New Year Resolutions ITT

[plusle riot]

i resolve to get more vodka because i just finished off this bottle huehueh
no but really i resolve to ba

[rubycalaber]

for 2011 I made the new years resolution to keep a dream diary to help with lucid dreaming and I've written an entry every day

for 2012 I made the new years resolution to take up running and I did it once and never again since it involved physically moving

so for 2013 I guess I should resolve to... oh, I've got it! to post more! on this forum! there, that's something I dont have to move to do!

[plusle riot]

pls stick to it, i hardly saw you post for 2012, and i wanna see you publish your diary from 2011

[maks]

so for 2013 I guess I should resolve to... oh, I've got it! to post more! on this forum! there, that's something I dont have to move to do!

yes please

[rubycalaber]

I had three dreams featuring iwascruel in 2011, one of them involves me fingering her, here are those three unedited entries from my dream diary that I wrote on these days

March 16th - woke up at: 02:43

first dream I had was I was in an episode of Community and I was at a picnic table and there was like a raffle going on and Jeff was winning everything because he had rigged it and I was sitting next to Britta who was raged out and I got out a yellow sticky note pad thing and started writing down a post for the forums on the post-it notes and it was to tell Deso that the latest episode of community was going to be a good one and then the like forums appeared on my post-it note pad and iwascruel was quoting a boobz post where he had posted pictures of his dick and in some of them there was a tarantula that was his pet balancing on his dick and as I studied the pictures more then I was in the scene next to a tarantula cage with boobz standing beside me taking pictures of this big spider standing on his boner it was weird

April 4th - woke up at: 05:44

I had a long but boring dream about a forum meet-up party at my house that started with StompleB driving me to a petrol station to buy food and he would only buy vegan food and we drove back to my house and there were a bunch of posters in my kitchen I didnt see and roflbrothel and teknorat were in my living room and they were dipping breadsticks in spicy dip to eat (they were sitting on the same dream-couch I had fucked my sister on the previous night lis) and rofl started hitting on me and wanted to fuck and I didnt want to but I said yeah ok anyway and she went up the stairs expecting me to follow but I didnt and then iwascruel (who looked like the butch rollergirl) came up to me and told me that roflbrothel had cancer and gave me a leaflet about her condition and it was like really old parchment from a hundred years ago that explained that her cancer meant that she couldnt have her picture taken anymore it would just come out with her being really blurry and everything else in focus and I was like shit how are we gonna take a group photo to post on the internet and then I went into my bedroom that just looped back around to me walking into the living room and m0nde was there trying to get a video to play and it was an old VHS and I put it in for him and it was an episode of father ted where they were dog-sitting a dog that they had been told was crazy but it was acting really good and father dougal was getting it to dance along to the radio but as soon as he took its collar off it went apeshit and father ted had to put it back on and he realized the collar could control it and he said he'd have to get one to control father jack's drunken rampages and the audience laughed hard but then the video cut out and m0nde was like wtf?! and I took the tape out and the tape inside was all uncoiled and fucked up and the dream got pretty vivid as I fiddled around with this tape it was annoying but I managed to and then I put the tape back in but it had rewound to the start and it started showing a slideshow of all these like gore and gay nigger pictures and pictures of my family I didnt want anyone to know I had on my computer and it was like I had backed up my harddrives on a VHS tape and was showing it by accident so I fast forwarded through all this shit from my comp and it showed a like folder full of images being fast forwarded through I guess because VHS was so long ago I cant imagine watching movies without a digital interface and m0nde was like dude wh-wh-what the fuck is up with all this gay nigger porn? so I hit a button that sent the video to the end where it had some documentary about VHS tapes on it and it was like long ago VHS tapes were a big craze and it showed a clip from Happy Days (which is from the 70s set in the 50s but in my dream it was from the 50s (and vhs tapes were from the 50s too) because all this pre-90s shit is all the same to me) where Ralph was talking to Fonzie and telling him he heard him and Richie in the living room yelling like they were at the movies like a couple of wise guys and Fonzie was like we are wise guys we joined the mafia last week and Ralph was like no seriously what were you up to and Fonzie was like well bro we got one of those new video home systems where you can watch any movie you want whenever you want in your own home and Ralph was like holy FUCK and then I turned the video off and ran away with it and woke up god my dreams are gay

April 15th - woke up at: 16:21

usually I wake up after like 7 hours of sleep and go back to sleep so I remember more dreams from waking up from them but tonight I slept for like 12 hours straight so I only remember the last dream I had but I remember how it started it was me waking up in my mums bed beside roflbrothel but it wasnt sexual there was a big sleep-over at my house because a forum meet-up was going on and drunkpuppies came into the bedroom and he looked like that brian guy he says isnt him and said iwascruel wanted to see me so I got out of bed and I had to go into the bathroom and she was sitting on the toilet with the seat closed thankfully but she was naked and she looked like the rollerskating girl and I had to put my finger in her vagina and then inspect how high the blood level was on my finger to determine how far along on her menstral cycle she was but it wasnt much menstral blood so she still had a wear a condom while getting fucked by all the other guys and then I went down the stairs and cameron who was that nigger comedian in his avi was walking around in my dads dressing gown holding up star trek DVDs asking who wants to watch them and siburke and mottledboar as al bundy were getting drunk in my living room and when I left my house I exited onto the roof of a sky scraper and I tried to find a way down which was like a spiral platform running around the building that had grass growing on it so I walked down there and it had a very video game feel like sonic the hedgehog or something and then I saw fanfare as haylie loftin running out of a restaraunt onto this slope like she was being chased by someone and I was like shit better help and ran further down the slope and out from the restaraunt came a bunch of asian women all wearing different styles and colors of dress pants, dinner shirts, waistcoats and sunglasses with different colors of dye streaks in their hair and they were chasing fanfare/haylie and I started thinking like oh they are keeping me from meeting her like I was becoming aware of some on-going story and everything got a very Matrixy feel where I could tell I was in some sort of fiction and I knew I didn't have to be worried about these chicks hurting me for real so I was sort of semi-lucid and confident I could start kicking ass so I ran up and engaged them in a martial arts battle and I managed to throw and kick some of them over the side of the building but then like four of them got infront of me and started punching the shit out of me until I was against a window and then they kicked me into the restaraunt and the fight started spilling over tables and had me kicking chairs at them jackie chan style it was pretty badass but they were winning so I decided to hang from the ledge of this spiral thing and drop down to the other one and keep doing that to decend the building quicker until I got to the bottom spiral and looked down to see fanfare getting in a suped up race car so I jumped down ontop of it and swung into the passengers seat and it was being driven by Vin Diesel (I've been watching all the Fast & Furious movies as part of my spiritual prepration for seeing Fast Five when it comes out) and we peel off just as a bunch of asian guys dressed in leather and sunglasses in red open-top sports cars start chasing after us and we turn out to be in Liberty City because we go up the huge elevated freeway in the south west of the city and Vin starts shunting into the enemy gooks cars and fishtails one of them and makes it spin out and crash into oncoming traffic and they all start shooting handguns at us so Vin gives me an H&K MP7A1 and I return fire and the first I shoot at tries to weave out of the way and just crashes straight into a concrete barrier and one pulls up next to us and unloads his pistol into our car and Vin immedietly shunts him through the railings and straight off the freeway and the last three were all behind us fucking up the back of our car so Vin drove into the on-coming lane to lose them and one followed us and I couldnt hit him because we'd be weaving between cars between us so I just shot at the cars Reloaded Twins style so two cars crashed into each other and the persuing car crashed into them and then there was a wall of cars coming at us so we had to change back onto the lane with the last two and then I unloaded my last magainze into the tires of the car behind us and it started spinning out of control but the driver pulled up to the side of our car and jumped out onto our car just as his tires blew and his car flipped over and the last car behind us swerved around and I had to climb out the window and wrestle this chinks gun out of his hand as he was trying to fire in at fanfare and Vin I managed to shove him back into the rear spoiler and stamp on his hand so he fell off but he landed on the bonnet of the car still chasing us and he still had his gun and was about to shoot me and I like instinctively ducked down but then I remembered I was in a virtual reality of some sort and was like fuck this nigga and I jumped off our car and onto theirs and started beating the shit out of this guy but the driver fired at me and as I ducked I got knocked back and was rolling around on the bonnet of this car going at like 150mph and the guy I was wrestling with jumped over the windshield and into the back seat so I followed him and we were fighting in the back of the car and the driver was about to pop Vins tires so he twisted his car around so he was driving backwards and slower than the badguys car and put his hand out his window and snatched the gun straight out of the chinks hand which bend his forearm back against the car window and snapped it and Vin spun the car around so it was pointing forwards again and started unloading on this guys back tires and I was getting my ass kicked in the back of the car and I tried to crawl forwards and the driver couldnt do anything to me because he only had one arm to drive with but the guy I was fighting was trying to force his gun into my face and I was trying to keep it away and then we started going towards the off ramp that went really steep down hill and we were both going way too fast so I slammed my hand down onto the break pedal and the car slowed down and Vin's car behind us rocketted straight over the edge off the offramp and his car soared just over the car I was in but not high enough to not take the head clean off the guy ontop of me and take the whole top half of the drivers torso off and tear off the windscreen and land infront of our car and blood exploded fucking everywhere and this guys head was rolling around on my chest and the car started spinning out of control and I had to jump up and run along the bonnet covered with gunk and gore from the driver and jump off just as it flipped over onto its side spinning around and land on Vins car and hang on as the wreckage of the car behind us flipped behind us until we out run it and then I climbed back inside and then the dream got really boring where Vin just drove us through liberty city until we got to this sunny place that looked like a town in Super Mario Sunshine and he let me and fanfare out and she was really impressed by how I had saved her and I thought about telling her I knew it wasnt real but I was just like yeah heh I am pretty badass what can I say and then we went into a house that was like a bar down stairs and when we went upstairs it was my grans old house and fanfare got out her mobile phone and tried to call my gran but she wasnt answering and I decided to go up to her bedroom but it was locked shut and I tried to kick it down but it was too tough and I took the mobile phone to try and reach her but I couldnt navigate the menus properly and then everything got dark and fanfare wandered off and I started getting worried like I was juuuuust about to realize that my dream was becoming a nightmare but I wasnt completely sure I was in a dream or not only that it wasnt real life and I saw some guy in the darkness in like a black outfit with a balaklava on but I was like fuck it I'll show you a fucking nightmare mate and I went along the hall slowly as if I was the scary monster sneaking up on him in the darkness and I got behind him and put him in a choke hold and yelled down the stairs for someone to come and help me restrain this guy but then he called for his doberman dog that came around a corner and growled at me (I think this shit was inspired by a shitty movie called The Collector) and I was like oh shit and tried to snap this guys neck but as I twisted his head it shrunk out of my grip as he turned into my dalmation and his doberman turned into desolation's kitten and they ran down the stairs and when I went down I was in my house again and the dalmation and little gray kitten started running around knocking shit over and the cat got into my room and started trying to fuck up my computer so I had to pick itup and I put it in the bin so it couldnt cause anymore trouble and then the dalmation was trying to set up like tripwire traps all over the house to try and kill me but I caught her and kicked the shit out of her until she ran out the backdoor and there was a dining table in my house and a family I didnt recognize dinning there and they told me those super inteligent animals were the work of that superinteligent ape at that local lab and this fat professor looking guy with a grey beard and glasses said he'd take a look at it when he visits it tomorrow I think that was from me watching The Rise of the Planet of the Apes trailer before going to bed well weird dream but pretty badass

