read what you just wrote. there's some serious hate for that part of you that is the other that you abhor - is that's not the dictionary definition of self-loathing? if you're genuinely that caught up in defining yourself by your racism, you need to engage in some serious srlf-reflection
I'm not saying it's wrong to hate niggers or Jews or pakis or ching chongs, I'm just saying that if it's always on your mind, youve got a problem.