An angry wife says to her husband "I should've married the devil he would've made a better husband than you!" The husband responds "You would've been arrested because marriage between relatives is illegal in this country!"
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I went to my girlfriend's funeral today. It was the first time I'd met her parents... what a pair of miserable bastards!
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Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them. They said it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!