After making love to Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are two things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell and, secondly, the staff at Madam Tussaud's are miserable bastards with no sense of humour.
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One night a lady with a black eye stumbled into a police station. She told the desk sergeant that she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same attacker?" his captain asked. "No, sir" he replied. "I stepped on the same rake".
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In a recent survey carried out for a leading toiletries firm (Brut, as it happens), people from Liverpool in England have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower! In the survey, 86% of Liverpool's inner-city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower. The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.
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Kyle and Justin were about to eat with their babysitter when 6-year-old Kyle said "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home" the babysitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today, I'm the boss". Justin, the 4-year-old, quickly piped up "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mummy's chair.
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Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. Judge: "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane"... Mickey replied "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking Goofy!"
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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard" replied the male clerk with a smirk. "That's fine" said the girl. "I'll take ten yards". With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled "Grandpa will pay the bill".
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A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the man's leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passer-by saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass".