I feel so cold in the pit of my stomach

you really need to throw in the towel lisa this is only going to get worse and one of these days you're going to hurt someone

i doubt I will, well I mean I hope I never, I've only ever been violent in defense of myself or someone else and with cause where I'd do the same thing again if I had to.

I'd hurt myself before hurting anyone else, I might give out verbal bashings (no more than anyone else does though, I just happen to be very 'good' at it) but I'm actually very much more implosive than explosive... mind you most people can be pushed far enough to be explosive. I am much more likely to just one day use an exit bag when I think it will not hurt anyone else to do so