A Polish man moved to America and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him "very quick". The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "TAK, TAK, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms".
LAWYER: "No" I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar" he responded.
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No" he replied "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one".
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations are in Poland ".
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes".
LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her".
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "NO, she white".
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me".
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof".
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says 'Polish Remover!'"