generic ruby literally all of Game of Thrones review thread - edgy, I like it special edition

[rubycalaber]

Game of Thrones 7x01: "Dragonstone"
drinking the kool-aid special edition
First aired: July 16, 2017

you want to know how I know this show has gone straight to the normies? THIS SEASON BEGINS WITH A "PREVIOUSLY ON GAMES OF THRONES" SEGMENT THAT'S TWO AND A HALF MINUTES LONG BECAUSE THIS SHOW HAS GOTTEN SO BAD IT'S NOW FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T WATCHED THE FIST 6 SEASONS EVEN THOUGH THE PLOT IS SO DENSE BY NOW THE SEGMENT IS COMPLETELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE EVEN IF YOU JUST WATCHED IT ALL IN THE SPACE OF A MONTH LIKE I DID LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO



ok we open on... Walder Frey? who is in his dinner hall and slams his cup to get everyone to shut up and gives a speech about how despite just having a feast only two weeks ago he has "gathered every Frey who means a damn thing to me" to explain his plans for the future but first a toast and has maids pour them a drink that he declares aint no Dornish horse piss but the good good stuff and gets everyone to stand as he raises his cup and everyone calls "stand together!" and he smiles as they all drink their wine... but he doesn't drink... and his loli wife goes to drink but he snaps "not you, I'm not wasting good wine on a damn woman" and she looks sad and puts it down and Walder admits "maybe I'm not the most pleasant man, I'll admit it, but I'm proud of you lot, you're my family, the men who helped me slaughter the Starks at the Red Wedding" and the men all cheer and laugh remembering that and Walder goes on "ah yes cheer, brave men all of you, butchered a woman pregnant with her babe... cut the throat of a mother of five... slaughtered your guests after inviting them into your home... but you didn't slaughter every one of the Starks... no no that was your mistake" and the men all get super awkward not knowing what their leader is trying to say but then... the Frey men start coughing and groaning as Frey tells them "you should have ripped them out root and stem, leave one wolf alive and the sheep are never safe" as THE ENTIRE FREY CLAN STARTS HAEMORRHAGING BLOOD OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS AND FLAIL AROUND DYING AS THE WINE WAS POISONED



AND ONCE THEY'RE ALL ON THE FLOOR BREATHING THEIR LAST THE SERVANT GIRL LOOKS OVER SHOCKED TO SEE... WALDER FREY TAKES OFF A FACE MASK TO REVEAL...



*MISSION IMPOSSIBLE THEME MUSIC STARTS UP* ARYA STARK!!! this shit is so fucking retarded and like something from a fanfiction lmao



but they got me for a bit I thought it was a flashback but these fucking facemasks just fuck the whole story up as now anyone can be anyone else literally like a goofy Tom Cruise movie, anyway the somehow two feet taller Arya tells the loli wife "when people ask you what happened here... tell them the North remembers, tell them winter came for House Frey" and walks off leaving the stunned girl as she walks through the entire mess hall full of the clan that killed her family in that very room 4 years ago so let me get this straight ARYA JUST COMMITTED GENOCIDE? EDGY, I LIKE IT COUNT: 133



we open on a shot of an empty misty frosted field... but then a big cloud in the distance comes floating through... and in the center is a horse rider... who disappears within it but it keeps coming at the camera... and we see him again... and the whole screen goes white.... and we see the blue eyes of THE NIGHT KING... HIS WHITE WALKERS...



AND THEIR ZOMBIE ARMY... AND OH GOD...



THEY HAVE ZOMBIE GIANTS!!!



and Bran snaps out of his vision of this as a door to The Wall is opening and Edd walks out and asks "you wildlings?" and Meera introduces who they are and Edd asks "how do I know that's true?" and Bran, who has some level of omnipotence now, tells him all the places north of The Wall Edd has been and warns him "you've seen the Night King, he's coming for us, all of us" and Edd bricks it and orders his few remaining men to get the kids inside, and he looks out into the North half expecting to see the dead right now

then with Jon in Winterfell he is ordering all his Lords that Dragonglass is now the most important resource they have, every 10 to 60 year old needs to start digging for it, oh I guess it is just a naturally occurring mineral and not literally glass made by dragons breath, and it's not just the boys "we can't defend the North if only half the population is fighting" as he looks at Brie and one of the Lords asks "you expect me to put a spear in my granddaughters hands?" but Lady Mormont stands up and claps back "I don't plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me, I might be small, and I might be a girl, Lord Glover, but I am every bit as much a Northerner as you" yaaaaas queeeeen except she'd get instantly destroyed in any combat situation due to being 10 lmao and when Glover tries to play nice with her she snaps at him "and I don't need your permission to defend the North!" and Davos tries to hide smirk as she tells Jon "we'll begin training every man, woman, boy and girl on Bear Island" and the men all cheer her on and Jon tells them that their only defence is The Wall and they need to work with the Wildlings and Tormund realizes he wants his people manning it and Jon says their priority is Eastwatch-by-the-Sea since that's nearest Hardhome and he agrees instantly and chuckles "looks like we're the Night's Watch now!" and some of the Northerners grumble about it but no one says shit and Jon says the Umbers and Karstarks castles are their next line of defence but Lord Glover reminds them they betrayed the North for the Boltons and should be torn down but Sansa tells them "the castles have committed no crimes" and suggests giving them to loyal families but Jon says he'll forgive their families much to Sansa's rustling who says in front of everyone "so there's no punishment for treason and no reward for loyalty?" and CIA looks smug as he enjoys how fierce his lil Sansa has gotten and everyone looks to Jon to see what he'll say and he reminds her that the Umbers leader and Harald Karstark both died in the battle and Sansa insists the castles go to his men and the hall has everyone agreeing with her and Jon looks awkward and tells the story about the executions he's done, quoting Ned "the man who passes the sentence swings the sword", but insisting he won't punish sons for their fathers sins, and Sansa gets triggered as she's really on the revenge train now after what she did to Ramsay and Jon calls out "Ned Umber" and a 10 year old boy steps forward and OH MY FUCKING GOD MY COMPUTERS SOUND CARD JUST DIED OR SOME SHIT BECAUSE I CANT GET ANY AUDIO WORKING BUT I CANT STOP MEGATHREADING SO IM JUST GONNA PUT ON THE SUBTITLES AND REVIEW IT WITH NO SOUND LMAO WE ELEZZZARK NOW BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ok "Alys Karstark" is called forward too and Jon tells them their old wars need to be put behind them and all the living have to band together against the dead and they get their swords out and kneel and swear themselves to him "now and always" since they presumably weren't there last season when all the winners swore to Jon and Sansa looks mad and CIA smirks as he sees an angle to drift her apart from Jon ok hang on this is retarded I can't do this ok I just reinstalled windows and it fixed it thank god that is a thing that you can do since they finally admitted computers are shit and need to just start over again I'm sorry elz for ever making fun of you not being able to hear is tough



then outside Jon is arguing with Sansa about undermining him in front of the Lords but she instantly manipulates him by telling him Joffrey never listened to his advisers either, literally negging him as he asks if she thinks he's as bad as Joffrey so she can assure him he's not and he becomes more reliant on her since he is a mega brainlet and then she starts love bombing him telling him he is a good leader and people respect him but he starts to catch on and tells her "what was his father used to say? everything before the word "but" is horseshit?" and Sansa tells him he never cursed in front of the girls since he wanted to protect them from how dirty the world really is but that doesn't work and Jon huffs at her shit talking Ned and mutters "fine, I'll stop trying to protect you you stop trying to undermine me" and Sansa grabs Jon to turn him around and tells him "you need to be smarter than father, you need to be smarter than Robb" and Jon calls her out "by listening to you?" and she guilts him "would that be so terrible?" and then a new Maester comes up with a raven message from KL and Jon reads out Cersei's insane titledrop meme realizing she's Queen now... and it's telling him "bend the knee or suffer the fate of all traitors" and Sansa says he's forgotten their enemy to the South but Jon says the Night King is far worse and Sansa claims The Wall will protect them but Jon tells them the Lannisters won't over-extend up there but Sansa warns him Cersei has murdered all her enemies and Jon calls her out "almost sounds like you admire her" and Sansa admits "I learned a great deal from her"



and then in KL Queen Cersei is having a map of Westeros painted on her patio to presumably use as her battle map and Jaime comes in and has gotten so good at the "leave us" meme that he just needs to look at the painter to get him to fuck off and he asks "what is this" as he has strong opinions on interior decorating and Cersei says "it's what we've been waiting for our whole lives, it's what father trained us from whether he knew it or not" and Jaime says "he know it" still butthurt about Tywin making him memorize every town in the country and and Cersei tells him "it's ours now, we just have to take it" and asks him why he's so quiet and if he's angry and Jaime says "no... not angry" and Cersei just asks like it's the most obvious thing in the world "are you afraid of me?" and Jaime looks around awkward and asks "should I be?" and Cersei updates him on Tyrion's new position and Dany's incoming threat and instantly turns it back on him for letting the man who killed their son and father free and now he's back to fug them and challenges him to say where they'll land and Jaime gets his head in the game (of thrones) and says Dragonstone "they have deep water ports for the ships, Stannis left it unoccupied and that's where she was born" and Cersei laments "enemies to the South, enemies to the North and Ellaria Sand and her brood of bitches... enemies to the West... Ollena the old cunt, another traitor... enemies to the North, Ned Stark's bastard has been named King in the North and that murdering whore Sansa stands beside him, enemies everywhere, we're surrounded by traitors, you're the commander of the Lannister army now, where do we proceed?" and Jaime reminds her "Winter is Here™, we cannot win a war if we cannot feed our men and we cannot feed our horses, the Tyrells have the grain, the Tyrells have the livestock" and Cersei asks "will the Tyrells bannermen stand alongside a Dothraki horde and Unsullied slave soldiers?" and Jaime shrugs "if they think Daenerys will win, no one wants to fight on the losing side, right now we look like the losing side" and Cersei insists "I'm the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms" but Jaime reminds her "three kingdoms at best, I'm not sure you understand how much danger we're in" but Cersei assures him "I understand we're in a war for survival, I understand whoever loses dies, I understand that whoever wins could launch a dynasty that lasts a thousand years" what is it with madmen and talking about their empire lasting exactly a thousand years? calm down adolf and Jaime asks "a dynasty for whom? our children are dead, we're the last of us" and Cersei just stares at him slightly fed up like of course she's aware of that and says "a dynasty for us then" and Jaime looks at her appalled like his sister aint home anymore and tells her "we never talked about Tommen" and since she knows it was her fucking fault she immediately storms off to her wine claiming "there's nothing to say" and Jaime says with a tremor in his voice "our baby boy killed himself!" and Cersei just says trying to be cold "he betrayed me, he betrayed us both, should we spend our days mourning the dead: mother, father and all our children? I loved them I did! but they're ashes now and we're still flesh and blood, we're the last Lannisters, the last ones who count" and Jaime looks down sad as he realizes he's going to have to fight to get her back and thinks of a way to get back control and tries "even Lannisters can't survive without allies, where are our allies now? you saw what happened to Walder Frey and his family" but Cersei aint worried "how could we ever trust a man like that?" and Jaime shrugs "we couldn't, he was a useless old coward but the Freys supported us, now they're all dead, whoever killed them is no friend of ours, we need allies, stronger smarter allies, we cant win this war alone" and scary growling music starts up as Cersei says "you think I listened to father for 40 years and learned nothing?" uh ooooooooh



and then we cut to... EURON GREYJOYS IRON FLEET, uh oooooooooh and it is a suspiciously badass as fuck huge chunky sturdy wood and huge elaborate sails that he somehow got his men to put together in like a month or something and Jaime sneers "the Greyjoys? you invited the Greyjoys to King's Landing" knowing they were the worst shitters on the map under Balon but that they are rebellious cunts and maybe inviting their fleet of hundreds of ships to their capital city is a bit dangerous and Cersei says not so reassuringly "not all of them, I invited Euron Grejoy, the new King of the Iron Islands" and teases him for asking for allies and I notice around them the Kingsguard have got new scary looking black armor including I think The Mountain behind them, top lel at the actually really friendly and outgoing guy who plays him went from having the best fight scene in the series for his first time as the character to just standing around with a helmet on while everyone speaks around him I bet a guy who must work out and eat all day long must get bored, and Jaime talks shit about how they're no different from the Freys who backstab their friends but Cersei points out "so does everyone... when it suits them" and says they need their ships and killing ability and Jaime sneers "they're not good at anything, I know the Ironborn, they're bitter, angry little people, all they know how to do is steal things they cant build or grow themselves" lmao entire Iron Islands status: dabbed on and Cersei teases "Euron Grejoy didn't come here for that" and he asks "oh what did he come here for then?" and she reveals "a queen" uh oh JAIME BOUTTA GET CUCKED



then in the throne room, which Cersei has had the septagram stained glass window taken out and replaced with her family's lion sigil (which looks pretty copy and pasted from the British royal family's crest) as they can finally stop pretending the crown is Baratheon anymore, Euron, who looks like a complete thug amongst all these fancy armored soldiers, is ranting to Cersei about his niece and nephew nicking his ships and betraying him to Dany so she could attack here, pointing out they have a common enemy, and Cersei just sits there unmoved, and Euron brings up Tyrion to try to get under her skin pointing out "it seems our treasonous family members are fighting for the same side, I thought we rightful monarchs could murder them together" and he steps towards her but The Mountain steps towards him and even the absolute madlad Euron pauses and Jaime taunts "but you're not a rightful monarch though are you?" and Euron smiles up at The Mountain like he likes him and steps back and Gregor steps back too and Jaime locks "the Greyjoys rebelled for the right to be monarchs but as I recaaalll... you were soundly defeated, come to mention it... weren't you the one who started that rebellion by sailing to Casterly Rock and burning the Lannister fleet? you certainty caught us there, very smart move on your part, of course we all made it to the Iron Islands anyway... I was there" and Euron, being a complete psycho, cant stop himself from laughing at this awkward situation and tells him wide-eyed "I remember very well, I saw you, I heard so much talk, the best in the world, no one can stop him, I didn't believe it to be honest, but I must say when you rushed through the breach and started cutting people down..... it was glorious... like a dance" and gives Gregor a big smile as if he's the one who'd get it the most but he just stands there unresponsive and Jaime says in disgust "the people I was cutting down were your own kin" and Euron quips "the place was getting crowded, I enjoyed it, I truly did" eeeeeeedddddddggggggggyyyyyyyyy and Jaime fires off "and I enjoyed killing Greyjoys" and Euron clearly not actually giving a shit about anyone else says "a good thing for me" and explains how because of that he's nowthe greatest captain of the 14 seas, hmmmm I wonder if autists have mapped those 14 seas out, this made me look up where the term 7 seas even comes from in our world and apparantly over 4000 fucking years ago Mesopotamians just made it up to reflect the seven heavenly bodies they had observed and since then people have just come up with excuses to keep using the phrase lul some nice real world lore, and Cersei quips "if not the most humble" and Euron clearly has an impulse control issue as he immediately says "you're not humble" and then plays it off with "you're the leader of a great nation!" and insults the Iron Islands saying it's really their fleet she needs to defeat all her enemies, and Cersei just asks "what do you want in return?" and Euron memes he wants to marry the most beautiful woman in the world and says "so here I am, with a thousand ships and two good hands" and Jaime stiffens up as he realizes this dude is dabbing on him and Euron gets a huge grin as he sees he's offended and Cersei looks at her brother and says "I decline your proposal" but since this is now a generic American TV show I know this is just to force drama and Euron will find some way to weasel his way into her bed soon enough for max drama and Jaime stares him down like whats up bitch and Cersei explains "you're not trust worthy, you've broken promises to allies before and murdered them at the nearest opportunity" and Euron, who the actor plays like some sort of modern day British gangster, struggles to control himself and pats his clothes down to straighten himself up as Cersei sums up "you murdered your own brother" so he leans over with a wide-eyed smirk and says "you should try it, feels wonderful!" lmaooooo I know this whole show's getting shallow but I kind of like Euron he's got a good vibe of an extremely violent thuggish psychopath going on rather than Ramsay who was a more underhanded psychologically manipulative psychopath who'd mentally abuse and trick you to win while Euron seems like he's struggling to restrain himself from killing everyone in any given room room at all times and both characters are from very edgy houses so kind of goes back to the theme of identity like would they always be like that or just from being in that environment but also would that environment be any different if it wasn't for all those people's ancestors being like that and giving them that genetic legacy really makes ya think and Jaime cant help but laugh at his meme... but then looks at his sister knowing she might actually consider it lul, and Euron swears that he can win her trust and heart with a gift and walks off to get it without even being dismissed, I'm guessing it's... trying to kidnap Sansa to bring her to Cersei to kill? I'd say Tyrion but that seems like a bad idea since he's surrounded by Unsullied and Dothraki, maybe Ornella's head but she's surrounded by Dornish soldiers but we know how bad their security is lul



then in the Citadel in the big huge library that has some huge magnifying glass structure hanging in the centre so that you can reflect sunlight into any part of the library at any type of day we see Sam at work as a Maester in training in a book shelf area that's like a maze almost and he goes about with a trolley putting old books back in place and I guess the place also functions as a hospice for elderly Maesters or something because it's the poor fat mans job to clean out their chamber pots and toilet that almost makes him vomit as he works in this room full of old farting sick men and the Maesters just treat him like a servant making him carry books around at all they get to eat is shitty soup and in the library he sees there's a secret locked off gated area hmmm and we see the soup and the shit he's clearing out again as if they seem the same to him by now and him being made to carry books again and all this on repeat as his life becomes monotonous and Sam almost puking every time he cleans the toilet never getting used to it lmao and the only thing that interests him is the secret section behind a locked gate that you think would not be in some random section of the library down some little nook but in a dungeon underground or something and he looks in on the books open there and sees some diagrams that seem to be about the planets rotation or maybe other planets in relation to theirs or something oh shit Sam is about to discover his world is not flat like (((the Maesters))) want him to believe but they really do live inside a blue-eyed giants eye



then he's attending an autopsy of a Maester and the guy cutting him up is saying "oh a drinkers liver if I ever saw one!" I was just watching a video about how in medieval times alcohol was really popular beacuse it was a drink that was more likely to be sterile than the water and it can keep for ages unlike stuff like milk or fruit juices so it was normal for everyone to have beer with their meals, and he cuts out his liver and gets Sam to weight it and he gets "147" whatever that means that the doctor notes down and Sam asks if he can have access to the restricted section but his boss turns him down making him weight the man's brain and Sam just cuts to the chase and says he already knows White Walkers exist and is there to learn how to defeat them while no one else even knows they exist and the doc says "everyone in the Citadel doubts everything, it's their job" ah this worlds version of the skeptic community, I tip my fedora to you good sir but this guy himself thinks that there's "too many similarities from unconnected sources" for the tales of the Long Nights to be total bs and that occam's razor is that Sam is simply telling the truth and when Sam is surprised he believes him the maester tells him "we are this worlds memory, without us people would be no better than dogs" and talks about how everyone thought they world was ruined when Rob had his rebellion, and before that it was the Targaryen dragons everyone thought they couldn't survive, and before that it was the Long Night (I guess a stand-in for the little ice age that happened in the medieval period or maybe the last full on ice age that shaped a lot of early human distribution and the White Walkers, if they weren't already revealed to be made by the elf girls, could be a stand-in for Neanderthals who there's some interesting anthropology theories about how a lot of human evolution was spurred on by being preyed upon by the bigger Neaderthals so we needed to create weapons to survive getting rekt by them and eventually blew them the fuck out by making ye olde ting ting clap by inventing bows and arrows) with his point being that they were all wrong and they survived everything which is true people think the world is gonna end every few decades with some new dumb meme but then it's not that bad or doesn't happen at all, then at night we see Sam just steal the guys keys and sneak into the forbidden section lol



then at Winterfell we see Brie training Podrick in the courtyard easily kicking his ass and outmanoeuvring him and when she's distracted by Tormund creeping on her he takes a cheeky slap at her armor so SHE PUNCHES HIM IN THE CHEST AND THROWS HIM IN THE SNOW lmaooooo poor pod he did so better in King's Landing and Tormund tells him "you're one lucky man!" LMAO TORMUND IS INTO FEMDOM AND WANTS BRIE TO BEAT HIM UP, BASED and Brie rolls her eyes at Tormund's creeper comments