and that is a pretty standard night in my head

lis @ m0nde still having a stutter even in my dreams lmao

[maks]

" I was in the scene next to a tarantula cage with boobz standing beside me taking pictures of this big spider standing on his boner it was weird"

this has actually happened to me

[plusle riot]

iwascruel wanted to see me so I got out of bed and I had to go into the bathroom and she was sitting on the toilet with the seat closed thankfully but she was naked and she looked like the rollerskating girl and I had to put my finger in her vagina and then inspect how high the blood level was on my finger to determine how far along on her menstral cycle she was but it wasnt much menstral blood so she still had a wear a condom while getting fucked by all the other guys

i'm surprised you didn't have to stick your finger in my ass lmao

[rubycalaber]

dreams I had featuring marks in 2011:

May 17th - woke up at: 10:26

then I had a dream that I was on my computer looking at the ytmnd frontpage that had loads of adds for community on it and Clay from the forums said he needed sceencaps from the episode the ads were from to make a ytmnd making fun of it and then we were sitting on my mothers bed together but not in a gay way watching the episode on tv which he said was unfunny and it started with a scene of Annie trying to flirt with Marks98 who needed some weird device from her that was like a cube with a different color of a geliten form dye stretched across each face that you put a screw through to get the color to paint with or something and when she handed it over she wanted to chat more but marks was like oh sorry I dont even remember your name and walked off and she was like ;_; and then the episode advanced and the Community cast had gotten into a battle of the bands with the cast from Lost and this was taking place outside the White House while Obama watched from a throne on the front steps and the cast of Lost were playing all these different styles of music in a huge like 12 person band and Jeff was like uhhhh we're screwed and then race swap ruby who looked like a cross between Micheal from Lost and ted stevens got up on stage and the crowd were like U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! and race swap me got on the mic infront of millions of people and was like "you know scotland's nice and all... but they hate america over there... they all like... they all fat... and stupid... but to be honest... I fucking love america... I FUCKING LOVE AMERICA!!! GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU'VE WALKED ON THE MOON GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU'VE INVENTED THE INTERNET GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOUVE WON TWO WORLD WARS GET BACK TO ME WHEN YOU'VE KILLED!!! OSAMA!!! BIN LADEN!!!" and the crowd went aboslutely fucking apeshit and then Obama came down onto the stage and hugged race swap me and then my POV receaded back to where I was watching this on my TV while in my bed with Britta but in a romantic way and she was like "what a load of shit, ugh" and then I woke up


