Jokes

[bananadong]

A young lady and her new boyfriend were in a club having fun. She didn't know her ex-boyfriend was in the same club watching them. After few minutes, she stood up and told her guy she needed to use the toilet. When the ex saw her walking to the toilet, he hurriedly walked to his ex-girl's boyfriend and he asked him "How do you feel enjoying a second-hand material?" The new boyfriend smiled and said "I don't feel anything because when you just pass the first 3 inches, the rest is still new".

[bananadong]

So, I'm standing next to this woman on the elevator. I asked her "Can I smell your pussy?" She replies "NO!" I say "Must be your feet"..

[bananadong]

A scruffy old hobo walks into town on market day.
In the town square, he sees a crowd where a man has set up a booth with an old flea-bitten donkey standing next to it along with a sign saying: Make The Donkey LAUGH And Win $50! Only 10 Cents A Turn!
The hobo watches several people try making him laugh, mostly by jumping up and making faces but the donkey doesn't so much as twitch.
The hobo walks up to the man, holds out a 10-cent coin and says "Do ya mind if I have a go?"
With so many people having failed the man is happy to pocket the hobo's money and says "No one has managed to make the donkey laugh in over ten years, so you're welcome to try".
The hobo walks over to the donkey, who is disinterestedly munching on some hay, he takes hold of his ear and whispers something into it. Suddenly the donkey's eyes light up and he begins to bray with laughter, he falls to his knees then rolls over onto his back kicking his hooves in the air.
He laughs and laughs so much the crowd joins in.
The man is amazed and hands the hobo his winnings but before he can ask him how he did it the hobo has disappeared.
The following market day the man is back but with a new sign: Make The Donkey CRY And Win $50. Only 10 Cents A Try".
All day people come forward and part with their dimes and try all sorts of tricks to make the donkey cry but no one comes even close.
Then the hobo arrives.
"Do ya mind if I have a go?" he asks.
The man has had a good day with so many people trying that he forgets that it was the hobo who won the $50 last time and agrees to let him try.
The hobo walks over to the donkey and once again he whispers something into his ear but this time, he opens his coat and points. Suddenly the donkey's face clouds over, he begins to sob uncontrollably, he falls to his knees in an agony of despair and looks fit to die of grief.
The man is dumbfounded. He rushes to the donkey in an attempt to comfort him. He reaches into his pocket for the $50 and says to the hobo "What did you do to him? I have to know! How did you beat me twice?" "Well" says the hobo "I won the first $50 by telling him my dick was longer and thicker than his. The second I won by showing him".

[bananadong]

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee". Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, pointing he replies "Okay. Why don't you go behind that hedge".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God Mary... have you changed your sex?" "No" she replies. "I've changed my mind... I'm having a shit instead".

[bananadong]

Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what colour your knickers are". She replies "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it".
But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.
After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue".
"Nope. You got it wrong" she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.
"Well come with me out to my dad's car. He's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money".
She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
His dad exclaims "That little fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"