then we see CIA and Sansa watching them and he says "I hear she beat The Hound in single combat... she's a very impressive woman" and Sansa already knows "what do you want Lord Baelish" and he creeps on her saying "I want you happy, I want you safe" trying to make her doubt her safety but she insists Brie can protect her and CIA sneaks in "what about happy?" and Sansa just looks off stonefaced trying to ignore him as Brie storms up and when CIA rushes to say something ebin she memes at him "no need to seize the last word Lord Baelish, I'll assume it was something clever" and turns to Brie and CIA gets the hint and fucks off WOW IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU SHOULDN'T GO ABOUT BRAGGING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A MANIPULATIVE BACKSTABBER YOU ARE HMMMMMMM and Brie asks "why is he still here?" and Sansa sighs and explains "we need his men" bur Brie warns "he wants something" and Sansa sighs "I know exactly what he wants" and Brie looks concerned since it's probably her ginger minge



then we see Arya riding through the woods and she hears a man singing a fancy romantic song about missing women and oh my god I remember this meme IT'S THE FUCKING ED SHIRAN CAMEO, HE'S THE ONE SINGING LMAO WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING WITH THIS NORMIE BAIT I only know this guy exists because I saw him in a Taylor Swift music video I was jacking off to, and they're Lannister soldiers too please god let Arya kill this muppet



and Arya rides up and says "that's a pretty song" and fucking Ed Sheeran says "it's a new one" implying he wrote it lamoooooooo he's playing himself what the fuck is happening and they invite Arya to eat with them and she seems to find them non-threatening so strings her horse to a tree and she stupidly tells them she's heading to King's Landing and the men joke about how the streets are covered in shit lmao and some dopey kid with a wonky eye talks about how how he always wanted to see the Sept but when he finally got there it was blown to hell lmao and a slightly Kylo Ren looking guy decries how immoral and selfish everyone who lives there is, I guess KL has the reputation of being like modern day NYC or London where the stereotype is everyone's extremely greedy and rude, and they talk about how they're there to keep the peace after the trouble with the Freys and Arya has a quick yikes as she realizes that's her and the wonky eyed kid insists she get first go at the cooked rabbit because "my mother always told me to be king to strangers because then strangers will be kind to you" and Arya looks super sad as if he only just realized there are good people on Both Sides™ and not all Lannister soldiers are bad people and she could have killed all these people on sight which I guess is why you shouldn't train a 14 year old to be an assassin but ok and Arya chews a bit of the rabbit and passes it on and asks the men what they've been up to and the dopey one jokes there'll be songs about their adventures but the Kylo Ren looking guy admits they were gagging to leave home but now can't wait to get back and the wonky eyed guy worries about his dad having to work on a boat alone and Kylo talks about how he has a new baby he doesn't even know the sex of yet but he says he wants it to be a girl, which confuses Arya who seems to think being a girl is probably a shit deal in this world, but he says because "girls take care of their papas when their papas grow old" which is true in the modern day but I'm not sure back then, yes it might be a daughter physically doting on you but it was your son who would have property rights and own resources that can financially support you which is why even in the modern day in third world countries poor people hope for a son and will literally throw a baby girl in a bin lmao, and he adds "boys just go off to fight in someone elses wars" and looks around at his friends and Arya sits there sad as she thinks about how she couldn't take care of her own parents and this world is shitty for both men and women and the dopey eyed man asks Arya if she's old enough to drink which is uhhhhhhhhhh some weird writing since there's never been a legal age of drinking stated in this world lmao and throughout history it was normal to let at least teenagers drink at meals with adults and Arya takes the flask and glugs it down like nothing and they men chuckle and the wonky eyed guy says it's blackberry wine he made himself and Kylo asks her her business in KL and Arya takes another glug and admits "I'm going to kill the queen" and the men all look awkward at each other like uhhhhhhhhhh but then they figure she's joking and burst out laughing as Arya sits there looking super suspicious



and then with the Brotherhood The Hound is mocking Thoros for asking him if his Lord warned him of the shit weather and Thoros tries to be nice and offers him wine but The Hound snarls "don't like that shit it's too sweet" and Thoros just asks "why are you always in such a fowl mood?" and The Hound growls "experience" and then Beric points out a house for them to stay at but The Hound recognizes it as... the home of the farmer he robbed lmao and he gets uncomfortable and says "those people don't want us there" but Beric points out it's clearly abandoned and leads his men in there and The Hound gets antsy and says "I don't like the look of it" and Thoros teases "for a big hard man you scare easily" and The Hound snaps at him "I'll tell you want doesn't scare me: bald cocksuckers like you! you think you're fooling anyone with that topknot? bald cunt" and Thoros just smiles at him like holy shit this guy is hilarious and tries to bribe him inside by suggesting they have ale but The Hound already knows "they don't" and the men all pile in and start searching the place for supplies and The Hound finds... THE FARMER'S DESICATED CORPSE, WITH HIS LITTLE DAUGHTER STILL IN HIS ARMS I guess he was right and they didn't make it through... well even the start of winter



and Beric asks "how do you think it ended for them?" and The Hound states the obvious "with death" and Beric does some ye olde CSI crime scene analysis and determines they were starving so the father put them both out of their misery and The Hound, realizing they could have probably afforded to move or get supplies if he hadn't fucking robbed them, grumbles "doesn't matter now" which Beric agrees with and the three main men start talking about the first time they met and The Hound admits "I don't like you, but I don't hate you, you're not bad" and Beric teases "well thank you Clegane, that warms the heart" as that's the best you'll get out of him but he adds "but there's nothing special about you" I guess he thinks he has a big opinion of himself being this chosen one guy but Beric admits "you're right about that" and The Hound asks how the fuck is it he gets to come back but not the better men he's known who have been "hung from a rafter, beheaded or just shat themselves to death in a field somewhere" and Beric admits he no fucking idea himself and The Hound asks "if he's so all-powerful why doesn't he just tell you what the fuck he wants?" and Thoros invites The Hound to come stare into the fire with him for his answer and The Hound looks shook understandably from his childhood trauma and Thoros says "don't worry the fire wont bite, I want to show you something" not knowing how phobic he is of it and The Hound looks around at the farce that is his life and grumbles "it's my fucking luck I end up with a band of fire worshippers" and Beric looks at his scar and jokes "aye, almost like divine justice" and The Hound snaps "there's no such thing as divine justice you DUMB CUNT or else you'd be dead and that girl would be alive" atheist woke levels: reaching maximum and he tells Thoros "I don't want to look in the damn flames" but Thoros reminds him he knows he really can resurrect Beric and only the fire explains it so The Hound leans over and says he only sees "...logs burning" and Thoros tempts "what do you see?" and The Hound stares longer and then realizes he sees "ice? a wall of ice? THE Wall... it's where The Wall meets the sea... there's a castle there" and THE FIRE CRACKLES ANGRILY and The Hound flinches but keeps looking and says "there's a mountain, looks like an arrowhead... the dead are marching past........ thousands of them....." and Beric realizes this is the real shit and asks "you believe me now Celgane? do you believe we're here for a reason?" while The Hound looks terrified and confused at his vision, then later that night Thoros hears grunting outside and goes out to find The Hound digging graves to bury the farmer and his daughter and he realizes "you knew these people" and The Hound just sneers "not really" as he tries to respectfully put these withered corpses into their final resting place and Thoros realizes he has the right idea, plants his sword down and gets to work helping to bury them, amazed that The Hound has such respect in him, ok I can sense some memes coming... they're going to suddenly resurrect as zombies because the Night King is near or something, and The Hound tries to say a prayer to the 7 but only gets two gods in before he realizes "fuck it I don't remember the rest" and looks up at Thoros as if expecting him to say something since he's a priest but when he doesn't he just awkwardly brushes his hair out his face and says "I'm sorry you're dead, you deserved better, both of you" and storms off



then in Oldtown we see Sam is living with Gilly and lil Sam who's like 3 now in some little apartment and he's staying up all night with books he stole from the Citadel trying to study the White Walkers and she tries to get him to sleep but he wont so she joins in with his research even though she can barely read and Sam has learned that the Targs used to decorate their weapon with dragonglass without even knowing what the First Men used it for and he turns the page to look at all these legendary weapons until he finds a drawing saying... there's a mine for dragonglass on Dragonstone, the castle Stannis was using and the Targs first built when invading Westeros, and Sam says Stannis told him about it but I don't remember that, and Sam rushes to write a letter to Jon about this and Gilly sits back proud that no one but her lover would have found this info that could save the world, and then at the Citadel Sam is taking the bowls of eaten food from what seems like cells for quarantined patients when suddenly A MANS ARM SHOOTS THROUGH THE DOOR GRABBING AT SAM and the fucking subtitles spoil who it is but it's a man asking if The Dragon Queen is here yet and we see the man's arm... is badly greyscaled... it obviously being JORAH who's gone to the Citidel as the best place to find a cure, and when Sam says "h-haven't heard anything" he shrinks back into the darkness



and then we cut to Dany in her own fashy new black tight fitting imperial outfit at the head of her fleet, she really does look like female Hitler or some shit lmao



who let Hugo Boss into the GoT universe?



with her dragons screeching overhead as she sees... Dragonstone... her ancestors first castle on Westeros, and her support staff all look on as her three dragons fly over the huge castle as if searching for a place to nest on it



and then the first rowboat comes assure with Dany, Tyrion, Missy, Varys and Grey Worm and only a few Unsullied which doesn't seem that safe but Dany puts her hand down and feels the ground as she takes in her ancestral home and walks past this weird mountain that might very well be all Dragonglass up towards the great big intimidating castle with jutting angry angles and sees the dragon statue heads that adorn the front gate and we get some weird remix of the opening theme song that's like this dramatic military marching chant and the Unsullied open the door and she looks up proud at the big winding path leading up to her new staging ground and we get some cool shots of her party marching all the way up to the castle and inside they make their way through the darkness until Dany finds an old flag of Stannis' and pulls it down as she owns this castle now and she looks up as the doors to the throneroom are opened and she finds this modern art throne that's a seat carved into a huge chunk of presumably dragonglass and Missy holds back Grey Worm as this is Dany's special time as she walks up to the throne her ancestors sat on and the throne still has an indent of like that sweaty stain NEETs get when they sit on one chair for too long and then later we find Dany finding Stannis old cool map of Westeros map in the what must be extremely cold now open plan meeting room and Tyrion sees some dragons carved into the wall that I don't think were there last time since this being a Targ building is probably a retcon lulll and she stands at the head of the map of Westeros and asks Tyrion "shall we begin?"





Game of Thrones 7x02: "Stormborn"
Euron's snake extermination service special edition
First aired: July 23, 2017

alright there's another Previously... on Game of Thrones thing for all the braindead normies finally watching it and the actual episode opens on a rainy as fuck storm and thunder and lighting pelting down on Dragonstone as we pan up through the darkness to this very poorly conceived open plan meeting room as Dany looks out at the storm and Tyrion points out for all the casuals "on a night like this you came into the world" and Varys talks about how during that night all the dogs in KL howled throughout the night and Dany whines about how this doesn't seem like much of a homecoming, yeah maybe not set up shop in an open-air office during a monsoon lmao and Dany notes there are not many lions on the map and Varys says Cersei only controls half the 7 Kingdoms and the Lords despise her but Dany sneers "and now they call out for their one true queen? drink secret toasts to my health? people used to tell my brother that sort of thing and he was stupid enough to believe them" clearly not trusting Varys probably realizing that he's been the one fucking her brother about himself and she tells Tyrion that "if Viserys had three dragons and an army at his back he'd have invaded King's Landing already" and Tyrion points out she could easily take Westeros but cant rule a pile of ashes what they really need is support and Dany thanks Varys condescendingly for getting the Dornish and Tyrell backing and he tries to butter her up saying they believe in her but Dany calls him out "you served my father didn't you? and then the man who overthrew him?" and Varys tries to explain the realpolitik of his situation but Dany aint buying it and Varys fires back her father was the cruellest king in history but Rob had no interest in being King and she ponders "so you took it upon yourself to find a better one?" wonder if he helped Cersei knock Rob off and Tyrion vouches for Varys saving him from drinking to support her but she cuts him off and calls Varys out for supporting Viserys despite being cruel and weak and Varys excuses it saying he didn't know anything about her back then and she surmises "so you and your friends traded me like a prized horse to the Dothraki" and Varys tries to suck up to her "which you turned to your advantage" but Dany just asks "who gave the order to kill me?" and Tyrion looks shook as he knows Dany would kill Varys like it's nothing and gives his bald friend a serious look like he better be careful and Varys admits "King Robert" in his natural deeper tone when he's not playing into the harmless eunuch stereotype and Dany insists "who hired the assassins?" and starts walking up to him and Varys tries to excuse it but Dany says it was just to save himself and Tyrion tries to defend him but Dany calls him out for being a disloyal dethroner and Varys, going into this knowing he was a dad man walking, tells her that he's "the kind the realm needs, incompetence should not be rewarded with blind loyalty, as long as I have my eyes I'll use them, I wasn't born into a great house, I came from nothing" and Grey Worm listens intently as he probably looks up to Varys for having a similar background to him, also he's got a new fashy uniform himself and has a cool broach of three dragons swirling around each other which I guess is Dany's new personal sigil and he goes on "I was sold as a slave and carved up as an offering, when I was a child I lived in alleys, gutters, abandoned houses, you wish to know where my true loyalties lie? not with any king or queen, but with the people! the people who suffer under despots and prosper under just rule, the people whose hearts you aim to win, if you demand blind allegiance, I respect your wishes, Grey Worm can behead me or your dragons can devour me, but if you let me live I will serve you well, I will dedicate myself to seeing you on the Iron Throne because I choose you, because I know the people have no better chance than you" and everyone stares at each other dramatically



and Dany just tells him "swear this to me Varys, if you ever think I'm betraying the people you won't conspire behind my back... you'll look me in the eye as you've done today and tell me how I'm failing them" and Varys looks like he's made the right decision backing her as she believes in the people too, just from an abstracted point of view, and says "I swear it my queen" and Tyrion looks relieved but Dany walks straight up to Varys and tells him "and I swear this: if you ever betray me... I'll burn you alive" and gets this super self satisfied look like she loves being so dangerous and Varys just shrugs and smirks "I would expect nothing less from the Mother of Dragons" and they smile at each other having an understanding that they're both Real Niggas ready to kill and die for their beliefs



and then Grey Worm announces the red priestess from As'shai wherever that is and they go to meet in this big empty cold lobby... the Red Lady, who gives her a summary of her backstory that she used to be a slave so is honored to meet the Breaker of Chains, and Dany says "the Red Priests helped bring peace to Meereen, you are very welcome here" but as soon as she gives her name Varys, who hates mystics but also wary of other advisers, warns that she used to serve Stannis which didn't end too well and Dany clapsback at him that she choose the right day to come since "today we just decided to pardon those who served the wrong King" and Varys bows in submission and Dany asks what her Lord wants and she talks about muh promised prince and Missy, wearing a black leather outfit that looks like some dominatrix shit, points out that "your translation is not quite accurate, that noun has no gender in High Valyrian" GENDER BINARY STATUS: SMASHED which Dany approves of and the Red Lady admits "prophecies are dangerous things" but says she plays a part along with Jon Snow and Tyrion reveals he used to know him and Varys asks why Jon Snow as if even he doesn't know much about about this bastard and the Red Lady explains he did the amazing thing of uniting the Wildlings with the Northern lords and advises Dany to speak with him and Tyrion advises Dany that he trusts Jon and would make another valuable ally as he must hate Cersei too so she has him send a raven to Jon... to bend the knee (oh I bet he will (to eat her pussy))



then in Winterfell a bunch of children are being trained how to fire bows and arrows just like the Stark kiddies did in the first episode and Sansa is warning Jon that the letter might be a trap but Tyrion quoted himself saying "all dwarves are bastards in their fathers eyes" which he said to Jon when they first met and since Sansa knows him better than any of them she vouches for his kindness but says it's not worth the risk and Davos hints that it's also meant to intimidate them but he also points out "fire kills wights you told me, and what breathes fire?" alright so... fire or severe dismemberment needs to kill the zombies and the White Walkers are the guys who can control them but you need dragonglass to kill them since they can just hypercool any other attack? still not clear if it's only the Night King who can raise the dead though

and in the Iron Throne room Cersei is telling some Lords that Dany would destroy Westeros if she got in power and warns the ones who are bannermen for Tyrell they will be mindless Unsullied soldiers to destroy their castles and holdfasts and Dothraki savages to burn their villages and rape their women, trying to turn them against Olenna for siding with Dany's admittedly very fucking demented seeming ambitions, and when they murmur nervously she reminds them of the Mad King telling them "his daughter is no different, in Essos her brutality is already legendary, she crucified hundreds of nobelemen in Slaver's Bay, and when she grew bored of that she fed them to her dragons" lmao its funny because it's true and Dany is an absolute madlass but to be honest I appreciate her not being a 100% Mary Sue and still being as sadistic and brutal as some of the worst villains and all these rich twats get shook and Cersei takes the opportunity of weakness to swear "it is my solemn duty to protect the people and I will but I need your help my Lords, we must stand together, all of us... if we hope to stop her" and one of them steps forward and asks wtf do they do against 3 dragons which is what Aegon had when he conquered the Seven Kingdoms and Cersei glances at Qyburn who smuggly says "we are currently at work on a solution my lord" uh ooooooooooh, obviously "in reality" you could just spam ballistas at it to kill it but in fiction physically large things are always depicted as being extremely tough like big kiaji in monster movies that can solo a city when in real life you could just blow Godzillas fucking brains out with one fighter jet, and later Jaime goes to speak to the guy who spoke up who is ah yes Lord Tarly and Jaime confuses his son Dickon for Rickon lol as he barely cares about any of these people and tries to get him to rally the other Lords of the Reach wherever that is and he says he's heard what the Queen does to those who defy her and Jaime gets awkward and brings him off to speak in private as Tarly talks about how he needs to mobilize his army as he can tell it'll kick off soon and Jaime compliments him for being the only man to defeat Rob which Rhaegar couldn't even do and asks him to be his main general and Tarly tells him that wound mean turning on Olenna and says "we are not oathbreakers we are not schemers, we do not stab our rivals in the back or cut their throats at weddings, I swore an oath to House Tyrell" but Jaime reminds him he did to the crown too and convinces him that it's Olenna that's the traitor who is bringing over foreign savages and eunuchs to destroy their homeland and when they win he can be the new Warden of the South



then with his fat son at the Citadel a Maester is examining Jorah telling him he's fucked it's spread so far and "you should have cut off your arm the moment you were touched" wait he just grabbed at Sam in their previous scene lol uh ohhhhh and Jorah asks "how long?" and the maester says it could be 10 or 20 years until he kills him but he means "how long until..." and the maester says he has 6 months or fewer before it takes his mind and Jorah sits down depressed and Sam tells the maester about meeting Shireen and telling him she was cured as a baby but the maester says "does this look like a baby to you?" as he cleans his instruments he was examining Jorah with and explains that "Maester Cressen discovered Shireen Baratheon's affliction immediately" and tells Jorah he's sorry but he's too far along and would be shipped off to be with the stone men if he was a commoner... but can have one more day there, I guess before being shipped off, but maybe he's imply they'll just mercy kill him, and Sam asks if he wants word sent to his family, with Sam recognizing his last name from their letters, but Jorah says "no need, I've been dead to them for years" awwww, maybe Jorah will save the day by just going and hugging the Night King so he gets superAIDS lol also if I was these maesters I would not want to be anywhere these people if it was that contagious since you never know when one might panic and grab you or just fall over or something and infect you they'd be fucking restrained by hazmat suit dudes before I went anywhere near them

then in KL Qyburn who is the new or I guess first Queen's Hand is taking Cersei down into the catacombs where King Rob moved the dragon skeletons and she talks about how her late husband would take his whores down here to see his trophies and he shows her the massive skull of "Balerion the Dread, the beast Aegon rode across the Narrow Sea, his flames forged the Iron Throne and brought the Seven Kingdoms to kneel... powerful... but not invincible... apparantly one of Daenerys dragons was injured by a spear in the fighting pits of Meereen... if they can be wounded... they can be killed" very Predator and he unveils woah! a big ballista! I called it!