July 11th - woke up at: 14:57

then I had a dream that started out kind of abstract and got more and more vivid as it went along and it was about going to the opticians with trollinator and we were just walking out and then my like mind went to the forums where marks98 was posting about how he found "an old rotary camera" whatever that is on the street and then I walked in the frontdoor of my house and marks was there with this oldschool big boxy camera from the like 1920s and I told him he should take some more pictures and get them developed in case theres something cool on there like some child porn and then I had a power drill in my hand that he'd let me borrow and now marks was standing next to me in my room and I gave the drill back to him but I had broken the drillbit thing but he didnt seem to care like he had loads of them and he just threw it into the bin and then I went into the bathroom and looked at my eyes in the mirror and where my iris or whatever you call the colored bit met the white bit of my eye on my right eye was like torn and you could see the red meat in the fissure and there was another tear down at the bottom and I was like goddamn it the optician must have fucked me up somehow


October 6th - woke up at: 18:27

had a like kind of a nightmare from talking about that girl who kissed me once in that ANTM thread where it turned out that she was a member of the forum and she read my thread and found out who I was and then she posted my real name and phone number on the forum and was making fun of me calling me a nerd virgin loser and I remember marks replying to her thread saying no one cares I was like oh nooooooooooo I'm getting owned on the net and turned off my computer because I couldnt deal with it and then I layed in bed listening to the radio and I had a bowl full of baked patatoes that I was eating and then Ash from this radio show the James Wales show came on the radio and was like yeah you eat those baked patatoes you fat greedy fucking pieces of shit you make me fucking sick and I was like god I cant do anything without getting owned and then I woke up and was like oh thank fuck it was just a dream

thanks for defending me on the forums and letting me borrow a drill in my dreams brah

[maks]

thanks for defending me on the forums and letting me borrow a drill in my dreams brah

it was the least I could do

I don't write down my dreams but you've been features in at least 2 of them that I remember, once you were sick and me and clay were trying to save you and the other time my cousin was making a movie and it turned out you were involved somehow but I don't remember how

[blumpkin blownuts]

my nyr is to get a fucking job that my degree actually applies to instead of fucking pc/network plumbing
or failing that, then any boring job that isnt going to eventually cause me another psychotic break

bump

[rubycalaber]

you were sick and me and clay were trying to save you

an accurate metaphor for my computer problems lmao

[maks]

an accurate metaphor for my computer problems lmao

did you ever get that taken care of?

1920 by 1080

for 2011 I made the new years resolution to keep a dream diary to help with lucid dreaming and I've written an entry every day

for 2012 I made the new years resolution to take up running and I did it once and never again since it involved physically moving

so for 2013 I guess I should resolve to... oh, I've got it! to post more! on this forum! there, that's something I dont have to move to do!

you should share your dreams in new megathreads

i resolve to get more vodka because i just finished off this bottle huehueh
no but really i resolve to ba

i resolve to have more facesitting done to me this coming year

[Lexi Persimmons]

i resolve to have more facesitting done to me this coming year

[juji]

I hate reading his diary

[sex with dead people]

Hoping to lose my virginity in 2013

[timmy]

become a better poster

[boobz]

i'm surprised you didn't have to stick your finger in my ass lmao

lmao

[boobz]

i resolve to have more facesitting done to me this coming year

ramen is literally about to facesit you

[maks]

the last guy ramen facesat is still in a coma

[boobz]

and recovering from HIV

[Genital Doli]

my neaw years resolution is to contract AIDs so m y miserable, degenrate, pathetic life will be given inordinate atention by teh media+frends and family and i wil get to make a wish for the call of duty guys to give me modern warfare over 9000 wich i already know theyve created but are hiding it for EAs massive revenue stream

[Lexi Persimmons]

suck Le homless cawk and shall get all kinds of stuffs.

[Genital Doli]

suck Le homless cawk and shall get all kinds of stuffs.

but m'lard

ITT boobz is mad... lol

[maks]

of course he is, he was your biggest supporter for years and you've done nothing but trash him you fucking ingrate

wow