jc2mp secrets and revelations

[jon]

clip 1

the cargo jets (c-17 or galaxy? the game says boeing but it looks more like a galaxy to me) finally start spawning and tek gets the first one, he is excited as fuck

but he's being chased by a faggot in a fighter jet who will almost assuredly shoot him out of the air at the end of the runway

NOT TODAY FAGGOT, JON TO THE FUCKING RESCUE

i score ten style points using a stunt jump to the back of my humvee before getting decked by tek's wing

i score ten more falling underneath the eclipse's wing too

a final ten style points are awarded as i look away from my car before it rolls (and probably explodes)

the humvee slows down too much for a parachute launch for the final ten style points, but i have caused the pilot of the fighter jet to careen away, so teknorat makes his escape in the giant green dildo machine. i'm not sure where he goes off to with it, because i can't fucking hear him because he's stuck in whisper mode. probably he flew it straight down into the little village of innocent river people at the foot of the mountain and crashed it, violently hissing out fuck you fuck niggers fuck you fuck all brown people fuck cops or maybe he took it north to the city to commit 9/11 in the south pacific

the eclipse pilot tries to correct his course, but he can't, get owned faggot

instead of exploding in a ball of fire, he somehow did take off vertically up the side of that hill because lol this fucking game


clip 2

ok so, hunted a few more cargo jets, but now everybody is piling on, trying to get one

> too beta to get a cargo jet or even hitch a ride on it

i decide to continue trolling people into veering off the runway, with humvees

Social Mechanics Context

both the eclipse and the cargo jet are really slow to react: if the pilot lets me hit him dead on, his plane will actually be fine, and it will also get bumped up into the air and he might even take off flying right then and there, saving him from the helicopters. but if they try to pull to the side to dodge me they will clip their wing on the ground, spin out, and get mad. i will be moving too fast for them to react successfully but the reflex action of their mind's trolled-as-fuck cortex will send a neurological signal to mash the keys and give it a try, unless they are a zen pro gamer (or have a drug-addled brain and thus a slow reaction time)

while i am tabbed away, busy writing this important material down for the benefit of autistic readers, i am riding on a humvee but somehow this one is going faster than the speed of light, so i decide i better get off his shit before it explodes or something stupid

> tek discussing zombie jew juice seeping up out of the ground at hitler's killing fields

> ok m8

begin another troll approach

i am distracted by a cargo jet crashing into the plane spawn area off in the distance

all of a sudden something is coming at me at high speed down the runway

what the fuck that's not a plane

> impact

i have been counter-trolled, another driver moving at the fucking speed of light, in what is normally an even slower vehicle than the humvee

i don't think boost can account for this

i am getting fucking owned

the collision knocks me backwards at over 110 km/h


clip 3

another pilot decides to bring his cargo jet back to the spawn area to crash it

it lands on the hillside without exploding even though the pilot ditched it, so much for your deathwish, nice try being funny

it vanishes while i am busy not getting gunned down by a heli

another cargo jet spawns, but the heli pilots bomb the fuck out of it

a third cargo jet spawns, the pilot successsfully banks right and is in the air, someone has finally figured out how not to get trolled in a cargo jet

> mad

> chimp out and shoot someone


clip 4

successful humvee detonation and parachute leap

> teknorat snickering

hopefully someone died

the cargo jet pilot flies off the cliff, they've all got it figured out now


clip 5

a perfect skydive, landing, and instant noscope sniper kill

> op success

my paratrooper skills have leveled up immensely

surveying the battlefield for a moment, apparently my quarry is back on his feet, what the fuck

> am i in the dream world

he screams as i use the grapple takedown but the animation just doesn't play

> inception begins


clip 6

time to give humvees a break, paratrooper operations are going well

in this clip i do the best dive i've done so far, pulling the ripcord as late as possible

special weapons and tactics team leader ruby is there waiting with an APC with a mounted machine gun

before we successfully operate on anyone he is teleported for the /race he queued up in earlier

> driver of a vehicle suddenly vanishes

> still in the dream world

the APC careens off a cliff, fortunately i have lots of time to get off

> masturbation joke because i am literally hard for a video game


clip 7

back at the other airport, i do a perfect skydive to an si-47 leopard

> paratrooper skills maxed out

and then immediately fuck up

then get back on and try again

and then immediately get fucked by an eclipse

i forget to take my finger off the throttle

> firing rockets for effect

someone wing-walking during the collision engages in hilarious internal screaming while being pushed across the knoll

> shit is too weird in this clip... what's going on...

weirdness is further evidenced when my attempt to get airborne with the grappling hook turns into a grapple takedown animation instead, but the boulder i grappled just vanishes

> what the...

just like the guy i had shot to death last time

> terrifying realization

> went deeper

maybe i should get back in my plane

> too deep, lost in the dream world now

maybe not


clip 8

well if you can't kill someone with a plane, use a shotgun

[rubycalaber]

another pilot decides to bring his cargo jet back to the spawn area to crash it

it lands on the hillside without exploding even though the pilot ditched it, so much for your deathwish, nice try being funny

that was literally teknorat, you can see I am the guy with the light green dot on the edge of the hanger in front of you, and I'm calling out that he's coming in, and teknorat starts sniggering quietly when the plane is fine for no reason