and he tells her "the finest artillators and blacksmiths in King's Landing have been laboring day and night Your Grace... if you'll kindly pull that lever" and Cersei notices where it's aimed and fires the mechanism FIRING A MASSIVE BOLT THROUGH BALERION'S SKULL finally this dumb show does something logical



and then in Dragonstone Team Dany is assembled with Tyrion, Missy, Grey Worm, Varys, Yara, Theon, Olenna and Elly and the Queen herself and Yara is yelling at Dany to go ahead and take KL already but Tyrion warns "if we let the dragons loose tens of thousands will die in the firestorms" we WW2 firebombing cities now bois and Elly snaps "it's called war! you don't have the stomach for it? scurry back into hiding" tough talk from, yeah Tyrion says it for me, "I know how you wage war, we dont poison little girls here" but Elly insists "there are no innocent Lannisters, my only regret is Oberyn died fighting for you!" and Dany snaps "that's enough!" and orders Elly to respect her Hand and takes Tyrion's side saying "I will not be Queen of the ashes" and Olenna taunts "that's very nice, of course I can't remember a Queen who was as beloved as my grandaughter, the common people loved her, the nobles loved her, and what is left of her now? ASHES, commoners, nobles, they're all just children really, they won't obey you unless they fear you" and Dany thanks them all for following her but insists she's Queen and there wont be an attack on King's Landing and Olenna taunts if she'll be asking nicely and Dany explains they'll surround KL but Tyrion explains not with foreigners as that will just give Cersei free propaganda points, Yara will escort Elly back to sunspear and the Iron Fleet will take the Dornish army to KL and siege it with the Tyrell army and Olenna does a CIA meme "so your master plan is to use our armies? forgive me for asking but why did you bother to bring your own?" and Tyrion explains Grey Worm and the Unsullied will be taking Casterly Rock which maybe we'll finally see and Yara, Elly and Olenna all nod in agreement and swear their loyalty to Dany (I just noticed counting Cersei, Euron and Jon five of the seven major military forces left are all women #ImWithHer)



then Dany does the "leave us" meme to everyone but Olenna so she can assure her they'll get revenge on Cersei and bring peace and Olenna sighs and asks "peace? do you think that's what we had under your father? or his father? or his? peace never lasts my dear, will you take a piece of advice from an old woman? he's a clever man you're Hand, I've known a great many clever men, I've outlived them all, you know why? I ignored them, the Lords of Westeros are sheep, are you a sheep? no, you're a dragon, be a dragon!" or "burn them all" as her father would say, I really like Olenna, who's name I only just remembered after 5 seasons, since it's highly illegal in American media to feature a woman as a main charcter who's over the age of about 35 and she's one of the realest niggas in the show without doing anything that evil so far



then with Grey Worm Missy is coming to visit him and he refuses to say goodbye fully intending to return so Missy awkwardly says "I wish you good fortune" and leaves but Grey Worm calls her back and explains it's actually because "y-you're my weakness" that he cant say goodbye, and explains when the Unsullied are children the masters force them to face their fears, but he had no fears, he was never big or strong, but he was always bravest, until he met her and "now I have fear" as he's scared he'll lose her and Missy says "I do too" and both these broken abused people look down sad not knowing how to cope with hope or love and GREY WORM JUST RUNS UP AND SNOGS MISSY and lets himself tear up with his love for her and MISSY GETS HER TITS AND ASS OUT



and they look confused at each other but decide fuck it duuuuude and GREY WORM TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF but when Missy goes to take his pants off he says "no!" but she asks "I want to see you, please" and Grey Worm brings up all his courage and nods allowing her to take his pants down and see presumably his blank crotch and she looks him in the eye and... starts kissing him again... and takes him to bed letting him get onto of her... and they kiss sensitively again with Missy becoming aroused just from her love being ontop of her and then GREY WORM EATS MISSYS PUSSY I appreciate this sex scene narratively since most tv shows and movies treat it like if you cant physically have PIV sex then your love life is dead and you might as well neck yourself but obviously if you are not a complete fucking brainlet honerary incel like most writers seem to be the world is full of disabled people who can still be sexually intimiate



then in the Citadel the archmaester, who is played by some actor I recognize but cant place, is shoving books on Sam trying to talk him into becoming a writer but Sam is more interested in the practical side of things and says he's found two cases of cures for greyscale, citing a previous archmaester Pylos, and the archmaester simply tells Sam that he died of greyscale himself lmao, saying his procedure is forbidden from being too dangerous, hmmm, maybe a blood transfusion or something like that?

then in Jorah's room he is writing a letter to Dany that I hope he will make sure is clean lol and he looks at his sword as he considers suicide when he hears Sam squeaking his way in with a trolley full of weird equipment and tells him he's a Night's Watchmen and was with his father when he died and wont let the same happen to him and makes him drink some rum for the pain, taking a big glug himself first, and gets out a book of Pylos banned procedure and looks over his charts and asks Jorah to take off his shirt which he struggles to do rom the pain of his fucked up skin and Sam has to get Jorah to bite down on a bit to stay silent and keep it secret and he asks "you ever done this before?" and a nervous Sam admits "no, but no one knows I'm trying so I'm the best you've got" and Jorah figures fuck it dude and Sam explains he's going to cut his fucking infected skin off and apply an ointment and Jorah stares at him like he's fucking crazy and Sam just looks at him like uhhhh but he gets to work reminding the grunting Jorah not to scream and Jorah growls in pain as SAM STARTS TO SLICE AND SAW THE SCALES OFF OF JORAH WITH A SCALPEL AND TWEEZERS AND JORAH WHINES LIKE A DYING DOG TRYING NOT TO SCREAM but he nods to Sam to keep going as Jorah's willing to do anything to follow his oneitis' orders



and we cut from Sam digging into Jorah's flesh that's oozing puss to some men eating a similar looking white gooey pie as they gossip about if Dany's dragons are really that big or if it's just Cersei's propaganda and for some reason these men hope it's true because it will triple the prices of whatever they're selling and we pan over to see Arya is listening into them having picked up good evesdropping skills when blind and Arya is suddenly confronted with HOT PIE! who's brought her some bread tha she immediately hacks apart with a knife and starts scoffing it down and he tells her the secret to his recipe and Arya says "hmm I didn't do that" and Hot Pie cant believe "you've been making pies?" and Arya quips "one or two" lmaooooooooooo and Hot Pies asks her if she met "the big lady" and explains he sent her after her and Arya stuffs her face and says briefly "she found me" and Hot Pie can sense some bad shit went down and asks "what happened to you Arry?" but Arya just asks for some ale now having quite the appetite for booze and scoffs it down and Hot Pie realizes she doesn't want to talk about it so starts gossiping about how Cersei blew up the Great Sept and Arya stares ahead more determined to kill her now and Hot Pie finally breaks the news to Arya that Jon took Winterfell back from the Bolton's and is the King a tha Norf now and she can't believe it but sees he wouldn't lie to her and she goes to get her purse but Hot Pie tells her "friends don't pay... can't believe I thought you were a boy, you're pretty!" and Arya is startled to find what a lovely man he's become puts a hand on his shoulder telling him "take care of yourself Hot Pie, try not to get killed" yeah I am amazed this guy is still alive lmao and he says "ah I won't, I'm like you Arry, I'm a survivor" and Arya tears up smiling at how nice he is and leaves before she she cries, I guess this is another case of the identity theme where Hot Pie starts out as a bully who was going to mug another poor kid because he grew up in the shitty environment of King's Landing but now that he has a purpose and job he's proud of in a tavern with no problems he's a kind caring man, then outside the caravan that was taking Arya the 200 miles to KL pulls out but she looks behind her and decides to ride off to Winterfell on her own



then we see Jon staring at his war map when the maester comes in with Sam's letter and in the hall he tells all the Lords of Sam's discovery that Dragonstone is built on Dragonglass... and the letter from Tyrion Lanniter inviting him to go there, and they all gasp as he's the new notorious kingslayer, and as he tells them Dany is planning to overthrow Cersei CIA perks up as he recognizes the work of his old rival Varys, and the crowd all murmurs in shock as Jon tells them that Dany has an army and three dragons and that he's going to go talk to her as he looks at Sansa and everyone is shocked to hear this but Jon insists they need the dragonglass and Dany's forces and dragons or they're all dead and Sansa snaps "have you forgotten what happened to our grandfather? the Mad King invited him to King's Landing and roasted him alive!" and the crowd supports her as she tells Jon Dany will trap him to take the North but Jon knows Tyrion is honerable but Lord Glover insists Targs nor Lannisters can be trusted and another Lord tells them Robb lost his kingdom from riding South and Lady Mormont insists they need the kinga da norf in da norf and everyone supports her and Jon tells them he never asked to be King but will always fight for the North and this is what he has to do to survive the Army of the Dead and he's the only one there who's seen them and Sansa insists he send a proxy but Jon knows she'll only accept it in person and Sansa starts whining that he's abandoning his people but Jon places her in charge and she looks shocked and CIA gives her a cheeky smile like he loves it and Brie nods to her giving her support and Sansa tears up from having her brothers respect

then in the crypt Jon is looking at Ned's statue when CIA turns up and says it was him who delivered the bones to his mother and asks for him to give Tyrion his best and lies through his teeth that he was sorry Ned died from how much he loved his wife just like he did and when that gets no response he starts prying deeper "she wasn't fond of you was she? it appears she vastly underestimated you, your father and brothers are gone yet here you stand King of the North, last best hope against the coming storm" and Jon just slowly turns and glares at him and tells him "you don't belong down here" and CIA turns to stare at him back as he knows he wont do shit as he needs his men and says "forgive me, we haven't ever talked... properly, I wanted to remedy that" and Jon sneers "I have nothing to say to you" and goes to walk off but CIA pulls the I saved ur ass meme and starts talking about how he's loyal to him as he loves Sansa as he loved their mother and JON JUST SHOVES CIA UP AGAINST THE WALL BY THE THROAT JUST LIKE NED DID AND TELLS HIM "TOUCH MY SISTER AND I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF" and storms out lmaoooooooooo back into the friendzone bitch boiiii and CIA just smirks after him like he likes being physically assaulted as it's just other men letting him know he's gotten under their skin and has leverage over them and outside Jon mounts up, nods to Sansa and rides off with Davos and some men as CIA immediately looks up at Sansa ready to worm his way into her trust again



then in the wilderness it's getting cold af and Arya is setting up a fire and she notices her horse is getting agitated for some reason that the subtitles describe as "nickering" and Arya hears some rustling in the bushes behind her and grabs Needle and she looks around her seeing animals run around in the trees and ARYA IS SUDDENLY SURROUNDED BY WOLVES THAT SNARL AT HER AND FROM BEHIND HER CREEPS... A MASSIVE GREY DIREWOLF TWICE AS BIG AS THE REGULAR WOLVES here's something I only learned recently: direwolves were actually a real animal that lived unironically over 9000 years ago but they went extinct around the same time was saber tooth tigers, I just assumed they were fantasy creatures but rip, maybe they can clone one or something to sell to GoT fans, and Arya stares at it as she realizes... IT'S ARYA'S OLD DIREWOLF SHE SET FREE NYMERIA and Nym growls feircely at Arya so she puts her sword down and starts talking to her and Nym is confused at first but starts to recognize her as Arya starts inviting her to come home with her and Nym sniffs are her curiously as Arya reaches out for her asking her to come with her but Nym declines and just walks off back into the wild and her wolf pack fall in behind her and Arya looks sad but decides to tell her self "that's not you"



then with the Iron Fleet sailing to the mainland Obara is arguing with her asian sister over who gets to deliver the killing blow to Cersei and The Mountain with the third girl who I guess is also Elly's daughter saying he only killed their father because he got careless and when her sisters mock her for calling Elly mama she threatens to kill them and they just do it again lol and with Elly she's telling Yara their beer is like piss promising far better wine and Theon can already tell what's going on and puts his drink down so he doesn't say anything dumb as Elly asks Yara if she has a boy in every port and Yara smirks "boy, girl, depends on the port" and Elly gives her a cheeky smile and Theon doesn't want to see his sister fingering their own ally so goes to leave but Elly asks Theon for a top up as if he's their servant and Theon having been treated much worse gets her one as she flirts with Elly about developing a taste for their ale but then Yara picks up on how she treats Theon and what hes been through and tells her "he's not your servant" but Theon assures her "it's fine" awwww they're so cute together and Elly starts talking about their future aspirations and creeping on Theon and Yara puts her feet up on the table saying Theon will be her adviser and protector and Elly sits down beside her as they flirt about Theon stopping anyone from getting too close to her as ELLY SPREADS YARAS LEGS WIDE AND ASKS THEON "WHY IS HE STANDING ALL THE WAY OVER THERE THEN? A FOREIGN INVASION IS UNDER WAY" AS SHE RUNS HER HAND TO YARAS CROTCH WTF IS THIS LESBIAN INCEST CUCKOLDING SHIT?



and Theon just stares at her as he's watched a lot fucking more fucked up shit and Yara asks Elly to "leave him be" and just gives her brother a guilty shrug like hey I aint gonna turn down free pussy and Theon gives her a knowing look and walks away as Elly starts to make out with Yara telling her "looks like you don't need a protector" when suddenly THEIR BOAT COMES UNDER ATTACK AND YARA RUNS UP ON DECK TO SEE FLAMING BOMBARDMENTS RAINING DOWN ON HER FLEET AND LOOKS UP TO SEE... EURON'S MASSIVE MASTERSHIP BARING DOWN ON THEM FROM OUT OF THE FOG



AND IT RAMS STRAIGHT INTO THEIR SHIP AND A BOARDING BRIDGE SLAMS DOWN ONTOP OF A SAILOR WITH EURON RIDING IT AND ROARING "RAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!"



AND HE RUNS ON BOARD SNARLING AS HE PLANTS HIS AXE IN A MANS HEAD AND GETS A HUGE MANIACAL GRIN AS HE FINALLY GETS TO UNLEASH



AND YARA SCREAMS AS A FLOOD OF HIS SOLDIERS POUR DOWN THE BOARDING BRIDGE AND START BUTCHERING HER PEOPLE



BUT THEON AND YARA START GOING HAM STABBING CUNTS LEFT AND RIGHT BUT MORE COME IN DOWN THE BRIDGE



WITH ONE BEATING A MANS FACE INTO RAW MEAT IN WITH HUGE SPIKED KNUCKLE DUSTERS



AND THE NEW SAND SNAKE GIRL APPEARS AND THROWS A DAGGER INTO A MANS FACE



but Yara orders her "your mother's below deck, keep her safe" and she retreats to Elly who hears her running down the stairs and gets shook but it's her daughter and she kisses her forehead but then a bunch of men jump down and Elly nods to her girl like it's time to go to work and the Sand Snake lunges into combat and UP ON THE DECK THEON'S GOT HIS SWORD OUT AND IS HACKING GUYS DOWN WITH YARA WHO LOOKS OVER AT HER ENTIRE FLEET BURNING FROM FLAMING BOMBARDMENTS AND ONE HITS THE SAIL OF THE BOAT THEY'RE ON AND SHE LOOKS DOWN AS FLAMING WOOD FALLS DOWN ON THE BATTLING MEN AND REALIZES THEY'RE FUCKED BUT KEEPS KILLING



AND EURON IS IN THE MIDST OF THE BATTLE CHOPPING PEOPLE DOWN WITH HIS AXE LIKE THEY'RE FIREWOOD WHEN SUDDENLY A WHIP WRAPS AROUND HIS NECK PULLING HIM TOWARDS THE ASIAN SAND SNAKE



WHO HE SIMPLY PUNCHES IN THE FACE BUT OBARA STABS HIM IN THE BACK WITH HER SPEAR WHICH HE GRABS BUT SHE SWIPES HIS FEET OUT FROM UNDER HIM AND SHE TWIRLS HER SPEAR AROUND TO ATTACK BUT HE LEAPS UP AND GRABS IT AGAIN AND SMACKS HER IN THE FACE WITH IT



AND HE GETS WHIPPED IN THE BACK BY THE ASIAN GIRL WHO HE ATTACKS WITH OBARAS SPEAR AND WE SEE THE THIRD SAND SNAKE STABBING THE SHIT OUT OF THE MEN ATTACKING HER RAMMING HER KNIFE UP INTO ONE OF THEIR BALLSACKS



AND ON THE DECK OBARA KICKS AT EURON WHICH HE BLOCKS AND GRABS HER BY THE THROAT AND HEADBUTTS HER FACE AND RAMS HER ONTO HER KNEES WITH THE SPEAR SNAPPING IT IN HALF OVER HER BACK



SO HE RAMS THE BROKEN SHARD INTO HER STOMACH AND LIFTS HER DYING BODY INTO THE AIR AND SCREAAAAAAAAAMS YESSSS DIE YOU SHIT CHARACTER!!!



AND HER SISTER KNIFES A GUY IN THE THROAT AND LOOKS OVER TO SEE EURON WAVING HER SISTERS SKEWERED BODY IN THE AIR AND SCREECHES IN RAGE AND WHIPS HIM



BUT WHEN SHE SNARES HIS NECK HE GRABS THE WHIP SO SHE SPINS AT HIM SLASHING HIS SIDES WITH A KNIFE AND STABS HIS LEG BUT HE BLOCKS HER NEXT ATTACK AND HER NEXT AND PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE SENDING HER REELING AND HE WRAPS HER OWN WHIP AROUND HER THROAT AND STARTS STRANGLING HER AS THE LAST THING SHE SEES IS HER SISTERS CORPSE



AND BELLOW DECK HER SISTER IS GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE AND THE MEN SIMPLY GRAB HER WRISTS COMPLETELY DEFEATING HER LMAO and they grab Elly who tells them "kill us! get it over with!" wanting to spare her daughter a bit of the ol rape but their leader shakes his head as they drag her up deck



AND UP TOP YARAS ENTIRE FLEET IS BURNING ON THE WATER AS MORE BOMBARDMENTS SMASH THEIR SHIPS APART INTO FLAMES



AND EURON SMASHES A GUY OVERBOARD AND LOOKS UP AND SEES YARA GLARING AT HIM WHO JUMPS THROWS HERSELF OFF THE TOP DECK SCREAMING AS SHE DIVES INTO HIM



BUT HE ROLLS HER OFF AND GROWLS "GIVE YOUR UNCLE A KISS!" BUT SHE SLAPS HIM AND HE STARTS WHACKING HER WITH THE BLUNT SIDE OF HIS AXE AND A GUY ATTACKS HIM SO HE SLITS HIS THROAT AND SMASHES HIS AXE DOWN AT YARA WHO DODGES OUT THE WAY AND SHE GRABS A RANDOM GUY TO USE AS A HUMAN SHIELD WHO EURON EMBEDS HIS AXE IN HIS STOMACH AND EURON GRINS AT HIS NIECES RUTHLESSNESS



AND ATTACKS AGAIN BUT YARA DEFLECTS HIS AXE WITH HER SWORD BUT HE BLOCKS HER SWINGS AS A BOMBARDMENT FLIES RIGHT PAST THEM AND HITS THEIR BOAT SPEWING A HUGE FIREBALL OUT



AND EURON PUNCHES YARA IN THE FACE AND STARTS BEATING HER WITH HI AXE HANDLE AND CHARGES INTO HER PINNING HER AGAINST SOME STAIRS AND THEON WINS A DUEL AGAINST A GUY WHEN EURON GROWLS "LITTLE THEON!" AND HE TURNS TO SEE... HIS UNCLE HOLDING HIS AXE HEAD TO HIS SISTERS THROAT and Theon goes towards them but sees Euron's men are the only survivors who are between them and Euron taunts AH COME ON YOU COCKLESS COWARD... I HAVE HER... COME AND GET HER



and Theon looks around at Euron's men slitting his men's throats like fish and cutting their gold teeth out as they're still alive EDGY, I LIKE IT COUNT: 134



and he starts freaking out twitching erratically from the stress regressing to Reek and a tear rolls down Yara's face as she realizes she never really had her brother back and THEON JUMPS OVERBOARD ABANDONING HIS SISTER AND EURON BURSTS OUT LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY lmao ok I guess it's time to reset Theon's character development even though at this stage he probably shouldn't be scared of anything but also this is probably the smart play since Euron could clearly have killed both of them



and then we cut to OBARA SKEWERED ON THE MAST HEAD WITH HER SISTER LYNCHED BY HER OWN WHIP UNDER HER! EDGY, I LIKE IT COUNT: 135 and Theon looks up to see this while clinging to drift wood and sniffles as he watches Euron's huge mastership sail off through the burning carnage with his sister still hostage, oh well rip Obara and uhhh let me look this up Nymeria lol they were cringy and useless characters who's only motivation was lul revenge even though we never got to see them with Oberyn once but at least they got to be apart of an actually good action scene unlike the yikes fest in season 5 and it's a fitting way to kill them off having them just get completely overpowered by an extremely violent man since they're the trope of le acrobatic women le flipping about and that's a bit of the ol realism bitch for them





