Originally Posted by
Lisa
jon you need to stop projecting your weird ass shit onto me because I'll never understand your wavelength or what the fuck you are talking about, jon you are special, you live another world we have suck different thought processes it isn't even funny, you're more autistic than ruby is just don't do that shit when say something insinuating some bad to me that com e so fucking left field like everything you say because you know what I know you're a nice guy but I have to be a fucking bitch to you if you're a fucking bitch and look I do think you're a weirdo but a nice smart weirdo but yeah you can be a stupid bitch but you are pretty cool but they tell me you being a bitch is cag influence but I wonder how she is feeling about you being austistic because she wants to be your girlfriend so bad and she's been demented for most the time she she has followed me around and "trolled" me on the internet but fact is she is pretty fucking demented but she's been heaps better since teknorat trolled her, like I like her more now she's less of a fuckhead but yeah so that's you two
see while I'm high I figured I'd just sort out all you fucking trolls and shit, give you all your character appraisals because really you are fucking fuckheads and some other people I'm not apraising much are nice I like people when they aren't fuckheads for the most part and I get it some of you are fucked in the nhead fucking demented desperate to be fucking psychopaths or something like serious have ever read your shit some of you are bum fuck fucking retarded man but you know if you aren't a fuckhead then I like you so sue me for being like that like don't make shit up about me like you're fucking retarded like serious some of you are fucking brain damaged not like just insane or something but like actually fucking brain damaged or some shit and yes I'm insane and high right now and oh wow who else was I going to tralk about? no-one really I don't care about most of you I'm here and I'm a bit more than fucking queer you know I really like juji lately we've been mates again like before and when I was with rootbeer you know I like elz he's cool when he's my mate and I I like Tim lately like seriously he's fucking cute and funny and yeah you're hot tim and don't be too up yourself but you you're young and can get a way hotter younger better girl than me especially if you move out of your parents house you will grow up heaps and then you'll have a hot girlfriend then, and I'd take advantage of you being young and haorny all the time but yeah when you get a bit less sheltered you can get a nice clean young hot chick who isn't an insane 35 year old woman which can't even meet you half way to where you're going in life and yeah would totally fuck but lol seriously you don't need me to fuck, you're cool you can be a jerk whenever you want and go fuck whoever you want, you're bipolar or something I think but yay Tim, I'm in Tim camp ok, i might just forum fan you because you've nice to me lately and it's been so fucking cute Tim like little forum crush fucking cute made me want to fucking eat you and stuff and you know ruby when he isn't acting like a spastic 13 year old trying to be a fuckhead he's actually really cool and he's heaps nicer than he tries to be, don't know why he tries to be a fuckhead I think to try and show off and look big to teknorat who is like a psycho and seriously like a fucking 13 year old too but they are both pretty smart and funny but ruby's actually a better person than teknorat, teknorat is just fucking brain damged like his dad hit him in the frontal lobes too much he's a psychopath with enouygh intellignce for it to fucking affect you when he's trying to have an emotiuon to like getting all hanibal lecture psychology on your ass but it's just because he's retarded with feelings, like you know I'm emotionally retarded too but I yeah he's developmentally stunted in some fucking way but again pretty fucking smart so not a triffle. basically more dangerous than cody because he has a brain but yeah he's a just a bit of a fuckhead sometimes like a total fucking fuckhead sometimes deliberately just because he's a fuckhead but he actually likes me and I think he gets brain damage about that because yeah he's smart but not as smart as me and to be honest he is my friend like I like him even though he just a fuckwit sometimes just to try and really fuck with people because he gets off a bit at it because he's retarded like that he's just yeah psychopath but honestly that can't affect me that much because I am already fucking insane and damaged like honestly he couldn't do anything worse to me than some others did and I'm just well I am actually smarter than him but he probably doesn't think I am lol but that's because he isn't quite as smart as me but I mean I'm insane and emotionally retarded but eh like he probably has an IQ in the 130's maybe a bit more so he smart enough to know most people are really fucking stupid like seriously average intellignce is pretty fucking dumb, like they can be awesome people and good people and stuff but most peopke are what to some people just generally not as smart, doesn't mean anything just is, like people are just nicer people or nicer people or funnier people and some people have tallent and all that like and there are some fucking horrible fucking people yeah but you know they ARE fucking retarded, like they ARE fucking missing a bit between the ears and you know, well aside from marco, he pretty fucking dumb his IQ is like 90 or a fair choo bellow average that's for sure and yeah wendy can be amusing sometimes just because she says random fucking funny shit shit, like it's shit but yeah can be funny but yeah no fucking genius there but probably most of the rest of you even demented ones are above average intellignce, even cag maybe but maybe dp is the smartest in some way but it's only in some way because he's fucvking dislexic or something but OMG I am so bored of thinking about you troll but yeah ruby is smart and funny and pretty nice but autistsic and pretty immature when you're an old hag like me teknorat yeah whatever I can deal with teknorat because