GTA IV Cops 'n Crooks Rap: Top of the Wops

[rubycalaber]

here's the final rap in my GTA4 trilogy, this time from the perspective of being on the crooks team, only 4 hours until GTA5 is released here lmao so technically it is still relevent fuck you



lemme tell you a little story from last year
I threatened Obama's life so he wouldn't pre-empt the Lost season 6 premier
so now the secret service is after me and maybe they're getting near
but quite frankly I don't give a damn my dear
so how the fuck do you think the LCPD are gonna interfere
with me getting to my get away at the pier?
there aint a vehicle I cant commandeer, when I drive crazier stunts get pulled than on Top Gear
all your faggot teammates I out-steer, I'll disappear, you can't predict where I'll pop out from like Alma from F.E.A.R.
I'm the most accurate rocketeer, after I get you with the RPG there won't even be a blood smear
that's a shame because I wanted a souvenir, maybe an ear
with All For One we are engrossed, if you wanted to play One For All you gonna be miserable like a lizard post
because for some reason Teknorat is always the default host, probably because he pwns n00bs the most
well second most, not to boast, fuck with us and we'll give you a spit-roast
blow you up like the nigger at the start of the Fastlane episode Dosed

oh shit we gotta get our boss to the other coast
I hope I dont get that car that lands upside down like toast, because it's time to ghost

just like a Twin, I live for this shit like Vin
if only this 12 year old boss would fucking get in, I could already be half way through Algonquin
when you get to us your heart rate will quicken, let the epic car chasan games begin
I'll take you through places you've never been, I'll do a flawless 180 spin, select the grenade and pull the pin
race straight atcha playin a game of chicken, make you jump out of your skin
the resulting explosion will break the games engine, ya'll know when I durn to ya like Terry O'Quinn

you're lifestyle's a sin, your dad fucked you after too much gin
you're a no-namer like Nifkin, let me play you a song on the worlds smallest violin
yeah I'll run over a civilian, I've probably killed a million
I gun them down for fun like Eric and Dylan, I'm one hardcore villain

I kill women for leaving the kitchen, my only regret is I cant kill children
I'll pin you down with the hose from the fire engine, while I taunt you using the siren
I'm gonna crash a chopper into you like it's nine eleven, while I blast The Beat 102.7
my 72 virgins can wait in heaven, I gotta respawn and blast you with my AK-47
I'll assassinate you like John Lennon, while I ask you if monkey boy wants his watermelon
I'm smarter than Sheldon, you're stupider than Nelson
your mom's a friend of Ellen, your dad's more queer than Elton

now I know you're a poor piece of shit on the dole
but your attempts to kill me should really not be this droll
like when the cops try to trap me on a bridge while I'm just out for my evening stroll
guess I didn't pay the toll, oh well I'll just drive my car off like in Ghost Protocol
any attempt to stop this troll, will work out about as well as gun control
I honestly suggest you just turn off your console, before I hurt your soul
worse than when your virginity your dad stole, or when the bullies dunked your head in the toilet bowl
if running over me is your goal, I'll just do the Morpheus roll
make you crash into a nice little pole, and tear you up like Tim's hole, shout out to that hot bitch Nicole
holy fuck you cant drive or shoot at all like Cole
meanwhile I make impossible shots with the pistol, like I must be on the grassy knoll
fuck with me and you'll go missing like Summer Glau's mole

damn son are you new? I have to sit here waiting for you to peruse
I just want epic car chases to ensue, as you chase me to the boat I gotta go to
I chose a bike so shit can go down like the end of Mission Impossible II
with me shooting back at you with my overpowered Glock 22

damn nigga look at all this traffic I gotta get through, quite the car queue
I'll just cap a few, cause a hullabaloo
send them swerving at you, enjoy all those NPC's you'll crash into
ah fuck looks like my back tire just blew, might as well hop off and take you on with my Kung Fu
I'm a martial arts master like Maggie Q, you're a gay retard like Timothy Abrue, you even like anime like Do

your favorite series is probably The Call of Juarez, but you'll end up hating all video games like Hugo Chávez
when I ride up on my Sanchez, dodging nice little tree branches, and blow your head off like I will the Pres
I'm more badass than Private Vasquez, I'll gun you down while you're fiddling to get into your car like Ana Lucia Cortes
you're an effeminate beaner loser like Fez, you're even a bigger fucking fag than Perez

you came when your dad took your virginity, it destroyed your masculinity
my drivings like an act of divinity, my score's going to infinity
I'm driving down the wrong side of the highway like Trinity, you'll die as soon as you enter my vicinity