Game of Thrones 7x03: "The Queen's Justice"
euthanasia special edition
First aired: July 30, 2017

on the angry shores of Dragonstone some Dothraki, Missy and Tyrion are greeting Jon, Davos and his party an after 7 fucking years Jon and Tyrion finally meet again and they joke about how last time they met he was pissing off The Wall and shake hands and Davos introduces himself and Tyrion realizes they fought opposite each other at Blackwater Bay and Davos tries to ignore how it was probably Tyrion's idea that killed his son and just says "unlucky for me" and he introduces Missy who formally welcomes them and asks them to turn over their weapons and Jon looks nervously at Davos who nods it's ok so his men hand over their ting tings and Jon gives his sword to the first Dothraki he's ever seen and Tyrion chuckles at how weirded out he is to see these desert savages and Davos does the typical white man's micro aggression of asking Missy where she's from and when she says "Island of Naath" he says "ah I hear it's beautiful down there, palm trees and butterflies" which I know from youtube videos actually carry a deadly disease that kills any foreigners who go there when they're out during the day lol and Missy just smiles at him politely and walks off and Davos whispers to Jon "this place has changed" lmao Davos doesn't like all the brown people coming to Westeros BASED & REDPILLED and on the walk up the stairs Tyrion asks Jon how Sansa is and it gets awkward so he assures him it was "a sham marriage, unconsummated" and when Tyrion tells him his sister is "smarter than she lets on" Jon grumbles "she's starting to let on" rofllll and Tyrion says "at some point I want to hear how a Night's Watch recruit became King in the North" it was a series of ridiculous dues ex machinas involving Stannis miraculously saving him, literally being given an extra life and then CIA miraculously saving him don't worry about it mate and Jon memes back that as long as he tells him "how a Lannister became Hand to a Targyarian" and Tyrion admits "to be honest I was drunk for most of it" lulll and Jon admits his bannermen dont support him being there and Tyrion tells him he'd have advised against it saying "Stark men don't fair well when they travel South" and Jon says "true... but I'm not a Stark" little does he know he actually is and then DROGON SUDDENLY FLIES OVER THEM SCREECHING



and Jon and Davos fucking brick it and Missy just smiles at them like welcome to the party pal and Tyrion quips "I'd say you get used to them... but you never really do" as Drogon joins his brothers circling the castle as if they're maintaining an airspace, and Varys creeps up beside the Red Lady who looks down at Davos and Jon who just kicked her out of Winterfell who taunts her "I wondered why you weren't there to meet our guests" and she claims "I've done my part, I've brought ice and fire together" a le song of le ice and le fire except Jon doesn't really have anything to do with ice other than he worked in a cold place and fights against ice themed creatures but ok duuuude and Varys immediately deduces from her not meeting with them that there is bad blood between them and the Red Lady says "my time whispering in the ears of Kings has come to an end" taking a jab at how that's all he does but Varys doesn't believe it and teases "oh I doubt that, give us common folk a taste of power and we're like the lion that tasted man, nothing is ever so sweet again" and the Red Lady points out "neither of us is common folk anymore" and Varys bows in admittance to that and the Red Lady can't be fucked playing mindgames anymore and just admits she lost favor with Jon and Davos and he senses she's being honest and asks bluntly "why?" and she admits "I made mistakes, terrible mistakes" and claims she's going off to Volantis and Varys takes the opportunity to smugly tell her not to return to Westeros as "I'm not sure you'd be safe there" but the Red Lady is operating on a level of knowledge even above him and tells him "I will return one more time, I have to die in this strange country... just like you" implying she's seen a prophecy which rustles Varys jimbos and he sighs with anxiety as he looks down at Jon's ship in the water



then in Dany's throne room Jon and Davos are walked in by some Dothraki guards to see Dany sitting on her edgy throne and Jon's jaw drops like the gormless spanner he is as Missy does the insane title drop memes that have gotten all the way up to "you stand in the presence of Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, rightful heir to the Iron Throne, rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains" and Jon's eyebrows get higher and higher up his forehead as the list goes on and on lmao and he looks awkwardly at Davos who just blurts out "this is Jon Snow" and Jon stands there like an absolute twat hoping he'll add something else and Davos panics and adds "he's King in the North!" hahahaahahahah



and Tyrion struggles not to laugh and there's an awkward moment where Dany calls Jon Lord and Davos apologizes for his Flea Bottom accent (which is meant to be cockney but he sounds more Irish most of the time) clarifying that he's the KING and Dany is like u wot and Tyrion introduces Davos and Dany memes on him saying "the last King in the North was Torrhen Stark... who bent the knee to my ancestor Aegon Targaryen... do I have my facts wrong?" and Davos, having learnt pretty well how to deal with megalomaniacs just says "I wasn't there your grace" and Dany insists that that means Jon has to bend the knee too and Jon looks down depressed that they are already coming into conflict and tells her "I am not" and Dany's eyes light up as she might get the opportunity to have someone killed (an interesting thing to note is that Dany has never actually killed anyone herself, she always has others do it for her) and goes "...oh... well that is unfortunate" and grins creepily at him lmao I like how as Emilia Clark gets better at acting as the show goes on it's all put into making Dany seem unhinged the more power she gets and Jon just reminds her "your father burned my grandfather alive, he burned my uncle alive" wait so did Benjen survive that or did Ned have two brothers? or was Benjen a Tully? anyway Dany very begrudgingly admits "my father... was an evil man" and forces herself to ask for forgiveness and not judge her by him and argues that when the Targs were King and the Starks were Warden of the North Westeros had it's longest peace and goes wide eyed as she says "I am the last Targaryen Jon Snow" and asks again to bend the knee to "save this country from those who destroy it" wait I thought they used the term realm not country, lis at the writers forgetting their own terminology constantly and Jon looks around like he's starting to realize how off her rocker Dany is and says he wont judge her for her fathers crimes just like how he's not beholden to his ancestors vows and Dany struggles to keep calm as she asks "then why are you here?" and Jon tries to say they have a common enemy but Dany just looks angrily at Tyrion and asks "did you see three dragons flying overhead when you arrived? and did you see the Dothraki all of whom have sworn to kill for me?" and Jon memes "they're hard to miss" and Dany asks "but still I need your help?" and Davos explains "not to defeat Cersei" saying how Stannis almost took it and Tyrion points out "almost" and Jon points out she doesn't want civilian casualties so is at least better than Cersei but "you, I, Cersei and everyone else, we're children playing at a game, screaming that the rules aren't fair" and Dany gets extremely rustled at Dany not calling her Queen, bowing and now calling her a child and Tyrion tries to excuse it as a figure of speech and Jon can't believe this is the woman who's come to save the day and explains "Your Grace everyone you know will die before winter is over if we don't defeat the enemy to the North!" and Dany claims that's him and Jon drops "I am not your enemy, the dead are your enemy!" and Dany is like "....the dead? is that another figure of speech?" and looks at Tyrion like is this dude fucking autistic or what? and Jon drops the lore rundown for all the casual viewers who missed the previously on segment, Brans vision and The Hound's vision "the Army of the Dead is on the march" and Tyrion is like ya wot and Jon tells him he knows he's not a liar or a madman and insists "the Army of the Dead is real! the White Walkers are real! the Night Walker is real! I've seen! if they get past The Wall and we're squabbling amongst ourselves... we're finished" and Davos looks at Tyrion to let him know this is for real and Dany gives a big bitter rant about being born in this castle and fleeing from his father's best friend's assassins (very funny how this vital part of her life, the most formative and vast majority of it, has not been elaborated on at all, bravo DnD) and she starts marching towards Jon saying "I spent my life in foreign lands, so many men have tried to kill me, I don't remember all their names, I have been sold like a broodmare, I have been chained and betrayed, RAPED and defiled, do you know what kept me standing through all those years in exile? faith, not in any gods, not in myths and legends, IN MYSELF, in Daenerys Targeryen, the world had not seen dragons for centuries until my children were born... the Dothraki hadn't crossed the sea, any sea, they did for me, I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms... and I will" while staring him in the face with her big kawaii eyes simmering with dares for him to defy her so she can show him who she is



and Jon just replies to this big dramatic speech "you'll be ruling over a graveyard if we don't defeat the Night King" and seeing that Dany is about to kick off Tyrion tries to say "the war against my sister has already begun" and Davos tells Dany seeing that Jon isn't very good at big dramatic speeches "you don't believe him, I understand that, it sounds like nonsense" but appeals to her sense of destiny and argues that fate also brought Jon to providence, not because of birthright because he's a bastard, but because his men believe in him "all those things you don't believe in? he faced those things, he fought those things for the good of his people, he risked his life for his people, he took a knife in the heart for his people, he gave his own l-" but Jon glares at Davos and he shuts up realizing that claiming Jon was resurrected is not exactly going to make them sound any saner and Tyrion and Dany share a glance like they think they're fucking mental so Davos just tells them if they all die "it doesn't matter who's skeleton sits on the Iron Throne" well unless they get reanimated and can sit on it as a zombie and Tyrion argues if it doesn't matter then you might as well kneel" and if they defeat Cersei first they can go North but Jon snaps it takes no time and Tyrion tries to convince him it takes no time to bend the knee either and Jon snaps "I mean no offence Your Grave but I don't know you, as far as I can tell your claim to the Throne is your fathers name" and says his father fought against her father and he'll always be loyal to his Northern brothers and Dany gets a creepy smile with her eyes narrowing and says "that's fair............... it's also fair to point out I'm the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms" and accuses him of being in rebelion by calling himself King and then as she's about to kick off Varys comes running in to whisper something in her hear so she tells them they can go to their rooms and says something in Dothraki to her guard to take them away and Jon asks worried "am I your prisoner?" and Dany replies "not yet" and as soon as they're gone Varys gives the bad news about their Iron Fleet being almost entirely destroyed or captured with Ellaria, the Sand Snakes and Greyjoys also dead or captured and Dany asks "all of them?"



and we cut to Theon being pulled aboard... by some Iron Born... but it's his guys and they ask "your sister dead?" and Theon mumbles "Euron has her" and the gruff man asks "you saw him take her? but you got away?" accusing him of cowardice and Theon whimpers "I tried to save her, I tried" but the man knows "you wouldn't be here if you tried" and him and all the men just walk away losing all respect for Theon as he lays on the deck in a pile of damp patheticness

then in King's Landing with a big shit eating grin on his face EURON IS PARADING YARA THROUGH THE STREETS ON A COLAR AND LEAD LMAOOOO and some City Guard and his soldiers are escorting Elly and her daughter and civilians scream at her "murderer!" for poisoning their princess and Euron blows kisses to the women praising him lul and I notice one woman is clapping while holding some cabbage for some reason lol I guess to throw at the prisoners or something and ah yes here comes the rotten food as citizens scream "WHORES! TRAITOR!" at Elly in particular and Euron sighs "ah this is the life, look at them cheering for a Greyjoy!" and he yanks Yara closer and EURON TELLS HIS NIECE "I HAVE TO BE HONEST, THIS IS MAKING ME HARD! did you see Little Theon's face right before he jumped overboard? "oh nooooo!" hahaha! what a twat!"



and the crowd starts booing Elly angrily and A MAN SPITS IN ELLYS FACE, WOW EPIC SOME MORE PUBLICDISGRACE.COM PORNO NICE ONE DND and the Sand Snake endures having rotten food thrown at her while Yara goes mostly untouched as most of them don't even know who they are and Euron gets up to the Red Keep as they keep yelling "whores! whores! whores!" at them and then rides his horse straight into the Iron Throneroom like Tywin once did as the whole court claps for him and Elly looks up at The Mountain, or what used to be him, who crushed the love of her life's fucking head in front of her, who doesn't even react to her, and Euron gives Jaime a cheeky smile and then drags forward Elly and her daughter on a chain to Cersei and drops them in front of her and Euron says while looking at Jaime "I gave you what no other man could give: justice! justice for your murdered daughter!" me thinks Elly's own daughter is in for a bit of a rape and ELLY SPITS AT CERSEI'S THRONE and Cersei just smiles to see Elly is not even denying it and making it clear in front of everyone she's their enemy so she can do whatever she wants to her and Cersei gasps and has to steady her breathing almost as if she's... getting aroused, and while not taking her eyes off Elly she tells Euron he's a true friend of the crown and when he says "you deserve more than a true friend" not wanting to get stuck in the friendzone Cersei goes wide eyed at the aggrivation from this retard that she'll soon be able to take out on Elly and tells him "you deserve a reward for your heroism" and he whispers creepily "there's only one reward I want!" and Jaime looks super rustled as she grits her teeth and says "you shall have what your heart desires..... when the war is won" and then stands up announcing to her people "with Euron Greyjoy leading our naval forces and Jaime Lannister leading our armies the sons and daughters of Westeros will defend our country" and everyone cheers and claps having been whipped up into a terror over Dany's arrival



and Euron holds up his hand narcacistically and memes to Jaime "there's nothing quite like it is there? the love of the people... although I suppose you wouldn't know!" and Jaime reminds him "the same mob spat at my sister not long ago, and if you turn on us they'll cheer to see your head mounted on a spike" and Euron says with a huge smile "or yours! they just like severed heads really" and taunts him asking if he has any brotherly advise and Jaime asks "advise?" and Euron gets up in his face and asks "does she like it gentle... or rough? A FINGER IN THE BUM?" and when Jaime is about to tear his fucking face off in front of everyone he chides "shh shh shh shh not now we'll talk later!" and Jaime's actor does a great job of his eye twitching as he can barely restrain himself from stabbing this guy in the back as he strides off through the clapping crowd



then in a dank dungeon, uh oh, The Mountain is glaring down at Elly as Cersei villain monologues "I want you to know I understand, even though we're enemies you and I, I understand what drives you, I was there that day when Ser Gregor crushed your lovers head... I close my eyes... I can hear the sound of Oberyn's skull breaking..." and Elly grunts and flails at the chains binding her as Cersei recalls the gore again almost erotically oh muh baabyyyyy "the sound of your scream... I never heard a sound like that, I thought "that's true love!" Oberyn looked beautiful that day he really did, no one moved like him, no one had such skill with a spear, even Ser Gregor couldn't stop him!" and she looks up at The Mountain's soulless eyes under his helmet with a breathlessly tone as if the more desirable Oberyn was the better it was to see him died m-m-m-muh dickkkkk and Cersei points out "if only he hadn't taunted him, he could have walked away and left poor Ser Gregor to die... but that wasn't your lovers way was it? and now he's buried somewhere and here's Ser Gregor stronger than ever, that must be difficult for you..." and the smile leaves Cersei's pink lips (that's something I just thought of I bet make-up looked totally different in "those days" but is all very modern styled) as she starts ranting angrily "when my daughter was taken from me, my only daughter... well you can't imagine how that feels unless you've lost a child, I fed her at my own breast even though they told me to give her to the wet nurse... I couldn't bare to see her in another woman's arms, I never got to have a mother, but Myrcella did, she was mine, and you took her from me, why did you do that?!" and Elly just stares at her as she knows there's nothing she can say to save herself or her own daughter, nice emotional speech about a character we only got to see in like one scene with Cersei lul, and Cersei realizes "doesn't matter now..." and goes mischievously over to uhhh let me look this up, Tyene, and she is played by the same woman she just looked different from her long hair lmao, oh yeah this is le baaaad poooooosaaaay girl, and Cersei taunts "your daughter's a beauty too, those brown eyes... those lips... perfect Dornish beauty, I imagine she's your favourite, I know I know we're not supposed to have favourites but still we're only human.. we love who we love..." and Elly squirms about in anxiety as Cersei looks her daughter up and down and Cersei mocks "I'm sorry I can't understand you? the gag makes it impossible to understand what you're saying, it must be frustrating!" as Elly starts breaking down and trying to scream threats at Cersei (this TV trope of someone not being able to speak because there's a cloth tied through their mouth is retarded, in real life you can talk with like an entire ballgag between your lips by just yelling and it's understandable even if you can't make certain sounds) and she tells her "we all make our choices, you chose to murder my daughter, you must have felt powerful after you made that choice" and Elly lunges at Cersei in her chains shrieking and she just stands there and asks "do you feel powerful now?" staring at her inches from her face and then tells her "I don't sleep very well, not at all really, I lie in bed and stare at the canopy imagining ways to kill my enemies, how to destroy Ellaria Sand the woman who murdered my only daughter... I thought of having Ser Gregor crush your skull like he did Oberyn's, it would be poetic I suppose but fast too fast... I thought about having him crush your daughters skull... she's so beautiful... the thought of this lovely face cracking open like a duck egg, no, it's just not right!"



CERSEI KISSES TYENE



who gasps "mama!" and Elly starts crying and grunting as she realizes CERSEI USED POISON LIPSTICK ON HER ah that explains why she has extremly garrish pink lipstick lmao I thought she was gonna rape her or something and then Qyburn comes in and puts a gag on Tyene and Cersei wipes the lipstick off her lips uhhh where the antidote at and she says "Qyburn, he's the cleverest man I now, clever enough to learn what poison you used to murder Myrcella" and ah yes Qyburn hands her the antidote to The Long Ferewell and says it takes hours to days to take effect and Cersei's like "but death is certain?" and Qyburn says "oh yes Your Grace quite certain" as if he's just sharing a fun factoid with the women and Cersei kneels in front of Elly and tells the agonized woman



"your daughter will die here in this cell... and you will be here watching when she does, you'll be here the rest of your days... if you refuse to eat we'll force food down your throat... you will live to watch your daughter rot, to watch that beautiful face collapse to bone and dust... all the while contemplating the choices you've made, make sure the guards change the torches every few hours I don't want her to miss a thing" EDGY, I LIKE IT COUNT: 136



and Cersei walks out as Elly and Tyene tug on their chains to try to reach each other, very nice and edgy although it's hard to feel sorry for either of them since Elly was a completely unreasonably and belligerent retard who wanted to avenge the man who offered himself up for trial by combat and lost from his own ego and did so by killing an innocent 14 year old girl and her cringe queen daughter helped and supported her so like what were you expecting to happen when you killed the daughter of the most powerful army in the country lmao, so uhhh since I take it this is the last we see of the Dorne storyline uhhhhhhhhhhh what was the point of the Sand Snakes? they are built up to be such amazing assassins and they fail to do anything to Jaime and Bronn and kill one 15 year old boy rofl, wouldn't it have been cool to, like, send them to chase down Jaime and Bronn as they tried to get to Myrcella who's in some remote location so it's like a multi-episode chase and they kill the narratively useless Bronn at some stage and Jaime has to fight for survival with one-hand by himself to get to his daughter to show how much he loves his family or something? rather than one cringe-core shit fight in a courtyard with no consequences or meaning as Jaime could have just asked the King to send her back home and he'd have done it, or maybe send the Snakes to King's Landing and Jaime has to race them back there to protect Cersei? or send one of them to kill Jon to keep the Bolton's in power to better fuck over the Lannisters and Brie and Pod have to stop them? or send some to kidnap Tyrion and randsom him to Cersei? you know, literally anything related to assassination or an action orientated plot with these action assassin characters? there were fucking 8 of them mentioned come on, oh well rip these really lame characters



then we see Jaime taking off his golden hand and we finally see his stump again after like 3 seasons so they don't have to CGI out his real hand or have the actor put his arm behind his back or some shit and when Cersei comes in he downs his wine and goes to put his arm back on as he doesn't want to seem weak in front o her now Euron has made him feel cucked but Cersei just takes it off of him so he's not fiddling with it and Cersei goes to kiss Jaime, literally turned on from killing Elly's daughter in front of her, and Jaime says "no" but CERSEI KEEPS KISSING JAIME WTF NOW SHE'S THE ONE SEXUALLY ASSAULING HIM!!!



