Generic Ruby DayZ Video Thread #0: How to Make Friends in DayZ

[rubycalaber]

make sure to watch in full screen and at 1080p to experience the full epic win

no the zero is not how many replies I am expecting this is sort of a prequel to a new series of threads I will be making about the best video game ever made DayZ which is a mod for the worst video game ever made ARMA II which I have been playing with barry and teknorat for the last two months and I have been recording our sessions in secret so more spontaneous funny shit will happen which is probably considered betraying to by a very bad reason but as you can see from this video loyalty isnt my strong point and teknorat already secretly recorded me talking about wanting to fuck my sister when we played borderlands so we are probably even now by his standards and I dont give a fuck if barry doesnt want me recording him talking about how many bogan boys hes banged anyway I have a shit load of videos from this game I had to buy another harddrive to record them onto and its already full too so as I edit them down into clipshows of the funniest shit that happens I'll make a thread about it but I'm making this one right now since today I pulled off probably the best stunt in my gaming career butchering a team of five survivors by myself and fraps managed to record it with all the audio input and output in there and the video in sync with no problems amazingly and it even managed to capture the whole event from start to finish pretty much so I didnt need to edit anything so I can upload it in it's high quality huge as fuck original file size so it will look gorgeous and not be a tiny little grimy piece of shit with black bars slapped on it for no reason which is what happens when I edit a video in windows movie maker which is the only video editing program kristana (my computer) will run I guess my counter strike video didnt look too bad but that's only because I literally hacked youtube by putting "yt:crop=16:9" in the tags so it would crop out the black bars wwm puts on it anyway this is a good like preview for these threads since it is both the best quality and best content the rest of these vidoes are going to be a bit ugly and a bit boring since this game is literally a walking sim 99% of the time but let me try to put into perspective how fucking awesome this video is I've been playing this game for 56 days and in that time I've killed probably about 25 people, so this video right here is basically 20% of my total kills ever since ARMA 2 is a dead fucking serious military simulator that tries to be utterly realistic so it's one hit kill depending on where you hit someone and with what kind of ammunition and you can break their bones and send them into shock and make them bleed to death if you dont kill them instantly and the map is 140 miles squared so just finding someone even in a full 50 player server is hard as fuck and it takes hours to walk from one corner of the map to another and just finding a shitty little pistol is a very impressive piece of loot you usually spend ages looking for so much as a can of beans never mind a weapon and you usually only get assault rifles in the military bases further into the wilderness almost never in coastal cities and ammo is so scarce you never ever see people go full auto people will literally run several miles just to save one bullet because they are so rare and in this mod characters are persistent so the equipment you find and your status effects carry with you from server to server and when you die thats that character dead forever you have to start out finding loot and traveling again when you spawn as a new character so people aren't dying every second like in modern warfare they can last for hours or days on one life and people will get ultra butthurt if they die with good loot on them or after they've lasted a while or even worse if they were having fun the only object of the game is to survive there are no rules on who can shoot who but it is honestly considered morally reprehensible to kill people in this game unless it's in self defense and people get very very very very very angry about any sort of PvP and call you a COD kiddy if you instigate any sort of violence so most players just try to stay away from each other in case someone tries to kill them for their equipment or if they are dickheads like me who will try to ruin your game for fun since just surviving is too boring for me I have to steal the fun from other players like some sort of fun vampire to sustain my own fun levels so its outrageously rare for just two strangers to team up and work together never mind five of them and most people are retards who dont have microphones or cant speak english but all these guys were chatting away and they trusted me just because I was unarmed and they let me in their circlejerk church and well watch what happened I had just been on a literally four hour long journey with Teknorat to one of the airfields in the game that has lots of good loot at it with us navigating there manually since the only in-game map or compasses you have to find first and are pieces of shit and fighting tooth and nail against hoards of zombies and other players only for me to be brutally murdered by a ladder that threw me off the top of it to my death for no reason sounds fun huh so I started carelessly running around one of the major cities along the coast where you spawn with a new character and I had found literally no loot at all just the one bandage and box of painkillers and a flashlight you start with when I came across a gaggle of faggots fighting zombies outsides a church so I ran up yelling I'm unarmed and they let me hang about probably because I have a girl character and they were all blokes and looking for a gang bang and we all ran inside a church when someone else started shooting outside and they were really poorly armed only one in light clothing called frenzy had a 1911, an old grampa character called Trento was holding his flashlight you cant even turn on during the daytime and is the worst fiddly piece of shit in gaming history lmao two guys had axes one in dark clothes called spacer and the other Adam in light clothes and Matthew the poor bastard in dark clothes and Harry Potter glasses had nothing to hold at all and frenzy came up with a plan for us to all run out of the church at the same time and run to the firestation to distract whoever was shooting outside and he'd sneak up behind him and shoot him and I say hell yeah since I've been joining in on their banter for a bit so they'll trust me all the time wishing I had a gun to massacre them all literally just like whenever I talk to anyone in real life but unlike real life I actually can get a gun and murder them all and that gets me epic lulz and not a trip to jail and when its time to run out I'm the first out the door thinking I might be able to get some kind of weapon at the