I'm one badass criminal like Lola from the second Transporter

I'm a lethal threat when I'm in a stolen motor
I'll take out your choppa by shooting out the rotor

I'll blow you up like I have a mortar, even if you're a glitch exploiter, you're still a cum snorter
your dick couldnt get any shorter, compared to mine it's length is about a quarter, you're probably even an obama supporter

my drivings like some shit out of Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, lets just hope I dont crash into a nice little tree you cant uproot
you'll never be able to guess my escape route, maybe on the way I'll pick up a prostitute
if you're on foot, I'll run you over before you can shoot, and drive off with the horn going toot toot
your gaming carer is kaput, your nigger skin is like soot, you got raped by your dad like dascoot

when your entire team attacks me, when your entire team hacks me
I just run you all over in a taxi, I kill cops just for trying to tax me
dont mess with me the entire fjs crew backs me
tell your mom to come over me and suck my dick to relax me
but killing you in a video game is what will climax me

all the cars have double loaded, the entire street suddenly exploded
holy shit this game is badly coded, oh well time for an epic freeway chase like from The Matrix Reloaded

or recreate the one from The Bourne Ultimatum, verbatim, p.s. you're as dumb as Tim

there's no way you're stopping me from getting to the boat, I love killing cops like Raoul Moat
I'll slit your little piggy throat, I've killed so many police not to gloat, but you'll think I have a Death Note
you'll get so mad you'll initiate a kick vote, you stupid beaner go fuck a goat

my score will rapidly increase, as soon as I finish the stupid animation to get out my piece
I fucking love killing police, thats what they get for not stopping you from touching your little niece

I've played every GTA even the one on the gameboy advance, you aint got a chance
you should just surrender like France, I could out-drive you in an ambulance
I love giving you a little bump and making you dance, then gunning you down like Lance Vance
all niggers must die that's my stance

I'll take down all your guys, even if you get a vehicle that flies, and use it to take out all my allies
I'll simply improvise, come up with a plan to take you by surprise
I'll jump over your rotor blades like in Tomorrow Never Dies

then put a bullet straight between your eyes
messing with me is very unwise, cus I'm like Rorschach: I never compromise
car chases like from Drive, destroying the streets escaping the cops like in Fast Five
you don't wanna fuck with me like a bee hive, this city's like Garland I dare you to make it out alive

hoppin on the Faggio, I'm the most badass wop since Mario
dodge traffic swerving, for my boss on the back its very unnerving

I always jump through the Soldier's plaza, while blowing civilians up like it's Gaza
detour through Middle Park I get more bitches than Tony Stark

careening through Star Junction, you suffer from erectile dysfunction

when I get on a bike epic shit goes down like I'm Steve McQueen, you die every single time like Sean Bean
you're fucking terrible at driving like iJustine, you're mentally retarded like Mr. Bean
I'm the master of knives like Vernita Green, I'm gonna blow your ass up like Wallace Breen
even if you had every single other player on your team, I'd still kill all fifteen

I'm only 22 but I've been gaming for decades, I have all the highscores in all the Scottish arcades
I kill more darkies than all of the crusades, I fucking hate you sub-human spades
I'm a jack of all trades, I'll kill you with grenades
or a choppers rotter blades, your face has had more cum on it than Jade's


I don't give a fuck if your star is gold, my blood stays ice cold
I'll trap your car in some nice little scaffold, and rape you in a choke hold
then you'll feel like you've just been faggot patrolled, face it you've been told

why the fuck is it when I log into rockstars social club, it says my username is lastborntub?
oh well that wont stop me from making you bubs, crash into some nice little shrubs
I just killed 44 of you nubs, check my dubs

I fucking run Liberty City
just dont put me on an ethics committee, I wont hesitate to run over an old bitty
my rhymes are oh so witty, you're skills are just shitty