and just like a certain terrible scene from season 4 Jaime gives in and lets her kiss him and stands up to put his hand on the back of her head, the universal sign of consent as we all know, but Cersei pulls his hands away, drops to her knees, drops his pants, squeezes his ass and CERSEI STARTS SUCKING HER BROTHER OFF! INCEST, I LIKE IT COUNT: 10 UHHHHHH I HOPE SHE CLEANED THE POISON OFF HER LIPS REAL FUCKING WELL LMAO



then the morning after Jaime is watching Cersei sleep staring lovingly at her but a knock on the door wakes her up and he whispers "dont" but she kisses him and gets out of bed showing her b-boobies and gets a dressing gown on and Jaime asks "what are you doing? no one can see us like this" and Cersei says "I am the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms I'll do as I please" and CERSEI OPENS THE DOOR LETTING A YOUNG WOMAN SEE HER BROTHER NAKED IN HER BED and this woman is wearing some Hugo Boss looking get-up too idk what is with all the fashy fashion this season and she awkwardly says "forgive me Your Grace the visitor from Braavos has arrived" uh oh is it le Faceless Men time to fuc up the rest of the story? and Cersei tells her servent confidently "good and we'll need fresh sheets from the bed" and closes the door smiling that she can do whatever she wants now and Jaime lays back chuckling at the balls on his sister, based, legalize incest in Westeros now also note how in the start of the show it's a subtle twisted co-dependent relationship you rarely see on-screen but now Cersei goes on rants about how she loves her brother inside her and have blowjob scenes lul oh well it all got fucked up after the whole not-rape incident so rip



then it turns out the guest from Braavos is actually the (((Banker))) guy who of course turns down an offer of wine and he gives his condolences for *checks notes for Cersei's latest bereavement* Tommen's death but she gets down to buisness and the Banker compliments her on being the first Queen and "throwing off the yoke of superstician" aka doing 9/11 but Cersei over dramatically claims it was a tragic accident and the Banker smarms "indeed, but sometimes tragedies are necessary" and Cersei just sums up "the Iron Bank wants it's gold back" and he compares her to her father's frankness and points out she's fighting a multi-front war and Cersei reminds him "god wins wars" and he sums up why they can't win with the Tyrells as their enemy and Cersei realizes "the Iron Bank wants to bet on a winner" this whole gambling on wars thing is a bit of a meme since like wtf do they do now with Stannis's debt since he's fucking dead due to losing his war and immolated his only remaining known relative lmao and the Banker insists they don't bet, they invest, and Cersei tells him she's cut the head off the Dornish snake and owns the Narrow Sea but he corrects her that it's Euron that does and wooden ships cant stand up to dragon fire and Cersei turns Dany back around on him asking how are his profits now that Dany freed all the slaves and asks "in your experience how do bankers usually fare with revolutionaries?" #OCCOPY THE IRON BANK and reminds him of her favorite epic meme "a Lannister always pais their debts, do former slaves or Dothraki or dragons?" and he gets a satisfied smile and tells her "you're your father's daughter indeed!" and she swears to him she'll pay him back within a fortnite (after she just flosses on a few more noobs skins)



then on a cliff with a lovely view Tyrion walks up to Jon and jokes about how "I came up here to brood about my failure to predict the Greyjoy attack, you're making it very difficult, you look a lot better brooding than I do, you make me feel like I'm failing about brooding over failing" as Jon maddogs the sea itself and he starts bitching about how he cant leave now they've seized his ship and Tyrion tries to downplay him being a prisoner and talk him into helping them and Jon snaps "it's hard for me to fathom it really is! if someone told me about the White Walkers and the Night King........... you probably don't believe me" as he realizes he wouldn't believe it either if he hadn't seen it lmao and Tyrion claims he does believe in them now that Jon claims he and a decent man like Mormont claim they saw them and Jon asks how to convince people and Tyrion tells him "peoples minds aren't made for problems that large, it's almost a relief to confront a comfortable familiar monster like my sister" which is a wee bit of pottery comparing the Night King to global warming again since people would rather bitch about that one ruler they don't like in their own country than deal with issues on a global scale that just stresses them out to try and conceive of it and Jon asks him to be able to leave for the sake of his people but Tyrion tells him not to give up and Jon says everyone was right about him following in Ned's footsteps falling into dumbass traps but Tyrion reminds him "children are not their father, thankfully for both of us" and assures him that Dany really is a good person and spent years liberating slaves and to waste some more time in the pacing he suggests he goes and talks to all the people she's saved and reminds him they have more in common than it might seem as they both want to protect the innocent from monsters and Tyrion awkwardly asks if he needs any help



and then we cut to Tyrion asking Dany for Dragonglass but she's like wtf is this dipshit on about but since it's him asking she takes it seriously and Tyrion explains the vague mythology behind how dragonglass can kill the White walkers or their minions or whatever and Dany asks if he really believes him and he says he'd like to think he was wrong but quotes a wise man saying you can't refuse to believe something just because you want to and Dany catches him "are you trying to present your own statements as ancient wisdom?" and he's like "......I would never do that........ to you" lol and argues Jon must be for real if he risks himself to be there and there's no down side to letting him waste his time mining dragonglass and the upside is he owes Dany now and Dany remembers what Davos said about him taking a knife to the heart and Tyrion tries to excuse it as a flight of fantasy, probably knowing it's real but not trusting Dany with the power of +1 lives since she's already mental enough

then on the steps leading up to the castle Dany is watching her two smaller dragons casually flying over the sea to the mainland to hint and Jon comes down saying "amazing thing to see" and she explains "I named them for my brothers, Viserys and Rhaegar" oh yeah and I guess she named Drogon after uh being a dragon great work and talks to him about how he's lost two brothers too and says some dumb shit about reexamining what you think you know since dragons are back as if he doesn't know for a fact his brothers are dead lol and he calls her out for repeating Tyrion's shit and she says he loves talking since "we all like what we're good at" and Jon enters super brooding mode and growls "I don't" which is I guess killing motherfuckers and Dany assures him she will take the Iron Throne and rule the North but Jon still refuses to bow and it gets super awkward so Dany tells him he can mine the dragonglass there and sad music comes on as Jon asks if she believes him but she just says "you'd better get to work Jon Snow" as she's just trying to play him but looks after him thinking twice



then in Winterfell all the civilians are milling about stocking the place up for winter Sasna asks how much they have and one of the Lord says a year, and she asks what the longest winter has been in the last 100 year, but the maester doesn't know, and Sansa points out they don't have anywhere near enough food as Winterferll is the best tactical spot in the North and everyone will flee there if it kicks off and orders them to take more food from local Lords assuring them they can either come there to use it or just have it back if nothing happens so they know they can defend one position for sure which the Lord says is very wise and then she orders him to tell their blacksmiths to add leather to their armor for when the real cold comes and CIA compliments her "command suits you" but she just ignores him and he starts trying to scare her about Cersei but Sansa mocks him for trying to explain "that the woman who murdered my mother, father and brother is dangerous? thank you for your wise counsel" and CIA tries to argue that it doesn't matter for anyone if the dead win but if they don't then it'll be Cersei coming for them and tells her some dank ass shit "fight every battle everywhere, always, in your mind, everyone is your enemy, everyone is your friend... every possible series of events is happening all at once, live that way and nothing will surprise you, everything that happens will be something that you've seen before" which is actually great life advise and most people's problems comes from not being able to think long term and figure out things like yeah maybe I shouldn't have lots of casual sex without protection, get drunk every weekend, not think about where all my dysfunctional relationships are leading or whatever dumb shit normies do and visualizing things is a very good way to prepare yourself for stressful situations if you just picture it all going well or to remind yourself not to be too complacent by imagining how something that's easy for you going wrong and I guess plays into the kinda theme about determinism where according to Bran's POV everything's pre-determined and he can simply perceive more of it than most people but at least in his mind palace CIA sees multiple outcomes



and Sansa just stares at him getting worried that she wants to fuck over a guy so cunning but then a man comes and calls her to the gate and CIA gives himself a cheeky smirk like he loves being so smug and Sansa rushes to see a crowd gathering in concern as she finds... BRAN IS FINALLY BACK AT WINTERFELL and Sansa looks super shook to see her little brother so grown up and Bran just says blankly "hello Sansa" and Sansa rushes to hug him but Bran just sits there unemotionally as if he's already been following everything she was doing with his new abilities anyway



then in what I only just realized is a private forest cordoned off from the rest of the world beside Winterfell with that big holy white tree in it Sansa is telling Bran she wishes Jon were still there and Bran says blankly "yes I need to speak to him" and Sansa points out that now he's the Lord of Winterfell but he tells her he can't be as he's the Three-Eyed Raven and Sansa is like u wot m8 and he says "it means I can see everything, everything that's every happened to everyone, everything that is happening right now" lmao Bran is like an isekai protagonist who was a GoT fanboy who's read all the books and knows everyones extremely elaborite backstory and got transported to Westeros now watch him not use this extremely overpowered ability to help them defeat their enemies and Sansa looks concerned as this is similar to what CIA was saying but not just trying to predict things but actually seeing them and he explains "it's all pieces now, fragments, I need to get better at seeing, when the Long Night comes again... I need to be ready" and looks at the face on the tree and Sansa asks wtf is going on and Bran is like "the Three-Eyed Raven told me... I know it's difficult to explain" in his monotone voice



and then suddenly says "I'm sorry for all that's happened to you, I'm sorry that it had to happen here in our home" and Sansa realizes he aint just crazy and actually is omnipotent as he goes "it was so beautiful that night... snow falling... just like now... and you were so beautiful... in your white wedding dress" and Sansa gets super shook as BRAN DESCRIBES WATCHING HER GETTING RAPED WITH HIS ASTRAL PROJECTION and says she needs to get inside and runs off and Bran just sits there saying "I'll stay a little longer" as his sister leaves her disabled brother sitting in the snow alone lmao great work



then in the Citadel the archmaester is examining Jorah who has had all his scales removed and some sort of ointment applied by poking him with a stick but Jorah isn't flinching at all and has his normal skin back despite some discoloration and he asks "does it work?" and Jorah says "a bit, but less than before" seeming very happy and the maester says "the infection appears to no longer be active" and Jorah sighs in relief and the maester says "unusual, unlikely" and deduces his exposed skin was treated with "some sort of unguent" and Jorah claims "don't know anything about that, I just started feeling better, I assumed it was the rest that did it... and the climate" and Sam looks relieved that Jorah remembered to cover or him and the maester doesn't buy it but tells him "you're free to go, this chamber is needed for the infected which you are no longer" and Jorah hangs his head in relief but the maester calls Sam away and he asks "how bad is it?" not wanting this nice man who saved him to get in trouble over him and Sam just asks what he'll do now and Jorah talks about how he gave up hope as soon as he saw his arm but Dany was the one who saved him so now he owes her... and Sam his life, and Sam tells him "your father saved me more than once, it's the least I could do" and Jorah gives a little smile as he realizes his father protected him one last time even if he didn't mean or want to, pottery and tells him "perhaps our paths will cross again" and Sam tells him "I hope they do" and then dares to shake his hand and Jorah cant believe he trusts him to touch him and shakes his hand with both hands overjoyed that he can have human contact again then with the archmaester he's grilling Sam for treating Jorah despite his orders not to telling him it was for his own safety and the safety of the Citadel... but asking him how the fuck he managed such a dangerous precise procedure when everyone else failed and Sam just said "I read the books and followed the instructions?" and the maseter commends him for saving Jorah's life and tells him he should be proud and Sam nods bashfully and thanks him as the archmaester gives him his next task of making copies of all these rotting books and when Sam looks rustled he chides him that his only reward is not being immediately expelled from the Citadel and warns him that the paper mites like flesh too lul, well that was a bit disappointing I was expecting Jorah to have an epic quest but just coincidentally Sam can somehow follow a guide accurately enough when none of the other smartest people in the country who have far more medical experience than him can do it, I was expecting Sam to at least have to go do something hard to get the ointment or something, doesn't really make much sense that the instructions are right there in the biggest library in the world with the smartest people in the world but only Sam can read them lmao but whatever



then in Dragonstone the now much smaller counsel at Dany's war table, wait where is Lady Tyrell I'm scared for her, well Dany is saying they need to go light up Euron's fleet but Varys warns her against risking more ships but she implies it'll be the dragons and Varys looks worried at Tyrion who asks if she'd have to go herself flying around the open seas for who knows how long and Dany snaps "I wouldn't be alone" insisting no one can defeat her dragons but Missy points out she's not so invulnerable and Tyrion tells her it's too risky and Varys updates her on the Unsillied arriving in Casterly Rock soon and Tyrion warns her that Cersei knows they're coming and that Tyrion would know to attack there so they'll be ready and then we finally see the Lannister home castle Casterly Rock



as Tyrion says "no one has ever taken the rock" and talking about how Tywin's army is still the best in the country and there will be 10K men there as we see men in their red uniforms flock to the ramparts to arm their bows as they see Dany's huge fleet arriving and we see Grey Worm putting on his badass helmet ready to make land as we see the men stack up on rocks and then open fire on shield formations of Unsullied marching on the walls and Tyrion's voice over goes "the gates o Casterly Rock are impregnable" as we see Unsullied falling to the arrows but them managing to get bamboo ladders on the wall but as they climb up they get rocks and arrows rained down on them as Tyrion says his father predicted waves would die on those walls but then adds that while he built his army from scratch and that castle from ruin... "he didn't build the sewers, that was beneath him, so he gave the job to the lowest person he could find: me" uh oooooooooh and Tyrion admits he designed the sewers with a secret passage way to sneak in prostitutes for himself lmao



and we see the Unsullied using that secret entrance to get under and inside the fortress and we see them sneaking around like some MGS shit taking people out with stealth kills and Tyrion quotes Bronn saying "as a good friend once said: give me 10 good men and I'll impregnate the bitch"



as we see the stealth team simply open the front door for their comrades and THE UNSULLIED ARMY SWARM IN AS THE ENTIRE CASTLE FILLS UP LIKE A MOSHPIT OF THEM FIGHTING THE LANNISTER SOLDIERS SLITTING THEIR THROATS AND RAMMING THEM THROUGH WITH SPEARS



AND GREY WORM RUNS UP TO THE SECOND FLOOR SOLOING EVERY CUNT IN HIS WAY AND WHEN A GUY RUNS UP BEHIND HIM HE JUST THROWS HIS SPEAR THROUGH THE GUYS CHEST PINNING HIM TO A DOOR



as Tyrion explains the Lannister army fights for their Queen out of fear but the Unsullied fight for the Queen out of love for freeing them, and then after the batle is over Grey Worm and his boys step over the ramparts that are completely swamped in dead bodies as his man tells him they're all done and Grey Worm is confused saying "there are meant to be more than this... much more" and looks out at sea to see DANY'S FLEET UNDER BOMBARDMENT BY EURON GREYJOYS FLEET uhhhh right so an entire fleet snuck up on their fleet and no one in the caslte saw or heard this...... ebin... and Grey Worm grabs a dead guy and demands to know where the rest of his men are but the dude is long gone



and we cut to see where the rest of the Lannister army is marching in a massive formation of shieldmen and archers and cavalry that Jaime rides through to command the front of with Lord Tarly and Bronn behind him as they march on....



s... some castle we haven't seen before? and why is it literally in the middle of nowhere, don't castles have to have towns around them to supply them with food and shit?



and we pan up to see... LADY TYRELL, IT'S THE HANGING GARDENS BEING INVADED



and she looks sad and goes back inside as the Lannisters effortlessly take the castle and Jaime marches through the sea of dead bodies being sorted through and struts through the corridors his men now control and walks into Olenna's room and she sighs "it's done" and Jaime confirms "it is" and she quotes probably the Rains of Castimere or something I'm too lazy to look up at this stage "and now the rains weep o'er our halls" and she exasperatedly asks "did we fight well?" and Jaime looks around awkward and says "as best as can be expected" and she admits "it was never our forte, golden roses indeed" and Jaime pours himself a wine and Olenna tells him "your brother and the new Queen thought you would be defending Casterly Rock" and Jaime admits "the truth is Casterly Rock isn't worth much anymore... well it is to me, but my fond childhood memories won't keep Cersei on the throne" and explains they won't be able to hold it without their fleet and no supplies left for them and Olenna says "so you took your real army to where they weren't" and Jaime says "as Robb Stark did to me at Whispering Wood, there are always lessons in failures" and Olenna gives one of her classic quips "yes, you must be very wise by now" fucking rekkkkkkkttttttttt and Jaime just admits "my father always said I was a slow learner" and Olenna asks "if he was so clever... why didn't he take Highgarden the moment your gold mines ran dry? I suppose I'll be able to ask him myself soon enough, no more learning from my mistakes eh? how will you do it? with that sword? that was Joffrey's sword wasn't it, not that he ever used it..." ah I was wondering where that went, funny how he gave his own to Brie and she thought it was such an honor for him to give up this rare metal but then he just too Joffrey's old one lmao, I was just reading about how when Joffrey asked the crowd what to name it the man who yells out "Stormbringer!" is a reference to another fantasy book series about all the people to use one legendary sword called that, not to be confused with Thor's new hammer Stormbreaker and they talk about the same thing "what did he call it?" and Jaime says awkwardly "Widow's Wail" as he knows what a cringy incel thing to call your sword that is and Olenna sighs "he really was a cunt wasn't he?" and Jaime just smiles at her in agreement lmaoooo and Olenna says "I did unspeakable things to protect my family or watched them being done on my orders, I never lost a night's sleep over them, they were necessary, and whatever I imagined necessary for the safety of House Tyrell I did, but your sister has done things... I was incapable of imagining... that was my prize mistake, a failure of imaginzation" very obviously repeating what CIA was saying as the writers try to force a theme on us and she tells him bluntly "she's a monster you do know that?" and Jaime smarms "to you? I'm sure, to others as well... but after we've one and there's no one left to oppose us, when people are living peacefully in the wold she built do you really think they'll wring their hands over the way she built it?" and Olenna looks at him like he's a silly little boy for saying this ends justify the means shit since obviously in real life the means never actually arrive and realizes "you love her, you really do love her, you poor fool, she'll be the end of you" and Jaime admits "possibly... not much to be gained from discussing it with you though is there?" and Olenna proposes "who better to discuss it with? what better guarantee could you have that the things you say will never leave this room?" unless of course he doesn't plan on killing her and she sighs "but perhaps you're right, if she's driven you this far it's gone beyond your control" trying to play off his need for asserting himself but Jaime just says "yes... it has" and looks sadly at her and Olenna tells him "she is a disease, I regret my role in spreading it, you will too" and Jaime gets uncomfortable and snaps "I think we're done here" and stands up Olenna perks up as if she's almost excited to see how her life ends and asks again "how will it happen?" and Jaime tells her "Cersei had several ideas: whipping you through the streets and beheading you in front of the Red Keep... flaying you alive and hanging you from the walls of King's Landing..."



and Olenna looks off into the distance lookingly worried that she'll die hard but Jaime says "I talked her out of those"... and pops open a little bottle's cork and adds it to her wine and slides it towards her... and Olenna smiles that there is some honor left in him and maybe her final words will be able to work and carry on her memes even if her genes are gone and she asks "will there be pain?" and Jaime assures her "no, I made sure of that" and Olenna just says "that's good" and OLENNA DOWNS THE POISONED WINE IN ONE GO



and puts her hands to her lips in disbelief what she's just done but decides to go out with one last epic dab on the haters and smiles to Jaime saying "I'd hate to die like your son... clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth, eyes bloodred, skin purple... must have been horrible for you, as a Kingsguard, as a father" and Jaime just stands there waiting for her to be done allowing her one last angry rant before she passes but Onella taunts "it was horrible enough for me, a shocking scene, not at all what I intended, you see I never had seen the poison work before..." and Jaime bricks it as she admits to murdering his first born son (inb4 that poison was fake and this is a ruse to get her to confess but that would be clever writing so never mind) and Olenna puts down the glass and whispers to him "tell Cersei, I want her to know it was me" and then just stares at him waiting for the poison to kick in and Jaime gets super shook that he can't exactly take revenge on a woman who he just mercy killed and storms out leaving Olenna sitting there satisfied she got to give one last big fuck you to this world she'd lost respect for long ago, fucking rip Olenna she was such a great character since she's le strong female character but she actually gets to be old which is usually only allowed for male characters like Tywin and all the older male characters since American's kill themselves if they see a postmenopausal woman on their TV





Game of Thrones 7x04: "The Spoils of War"
Arya's shounen anime special edition
First aired: August 6, 2017

we open on the massive Lannister army pulling out of Highgarden, where maybe Olenna shouldn't have returned to and stayed on Dragonstone lol, when Jaime stops one of the wagons taking all the Tyrell's gold away so he can grab a gold to finally pay Bronn who asks him why he's so mad and Jaime just ignores him but Bronn keeps prodding and Jaime tells him "I'll save my confession for the High Septon" and Bronn reminds him "there is no more High Septon" and Jaime reminds him "no there isn't is there" as a threat and Bronn keeps prying for more rewards and asks for Highgarden and Jaime warns him Dany could attack it at any day and it'll just waste his money to upkeep and Bronn taunts him for taking money right now but Jaime says it all has to go Iron Bank and Bronn whines for more gold so Jaime tells him "Bronn of the Blackwater, formerly of... whatever nameless shit heap you're from, with a saddlebag full of gold complaining about not being paid" and tells him he can have any castle he wants but Bronn chides "ah yes I'm sure Queen Cersei's rule will be quiet and peaceful" and Jaime says "eh stranger things have happened" and Bronn asks "like what?" and Jaime can't think of anything lmao and then he orders Bronn to go help the Tarly soldiers "motivate reluctant farmers to hand over their harvest" as they need to stock up on food and Bronn gets the implication and rides off with Lord Tarly and his twat son to go shake down some poor serfs



and then with the (((Banker))) I just learned from the subtitles is called Tycho is complimenting Cersei for repaying him so much all at once which has never happened even with his bank before and Cersei just wants him to fuck off already as this guy rants on about how he is merely an agent of his institutions flawless understanding of arithmetic so she just stands up and walks over to pour herself a drink and tells him the gold is on it's way and Tycho admits his colleges will be disappointed as they were enjoying the interest she was racking up and offers to do more business together and she talks about how Qyburn is considering hiring the Golden Company mercs and Tycho vouches for them saying they've helped him recover funds before which Cersei likes the sound of and Tycho promises her their support... "as soon as the gold arrives" and Cersei stares slightly annoyed at him like she's calculating if she can murder him yet or not as she's gone full edgequeen

then in Winterfell we see CIA offering Bran a knife... "the last man who wielded it tried to cut your throat but your mother fought him off" but Bran just sits there until CIA really pushes it on him to take and CIA claims "the other dagger, the one that took her life, I would have stopped that dagger with my own heart if I could have" and says he's here to protect her children for her and offers to do anything he asks and Bran asks "do you know who this belongs to?" and CIA smiles "no, that very question was what started the War of the Five Kings" and sums up everything that happened to Bran because of that knife's owner being unknown and Bran just runs his finger along it and CIA hands him the sheath before he hurts himself and CIA starts talking about how much he must have seen and how hard it is to come home to chaos but Bran looks him right in the eyes, and us right in the eyes as he looks at the camera, and says "CHAOS IS A LADDER"



having a memory from, well, everything, relating to CIA triggered by that word and then Bran's face falls as he starts to be able to sort through more information relating to CIA's time in King's Landing and CIA fucking bricks it as he realizes he somehow knows his secrets like BRAN?



