i will quit posting when

[steveyos]

uofcagfan fitting in

[Autistic Spectrum]

fjs version 321 is the best one yet,,

[Autistic Spectrum]

lisa was pressed yesterday to list all these friends she has here, and she named u and rootbeer and teknorat as her good friends,

[steveyos]

I just shut down fjs

lisa was pressed yesterday to list all these friends she has here, and she named u and rootbeer and teknorat as her good friends,

ya, thats accurate, lisa is a sweet kid

[steveyos]

rubynet v1.0 is the best yet

[Cody]

ya, thats accurate, lisa is a sweet kid

great so you fell in love with cag over the internet, and youre friends with lisa. congrats on finally destroying what cred you had left on rubynet...

Thx I try rly hard

[Cody]

are you going to get all suicidal for us on tinychat now?

Yes. Go in and wait for me I'm just getting my noose ready.

[Cody]

The Young Ones:DEMOLITION

Written by Ben Elton, Rik Mayall, and Lise Mayer
Additional material by Alexei Sayle
BBC, 1982
[NOTE: Please send corrections to Steve Rapport. Thanks.]

--INT: KITCHEN/DRAWING ROOM

DJ: That was a great new version of "The Young Ones"--

[RICK snaps radio off.]
RICK: That was brilliant! Shame about Cliff Richard.

NEIL: What about him?

RICK: What?

NEIL: What about Cliff Richard?

RICK: Are you trying to be funny?

NEIL: Um, uh...

RICK: Because if you are, I think it's in pretty poor taste, that's all! I'm not a fridge, you know!

[RICK runs out of the room, snatching radio and giving Neil one last smug look before exiting.]
NEIL: Weird, eh? I better get back to the lentil cassarole before I get disorientated.

[NEIL pours soap suds into pot, and starts stirring.]
NEIL: Guess it'll be soon be over for you lentils!

[NEIL sneezes into the pot. He then picks it up to carry it to the table, but immediately reacts to it being hot.]
NEIL: Oh wow! This is really amazingly hot! I'd better get it to the table quickly!

[NEIL quickly walks with the pot to the tablem, which is covered in junk.]
NEIL: Oh, no room at all, eh? Heavy! I'll never get it back to the cooker in time now--I'm just gonna have to--

[NEIL dumps the contents of the pot on the floor and starts blowing on his fingers. He then observes the mess on the floor.]
NEIL: Oh no. Bad karma. Again!

[NEIL exits, and calls upstairs]
NEIL: Guys, there's some dinner on the floor if you want it. If you don't, like, that would also be cool, because I only spent all day cooking it, right, and like, I was the one who got it together to put the lentils on to soak last night, but maybe we should just get a cat, right, and give it to the cat, 'cause it's obvious none of you can be both-- guys? Maybe it'd be cool if I just died, right?

[RICK runs past NEIL and into the drawing room without a word. He walks through the food on the floor then immediately freezes, seemingly as if shocked by what he just walked in.]
RICK: Well?

NEIL: Well what, Rick?

RICK: Have you decided to apologize for what you said about Cliff Richard?

NEIL: I didn't say anything about Cliff Richard, Rick, I wasn't even--

RICK: Look, I don't want to discuss it! Okay? Ha-- I wouldn't even discuss the color of orange juice with you, Neil. Heh! But I've written a poem and I think perhaps it might help you.

NEIL: It's orange, Rick, and look, I don't want to depress you or anything, but like, you're standing in a huge mound of lentil cassarole.

RICK: "Oh Cliff! / Sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if / You really are a cliff / When fascists keep trying to push you over it! / Are they the lemmings, or are you Cliff? Or ARE you, Cliff?

NEIL: Yeah. That was really pretty bad, Rick.

RICK: Bad for society when the KIDS start to get into it!

NEIL: I'm gonna kill myself now.

RICK: Pretty angry stuff, right? Let them try and ignore that, right?

[NEIL is putting his head into the oven.]
RICK: Those clever trousers in the army! And the police, and the government, if they can!

NEIL: I see things much more clearly now! Bye Rick.

RICK: Yes, g'bye.

NEIL: I'll probably come back as a lentil.