I have macaroni and cheese for every meal, but my life is still ideal
so no I don't know that feel, I'm going to torture you like veal
I always have a clever comment like Jack O'Neil, I have a joke about every car I steal
the worst vehicle is the twinmobile, holy fuck it's physics are unreal
every time I turn a corner its tires squeal, I don't know why I even bother getting behind it's wheel

oh sweat, what a treat, a gunfight down a street, like in Heat, that's real neat

too bad we're too 1337, for you to fairly compete, you'll have to cheat
but your mission you shall never complete

you're a dunce, you break the game so it displays every message at once
you'll start to wish you got the error message saying cannot connect to client
when I tell everyone you're an illegal immigrant, I'll juggle your car in the air with a fire hydrant
I'm more violent, than a Resident Evil Tyrant, check my score it's giant

I could out drive you in the fucking fork lift
I take corners like I'm in Tokyo Drift
you probably granny shift
I lucid dream about fucking Taylor Swift


I have a license to kill like James, you guys need to improve your aims, you cant even hit me after playing wagglan games

one thing that needs to be understood, your wost enemy in this game is wood
you can be zipping through the hood, hit some and it'll fuck you up worse than any player could

to get quickly across the Dukes Bay Bridge, pop two wheels up on the ridge, slip past all the traffic as cool as a fridge
now pardon me while I cyber with village, got a problem with that? check your cis-privilege

I'll bump into you and send you crip walking, you're gonna get more crippled than Stephen Hawking

you better cool that shit your talking, cause my homeboy's the master of cyber stalking

seriously just give him a sec, and all your personal info will be known by tek
you'll be like aww heck, when he finds you're so obese you get a disability welfare check
that you're even fatter than Shrek, when we fuck with your real life you'll kill yourself in a car wreck

even having both aimbots engaged, wont save you from getting enraged

you'll start to whine, as I smash you into a road sign, so your car wont even drive in a straight line
unload on you with the carbine, while my character screams AH STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DONT SHINE!

why are you so fucking slow? maybe you should just fuck off and play Saints Row
cus getting away so easy bro, I have to entertain myself by leaning out the car and cleaning the window

go back to where you came from you bloody foreigner, or I'll show up at your funeral and kill the one mourner
I run this shit like Time Warner, I'm at war with cops like Christopher Dorner, I drop a grenade as I take that corner

you're a goner, terminated like John Connor, being owned by me is an honor

I get dat green like steven yelle get dem lindens, your gun knowledge is as limited as Joe Biden's
when the distance between us widens, it really saddens, when you start to cry my penis hardens
we know how to take shortcuts through gardens, the rest of our team are just burdens

don't make fun of boobz uni-brow
cus we gonna get you cancelled like Summer Glau
while we spam hi chow hi chow hi chow
hi chow hi chow hi, while we take out your last ally
roll up on you for a drive-bi, not gonna lie, we're pretty fly
shit nigga we gonna make this lil bitch cry, are you ready to die?

cus I was born ready mothafucka, come and try it sucka, after you're done blowing that fat trucker

you gonna get 2nd amendmented, your aimbot I have circumvented
my skills are unprecedented, you'd think I'd been augmented
last night I huffed some Jenkem after it was fermented
then fucked your mum after she had not consented

you constantly get eviscerated, perforated, ventilated, annihilated, punctuated, detonated, assassinated, terminated
you gonna get decommissioned, to suck penis you have been conditioned
you gonna get hammered, with cock you are enamored
you gonna get bludgeoned, you get fucked by obnoxious bitches husband
you gonna get iced, sliced and diced, make you scream jesus christ!
you gonna get farmed, I'll stay unharmed
you gonna get double barreled, I'll kill 250 in one life like Harold

you gonna get pumped, when you spawned at the cliffs you shoulda just jumped
you gonna get riddled, when you were a kid you got fiddled, and diddled
you gonna get peppered, you sucked of a german shepard
you gonna get plugged, you've never been hugged
you gonna get 3rd worlded, when I run you over in my van that's you getting Hurley'd

you gonna get bolted, when girls see you they are revolted
you gonna get pulverized, vaporized, atomized, your willy is undersized
you gonna get blasted, you'll always be outlasted
you gonna get shocked & awed, you should just shut the fuck up like Claude, you make a fool of yourself like you're An Idiot Abroad
you gonna get opened up with my remington, you're stupider than Karl Pilkington


I'll taunt you by spamming hey how you doin, hey how you doin? while you're pursuing
your need for child porn viewing, will be your undoing
all your torrents of little kids dick chewing, with your internet speed they'll be screwing
there's some ownage a brewing, your blood will soon be spewing
then I'll get to do some jewing, the top score I'm always outdoing
now excuse me I have some Lost episodes to be reviewing, and aint you got some gay porn mag subscriptions to be renewing?

