Morbidly depressed

[blumpkin blownuts]

So an active addict is going to move in with someone who just kicked.

You will always feel empty and underperforming at life as an active drug user.
As a recovering addict you're STILL going to feel that way too, but not as often, and further bewteen. Then when you have enough recovery under your belt to systemize it to all aspects of life, you will conquer your doubts and inadequacies more easily than taking out a load of garbage is.

Someday I'm going to get there.

I just got done doing some 12-step working with my sponsor this past 1-2 hours and am feeling hopeful and happy again.

You said you were in the program once. Had you hit your bottom, or do you need to fall further still before you're ready to start living & even enjoying life on life's terms?