and video game bullshit stops us again? the answer is yes, that does happen, tune in next week to see the angriest I have ever gotten in my entire life