when Meera comes in and CIA says "sorry to disturb you Lord Stark" but he just says "I'm not Lord Stark" and he just runs off awkwardly and Meera asks "what's that?" pointing to his... chair that has wheels on it... and Bran says "Maester Wolkan built it for me so I can move around more easily" LMAO THE MAESTER JUST INVENTED THE FIRST WHEELCHAIR NICE ONE and Meera says "that's a very good idea!" but then Bran somehow already knows "you're leaving" and Meera says she doesn't want to but has to protect the rest of her family and he's as safe as anyone can be right now so doesn't need her protecting him and he just coldly says "no I don't" and Meera can't believe "that's all you've got to say?" and Bran tries "thank you, for helping me" in a slightly less monotone voice and she steps forward whining "my brother died for you, Hodor and Summer died for you, I almost died for you... Bran" and Bran admits "I'm not really... not anymore" and Meera starts crying as he explains "I remember what it felt like to be Brandon Stark, but I remember so much else now" and Meera accepts "you died in that cave" bringing back le theme of identity as Bran hasn't lost his own memories but has gained so much new information he is a radically different person as he has access to be able to intimately witnessed millions of people dying just like his friends did so it doesn't really have an emotional impact anymore as if he'd gone off to war for years in an instant and Meera goes to leave crying and gives him one last look but realizes her friend is long gone and leaves and Bran looks out the window probably knowing he would have been sad before all this, bye Meera I guess although I assume we'll see her family and maybe her father who maybe was crippled in that fight with Ned in the flashback so had to send her and her brother to go help Bran on his ebin quest although maybe that was just coincidence and it was all her brothers idea and she just peaces out here



then we see a figure on a horse on a hill overlooking Winterfell and we see... it's Arya, finally back home too, ah I thought it was the zombie uncle whos name I already forgot



and she just walks up to the front gate as two guards argue about if one of them fucked a kitchen maid or not and when he sees Arya he goes "ey up, where you going?" in a thick northern accent and Arya says "in there, I live there" and the fat guard scoffs "fuck off" thinking she's joking just like what happened to her back in King's Landing since she looks like such a little street urchin at all times and she insists "I'm Arya Stark, this is my home" and they just laugh at her and snort and tell her "Arya Stark's dead" and she asks to see the old Maester or Ser Rodrick but they don't even recognize those names so she tells them to go ask Jon Snow and they tell her he's a thousand miles away and one of them feels bad for this girl who's probably just trying to con her way in there to survive but tells her "look, it's cold and we're busy, so you best just fuck off" looking down sorry at her and his mate grunts and Arya asks who's in charge then and when the fat one glares at her and says "you tell us, you're the one impersonating her sister" and when she demands to see Sansa he says "for the last time: fuck. off." and goes to shove her but ARYA DARTS OUT THE WAY AND THE MAN STARES IN CONFUSION AT HIS HAND LIKE SOME ANIME SHIT



and Arya threatens she'll get in one way or another and if it turns out she's for real they'll be in trouble with Sansa so they give in and escort her in and warn her to stay sitting while they go get Sansa but they argue which one embarrasses themselves by going to tell their Lady about some scam artist as Arya sits there looking around filled with nostalgia for her home she left 7 fucking years ago and smiles when she sees the direwolf sigil meanwhile the fat guy is threatening to beat up his friend if he doesn't go tell her but then they look over and see... Arya is gone lmao, then they have to go anxiously tell Sansa what happened and when she hears the names of the old residents Arya asked for she smiles knowing it was really her sister and where she must be, then we see Arya staring at the statue of Jon in the crypt when... Sansa finally finds her sister... and Arya asks without even looking at her "do I have to call you Lady Stark now?" and Sansa says with a straight face "yes" and when she finally gets Arya to look at her she smiles and SANSA GIVES ARYA A BIG HUG



and starts chiding her like a big sister already "you shouldn't have run from the guards" but Arya boasts "I didn't run, you need better guards" and Sansa chuckles knowing it really is her obnoxious sister back and Arya tells her Lady Stark suits her and Sansa tells her Jon's heart will probably stop when he sees her and they both look over at Ned's statue and Arya says "it doesn't look like him, should have been carved by someone who knew his face" and Sansa sighs "everyone who knew his face is dead" but Arya reminds her "we're not" and they share a smile as they've both become great at surviving in their own ways and Arya asks "they say you killed Joffrey, had you?" and Sansa says "I wish I had" and Arya says "me too, I was angry when I heard someone else had done it... however long my list got he was always first" and Sansa is like "your list?" and Arya tells her "the list of people I'm going to kill" and Sansa laughs thinking she's just joking and Arya lets herself laugh too at how silly it is and trying not to scare her sister how much of a real nigga she is now and Sansa asks "how did you get back to Winterfell?" and she just says "it's a long story, I'm sure yours is too" and Sansa sighs "or a pleasant one" and Arya says "mine either... but our stories aren't over yet" and gives her sister a confident look and Sansa returns the favor "no, they're not" and Arya gives her a big hug and Sansa tells her "Arya... Bran's home too..." and Arya sighs with relief but then sees Sansa is worried about it



then we see under the holy white tree Bran is sitting by himself in his wheelchair with no Hodor to carry him and with a wolf skin pelt on his lap with no Summer to comfort him ;_; when Sansa brings Arya to him and he tries to act nice saying "you came home" like an autist but Arya gives him a hug immediately and he looks over at Sansa as if he's apologising for not being his old self and Sansa just chuckles that him caring at all means there's still some of him in there and he tells his sister "I saw you at the crossroads" and Arya cant understand "you saw me?" and Sansa explains "Bran has... visions" and Bran brings up her going to kill Cersei and Sansa realizes she aint fucking joking about her list and asks "who else is on your list" and Arya says smugly "most of them are dead already" and Sana smiles approvingly like her sister might be a killer now but she fucking likes it and Bran gets out the dagger and Arya realizes "Littlefinger is here?" thankfully for CIA not knowing how involved he was with her father's death and Bran explains why he gave it to him and Arya recognizes the material and asks why some random cutthroat would have a Valyrian steel dagger hmmmmmm maybe Bran can fuck up a White Walker with it and Bran stares at it and says "someone very wealthy must have wanted me dead" as he tries to parse through his access to everything ever to find the answer and Sansa warns them "he's not a generous man, he wouldn't give you anything unless he thought he was getting something back" hmmm maybe CIA really didn't send that assassin and he gave it to Bran so he'd tell him who did now he has physic powers and Bran autistically says "it doesn't matter, I don't want it" and gives it to Arya saying "it's wasted on a cripple" and she takes it from him and starts to tear up how much she missed her lovely little brother, then the three surviving legitimate Stark children return to Winterfell together



and Brie looks on happy and and Pod, who's looking quite mature with a ingrowing beard, and assures his Lady "Catelyn Stark would be proud... you kept your vow" and Brie admits "I did next to nothing" lmaooooo nah she saved Sansa that was one good thing and Pod tells her "you're too hard on yourself my Lady" and Brie snaps "I'm not a-!" but catches herself and tries to be nice saying "thank you Podrick" getting a smile from him, then we see CIA spying on all this as a bird squawks which could very well be controlled by Bran for all we know



then in Dragonstone Dany is walking with Missy down the steps discussing how there's no word or the Unsullied since Dany can tell Missy is worried about Grey Worm and they have a little gossip session smiling to each other as she hints they've been sexually intimate but then Jon turns up and Dany waves off her Dothraki guard and follows him to a cave Davos is waiting outside of to show them the Dragonglass before they start mining



and they go into this dark cave and Jon lights a fire as Dany stares up in wonder at this black glass like substance filling up the cave system and Jon cheers "this is it, all we'll never need!" but has one more thing to show her, and we see her squeezing her way further into the cave system with just Jon who shows her these ancient carvings on the wall and explains "the children of the forest made these" and Dany asks "when?" as she studies them in wonder seeing odd circle patterns around each other like what Sam saw in the book in the Maester's secret section that seems to be doing with planetary alignments and Jon just guesses "a long time ago" and Dany stares in amazement of how ancient their culture was, maybe even before men, as she looks up at... IS THAT A FUCKING CROP CIRCLE? WE ABOUT TO GET AAAYYYY LMAO UP IN THIS BITCH? lmao imagine how dank it would be if that was the final episode, the Night King is like oh well back to my homeplanet and steps on a flying sauser and starts firing laser beams at them lol



but Jon takes her to another carving and showing the children of the forrest and humans together and she asks if they were fighting each other and Jon takes her to another and says "no, they fought together against a common enemy" as he illuminates AN ANCIENT CARVING DEPICTING THE NIGHT KING AND HIS WHITE WALKERS ah I guess the White Walkers already existed and the elf people just knew how to create them and used them as weapons against the invading humans, or maybe they got out of hand like every story ever told about escaped super soldiers and had to put their differences with humans aside to battle their creations, I far prefer the first idea since I like the idea of the older something is the more powerful (even though in real life that's not how it works and newer civilisations annihilate older civilisations over and over again lmao) since if they were made by the elves then it makes you wonder why can't the elves just stop them, and Jon waxes poetically about how despite their differences and suspicious they worked together and they need to do the same thing as "the enemy is real, it's always been real" and DAny looks at him seriously as she realizes this shit is actually not a meme (although it'd be funny if Jon and Davos literally just carved those figures right now to trick her lmaooooooo)



and she clarifies that he can't defeat them without her and he admits he can't so she steps forward and promises "I will fight or you, I will fight for the North" and Jon looks super pumped but then she adds "when you bend the knee" and Jon looks awkward and tries to say "my people... won't accept a southern ruler, not after everything they've suffered" YEAH FUCK ENGLAND, FREE SCOTLAND NOW but she says they will if he does and he needs to put his pride aside, thought she was going to ask him to marry her or something, then the party leaves the cave to find Tyrion and Varys with the mad news about the current situation, and Dany is super pissed and marches back to her castle along the beach as Davos tries to take the opportunity to weasel their way home but Dany snaps "you will stay! all my allies are gone! they've been taken from me while I sit here on this island!" and Tyrion tries to erasure her her army is still bigger but Dany points out with no fucking food and he recommends they need to just commit to blockading KL but Dany reminds her that "your strategy has lost us Dorne, the Iron Islands and the Reach" fucking rekt you dumb twat although surely there's still people in Dorne who'd back her or I guess they'd just be too scared and the other 5 Sand Snakes are like yeah no thanks lul and Tyrion tries to talk his way out of it but Dany snaps "our enemies? your family you mean!" and accuses him of being soft and Jon looks around super awkward but then they hear the dragons screeching in the distance so Dany says fuck it dude and says she'll just ride her dragons to the Red Keep and light em all up which Tyrion says would risk her so Dany demands of Jon what she should do and he tries to slip out of it but she insists so he says her people believe in her to make the impossible possible because of her fantastical dragons including making a new world different from the shit one they've always known and Varys and Missy both look on in agreement as former abuse victims empowered by Dany but he tells her "but if you use them to melt castles and burn cities you're not different, you're just more of the same" showing he's the moral voice the bloodthirsty Dany desperately needs and she looks out as her scary dragons knowing he's right



then in Winterfell Brie and Pod are training again with her tripping him up and telling him "don't lunge" and a frustrated Pod tries again seemingly pushing Brie back but she just trips him again saying "don't go where your enemy leads you" and Arya walks up to watch as Brie effortlessly punches poor Pod in the stomach dropping him again and she goes to say "and don't" but Arya butts in "don't fight someone like her in the first place" giving the same advice she gave The Hound that you sometimes just need to fight dirty to win and Brie looks mad at first but turns to see her charge looking quite the little fashy diva herself and compliments "nice sword, and very nice dagger" and Arya takes out her new Valyrian steel blade and flips it around fancy in her hand to hand it to Brie and we see Sansa moaning to CIA about the newcomers not bringing enough food when she stops mid sentence seeing Arya talking to Brie wondering how they'll get on and Arya asks to train and Brie offers to go get the proper master of arms for her but Arya smiles and says "he didn't beat The Hound, you did, I want to train with you" reminding her it's her sworn duty and CIA smiles to Sansa proud of what a little manipulator Arya has become so Brie nods to a smiling Pod who hopes someone can finally beat Brie to move out the way and when Arya takes out Needle Brie chides "you can't use that my lady it's too small" and Arya promises "I won't cut you don't worry" and Brie smiles at how cocky this like 16 year old girl is and says back "I'll try not to" and Brie pokes her sword at her but ARYA DEFLECTS BRIES SWORD AND INSTANTLY HAS HER BLADE TO HER NECK



and Brie instantly realizes Arya is a real nigga and Arya flips her blade behind her back smiling playfully and BRIE SLICES HER SWORD AT ARYA'S HEAD AND SHE JUST WEAVES OUT THE WAY LIKE ITS NOTHING SO BRIE REALLY PUTS HER BACK INTO IT CHOPPING DOWN AT HER BUT ARYA JUST BENDS OVER OUT THE WAY LIKE SHE'S NEO IN THE MATRIX DODGING BULLETS AND INSTANTLY DEFLECTS HER SWORD OUT THE WAY, WHACKS BRIE'S HAND OFF HER SWORD AND TAPS HER THIGH SHOWING SHE COULD HAVE DISABLED HER EFFORTLESSLY



and Brie recoils in shock at how amazing Arya is and strides back out as Pod watches slack jawed at what's happening and so does CIA and Sansa and ARYA AND BRIE START DUELLING BUT ARYA JUST TWISTS AROUND LETTING HER BLADE TAP BRIE'S INNER THIGH WHICH COULD HAVE KILLED HER WITH JUST A LITTLE NICK AND BRIE DOES HER SCREAMING ANIMAL MEME AND THUMPS HER SWORD DOWN BUT ARYA'S ALREADY GONE AND DEFLECTS HER BLADE SO BRIE JUST KICKS ARYA WITH HER HUGE BOOT HALF THE SIZE OF ARYA'S TORSO SENDING HER FALLING BACK



and Podrick looks down feeling sorry for her as this happens to him every day and Brie looks scared she's hurt her but ARYA FLIPS BACK AROUND BACK ONTO HER FEET INTO A FIGHTING STANCE AND STARTS DUELLING BRIE AGAIN AND CIA SMILES OVER AT SANSA AS BRIE FINALLY MANAGES TO DISARM ARYA FLICKING NEEDLE AWAY BUT ARYA JUST SMILES AT BRIE TO KEEP GOING SO SHE SWINGS HER SWORD AT HER AS SHE WEAVES OUT THE WAY AND FLIPS HER DAGGER OUT BUT BRIE GOES TO GRAB HER WRIST SO ARYA TOSSES IT TO HER OTHER AND BRIE HOLDS HER AT HER SWORDPOINT JUST AS ARYA GETS THE DAGGER UP TO BRIE'S CHEST MAKING IT A DRAW



and they both exhale super impressed to meet another woman who's just as deadly as they are and Brie asks Arya amazed "who thought you how to do that?" and Arya instantly boasts "no one" and walks of and Brie gives her a loving smile and Arya walks up to see Sansa just walking off and CIA creepily bowing to her but she can already tell this fuckers up to something uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok what I have to say about that is this



then with Jon and Davos they're gossiping about Dany with Jon claiming she has a good heart and Davos memes "I've noticed you staring at her good heart" but on claims he aint got no time for that as they have fewer than 10K men to fight the Night King when they come upon Missy and Davos awkwardly introduces him as "King Snow, no, King Jon?" and Missy asks how come he has a different last name than Ned Stark and Jon awkwardly says "I'm a bastard... my mother and father weren't married" and Missy explains "we don't have marriage in Naarth so the concept of a bastard doesn't exist" alright this is fucking retarded, as if a woman who speaks 19 language and has translated for people all around the world doesn't understand what a bastard is, and Davos just shrugs and says "that sounds... liberating!" and Jon forces the 1% smile he's capable of and then they discuss Missy's past as a slave and Dany liberaing her and Davos takes a cheeky shot at her just serving Dany now but Missy insists she chooses to do that and can leave whenever she wants and Jon pries asking "you believe that?" taking Tyrion's advise to ask her other advisers of her character but Missy stays strong and insists everyone there believes in her and is the Queen they chose and Davos quips "forgive me if I switch sides?" lmao and then they look out to sea as they see... "is that a Greyjoy ship?" and on the beach they go to meet poor Theon arriving with his men in a rowboat... who looks Jon in the eyes for the first time in 8 years, and for the first time since he betrayed their family, hopefully brainlet Jon has realized he didn't really kill his brothers since he saw Rickon being lit up in front of him and Jon starts marching towards Theon in disbelie and Theon anxiously says "Jon... I didn't know you were here" trying to act normal and walks up saying "S-Sansa... is she alright?" and JON GRABS THEONS SHIRT and says to his face "what you did for her is the only reason I'm not killing you" and Theon just stares at the ground like an autist and Davos asks what happened with Euron and Theon tells them he has Yara and one of his men tenses up knowing he left her and he says he's back there to try to get Dany to save her but Jon tells him "the queen is gone" uh oooooooooooh



then we cut to Jaime and Bronn overlooking some desert area that must be near Dorne that is full of the Lannister army taking a break by a watering hole and Lord Tarly tells them they got all the gold to KL but warns they need to hurt up as if the head is ambushed the tail cant reinforce in time and suggests they flog stragglers but softy Jaime tells him to just warn them as they fought well and Tarly looks pissed as he believes in strict discipline and Jaime gives Bronn a concerned look like he thinks this guys a bit mental



and then they ride up to "Rickon", sorry "Dickon" and BRONN BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AT DICKON'S NAME thinking he's joking but then stops when Jaime looks at him and starts asking asking him about what his first battle was like and Dickon forces himself to say "it was glorious" but Bronn chides him "come on your father's not here" so he gives Jaime a look up and down seeing if he can trust him and admits his family used to be pledged to House Tyrell and some of those men that died were his friends and Jaime assures him "they didn't deserve to die" but blames it on Olenna to take the responsibility off of him and Dickon, not so cocky after tasting his first battle, adds "I didn't expect it to smell like that" and Bronn just sighs "men shit themselves when they die! didn't they teach you that at fancy lad school? well I learned that when I was five!" juxtaposing this guy who's only had his first battle against Bronn is a good choice since it frames Bronn who's usually just a wacky comedy relief at this stage as actually quite weird as he's been through so much violence but continues to treat it all as a joke which is understandable but makes him seem even more unsavoury when you see how a normal man takes it



and they all sit there awkward but Bronn hears something in the distance and goes "listen" and Jaime turns as he hears rumbling horse hooves in the distance that almost sounds like an earthquake and he rides off ordering his men to grab their "spears and shields!" and Bronn's screams "get in line now!" and all the men brick it as intense music stats up and Lord Tarly orders his men to get in line as the thousands of men face the horizon and get ordered into a shield wall as they hear... shrieking and screaming in the distance, and Lord Tarly orders his men to fill the gaps of the wall so nothing can get through and the screaming gets closer and closer as... horses appear on the horizon... thousands of them... as THE DOTHRAKI HOARD BEARS DOWN ON THE LANNISTER ARMY AND EVERYONE FUCKING BRICKS IT AS LORD TARLY ORDERS "SPEARS OUT! HOLD THE LINE!" AS THE DOTHRAKI SCREAM THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF AS THEY GET THEIR FIRST TASTE OF GLORY ON ANOTHER CONTINENT



and Bronn demands Jaime leave for king's landing as he's "you're the commander not a damn infantaryman, those fuckers are about to swamp us!" but Jaime insists "we can hold them off" but then they hear... a screeching sound in the distance and terrifying but glorious opera music starts up as they look over to see DROGON, WHO'S NOW THE SIZE OF A FUCKING BOMBER PLANE, DIVING IN OUT OF THE CLOUDS