he's actually just honest about how sick he is in the head like yeah he's not a sociopath trying to convince people he's something he's not because sociopaths are just liars, and you I fucking hate liars they are such losers but psychopaths are just fucking psychopaths they honestly don't care what anyone thinks but he likes me that's why he likes to try and play with me and be a fuckhead and he likes cag too you know he's just so fucking emotionally immature he doesn't know how to process that he just likes someone especially the opposite sex it makes him feel vulnerable and you know he's not a female, he's male to start with and he's a psychopath but yeah that doesn't mean he's the worst kind of person you'll ever meet by far like seriously being a psycho path doesn't mean you're bad and he's actually a pretty good one but like I knew he was from the start and cag is sociopath but she's not smarter than teknorat she had no fucking clue man she was busy deluding herself that he was just another fucking toy because most guys are so easily just a toy for cag because most guys are actually not that bright, like seriously and especially some of you younger more sheltered ones but yeah she just didn't that one comming and the thing is sociopaths actually care a LOT what other people think of them, like more than most people but they seriously fucking care about shit that someone like me who you know I actually don;t care what other people think of me I'm maybe a bit up myself in the way that I just care what I think of people, I seriously only care if I like someone or not and like I'm not actually a social retard because I've been tested but I have a personality type and I just don;t follow people, I love learning stuff from smart people I like but what anyone thinks of me I don;t care because actually the people that even have opinions on me well look I'm just actually pretty aware and confrontimngly honest about if I actually like someone or not and how at such a disenchanted social level it's all about, I don;t kn ow but I'm just honest about the fact if I want someone to do something for me like I don't actually bother manipulating people I'll just say what I want from them without all that fucking pleasantries or even manners I guess because honestly I am a judgemental person that is in my personality type I am always judging things I take in a lot of information and then make an actual judgement and you know some people aren't judgemental but I am pretty fucking self aware that I am and the judgements I make on on people look there are very few genuinely just good hearted nice people you know and you know there are some but honestly we are all self serving even the good ones but it's just that because they are actually like good, like there is a goodness intelligence you know because it actually takes a lot of fucking intellignce of some sort to be a good person because most people haven't got that level of intellignce where they fully just understand that all that matters is to actually be good and I'm not actually as far as being a good person goes that goodness intelligent but like I'm just not as smafrt as the really good people because I'm just actually bitter and not as in control of my thought processes and just not as an actually good person, you know but the thing is there is NOT a lot of actually good people like they are rare and they will always fucking be good and have enough self awesness and goodness intellignce to have that goodness but holy shit you know 99% of us are not that good, some people are just fucking bad you know and you know that isn not as intelligent no matter how good you are at math and I don't mean if you are a psycho path because you know a good psychopath is like so fucking googness intelligfence like you know there are psychopaths that use their psychoipathness to just do fucking good shit that I'm not good enough to do like I literally do not have the goodness intellignce for it but you know what I am actually more goodness intelligent than MOST people like not goodness genius I'm in that 20% of people who actually have the goodness trait you know, like it's because of I really will step in and help someone and put myself at risk at risk and sacrifuce even my life to do the right thing and help someone because I couldn't live with myself otherwise like it's the fact that actually 80% of people are not actually good at all you know, like they are actually bad people, they might be successsfull and be able to deal with people really well but they really are just seriously allin for themselves and they put themselves first you know I mean it's a part of nature and it's actually better survival wise which is why MOST people are actually like that, they end up being healthier, don't end up getting injured and they just can prosper better because you know dog eat dog but yjey will at other's expense and yeah like I totally take what I can too but I also will sacrife more than most people but yeah not like as much as some, like I fully know how selfish I am and 1st world too and I'm just not actually giving enough to really go out of my way to spend my energry and resources when I actually could you know, if I wasn't actually as self centered as I am I would go teach and look after kids in a 3rd world because I'm actually intelligent enough and fucking spoiled enough with lucky country 1st world oprtunity educated enough to actually be able to help you know but I'm just goodness intelligent enough Like I am selfish but like I'm self aware of that, like I know people who aren't fucking stupid who actually are smart enough to know that yeah I'm fucking smart and yeah I could actually be doing something that heklps out society and everyone else more and I'm just not doing that right now because yeah I am selfish enough to just not fucking do it and I know the ones that are smart enopugh and yous know who you are because we are like fuckingt aliens when the cast majority oif the entire population is actually just, well they are just simpler fucking creatures so yous know who you are and yeah I fucking hear ya you hate me because you're onto me yeah I'm fucking smart