RICK: I might even be put in prison! And have water DRIPPED on my head! I might even get a personal message from Cliff!

NEIL: Oh, wow! This is the end, man! Doesn't anybody ever suss out cleaning this oven except me? Aw, w--this is so dirty, man, uncool! I bet you could look inside all the dirty ovens in the world, right, and you can--even the ones at the bottoms of swamps, and you wouldn't find one as dirty as this one.

RICK: Neil! Why don't you listen to me, Neil? Why don't you listen to ME? Y--d'you find me boring or something? Look. Look. That's a saucer. THAT'S boring. Look.

[RICK holds the saucer up next to his face for comparison, pointing at both for effect.]
RICK: Pretty different, really, isn't it? It's not really the same thing at all, is it Neil? NEIL!

[RICK breaks the saucer by throwing it on the oven, then goes to do the same with another one.]
RICK: I will not be associated with saucers!

[MIKE enters.]
MIKE: Hi guys! 6:15, enter Mike the cool person for his dinner. Strolls across the floor, "Hi Neil," he says, looking good and already warming up "Is that supper?"

NEIL: No, no, that's supper over there.

MIKE: Why are you smashing up saucers, Rick? Your prints on 'em? I know just how you feel, man, y'dig? Sometimes saucers used to make me pretty angry too. Yeah, there's a lotta heads buried at the bottom of the garden because of a saucer in the works.

RICK: I suppose you think it's pretty weird, don't you Mike? Well. You'd be right. 'Cause THAT'S the kind of guy I am, right? WEIRD. Which is why I go over people's heads! A bit like an aeroplane! You think I'm an aeroplane, don't you, Mike? Well, I'm not.

MIKE: I don't think you're an aeroplane, Rick.

RICK: Sycophant!

[NEIL is trying to scoop the casserole up from the floor.]
NEIL: Guys, I really think we ought to get it together maybe to eat something, you know?

RAT #1: Oh zounds! Most I can manage these days is to stuff down a few pages of the Guardian before they're ripped out!

RAT #2: I managed to nibble away at a few lines of Hippolytus the other day, at #32.

RAT #1: Oh, lucky you! Eurypides is my dream poet. {mumbles somtething unintelligible}

[Both RATS laugh heartily.]
RAT #2: Oh, wonderful! This should raise a dry smile, then: Knock knock!

RAT #1: Oh, how wonderful! Who's there?

RAT #2: Eurypides!

RAT #1: Eurypides who?

RAT #2: Eurypides trousers, you-menda-these trousers!

[Both RATS giggle.]
RICK: Augh! A rat!

[RICK retrieves a box guitar from the refrigerator and smashes the rats.]
NEIL: Oh, wow, Rick, man, that's really heavy, man! My grandfather made that guitar entirely out of matchsticks on his deathbed!

RICK: I hate rats! OKAY?

[Shot of RAT #2 eating the remains of his recently-smashed friend.]
RAT #2: It's what he would have wanted.

NEIL: Eh, look, guys, eh, I'm sorry the meal got a bit uncool, like, floorwise, but it's all right, cause I probably got the dirtiest bit.

[NEIL pours salt on his plate; the top of the saltshaker comes off and salt flows copiously onto the plate.]
RICK: Ha ha ha!

MIKE: Okay, guys, don't do anything unusual. Did a guy with a lisp phone?

RICK: No one phoned you, Mike. Well... we haven't got a telephone.

MIKE: Yeah. I know. But did a guy with a lisp phone?

RICK: No, he didn't.

MIKE: Did he say anything about the bananas?

RICK: Uh... no.

MIKE: I thought you said he didn't phone!

RICK: He didn't!

MIKE: Okay, okay, that's good. But it could have been very bad! Anyway, forget you rever even heard the name.

RICK: Uh... What name?

MIKE: Hey, hey, you're learning! That's good.

NEIL: I've got an uncle called Dustin.

RICK: Neil! Are these lentils South African?

NEIL: Well, um...

RICK: You bastard! You complete and utter bastard! Why don't you just go out and become a policeman?! Become a pig? There's no difference, you know!