AND SOARING ALONG ABOVE THE DOTHRAKI ARMY ROARING AT HIS TARGETS AND DANY IS RIDING ONTOP OF HIM IN HER FASHY UNIFORM AND ORDERS... "DRACARYS"



AND A LANNISTER SOLDIER TAKES A DEEP BREATH AS DROGON LIGHTS HIM AND HIS ENTIRE SQUAD THE FUCK UP SCOTCHING THEM INTO CINDERS INSTANTLY



AND THE WAVE OF FIRE SPRAYS ACROSS THEIR FRONT LINE LEAVING THE SHIELDMEN STAGGERING ABOUT BURNING ALIVE



AND ALMOST HORROR STARTS UP AS THEIR ARMOR MELTS OFF OF THEM AND THEY SHRIEK IN AGONY AS DICKON WATCHES HIS MEN BEING ANNIHILATED



AND OUT FROM THE FIRE THE SCREAMING DOTHRAKI RIDE IN



AND THE LANNISTER ARMY FUCKING LEG IT LIKE ABSOLUTE FUCK AND THEIR OWN HORSES PEACE THE FUCK OUT AND JAIME ORDERS "HOLD THE LINE!" TO THE MEN SURROUNDING HIM AS THE DOTHRAKI SMASH THEIR HORSES STRAIGHT INTO THE SHIELD WALL AND SOLDIERS THROW SPEARS AT THE RIDERS AND SKEWER THEM OFF THEIR HORSES BUT THEY STILL GETS TRAMPLED UNDERNEATH THEIR HOOVES



AND JAIME WATCHES AS HIS MEN'S DEFENCES GET SMASHED APART BY FLOODS OF HORSES AND DOTHRAKI SICKLES SLICING THEM APART WITH THE SCREAMERS EXPERTLY JUMPING DOWN TO THEIR FEAT TO START HACKING THEM APART UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL BUT A SPEARMAN KILLS HIM



BUT THERE'S EVEN MORE DOTHRAKI RIDING IN WHO HOP UP ON THEIR HORSES SADDLES TO FIRE BOWS AT THEM FROM A CROUCHED POSITION AND THE SHIELDMEN PROTECT THEMSELVES BUT SOME GET THROUGH AND THEIR OWN BOWMEN RETURN FIRE DROPPING DOTHRAKI OFF THEIR HORSES BUT THEIR BEASTS STILL CRASH INTO THEM



AND FURTHER UP THE LINE DANY RIDES DROGON ABOVE THE MEN TRYING TO READY A DEFENCE AGAINST THE DOTHRAKI AND LAYS DOWN FLAMES ACROSS THEM IMMOLATING THEM



AND SHE FLIES DROGON UP THEIR LINE WHO BLOWS THE FUCK OUT OF ALL THEIR SUPPLY CARTS AND MEN DIE SCREAMING AS FLAMES AND SHRAPNEL HIT THEM AS DROGON MAKES HIS OWN LINE OF HELLFIRE ALONG THEIR FRONT LINE



AND JAIME CANT FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT HES SEEING AND ORDERS "ARCHERS! ARCHERS ON ME!" AND THE MEN HOPELESSLY LOOK UP AT DROGON AS JAIME ORDERS "KNOCK!" AND THEY AIM AT THE GIANT MONSTER AS DANY TAKES HIM DOWN FOR ANOTHER PASS AND JAIME WAITS FOR THEM TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH AND ORDERS "LOOSE!" AND THE MEN UNLOAD ON DROGON



SO DANY PULLS HIM UP SHIELDING HERSELF FROM THE ARROWS WITH HIS MASSIVE BODY THEY JUST BOUNCE OFF AND UNLEASHES HIS FIRE BREATH ON ANOTHER LINE OF SUPPLY CARTS ROASTING THE MEN GUARDING IT ALIVE AND JAIME LOOKS HORRIFIED AS HIS ARMY'S FANCY ARMOR CANT PROTECT THEM AND THEY JUST COOK ALIVE IN THEM



and he tells Bronn "Qyburn's scorpion is over there!" and Bronn tells him "go get it then!" but Jaime thinks "I can't shoot with one hand" and Bronn just looks like oh god why me and rides off and JAIME TAKES OUT HIS SWORD AS THE DOTHRAKI APPROACH AND KILLS ONE AND ANOTHER WIELDS TWO SICKLES AND RIDES UNDER DROGON AS HE RACES TOWARDS JAIME BOTH CUTTING DOWN EACH OTHERS MEN



AND THEY START DUELLING ON HORSEBACK WITH JAIME DODGING UNDER HIS SICKLE AND BLOCKING BOTH OF THEM WITH HIS SWORD BUT THE MAN BARES DOWN ON HIM



AND FROM BEHIND... DICKON KILLS THE DOTHRAKI SCREAMER! looks like he gave him dick from behind heheheheh



AND JAIME NODS AT HIM INSTANTLY RESPECTING HIM AND WE SEE BRONN RIDING LIKE FUCK TO THE HUGE BALISTA BUT A DOTHRAKI TWIRLS HIS SICKLE AND RIDES STRAIGHT AT HIM SO BRONN TAKES OUT HIS DAGGER FROM THE SMALL OF HIS BACK AND THROWS IT WITH THE MOMENTUM OF HIS RACING HORSE AT THE DOTHRAKI WHO DODGES AND DEFLECTS IT SO HE DRAWS HIS MAIN SWORD AS THE DOTHRAKI CHARGES STRAIGHT AT HIM BUT JUST LEANS TO THE SIDE AND SLICES THE FOOT OFF OF BRONNS HORSE



SENDING IT CRASHING HEAD FIRST INTO THE GROUND AND THROWING BRONN ALONG THE GROUND AND SPILLING HIS SHEKELS OYYYYY VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY!!!



BUT THE DOTHRAKI STARTS TURNING AROUND SO HE HAS TO LEAVE IT AND LEG IT AS THE RIDER CHASES HIM DOWN AND BRONN HAS TO RUN THROUGH THE FLAMING WRECKAGE OF THE CONVOY THAT'S IN ABSOLUTE CHAOS AS A FLAMING MAN RUNS INTO HIM SCREAMING IN PAIN AND BRONN HAS TO JUST SHOVE HIM AWAY AND ALMOST GETS RUN OVER BY A DOTHRAKI RIDER AND A MAN SCREAMS "NEED HELP!" BUT BRONN JUST TURNS THE OTHER WAY AS THE GUY TRIES TO DRAG HIS FRIENDS OUT A BURNING CART



AND BRONN'S SEES A LANNISTER SOLDIER PINNED TO A BURNING CART BY HIS OWN SWORD SO PULLS IT OUT HIS CHEST TO REARM HIMSELF AND IMMEDIATELY KILLS A DOTHRAKI WITH IT AND SEES A BURNING LANNISTER SOLDIER RUN BY HIS FRIENDS TO GET SMASHED INTO BY A DOTHRAKI HORSE AND BRONN RUNS HIS SWORD THROUGH ANOTHER DOTHRAKI AS DROGON FLIES OVERHEAD SPRAYING FIRE EVERYWHERE



AND BRONN HEARS ANOTHER RIDER SCREAMING UP BEHIND HIM SO HE RUNS BY A BURNING CART ROLLING PAST TO BLOCK THE HORSE BUT THE DOTHRAKI JUST JUMPS OFF AND MARCHES AFTER HIM THROUGH THE FLAMING LANDSCAPE and he sees Bronn going into a caravan so storms up and rips the cloth apart to be confronted with... THE BUSINESS END OF THE BALISTA



WHICH BRONN FIRES INTO HIM SENDING HIM FLYING BACK AND PINNING HIM AGAINST A BURNING CART OOOOH SNAAAAAP



AND BRONN PULLS THE RELEASE LEVER OF THE CART DROPPING IT'S WALLS DOWN TO REVEAL THEIR NEW SUPERWEAPON, UNPINS THE BALISTA SO HE CAN ROTATE IT AROUND AND STARTS CRANKING THE WHEELS TO PULL THE STRING BACK AND SLOTS ANOTHER SPIKED METAL JAVELIN IN PLACE AND ASKS "WHERE ARE YA?" AS HE AIMS IT UP INTO THE SMOKE FILLED SKY WITH ALMOST NO VISIBILITY SEARCHING FOR DANY



and Tyrion walks up to a hill overlooking the absolute fucking carnage his Queen is raining down on his family's army and a Dothraki stands beside him as he watches his own men butcher fleeing Lannister army and casually lets him know "your people can't fight"



and Tyrion looks down as he hears a horse shrieking and watches as two horses frantically try to escape the burning cart they're stuck to and Jaime looks around in bewilderment at the absolute hell he's suddenly in and at the same fleeing horses



and at all his men burning alive and some of them have managed to get to the water to dive in but their faces are already completely burnt to a crisp and then we see...



DROGON INBOUND ACROSS THE RIVER COMING IN FOR ANOTHER PASS AND JAIME BRICKS IT AS THIS MASSIVE WARBEAST OPENS ITS MOUTH AND HE SCREAMS "TAKE COVEEEEEEER!"



AS DROGON DUMPS FIRE DOWN ON THE MEN WHO USELESSLY TRY TO PROTECT THEMSELVES WITH THEIR SHIELDS BEFORE BEING INSTANTLY INCINERATED TO CINDERS AND JAIME FLINCHES AS HE SEES THEIR BURNED ASHES BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND LEFT IN DORGONS WAKE



AND BRONN FINALLY GETS AN ANGLE ON DROGON AND PUTS HIM BETWEEN HIS IRON SIGHTS AND REACHES UNDER TO PULL THE TRIGGER AND FIRES THE MASSIVE BOLT... WHICH WHIZZES PAST DANY, MISSING!



AND TYRION WATCHES IN HORROR AS HIS QUEEN BRINGS DROGON BACK AROUND FOR ANOTHER PASS AND BRONN STRUGGLES TO REDRAW THE STRING BACK ON HIS BALISTA AND POP IN A FRESH JAVELIN AND AIMS DOWN ON DROGON BEARING STRAIGHT TOWARDS HIM AND HE LOOKS DEATH IN THE EYES AND SAYS "COME ON YA FUCKER!"



AND DANY CASUALLY YELLS UP TO HER HELLSPAWN "DRACARYS" BUT BRONN PULLS THE TRIGGER AND SENDS THE HUGE BOLT... INTO DROGONS SIDE MAKING HIM YELP IN PAIN!



AND HIS RIGHT WING GIVES OUT MAKING HIM STALL AND SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL IN THE AIR AND DANY HOLDS ON FOR DEAR LIFE AS HE STARTS PLUMMETING TO THE GROUND AND TYRION LOOKS UP IN HORROR AND BRONN LOOKS UP WITH THE BIGGEST GRIN OF HIS LIFE BUT HE STILL REPOSITIONS THE BALISTA FOR ANOTHER SHOT AS DROGON KEEPS FALLING



BUT HE MANAGES TO CATCH HIMSELF JUST IN TIME AND STRUGGLES TO FLAP HIS WINGS TO STAY UP OVER THE WATER AND DANY AND DROGON BOTH GLARE DOWN AT BRONN



WHO FUCKING BRICKS IT AND LEAPS OUT THE WAY JUST AS DROGON DESTROYS THE ONLY THING THERE THAT CAN HURT HIM KILLING MEN ALL AROUND IT IN HIS HUGE FIREBALL



AND THEN CRASHES DOWN ON THE GROUND UNABLE TO MAINTAIN FLIGHT AND ROARS IN FRUSTRATION AND SMASHES THE FLAMING BALISTA TO SHARDS WITH HIS TAIL THE LENGTH OF TWO FUCKING BUSSES and Dany climbs down to struggle to pull the javelin out of Drogon's side as the massive beast crawls up to the pond as if he needs a drink and Jaime watches as she uses all her might to try to pull the weapon loose from her dragon that roars in pain but he knows his mother's only trying to help so sits there bearing it



and Tyrion looks down at his brother scared he could die any second and mutters "flee you idiot" but JAIME TELLS HIS HORSE "COME ON BOY!" AND RIDES FORWARD, GRABBING A SPEER OUT OF A DEAD DOTHRAKIS BACK AND CHARGING STRAIGHT AT DANY



AND TYRION MUTTERS "YOU IDIOT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT"



JAIME GOES FULL FUCKING #YOLO FUCK IT DUDE TRYING TO ADD QUEENSLAYER TO HIS ACHIEVEMENT COLLECTION



AND DANY TURNS TO SEE HER ENEMY COMMANDER ABOUT TO SKEWER HER



BUT DROGON HEARS JUST IN TIME AND BLOCKS HER WITH HIS HEAD ROARING IN RAGE AT JAIME AND OPENING HIS THROAT WIDE TO UNLEASH HIS FIRE...



BUT BRONN LEAPS AT JAIME PULLING HIM OFF HIS HORSE AND INTO THE RIVER JUST IN TIME TO AVOID DROGON BARBECUING THEIR HORSES



AND THE SURFACE OF THE WATER ABOVE THEM GETS LIT THE FUCK UP FORCING THEM TO STAY SUBMERGED TO NOT GET FRIED



and we see Jaime struggling running out of air and sinking down to the bottom of the water weighed down by his armor, ok that was dank as fuck and I love how this show does better with it's budget what entire capeshit movies can't do with ten times that and I love the horror of war they always depict accurately but that last meme was fucking dumb lmao Bronn turns on his plot armor hack and just happens to save Jaime by smashing his horse into his as you do who just happens to be beside a lake to break their fall and save them from the fire that just so happens to narrowly miss them ok duuuuuuuuuuuude and of course they do the meme of an entire Dothraki army sneaking up on them somehow despite armies taking weeks to get anywhere and having scouts all around them



it's still in-character for a guy who grew up with stories of brave knights and being groomed by his father to be some glorious war commander to try some dumbass stunt like that thinking he can win with the big dick heroes glory play it's just that in the first four seasons he would be proven very wrong by being killed to fuck lol





Game of Thrones 7x05: "Eastwatch"
Dany's war crimes special edition
First aired: August 13, 2017

we open on the smouldering wreckage of the battle or well slaughter in the distance and in the foreground Bronn surfaces dragging Jaime up with him (how the FUCK did he pull a man in full armor all the way over there? retarded) inb4 some dumb line where he claims he saved him because he needed more gold even though it's out of character for him to save someone's life at the risk to his own when he's not sure he can win as we see him with bailing out on Tyrion who he got on way better with, and he drags him ashore and Jaime pukes up water and they both flop onto their backs and Jaime's first words are gasping "you could have killed me" lmao and Bronn gets rustled and asks "what the fook were you doin back there?" and Jaime claims "ending the war" and Bronn is like "you saw the dragon between you and her?" and Jaime forces himself to sit up and Bronn is like "listen to me CUNT until I get what I'm owed a dragon doesn't get to kill you, you don't get to kill you, only I get to kill you!" yeah there we go very dumb sentiment since he did some extreme action movie shit that had almost no chance of working and a terrified Jaime warns "that was only one of the, she has two more, if she decides to use them... really use them..." and Bronn surmises "you're fucked!" but Jaime reminds him "don't you mean we're fucked?" but Bronn says "dragons are where our partnership ends, I'm not gonna be around when those things start spitting fire on King's Landing" yeah wouldn't want to lose your street cred losing a rap battle even though he literally just faced a dragon since the writers couldn't help themselves but have Jaime doing something crazy and then saved by a deus ex machina even though in the first four seasons he would have simply gotten wiped the fuck out and motivated Cersei even more to go after Dany or at least have him get captured or something so Dany can grill him on killing her father and she can finally share 1 fucking feeling about him but no and Jaime realizes almost more scared "I have to tell Cersei" and Bronn cringes and tells him "may as well go jump back in that river" as Jaime looks at the smouldering wreckage and swallows hard



then at the battle site Tyrion is walking through the area that looks like a fucking nuke has gone off with everything in ashes and he sees dead men burned to death behind their broken shields and Dothraki picking through the dead's surviving metal belongings and the surviving Lannister soldiers who are all covered in suit from the smoke in a good detail are being marched along to a hill that Drogon is using the entire top of as a nest and the men all bow their heads down in fear as Drogon growls and screeches victoriously at his captured prey and Dany stands on a rock and tells them "I know what Cersei has told you, that I've come to destroy your cities, burn down your homes, murder you and orphan your children... that's Cersei Lannister not me, I'm not here to murder and all I want to destroy is the wheel that has rolled over rich and poor to the benefit of no one but the Cersei Lannisters of the world, I offer you a choice: bend the knee and join me, together we will leave the world a better place than we found it, or refuse... and die" and Tyrion looks over concerned as it's time for the join or die phase, it's funny Dany's very very vague proclamations of liberating people remind me of the sort of underwritten villains you get a lot in movies and tv shows now adays who the writers do a half-handed job of making them seem like they have a well intentioned ideology but are still mental and the heroes have to beat them like Khan in Stark Trek Into Darkness or Pilgrim in Into The Badlands and some of the men kneel down immediately and the others look awkward as they know betraying Cersei is a one-way decision but DROGON ROARS AT THEM AND THEY ALL KNEEL DOWN LMAO



everyone except Tarly and Dickon and a few of the men under their command but Dany maddogs them and orders Lord Tarly to step forward and he walks up as Drogon fidgets just a little on the hill causing a huge thumping sound and he tells Dany "I already have a Queen" and Tyrion reminds him that his sister has only been his Queen since she killed his rightful Queen and destroyed House Tyrell for all time "so it appears your allegiances are somewhat flexible" and Tarly just growls "there are no easy choices in war" I'm glad he's an actual badass and not just some harsh but useless fop who bullies his fat son hypocritically that would be easy to write for a more comedic and sympathetic character like Sam and he argues at least Cersei is Westerosi and isn't a traitor to his family and for outsides like Tyrion and as Drogon breathes with a heavy growl Dany declares "you will not trade your honor for your life, I respect that" and Tyrion offers him the mercy of putting him on The Wall but Tarly refuses that as an illegitimate order so the Dothraki grab him and drag him off and Dickon, having taken a crash course in being a badman, announces "you will have to kill me too" but Tarly's doing this to try to teach his son a valuable life lesson and snaps "step back and shut your mouth!" and Dany asks "who are you?" and his father snaps "a stupid boy!" but Dickon introduces himself and Tyrion tries to reason with him to not let another great House be wiped out and Dickon looks at his father what to do who nods to him as if to go along with it but Dickon still says "I will not" and Tarly is horrified but cant help but hide a little smile too that at least one of his sons has finally got some balls and Tyrion tries to bargain to just lock him in a cell to break his spirit but Dany insists "I am not here to put men in chains, if that becomes an option many will take it, I gave them a choice, they made it" so she's... not going to have any sort of capture system and you either follow her or die lmao? so is she just going to go full Duterte and execute all minor criminals if they wont get put in cells? or does she just want to execute all her enemies for scare tactics like some ISIS shit?