firestation if I get there first and I run past heidi the chicken as the gang of fagmasters try to spot where that shooter might be and I call out a random player with an axe running towards us being chased by a zombie but one of them tells me he's a friendly and the great immortal jimmy rustler has blessed me once again because I run into the stairwell in the firestation to find a brand new AKM with three magazines and I immediately fiddle like fucking mad to bring up the awful inventory system and start quivering as I guide my mouse towards the stupid unresponsive buttons to pick the equipment up and I turn around and fiddle to take out the rifle and load it just as the other faggots run into the building and thankfully the only one with a firearm frenzy is the first in and literally within less than a quarter of a second after I chamber a round into the AKM I send it flying straight into his right buttock causing literal and metaphorical butthurt and I run up and stick the barrel against his sides and fire 8 rounds directly into his rib cage as he screams WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH SHIT!!! causing him to flop around on the floor embarrassingly as he dies taking out their only gunman and I turn around to see Adam, Matthew and Trento backing up into the corner and I yell HI NEW FRIENDS and unload another 8 shots at them hitting Trento in the leg breaking his femur with a sickening crunch causing him to fall flat on his face and I literally put a round straight through the pathetic little nerdy faggot Matthew's testicles as he cowers in the corner causing him to scream in pain pathetically and as I change my half mag for a full one Trento yells for Adam to get me but I blast 16 bullets at him as he runs around on the spot screaming AAAAAH NOOOO WHYS HE GOING AFTER ME?!!! and I put several rounds into his shoulders and back making him bleed profusely and as I come back out of the stairwell after reloading again he swings his axe at me missing since hes a stupid faggot so I yell NICE TRY GAYBOY and I let off three rounds at him but he escapes up the stairs spewing blood everywhere so I take aim at Matthew who's still quivering in the corner trying desperately to bandage up his busted ballbag and as I unleash 14 rounds straight into his chest murdering him as he goes AAAAARRRGHHH!!! Trento groans I HOPE YOU DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH who has literally been barrel rolling across the floor to frenzy's body since I tore up his leg and he can't walk and he gets up on one knee so I can tell he's fiddling through his fallen comrades inventory to get his M1911 out but he's forgotten this game has the worst inventory ever made and he's holding a flashlight which just complicates the fiddling so troll him about it screaming NICE FLASHLIGHT GAYBOY as I empty the rest of my mag into him just as he manages to get the pistol in his hands but he dies before he can even pull the trigger and then oh fuck some random faggot with a fireaxe comes running behind me but he doesnt attack for some reason and he just goes into the stairwell and tries to fight a zombie in there who punches him so hard he spills blood everywhere and drops dead instantly lmao what a fucking loser but as I turn around spacer has turned up with his axe to avenge his gay lovers and it looks like hes going for the M1911 but he has to fight off a zombie to get to it and I slam in another mag with 13 rounds in it and let them off after him in first person as I yell IM RUSTLING SO MANY JIMMMIES but he's a spry ninja fucker and evades my fire chasing him along the wall action movie style and then teleports backwards probably using some sort of lag hax so I pull out the big trolling guns >implying I'm about to go implying imperial eagle on this nigga >IMPLYING IM STILL THERE as he swats about where I used to be >IMPLYING YOU CAN GET ME as I empty another magazine straight into his chest >IMPLYING IM NOT UNLOADING ON YOU as he uses his last second of life to swing his fireaxe across my small but well formed breasts >IMPLYING IM NOT OWNING YOU as I reload go into shock and start spewing blood out my tits and when I turn around he's laying on his back with zombies gathering around to eat him and his last word is FUCK! as he dies in horrible agony and I run back into the firestation as zombies phase through closed doors with the power of crumping and I yell OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE and I spot Adam the first man created and the last one I kill still alive under all the carnage and gore in the stairwell still hemorrhaging all over the floor and trying to hack at a zombie attacking him so I bring up my sights and put my last 10 bullets directly through the zombies nutsack and into face tearing it up and sending the zombie toppling over and murdering Adam with bullets literally coated with gay zombie semen and he curls up humiliated for life and the afterlife since having zombie cum on your face makes you gay for all eternity and Teknorats being going ballistic the entire time laughing so hard he's probably bleeding to death in real life since he recently got a nose operation and whenever he laughs he has a nosebleed (I'm sure Allison Harvard is jealousss~) so he risks his life whenever gaming with me since I'm so funny and he's been reading the kills come in "like a Columbine news report" and he presumed it was over while I was still mopping up Adam asking me how many I'd got and he made five I should have got six with that random guy with the fireaxe who I think was the guy I saw coming down the street when we left the church he turned back up I guess to help if he knew those guys since they said he was friendly but he was such a useless gimp literally a zombie killed him with one punch but I pretty much did kill him since he wouldn't have been there at all if it wasn't for me mowing down his buddies and I start reveling in my amazing trolling going YES! YES! YES! while literally hyperventilating at everything Teknorat says and when I read my stats MURDERS: 4 BANDITS KILLED: 1 I scream YEEEEESSSS!!! at the top of my lungs you are considered a bandit by the game if you have killed other players and thats ever not just that character for the entire time you've played so only one of those guys had ever killed anyone I think that was Adam but the other four had never hurt anyone else in their entire DayZ gaming career lmao guess now they know why you should in case you come across someone like me hahahaha RUSTLED BEYOND BELIEF and as I bandage my tits up I start clappling as I realize that was the best gaming moment of my fucking life and then I lie to teknorat that I'd only been recording from when I picked up the rifle so he wouldn't catch on that I've been recording every single part of every single game so I guess the moral of the story is dont trust anything that anyone says or does and shoot them on sight