and couple actually go make a lot of money on the stock market and be more usefull to you because yeah I know you are one of the fucking smart ones too and are actually being bothered enough to work but that's my selfishness I'm just not that alturistic, you know there really is no fucking point shit just is what it is, I'm fuckiung a long way from being perfect or perfect good or thge most all rounded successfull person, yeah I'm just really fucking highly intellient in one partuclar way like just as in pure intelligtnce but like we aren't even close to be able to categorise all the different intellignces and just in another way I am emotionally stunted and technically you know I'm my emotional intellignce is like technically retarded like you know I've been tested and shit and my emotional intellignce is that oif a teenager so like yeah I can help you with a really fucking hard some but I just do have the capacity to process emotions or understand them in any intellignet way like and emotional intelligence is just SO important for being able to function interpersonally and it's not that I don;t have feelings I do but I that part of my brain you know it just doesn't process the emotion and move on so I can tend to feel a certain feeling for longer than let's say someone with an average emotional intellignce and you know people with high emotional intellignce are just particulary gifted with dealing with interpersonally because they'll always have an apropiate emotion for an apropiate amount and they capaicaty and intellignce for that just allows them to process that and there fore just function whereas most of us know because for the most part most of us rembere being really you know really fucking uypset about something because something awfull has happened and you know most of have emotions and think back more when you were younger before your brain had fully developed and unless you were a psycvhopath who had a damaged part of that which actually has it's uses you know because psychopaths, good ones who who have goodness intelligence are actually just capable to do all that good shit that frankly most people are just not equipped to do you know shit that actually hold the fabric of society together, saving lives, just doing that amazing shit that most of you could never fucking do you know, but yeah most of us remember before that emotional part of yoyur brain had fully developed that you know are kind of helpless emotionally when you just aren't evcen physically capable of processes an emotion it actually is so overwhealming that you know it's all oervasive, it affects your intellignce, like you can't fucking do a maths sum or think in any way usefull when you are actually feeling an emotion and so yeah I'm just a bit more fucking stupid and incapable of mentally of processing emotions in an ideally healthy brain that has like fully functioning emotions, like yeah I think my frontal lobes are obviously damaged but I I do have emotions and I'm actually hypersensitive with emotional empathy like I am affected by emotions more, well more like kids are so some things epset me more than most people and the emotion just isn't processed in a emotionally intelligenet way because you know brain damge, my brain is not perfect but some poarts of it work than yours so shut up we're all different but yeah so like yeah and emotions are not as elctrical based as more chemical based so yeah it's just makes it when things that would upset some people well actually they make me insane as in actually chemically my brain just, well I you know what I think s0ome of the chemicals in emtions can actually shut off areas of your brain you know cause electrical activity and firing of neurons to shut off in certain areas of your brain which is actually happening all the time in a our brains and like if the uptake part of the brain that processes emotions that released and reabsorbs chemicals which basically is just what an emotion is just like a biochemical reaction see if like trauma and I've had trauma and it would be good to be a psychopath because they can't really get tramatised because emotional chemicals aren't even affectimg their brain to the point where what what would traumatise someone who isn't a psychopath doesn't actually traumatise a psychopath like seriously because they don';t produce anywhere near enough of these chemical biochemically for it to actually affe ct their brain much which may or may not be working perfectly fine depending on the person because yeah some psychopaths are fucking brain damages because there are like every fuckingcombination of people and things and damages of brain or super healthy and developed parts of the brains that's why everyone is different but like because probably because the uptake part of the brain that processes the emotions and reabsobs the chemicals is kind of damaged because of trauma when the brain was still dveloping it doesn't reabsorbe very quickly because like those receptors or uptake whatever things in the brain are just not biug fully developed so like the chemicals stay longer causing me to feel an emotion for longer than someone who has developed that pafrt of tehir fully and because those chemicals affect your brain in such a way as they can shut down certain electrictrical actvivty in some parts of brain like memory and just like fully your reasonaing and frontal lobes like if something that emotionally is very strong for me it actually causes me to go insane, it affect my shoirt turn memory which likes gets switched off so actually you know when something really emotional happens you know you just well you feel that shit you know and then those of you who have a fully dveloped uptake inhibitors or whatever well you are biochemically affected, you feel the apropiate emotion and then those chemicals are reabsorbed in an apropiate amount of time and you know you can't function and are kind of not thinking properly when you are having a emotion but it does what it does and I guess because the chemicals are be reabsorbed as much as they are released you are able to feel a feeling have some parts of your brain blocked because yeah biochemical and that what