found a popped balloon with a note in my yard

[sex with dead people]

so i decided to call the number on the note and report the balloon, they only released ten of them so it's pretty likely the one in my yard will be the only one found, since ballons usually just end up in waterways. also it traveled about 90-100 miles, that's actually really far for just a regular party balloon

turns out the kid's brother came up with the idea to let balloons go to celebrate his brother's would-be 10th birthday
it's really sweet when i think about it, makes me want kids of my own but i'd have to adopt unless i want raving psychotic babbys

I could pretend to be your kid if you wanted.