[RICK picks up some of the food with his fingers, drops it suddenly and wipes his fingers off with a towel.]
RICK: Ow, ow, ow! There's no difference, you know! You think there is, but there isn't! I suppose you hate gay people too! Hippie!

NEIL: Listen, listen, just don't bring me down again, all right, Rick?

RICK: Okay, where's my biro? WHERE IS MY BIRO?

MIKE: Here, here, use mine.

[MIKE hands RICK a ballpoint pen.]
RICK: This is my biro!

MIKE: Well, I just saw it lying on your desk, I thought you didn't want it anymore.

RICK: But look at it, it's half empty!

MIKE: It was just lying there, Rick, what's a guy supposed to think?

RICK: Neil! / What are you doing, Neil? / To make a meal, Neil? / Surreal! From totalitarian vegetables! / How much does it cost, Neil?

NEIL: Well actually it's about four pounds fifty, each.

MIKE and RICK: Four pounds fifty??

RICK: I'm not paying you money to eat black men! I could become a pig and do that for free! Right on!

MIKE: Neil, when I eat a meal worth four pounds fifty, I'm not paying for it, you got me?

NEIL: Yeah, okay, okay, right, like house meeting, okay? Yeah. Like, I know four pounds fifty is like a hell of a lot of bread to lay out just for a lentil casserole, but I did a lot, right? And it struck me that like, considering what I'm gonna do, tonight, I should do like, thirteen portions.

RICK: Thirteen? What are you doing, starting a football team?

NEIL: No, no, killing myself! Killing myself. This is my last supper, right. I've finished building my gallows, and it's totally far out, you should see it Rick. Like, when the trap door opens, and I, like, die, it lights Joss Sticks and plays "Rock Around The Clock"; it's totally amazing.

RICK: Oh, far out. Really great. WOODSTOCK.

[VYVYAN busts into the room by crashing through the wall directly above the supper table. He's holding what is apparently a disembodied leg.]
NEIL: Oh, fine, great, yeah. Why don't you sit in the supper, man, yeah.

RICK: Vyvyan, you might have washed ye hands!

[VYVYAN walks over to the sink, kicks it completely off the wall, and runs his hands through the stream of water now flowing from a hole in the bare wall.]
VYVYAN: I've been down the morgue!

NEIL: Oh, fine, yeah, great. Let's talk about death, I mean, don't consider my feelings tonight, or anything, really.

VYVYAN: Cutting up bodies for my course, you know.

RICK: None of you ever give the slightest consideration to a word I've said!

VYVYAN: That's because you're very boring!

RICK: Oh! Oh, and I suppose you think ideas like peace and freedom and equality are boring too!

VYVYAN: Yes, they are!

RICK: Ha! Fallen into my trap! In that case, why isn't Cliff Richard boring, clever-trousers? Tell me that!

[VYVYAN responds by pushing RICK's face down into his food.]
NEIL: Okay, lads, umm... this is it, okay, I'm going, now, this is the final moment, okay? Right.

VYVYAN: I've got a leg.

MIKE: Hey Vyvyan, that's not unusual.

VYVYAN: No, look. I'm supposed to write an essay on it, right, but... I think I'm just gonna stick it on the bonnet of my car!

NEIL: Bye, then!

MIKE: Okay, Vyv, okay, hold back, go previous. Now, the scotch eggs are another story. That's a nice angle on the wall, straight through it, I like your style. Certainly had me fooled. That's only part of the puzzle. Most days you come through the door. Sometimes you even open it. Today you didn't, today you suddenly change your routine, why? Eh? You in trouble, Vyv? You the final sausage in the fridge? Is someone comin' after you with a piece of cling film?

VYVYAN: No... We got a letter from the council! Look, nobody's fed my hamster, have they?

after that post I really do want to kill myself

[Cody]

[FUCKJEW]

That is not The Young Ones:DEMOLITION

[Cody]

http://www.menvafan.net/annat/tv/tyo/demolition.htm

[steveyos]

cody talking about another person having or not having forum cred itt

[steveyos YOLO]

I just shut down fjs

[Cody]

[steveyos]

woops just shut fjs down

Damnn. I was just bout to register.

[steveyos]

well the good news is it's back u- oops nope wait just shut down