i feel like a shame to my father, because i look like my father, and he had a lot better of a run than me looking like me, so i basically suck at life because i'm not where he was in terms of women and friends
i was sort of getting girls on social acceptance for like 2-3 years from when i was 16 and gradually fading out entirely sometime when i was 19, but that was during a period of my life when i was in and out of mental hospitals and whatever so there was a lot of upheaval which was almost kind of revitalizing, like the hassle of all the bullshit was stimulating and i was just kind of more 'awake', thats wahat i think anyways if it wasnt just being on antidepresants i was being prescribed by the mental wards/hospitals

I cant tell if antidepressants gave me the 2-3 year Mania that has since been looked back on as the highlight of my life, where I had several girlfriends during the period and was confident in myself, or if the antidepressants are to blame for the lack of .. attentiveness and sensation i feel socially and sexually, i think antidepressants may have numbed off my ability to feel like i'm at that apex/peak where i feel intense pleasure and in the moment desire - I don't have that anymore, everything is bland, and antidepressants are said to cause this dulling of sexual and social appetite, having likely permanent effects