I just want to be normal now

whatever that is for me

I was crying just now because I really wanted to do something worthwhile that helps and I don't know if I'll ever be mentally ok to do anything again.... let alone something decent that helps

I started thinking well maybe I could do aged care or something... and then I realised that I would not emotionally be able to deal with it.... and somewhere in me I keep kind of hoping that one day I will get better again and I'll be able to be functional and be able to do something worthwhile that helps again, and that's all I ever wanted and all I ever worked towards with two degrees and all the rest and the last "episode" was not my first one but each time I've kind of come out of it a bit worse and while I did come back from the "episode" And I know I'm a lot better than let's say a year ago I didn't quite come back the same.... I hoped I'd be much better by now and I'd like to think I will still get better but that might not be the case and I'm not fucking stupid and I'm all too aware of what has happened.

You have no idea how fucked up this is, I'm tough though and there are worse things in the world but it still hurts and it's very frustrating for me.

i don't know but stressing about it or being upset about it isn't going to help

There has to be something I can do that I work around this.... impediment.... and I mean I've thought about playing the stock market but that would easily go down the drain if my mind went "nah this is fucked, see ya later" on me and what the fuck would I do with it even if I had success with it after putting in all that tedious boring shit of graphing it all and ugh... I was just looking at it just now for ready made graphs and found myself wanting a bullet instead so yeah... I'm just literally nkt going to do that and not going to be able to maintain focus on that or give a shit enough about it to do it.

SHUT THE FUCK UP LISA YOU BATSHIT INSANE FUCKTARD

Ergh I'll just try this sleeping business, get some weed tomorrow, not stress and rack my brain about what to do later... I'm probably not quite functional enough yet.... I might never be again...mbut here I go chasing my own tail about it again.... back where I started.

Welp, at least that's another wall of text about nothing under my belt... i need to stop doing this for one thing.

if you think you are too cool to be a fuckhead then you are a bigger fuckhead than you think you are

[Autistic Spectrum]

get a time mahcin elike in that back tothe fututere movie and t rabvel back to 1955 and stop your parents from selling you to the circus and getting raped by the lion tamer who was also your babysitter

[urkles girlfriend]

Jealous of lisas new elover lmao

[Autistic Spectrum]

i came here and saw you and lisa where both online anmd bnobody else and thought how fucking sad is this so i logged in

[Autistic Spectrum]

2 people who where raped horribley irl i am here to provide counsleing to the both of you

[urkles girlfriend]

Cody is posting in the herp

[Autistic Spectrum]

the band is getting back together

[Autistic Spectrum]

find gernal doli on steam and let's force some new memes

[urkles girlfriend]

General doli is gone forever

[urkles girlfriend]

Hes dead

find gernal doli on steam and let's force some new memes

LOL

[Battery Bits]

Jealous of lisas new elover lmao

Rightfully so.

[urkles girlfriend]

Rightfully so.

Well dp is madly in love with lisa so watch out

[Autistic Spectrum]

cag if you want me to stop posting you just have to ask i have better things to do with my time

[urkles girlfriend]

Nooooo no pls no!!!

[urkles girlfriend]

Marco and I started a cyber gang called the cobras.

[urkles girlfriend]

like the sand snakes from game of thrones

[urkles girlfriend]

but on the internet

[Autistic Spectrum]

well i guess i will leave you and marco to running this fourm into the ground,, i will not have my good name slandered like this you harlot!!!

[urkles girlfriend]

ok sorry fine i will stop telling people you are a member of the cobras

[Battery Bits]

Well dp is madly in love with lisa so watch out

Fair enough.
Can't blame him.

[Autistic Spectrum]

fuck off back to where ever why are u following lisa around the interent, from fourm to fourm, it's sad to watch people do that, i watched cag and codey thorw there whole lives away fowwloing lisa around the ineernbetnn don't let your life pass you bye,, chaing a lady with a brown vagina and serious mental problems is no way to live your life

[urkles girlfriend]

dp you're being very rude.

fuck off back to where ever why are u following lisa around the interent, from fourm to fourm, it's sad to watch people do that, i watched cag and codey thorw there whole lives away fowwloing lisa around the ineernbetnn don't let your life pass you bye,, chaing a lady with a brown vagina and serious mental problems is no way to live your life

Mr. Jack Ruby is welcome with me

It's a two way street with him and me

Well dp is madly in love with lisa so watch out

I've got a demented spot for dp myself.

Dp needs to be watched out for regardless of anything pfft lol

[Autistic Spectrum]

LISA YOU CAN'T HAVE FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN 3 MONTHS,,, PLUG DRUGS, ROOTBEER, AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN SOMEONE ELSES LIFE WITH INTERENT FOURMS, , JUST FUCKING STOP LISA

well i guess i will leave you and marco to running this fourm into the ground,, i will not have my good name slandered like this you harlot!!!

i love you too

LISA YOU CAN'T HAVE FRIENDS FOR MORE THAN 3 MONTHS,,, PLUG DRUGS, ROOTBEER, AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN SOMEONE ELSES LIFE WITH INTERENT FOURMS, , JUST FUCKING STOP LISA

i'm still friends with plug drugs

And Mr. Jack has already been forewarned and informed about the difficulty of having an interpersonal relationship with me.

he's not stupid dp and I'm not the be all end all for him, he has plenty of bitches to fuck when he wants.

but he is a fucking decent human being (unlike you) and he has been my best friend through all the Jazz dying and all my rubbish for weeks.