I sit at home all day, most days no one talks to me, some days my parents don't even talk to me. All of my friends have started college, and I haven't and it angers me and embarrasses me to say that it's basically because my parents won't let me. I'm a failure at life and a disappointment even to myself and I only graduated high school three months ago. I'm almost nineteen and I have nothing to show for anything I've ever done in my life because I haven't done shit. As far as the world (with the exception of three people, not even that some days) is concerned, I do not even exist. Such a short time ago I thought things were going to be so much better, I thought everything would be so different than it has turned out. I've never deserved to die more than I do now and I'm positive the only reason I haven't already killed myself is because most days I manage somehow to keep myself distracted from how shitty my life is. That to me is the worst way to live, having your life be so terrible you don't even want to live it but you stay barely content with it because most of the time you aren't thinking about it.