I went to the pet shop and the owner said he had a talking centipede for sale. I said "No way, centipedes don't talk". The owner promised me it was a talking centipede so I purchased it and took it home with me. A little later in that evening I went up to its tank and said "Alright mate, I'm just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?" The centipede said nothing, I scoffed and went to the pub. The next evening, I thought I'd give it another try so I went to its tank again and said "Slright mate, I'm just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?" Still absolutely no response from the centipede, so I went on my way, cursing the pet shop owner. The following evening, I thought I would give it one more try, so I went over to its tank and asked "Alright mate, I'm just popping down the pub if you fancy a few pints?" The centipede replied "I heard you the first time I'm just putting my fucking shoes on!"