[Autistic Spectrum]

now i fell bad about not deleting the forum when i had the chance thanks ruby

[steveyos]

okay so that's why assassin's creed has turned into a sickeningly bad game series, some dumb bitch is in charge

I'm playing through ac3 singleplayer trying not to kill myself wondering how did this series end up getting worse every new game, gameplay wise, I could understand story and stuff but the gameplay, the controls, it actually is worse every time and now that explains it, some dumb bitch is in charge

ruby honestly is it really not possible for you to rap? can you not produce rhythm with your lungs, vocal chords and mouth? you couldn't even keep up with your black betty parody except for the word niggers you can say that fast but what the hell is wrong with you where you can't fucking talk a bit faster so it at least seems like you're rapping

[Genital Doli]

now i fell bad about not deleting the forum when i had the chance thanks ruby

[Moonman]

[Boar]

i like to namesearch my name in these megathreads and when it doesnt come up i also like to just exit the thread without reading a single word

you make Grand Theft Auto 4 threads just as Grand Theft Auto 5 s coming out, how relevant and timely

[Autistic Spectrum]

allready beat gta5, stayed up 72 hours s8

[steveyos]

make threads about good games some oh wait no good games, but there are so many better than gta

[juji]

i like to namesearch my name in these megathreads and when it doesnt come up i also like to just exit the thread without reading a single word

[Moonman]

just ate a pot brownie

[rubycalaber]

ruby honestly is it really not possible for you to rap? can you not produce rhythm with your lungs, vocal chords and mouth? you couldn't even keep up with your black betty parody except for the word niggers you can say that fast but what the hell is wrong with you where you can't fucking talk a bit faster so it at least seems like you're rapping

thats as fast as I can speak, I'm not used to talking

ps got dead space 3 today

you make Grand Theft Auto 4 threads just as Grand Theft Auto 5 s coming out, how relevant and timely

its not even the 17th in america yet suck my dick

just ate a pot brownie

hope you overdose

[always stevey]

just ate a pot brownie

try eating a 12 gauge

[Genital Doli]

try eating a 6 pack of beer.. no tahts not a mistake, i mean literaly try to digest the glass. cag has,

[Moonman]

try eating a 12 gauge

youre a piece of shit go choke on a 12 inch cock you whore

[Moonman]

did anyone else know that the girl who played kelly bundy in married with children also played veronica corningstone in anchorman?

[Tahiti Joe]

Ruby slow down your rap so I can understand your Scottish accent.

[always stevey]

Plug drugs your the man of Lisa's dreams. Did you really get jealous and freak out at camoron for being in love with Lisa.

[always stevey]

try eating a 6 pack of beer.. no tahts not a mistake, i mean literaly try to digest the glass. cag has,

I swallow cans of natty ice whole

[Moonman]

Plug drugs your the man of Lisa's dreams. Did you really get jealous and freak out at camoron for being in love with Lisa.

did yiou really get drunk and have sex with a dopg owned

[always stevey]

Did you try to kill yourself on tinychat when dp stole your girlfriend lmoo

[always stevey]

Did you beg ruby to permaban you so the pain would stop lol

[Genital Doli]

Plug drugs your the man of Lisa's dreams. Did you really get jealous and freak out at camoron for being in love with Lisa.

ya tahts werre he was wrong,,, wrong lizard lady

[steveyos]

everyone shut up and add me and ruby on twitch.tv so you can watch us play dead space 3 live

[always stevey]

Did you beg ruby to permaban you so the pain would stop lol

Here I was before I got distracted. Lol pluggy tried to kill himself

[Autistic Spectrum]

he tried to be your friend too cag, and u rejected him over and over, not very nice ,,

[steveyos]

I too know the sting of cag's field of ignorance

did anyone else know that the girl who played kelly bundy in married with children also played veronica corningstone in anchorman?

uh yeah, she became a movie actress, pretty much everyone with any familiarity with that show knows that

[maks]

goat