i don't know but stressing about it or being upset about it isn't going to help

There has to be something I can do that I work around this.... impediment.... and I mean I've thought about playing the stock market but that would easily go down the drain if my mind went "nah this is fucked, see ya later" on me and what the fuck would I do with it even if I had success with it after putting in all that tedious boring shit of graphing it all and ugh... I was just looking at it just now for ready made graphs and found myself wanting a bullet instead so yeah... I'm just literally nkt going to do that and not going to be able to maintain focus on that or give a shit enough about it to do it.

SHUT THE FUCK UP LISA YOU BATSHIT INSANE FUCKTARD

Ergh I'll just try this sleeping business, get some weed tomorrow, not stress and rack my brain about what to do later... I'm probably not quite functional enough yet.... I might never be again...mbut here I go chasing my own tail about it again.... back where I started.

Welp, at least that's another wall of text about nothing under my belt... i need to stop doing this for one thing.