m0nde speed dating:

The event center of an Toronto Marriot. A man wearing a Hometown Buffet-stained blue polo, presidential-tint Oakleys,and a patchy neckbeard slumps down across from a sad-looking red-headed woman in her earlier-thirties.

"Hi. So I'm Kelly. Sorry, this is my first time doing this I'm not sure really how it go-"

"..Sorry one second. Text. *Flips open his circa-2006 Motorola RAZR*. LULZ.. Ay-bare.. You'll never be a soul trader... little shit. *Flips it shut*. Continue."

"Oh. Lol. Okay. So yeah, I guess um, yeah I'm Kelly. I'm 32, I wrk in human resources.."

Sid groans, turns to face her direction for the first time since she sat down, and begins to mockingly feign interest by puffing out his lower lip and smiling.

"..uh, Human Resources at the Department of Child Services and I, well..what's your name"

"okay Katie, I like you, so that's why I'm going to go ahead and be the one who addresses the drooling retard in the room, you know the one, three tables over"

"Please don't say that wor.."

"It's three inches"

"...."

"Two inches covered in fat"

"What"

"One inch viewable"

"I'm leaving"

"LULZ now the retard is trying to speak"