I got knocked up at 14 by a lumberjack and had his bastard child whom I sacrificed to the Canadian gods of the seal hunt. Then at 16 I got pregnant with twins whom I named Thing 1 and Thing 2 but their father, an evil hockey player, sold them to some gypsies to feed his syrup addiction. At 17, I fell in love with a travelling magician and found myself with-child once more. After the birth, my magic love put a curse on her and she became a baby seal, which I then clubbed so I could feed myself through the harsh winter. At 19, I met a humble igloor builder and became pregnant with triplets, who were born with manly beards and informed me they needed to leave the igloo to become douchebaggy oilfield workers. I am now pregnant with the prime minister's illegitimate daughter who I plan on adopting out to a nice lesbian couple in Toronto.
Hope that answers any questions you may have.