an emotion is otherwise you're brain wouldn;t even be your brain if it didn't change and shit so while you can feel a feel a feeling and move an to another feeling and the parts of your brain that were deactivated during the emotion are ractivated and amother certain chemical mix is released i nto your brain causing you to feel another emotion and so on, it just takes me a lot longer to reabsorb the chemicals being released and this is how an "episode" as I say it happens, I have produced a chemical in my brain that causes an nemotion I mean this is how we are even aware of shit going in in our enviroment and shit but because I have like like developmentally stunted uptake inhibitors which are like a baby dick when most adults have a full grown dick uptake inhibitors so my little freak tard retarded ones don't reabsorb the chemicals and process them intellignetly and parts of my brain remain blocked off, so let's something happens that would you know emotionally devestae someone for a couple of hours, that same state will last in me for like two weeks depending on the severity of the emotion and so like those parts of your brain that are shut off temporily for you when feeling an emotion are shut off for me for like days or even weeks or like howver long all depending on just how fast those chemicals are reabsorbed and that makes me like well not functionally sane, I won't necessarily understand who people and things are even if I am familiar with them, like my brain is just not working properly and you know then the electrical impulses run through well different pathways that like just don't work they way they usually do so like simple things can get confused or bunched up like for example thinking my cat was my mum, like it's hard to explain because I knew my cat was jazz and a cat and was not my mum but my brain was just mixing it up so like that my cat was my mum, they were they were not separted in whatever normally lets my brain distinguishthem complety as as separate like my brain was just recognising them, not phsycially but just like who they were in the same spot because I guess the pafrt that usually can fire off in different way that in some ways distinguished them for they are uniquely was forced to process my awareness of them without that part that part of the brain firing off that allows me to understand and percieve them as certain things, like yeah I doubt I could really figure out how but yeah and just like no short term memory at all like no imediate memory, long term memory yes, mid term memory yes but like imediate short term memory no that effectively mean, and I doubt anyone here has actually experienced a memory problem except maybe Flag has alsiemers so he would know but if your immediate short term memory stop working you just don't know what you are doing, like that is what it means to not have wherewithal and know what you are doing so yeah just well can't fucking function when that happens because well shit it renders me insane and useless and as for the chemicals and the apropiately feeling the emotion it just, well when something emotional is involved well basically the overflow of chemicals cause like just a constant anxiety, like yeah like just scared feeling I guess but if it's like episode bad I don't know what is going on so yeah but it IS a living hell like it's a very horrible feeling and oh my god what it does to my brain because like I'm a bit fucked in the head and it just can be like well it's really horrible. So like I think that may be how an episode occurs. now look emotional thinsg don';t really happen that often in life and so usually I am not overwhealmed chemically in the brain and so insane, like obviously this is retarded how much utter fucking rubbish I'm typing right noow but that's because of drugs, I'll sleep and hey somethimng actually good happened so once I straigten up I'll be fine, but like when my cat dies that might be a time when I go insane so you know because I'm not stupid and are not so permantly insane that I am not aware that I am a bit "insane" effectively I just have to try amd learn from how things have affected me in the past and just try to fucking deal with bit by bit emotionally so that I actually process it and don't just get overwhealmed with it and because I have warning, like I've been made more consiously aware that she will die soon, like I can look after her and whatnot but she is old, she is a cat and she does have renal failure best case is she has another couple of years but yeah I think the shock of it like when she actually gets weak enough that she is suffering and she has to be put down like I know that's going to be a big fucking emotional biochemical and no matter what, I'm going to take a while to process that and I probably will be affected and will be like having chunks of my brain not actually working from like a couple of days to a couple of weeks, just depends how quickly my brain reabsorbes the chemicals released that are actually appropiate to be released when they are, I mean I can mentall prepare myself but fact is I will have an apropiate chgemical release causing emotions when it happens because I do have emotions and plenty of chemical production to feel them wheras I think a psychopath doesn't even have the production of certain chemicals that affect the brain that are actually emotions like they do have chemicals but the brain hasn't produced enough due to their differnce in teh brain for them to actually feel an emotion as we do but I think they are addicted to trying to produce the chemicals, like they are addicted to the chemical because we all are I mean it's the chemicals that are emotion, we are all addicted to thye dopamine and every other fucking chemical that cause emotions but because they don't produce that much of a chemical when a bichemical reaction that produces an appropiate release of the chemical for whatever emotion if apropiate to the situation I think they seek to do things that will produce what would be for most people too much chemical release causing emotion and would actually damge and traumatise someone with what is a common ammount of emotionally reactive chemicals