A guy's sitting in the clubhouse having a drink when a fella with a black eye and a nine-iron wrapped around his neck staggers in. "What happened to you?" The guy asks. "I was going around with my wife and all was well until I teed off on the 8th hole. Hooked it straight into that cow paddock next door. The wife laughed, but when she had her shot, the same thing happened, wham into the cow paddock. We went in there to find our balls, and I saw the damn'dest thing, a cow with its tail up and a little white dot poking out of its arse. Sure enough, it was a golf ball, the same brand my wife uses. I held the cow's tail higher, pointed at it and shouted to the wife 'hey, this looks like yours'. Next thing I remember, I woke up looking like this".