if you'd like to play DayZ with me, teknorat and barrypothead and get a chance to be in some of my gay videos and probably get manipulated, betrayed and murdered then buy "ARMA II: Combined Operations" off of steam follow this guide here on all the hacker shenanigans you have to go through to play the mod: http://dayzmod.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=2085 and once you've managed that big old bunch of bullshit and are wondering what the fuck this retarded game is on about read through this http://dayzwiki.com/wiki/index.php?t...eginners_Guide and then hit us up on steam we usually play weekends and at about 2AM amerifat east coast time during weekdays since that's when teknorat gets home from work in ausfalia so you basically have to have no life like me to be up to play

1st

funny. mic way too loud tho

the mod looks pretty fun.

[maks]

2 megathreads in a week? this may be a new forum renaissance

RELEASE THE LIZARDS!

the fuck is this dayz shit?

[kid_dj]

monde, will you please be my surrogate Indian dad?

jayz mod for counterstrike

uhh is this worth the 20 bucks for arma II

I MIHGT HAVE TO PLAY THIS TO GET THE REFERENCES TO ALL OF RUBYS MEGATHREADS FROM NOW ON

[Desolation]

crouch down and look at things the video game

just got an nes and a bunch of games i am on a video game money spending frenzy right now

more like arma(ndaleg) II

[Desolation]

Fraps yourself a podcast ruby you little bitch

[Desolation]

Fraps yourself up to the final episodes of Community Howard you queer

OH HEY LOOK AT THAT IM FREE ALL NIGHT AND AM NOT TIRED HMM I GUESS MY NEW BLUE SNOWBALL MICROPHONE COULD BE OF SOME USE MAYBE IDONT KNOW OH WELL MAYBE ILL JUST GO TO BED EARLY AGAIN TONITE AND CRY INTO MY PILLOW

AND OH MAN I CANT WAIT TO FINISH THAT FINAL EP OF COMMUNITY GUESS ILL HAVE TO KEEP WAITING

[Desolation]

i want to watch community or podcast but ruby is too busy pestering people in SecondLifeZ

[Desolation]

also if you click the video some mega owns in the comments lmfao

[maks]

"Look at the desperation to grab the gun and then the happiness of the child to kill the guys. Must be 18 + with a mentality of nine years."

if only they knew

[jon]

arma2 is still $30 is this game really worth getting i keep hearing good shit about it

[Genital Doli]

arma2 is still $30 is this game really worth getting i keep hearing good shit about it

lmao

[Genital Doli]

Question: Would u spend 20 dollars on the Dwarf Fortres equivalent of Call of Duty

[jon]

the real question is, how much longer will it be until dayz gets its own full game, and will you have to buy it twice or what

i don't want to buy arma2 just to have to re-buy some v2.0 of dayz that isn't the mod but a full game in its own right

[jon]

dwarf fortress isn't bad, but it isn't really good, either

[Genital Doli]

A Day in the Life of DayZ
---------------------------
walk around for five miles with nothing
get shot at by someg uy
try 2 kill nublett to take his Binocular loot (binoculars = currency)
die
u were 5000000000000 miles away form a spawn point ;] congratualtions now u get to walk again

[Genital Doli]

dwarf fortress isn't bad, but it isn't really good, either

it isnt a game

[jon]

sounds good