in the brain and like something that produces too much chemicals traumatises most people and that actually phsycially damages the brain like parts of the brain can be shut off or killed by these chemicals but because psychopaths don;t produce much their brain can tollerate enviroments and situations that may may cause a biochemical reaction in the brain and their brain will not be damaged by it, I think psychopaths tend to do and seek what seems to most people things that would traumatise some because it's not like don;t have chemicals and it's only those situation that cause the most biochemical reaction for chemicals that affect our brain to cause what we feel as emotions tghat they actually get enough chemicals released to actually have an emotion which may not appear to others as an emotion but it is to a psychopath what it is to all people natuyrally produced chemicals in the brain which we are in fact addicted to, we are adicted to feeling, our brains are just made to want those chemicals, like they just want to feel anything they can, they just don;t feel much because produce so much less chemicals than people who are emotionally chemically developed like fully in their brain but in a lot of ways you know they just aren't going to get an actually damaged brain from a chemical imbalance in the brain, there is a part of their brain that just doesn't activate when it normally would in others because the chemicalls don't cause it to activate or cue the process of electical stimulation to that part of the brain or the other but they are not at as much risk of other functioning parts of their brain getting damaged due to emotional trauma. Yes so anyway I'm all kinds of fucked up, I'm not one the goodest peopel but I'm like in that 20% of people who actually will stop and help regardless of myself, thye more emotionally developed ones with high (because if goodness was an intelligence and I think it is of sorts because some are just actually better than others in the snese that I'm particulatry thinking about see like the ones that are emotionally smarter and healthier and fully developed in their brain and they are usually like the firefighters, and doctors and nurses and all that that actually, like you know they;ve done psychology experiments to see how many people will actually try and help someone who is pretending to be stabbed and whatnot and you know 80% of people will not, which is actually preserving themsleves better because it doesn't put them in danger so natural selction that is why 80% are like that but as an intellectual capacity, like a capacity in the brain they just don;t have have a part developed in the brain that has like a I guess a goodness intelligence where 20% of people WILL act and help when confronted with something like that because ultimately survival isn't anymore imprtant for you than it for someone else and ultimately if you leave people to die or face injury when you can actually prevent it as far as surviuval goes it ensures survival more, even if that survival isn;t for you it ultimately ensures survival more greatly because then there is a better chance than someone inured or facing injjury can be saved than if we were all the 80%, if we were all the 80% it would be a fast track to evolving into something that is ultimately less equipped to survive like basically too that evolution would affect men where they would have less oprtunity to passon their genes because basically no-one would help save anyone else from ijury, men would like get less chance to pass on their genes becasue it would more be like one male whatever is just pshysically able to gain a territory would get to mate with all the females in the territory but that is short lived and very limited because they would lose their territory to next more able male to claim a territory, and ten they would get their turn like there would be less mixing around of different genes and so the genetically we would become less able to produce variations that basically improve the bunch of chemicals we are's resistence to environment as the more varied mix of genes we have the more variations happens that allow the chemicals to survive in an enviroment and the less variation then the more susceptable we are to not having a some with a vriation that allows them to survive a disease or something happening the enviroment and holy shit I none of this is I don;pt even know why I think it would have that affect but basically that 20% is like well the 80% survive more to pass on those genes that make a partcular chemical make upo that works but not as many of those 80% would survive without that 20% being passed on like that 20% is some kind of thing where it persists because overall it makes more of all the genepool survive and so as it works out there is like that extra poercentage that all genes will endure chimcally and that is just the right balance between that like it it would naturally be evolving that that perfcentage of people is jsut most successfull in proliferating the whole fucking chemical shit we call life and yes I know how utterly insane, pointless and meaningless everything I just typed is but i did and I am just like on drugs so yeah look at all this fucking shit, look it's pretty fucking rare I take something like this because yeah being like this is just well I'm completely fucking useless, like all this is just, it's not actually productive except I did think of some things and these nerons have just been firing off all wherever I'm pretty fucking tired and I definately need to drink some water and lay down. ok probably biggest post I've ever made like seriously no-one can actually read all this this it would take them a couple of hours and especially the end like I was trying to construct thoughts but getting so tired and the neurons keep firing and yeah like this is totally unreadable, I know that, but hey there are worse things I could do on speed than type out a train of thought for 4 hours mbut there are definately better and more interesting things I could be doing, like how boring even on speed, that I actually just sat ther and compulsively wrote my drivel of thoughts for 4 hours.
12-01-2014