and Tyrion tries to warn against beheading entire families but Dany cuts him off saying "I'm not beheading anyone" and he looks up at Drogon who snarled excitedly and Tyrion can only manage "Your Grace..." as the Dothraki lead Lord Tarly and Dickon in front of Dorong and... his father takes Dickon's hand showing at the literal end of the day he does love his family, jesus, and Dany announces her insane titledrop meme and that they're sentenced to die and Dickon looks up all jacked up on adrenalin as Dany just has to whisper the trigger word "dracarys" which I guess means fire for DROGON IMMOLATES LORD TARLY AND DICKON, REDUCING THEM TO ASH WHILE STILL INSIDE THEIR ARMOR! EDGY, I LIKE IT COUNT: 137 and the men all recoil in terror at the pile of cinders and bits of metal plate that used to be their commanders and Drogon gives a satisfied roar as the remaining men all kneel real fucking fast and Dany just walks off job done, ebin, very much freedom, wonder if Dany has thought about how the Dothraki who's entire culture revolves around raping and pillaging are going to do in her new autistic utopian world where she's the only ruler and kills anyone who disagrees including POWs who surrendered to her like she's Ramsay Bolton



then in King's Landing a filthy Jaime is marching straight past Qyburn and into Cersei's chamber, was half expecting to find Euron in her bed, and he breaks to her the news that they don't even know how many they lost yet, and Cersei tries to say they still have the Tyrell gold and Iron Bank for funding to buy mercs but Jaime's will is broken and tells her "I just saw the Dothraki fight... they'll beat any mercenary army, they'll beat any other army, killing our men wasn't war for them, it was sport, her dragon burned a thousand wagons, Qyburn's scorpion fired bolts bigger than you they couldn't stop it and she has three of them! this isn't a war we can win" and Cersei just grimaces and asks "so what do we do? sue for peace? I sit on her father's throne, the father you betrayed and murdered and in her mind she's winning, what sort of offer do you think she'd make?" and mocks the idea of Tyrion helping to apologize for killing their father and son, and Jaime says he might have killed Tywin but breaks the news that... it was Olenna who killed Joffrey, but Cersei thinks it's obvious bullshit she was only saying because she'd already drunk the poison he "so kindly provided her" and Jaime points out her logic that she'd rather have Marg marry Tommen than Joffrey as he was easier to control making Olenna the real ruler and Cersei's face falls as she knows deeply that to be true and she has to sit down and Cersei hisses "I shouldn't have listened to you she should have died screaming" and Jaime reminds her their whole family is gone just like theirs will be if they lose but Cersei says "so we fight and die or we submit and die? I know my choice! and a soldier should know his" and Jaime looks super shook as he realizes he's fukkkttttt

then we see Jon seeing Drogon coming back home and landing on the field behind him and lumbering along the ground like a plane sized bat towards him and ROAAAAAAARING in his face and Jon looks fucking terrified as Drogon puts his face right up to him and gives him a big sniiiiiiiiff and Dany can't even see over his head what he's doing to him but Jon... takes off his glove and puts his hand to his snarling mouth but the snarling stops and... Drogon lets Jon stroke his snout and lays his head down with his eye blinking slowly to show he's relaxed and Dany sighs with relief as Drogon twists his neck so she can see he's not fucking eating Jon and Jon can't fucking believe it as Drogon just makes a playful chirping noise to let his mother off and then gives flight to go join his brothers flying around and Dany asks "they're beautiful aren't they?" and Jon says "it wasn't the word I was thinking of but" and he sees Dany glare at him lmao so he's like "but yes they are, gorgeous beasts!" and she insists "they're not beasts they are, no matter how big they get, no matter how terrifying they are to everyone else, they're my children" literally ye olde facebook "dog mom", specifically bulldog owners, lmaoooooo



and Jon realizes she wasn't gone long and she says "I have fewer enemies than I did yesterday" and sees "you're not sure how you feel about that" which sums up Jons entire character and he admits "no I'm not" so she points out "how many men did your army kill taking Winterfell back from the Boltons?" and he admits "thousands" and she tells him they need strength to help people but he's not into it and she asks him wtf is this knife in the heart business is and he lies that Davos just got carried away but she doesn't buy that and then some Dothraki say "this man says he is your friend" introducing JORAH! ALIVE AND WELL! who got on the island somehow and Dany looks at him amazed and says "he is my friend" LMAO RIGHT BACK IN THE FRIENDZOOOOOOOOOOOOONE and he falls to his beta orbiting knees to say "Your Grace!" and raises again and they stare at each other and he introduces him to Jon as "an old friend" and Jon tells him he served with his father and Jorah looks down sad thinking about how his dad kinda saved him and Dany realizes "you found a cure" and Jorah asks to return to her service and Dany says "it would be my honor" and Dany steps forward to... HUG JORAH LMAO FRIEND ZOOOOONED and Jorah looks extremely happy and Jon realizes this dude beta orbiting hard



then we see some ravens in a tree... getting warged into, one after another rapidly, as Bran practices controlling an entire swarm of them as if he can do multiple wargs at once now, and he flies them up off into the mountains to The Wall where we finally see Eastwatch by the Sea I think or maybe that was another one but it had a load of scaffolding on it and they fly over a mountain to see THE ARMY OF THE DEAD, AN ENDLESS MARCH OF ZOMBIES FLOODING THE LANDSCAPE, AND THEY SEE THE NIGHT KING AND HIS NEW FOUR HORSEMEN WHITE WALKERS...



AND HE SENSES BRAN WATCHING AND SNAPS HIS HEAD UP AND THE BIRDS ALL BRICK IT AND SCATTER and Bran snaps out of the warg looking shook and the new maester is standing there shaking like he has no idea wtf is happening and Bran orders him "ravens, we need to send ravens!" having emotions for once



then at the Citadel Sam is slaving away carting books around for the maesters who are talking about how they think the White Walker business is just more doomsday shit you hear when winter comes as they have received Bran's letter warning them and the archmaester vouches for the maester up there but the others think he's just another Northerner who drinks too much up in the cold and they all chuckle at him and one points out that "a crippled boy claims to have seen dead men beyond the Wall with the magical help for a raven with three eyes" is a bit much but Sam announces "Brandon Stark!" and tells them he's legit and was really on a quest for years beyond The Wall surviving where no one else has and the other maesters aint impressed but the archmaester asks him what he's proposing and Sam points out everyone respects the maesters and will believe them if they tell everyone to send men to hold The Wall and it's up to these men to search all the information they have access to to defeat the dead and they all sit there considering it and the archmaester admits they might be able to do it but that this message might also just be a trick from Dany to lure their men North and Sam yells "archmaester please! it's real! I've seen it..." and the archmaester can tell this man is of good character to decides to write back for clarification and Sam tries again but he dismisses him and another maester says this sounds like a charlatan called Jenny of Oldstones who claimed to be a decedent from the Children of the Forest and they all chuckle remembering another fraud Lodos who thought the Drowned God would save them from Aegon and Sam leaves in a huff and a maester whispers to the archmaester if he's the boy who's brother and father were just burned alive and they all look about satisfied as if that explains Sam's erratic behaviour but the archmaester says he hasn't told him yet and gets them back to work

then with Varys nervously tapping a raven message presumably from Bran and Tyrion tries to justify Dany burning the Tarlys alive which his bald friend doesn't support and warns him he found himself making the same excuses for her father doing the exact same shit "that's what I told myself when I watched them beg for mercy: I'm not the one doing it... when the the pitch of their screams rose higher: I'm not the one doing it... when their hair caught fire and the smell of their burning flesh filled the throne room: I'm not the one doing it" and takes a huge glug of wine to deal with the memories and Tyrion insists Dany isn't her father but Varys says only with the right counsel and when Tyrion asks if he read that message Varys snaps "it's a sealed letter for the King of the North!" Tyrion takes a long drink and just asks "what does it say?" as he knows a sealed letter wont stop Varys who must know all the unsealing and resealing tricks and Varys just says "nothing good"

and we cut to Jon reading it who is super shook and says "I thought Arya was dead, I thought Bran was dead" and a confused Dany says "I'm happy for you? you don't look happy" and Jon tells them "Bran saw the Night King and his army marching towards Eastwatch, if they make it past The Wall..." and Varys says it's worked for thousands of years but Jon says he needs to go back North to do what he can and Dany says she can't go and needs to keep the pressure on Cersei and Tyrion looks suddenly terrified at his own mind and says "perhaps now, Cersei thinks the Army of the Dead is nothing but a story made up by wet nurses to frighten children, what if we prove her wrong?" and Jon chuckles "I don't think she'll come see the dead at my invitation!" and Tyrion says "SO BRING THE DEAD TO HER" and Dany is like wtf "I thought that's what were were trying to avoid?" and Varys looks at Tyrion like this absolute madlad is hatching a plot even too wacky even for him and Tyrion explains "we don't have to bring the whole army, only one solider..." and Davos asks "is that possible?" and Jon does say "the first Wyte I ever saw was brought into Castle Black from beyond The Wall" wait hol up are these zombies contagious? imagine if they brought a zombie to King's Landing and it escaped and infected the place lmao and Tyrion tells him "bring one of these things down to King's Landing and show her the truth" but Varys points out Cersei will ice them the second they turn up asking for an audience and Tyrion knows only Jaime can convince her and only he can convince him and Dany asks "and how will you get into King's Landing?" and Tyrion looks at Davos the resident smuggler who says he can do it but warns he's no fighter and Dany points out there's no point in a meeting if they can't capture a dead man and Jon looks super scared not knowing how the fuck to capture a zombie POW and Jorah says "with the Queens permission I'll go North and take one" oh shit boi the oneitis power is back Jorah's gonna beta orbit around Dany so much the momentum can take out any enemy and tells the shocked Dany he was cured to serve her and Jon says the Free Folk will help them but Davos points out they wont follow Jorah and Jon implies he'll go and they all look shocked and Davos points out he's King now but he says he's "I'm the only one here who's fought them" not even shocked or surprised since obviously Jon is the designated protagonist who goes on all the wacky action adventures and Dany tries denying him permission but Jon says "with respect Your Grace I don't need your permission, I am a King" and says he came there ready to be killed by her but did it anyway for the good of Westeros and asks her to give him the same trust as it's their best chance and she smiles seeing he's like her and will do whatever it takes for the greater good of the realm so nods her permission after Tyrion gives her an agreeing nod



then in Winterfell all the Lords are arguing that Jon can't go on any dumbass missions and should be there and all the men cheer when one says they shoulda chose Sansa to lead instead who just sits there looking stressed and that Lord of the Vale guy says his Knights came up there for her and Arya watches to see how her big sister handles this but he stays loyal to Jon saying he has their best interest at heart and looks back at her sister who approves but Sansa ain't to happy and later she tells her she warned Jon this would happen if he left and Arya says he trusted her to lead but Sansa isn't so sure of herself as she leads her into their parents old bedroom and they immediately start needling at each other like sisters as she gets Arya to admit she thinks Sansa likes being fancy to feel superior but she let them insult their brother and Sansa says she's just listening to their concerns as Glover has 500 men and Royce has 2000 they desperately need to keep loyal and Arya suggests just beheading them lmao but Sansa reminds her they all worked together to get Winterfell back and beheading them might be fun but not a good way to keep support and Arya looks proud that Sansa has such a mind for leading and realizes she's already gamed out that they need to follow her if Jon doesn't come back, like CIA told her to do, and that's what she really wants, which she takes offence too and Arya calls her out "you're thinking it right now, you don't want to be, but the thought just wont go away" yeah I can't stop thinking how worse this shows writing has gotten and stares at her creepily like she can read people so well she can read her mind and Sansa awkwardly says "I have work to do" as the smirking Arya leads I presume just testing her to see how loyal she is

and then on the shores of KL Tyrion reminisces of a far better season "last time I was here I killed my father with a crossbow" and Davos points out"last time I was here you killed my son with wildfire" and Tyrion looks back nervously as he reazlies his only hope in the world is the man who's kid he killed lmao but Davos is too good a man for revenge and points to a secret passage and marches off to Tyrion's surprise and Davos says "I've got me own business in Flea Botton" I presume seeing Gentry who he stupidly told him to hide in the amazing hiding place of... his home street lmao and Tyrion worries "what if someone takes the boat?" and Davos yells back "then we're fucked, best hurry!" lol

and in the Red Keeps crypts with the dragon skulls Bronn is taking Jaime on a wee adventure down there who's warning him they need to prepare for a siege but Bronn is insisting he keep training to fight the Dothraki but Jaime just quips he had trouble too so Bronn plays to his ego saying he doesn't want anyone seeing his sword technique and Jaime threatens to kill him by "accident" lol but Bronn taunts "oh you won't be swinging it at me" as he's actually taking him to meet... TYRION, ah so he's at least a good enough mate to do his old boss one last favor, and Tyrion says "I needed to see you... and I knew you'd never agree to meet" apprehensively not knowing if his brother has been so fucked in the head by recent events and just being with their sister in the last 3 years that he won't knife him on the spot and he tries to make smalltalk about their war both of them are commanding different sides of complimenting him on being the real one to take him by surprise when they thought they win with Casterly Rock but Jaime just maddogs him as he's been on the ground watching his own men being roasted alive like fish and when Tyrion tries to joke that Jaime's becoming unsentimental like Tywin he snaps "don't talk about father!" and says he promised to cut him in half and Tyrion tries a joke "it would take you a while with a sparring sword" and Jaime stands there fuming that his charm is working on him and of course he can't hurt his little (little) brother and just gives in and Tyrion tries to defend his actions that Tywin was going to have him executed even though he was innocent just because he hatted him for being a dwarf and Tyrion tries letting all his angst out breaking down whimpering "did he-did he think-did he think I wanted to be born this way? did he think I chose it?!" but Jaime isn't in the mood for his sob stories and snaps "what do you want?!" as he knows he's not there for a family chat and Tyrion realizes he can't reach his brother emotionally so just spells out the logic that he's a military man and knows for a fact Dany will win and swears she will accept a surrender honourably and Jaime dares him to as Cersei that himself and Tyrion cheekily tries to explain it's not even on the table "not right now anyway" and Jaime glares at him as he can tell he's trying to play some manipulation game against both the Queens and Tryion plays his hand "she has a more important request" and Jaime is like wtf m8

then in Flea Bottom we see, yeah, blacksmiths, and Davos walking through watching all the men making weapons and gear for a possible siege and he comes across... GENTRY, who doesn't look that much older, and Davos jokes "thought you might still be rowing" and jokes about all the places he checked rather than the obvious and that he's not worried to get caught as he's aged so much he looks different as "nothing fucks you harder than time" and Gentry assures him he's safe there but Davos warns "saftey is never a perminant state of affairs, bad things are coming" and Gentry realizes he's there to get him and leaves immediately grabbing a bag as he trusts him completely and hates making weapons for the people who killed his father and Davos just adds "might want to bring one of those swords" and GENTRY GRABS A MJOLNIR LOOKING BATTLE HAMMER that looks like complete plastic shit lmao nice prop and quips "I don't know much about swinging swords, but this I know" as he's worked with hammers all his life, it's probably just lazy writing to bring back an old character but maybe Davos play here is that in case both Dany and Cersei end up dead... technically Gentry is the most legitimate King there is and could fill in any power vacuum, top kek if this random loser ends up winning the Iron Throne



then on the beach Davos is warning Gentry to keep his father's name secret when uh oh some city guards approach and Davos immediately drops into character saying "I told you Clovis if we don't get out of here soon someone's gonna-" and the guards yell at them and Davos opens his cloak to show he has "no weapons, I promise"



in the exact same way this streamer I watch called Destiny did when completely drunk off his face at a bar to show a guard he didn't have his handgun with him making everyone around him extremely uncomfortable lmao



and as Davos tries to sweet talk his way out of trouble Gentry eyes his war hammer wondering if he'll have to use it already and they try to tell Davos where the docks are but he says "I try to avoid them to avoid good much such as yourselves" and the men smile at each other as they realize this dude is just some common criminal who knows how things work round here and Davos takes out his purse asking "still five gold dragons?" but they mock him "you must be older than you look: 15, a piece!" to his shock but they've caught the perfect mark as he's on a mission to save the fucking world so just hands the shekels over to the greedy corrupt guards and leaves trying to sound more offended than he is but the men ask "what's in the boat? wine?" as Davos has made the mistake of giving in to easy so they think he's a push over and they can get whatever they want out of him and Davos sighs realizing there's no easy way out of a situation once men get a smell for gold so invites them over to look and Gentry looks shook but Davos simply flips the tarp over his weapon revealing baskets of food telling the men who thought they were going to get more treasures "fermented crab!" claiming it's an aphrodisiac for the brothels that can keep a man going all night long and gives them a sample and one of the men looks disgusted but Davos tells him "I'd suggest you go to your favorite establishment or you'll put a hole in that chainmail!" and his friend laughs at his banter and they walk off chatting about if it's real or not leaving them be but then... fucking idiot Tyrion turns up in the open.... and the guards notice him... and as they walk past they look at each other realizing who that probably is, and they yell "oi dwarf!" and Davos tries to distract them with more boner talk but the guard is starting to realize "that dwarf... where'd you get that scar?" and Tyrion knows it's hopeless and half heartedly lies fishing accident and Davos tries to bribe them with more shekels but one of the guards asks "you gonna arrange to pay us more than Queen Cersei?" knowing he cant but GENTRY SMASHES HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH HIS WAR HAMMER



AND SMASHES THE OTHER IN THE FACE WITH IT, INSTANTLY KILLING THEM BOTH and Davos introduces Gentry to Tyrion who just says "he'll do" as they hop in the boat rofl that was like me when I fail dialog checks in fallout



then in the Red Keep Jaime walks in on Qyburn offering Cersei medical help for something and just does the glare for Qyburn to get that it's "leave us" meme time and he asks what that was about and Cersei just avoids it asking why he's here and Jaime admits he met with Tyrion and Cersei stares at him blankly as if she's taken on her father's habit of keeping a mental checklist of what use people are except hers is all centred around if she can kill that person yet and Jaime can tell she's adjusting her calculations to his worth and looks scared but knows not to look away from someone like this and stares her right in the eye and tells her Dany wants an armistice but Cersei aint buying it as Dany is making good progress and Jaime tries to explain "an army of dead men is marching on the Seven Kingdoms" and Cersei looks around in disbelief Jaime says "Tyrion claims he'll have proof" and she just chuckles at her evil little brothers latest scheme and asks "are you going to punish him? Bronn, he betrayed you" and gives him an evil smile like she could have his best friend killed whenever she wants and when he looks shook she whispers "do you think anything happens in this city without me knowing?" and Jaime realizes "you let it happen, why?" and Cersei realizes Dany has the numbers so they need to "fight her like father would have" aka some Red Wedding shit and looks at Jaime like she has nothing she actually cares about left and this is all just a funny game to her and she mocks "dead men, dragons and Dragon Queens... whatever stands in our way, we will defeat it, for ourselves, for our house, for this" and puts her hands on her stomach and JAIME BRICKS IT HAS HE REALIZES HE'S GOT HIS SISTER PREGNANT AGAIN LMAOOOOOO and he asks "who will you say is the father" and Cersei tears up as she can finally stop hiding and says "you" and Jaime tears up as he's more sane and realizes that would just haunt their child's safety for the rest of their life but cant help but smile that he finally gets to be a real father and reminds her "people wont like that" and she stands up and asks "do you remember what father used to say about people?" and Jaime quotes him "the lion does not concern himself with the opinions of the sheep" edgyyyyyyy and they look with fucked up love into each others eyes and JAIME KISSES HIS SISTER and holds her close and Cersei smiles happy for just a second but immediately frowns and says "never betray me again" and Jaime realizes the mother of his child will kill him whenever she decides



then on Dragonstone Davos is warning Gentry to keep his family history from Jon as he has enough to fucking worry about and maybe Davos is hoping to use him as a final bargaining chip if Jon gets corrupted by Dany and he needs something to hold over him to not become a lunatic and they walk into the dragonglass cave that's being mined and introduces Gentry as Clovi- but Gentry cuts him off saying "name's Gendry, your Grace, I'm Robert Baratheon's son, bastard son" lmaooooooooo oh sorry it's a d not a t lol woops and Davos looks at him like wtf you dickhead and explains "he was meant to keep that to himself" but Gendry says "our fathers trusted each other, why shouldn't we?" and they talk about when they last saw their fathers with Jon jokes "you're a lot leaner" heh Rob was a fatass and Gendry jokes "you're a lot shorter" LMAO MANLET BTFOOOOO!!!! I knew 4chan was obsessed with his height enough to make meme charts calculating it but lel @ it being in the show and they both stare at each other but smile as they can see they're both bastard sons of Kings with lots in common and chat about the stories they heard about their fathers and Gendry asks to come fight for him with Davos tries to stop but has to admit to Jon that he can handle himself so Jon allows it but Davos advises him "my father used to say it's better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life" and Gendry doesn't pint out how that makes no sense but tells him he owes him his protection and Davos just shrugs and says "right no one mind me, all I've ever done is live to a ripe old age!" as no one listens to him to not do insane things lol

then outside everyone who's leaving is loading up rowboats and Tyrion, who's only experiences with Jorah were mostly being his captive and then a slave with him lol, sneaks up and jokes "you might not believe it bit I missed you Mormont, nobody glowers quite like you, not even Grey Worm" yeah he has that clint eastwood thing going on and shows him the coin their slave master gave him and Jorah smiles "it was supposed to last the rest of our lives" as they both serve a Queen who can have as many resources as she can take now and Tyrion gives it as a gift to Jorah for a good luck charm to motivate him to come back for Dany's sake and then the woman herself comes to joke "we should be better at saying farewell by now" and just holds his hand and smiles at him so Jorah kisses her hand and gets in the boat as Jon arrives and jokes about how "at least if I don't return you won't have to deal with the King in the North anymore" but Dany smiles with her eyes, or smeyes as Tyra Banks says, and says "I've grown fond of him" and he wishes her good luck in the war and him and his men drag the rowboat out to sea with Jorah giving Dany one last loving look and she looks sad as this loyal man might die for her



then with Sam writing in his books Gilly is having loads of fun reading and learning about how there's 15,782 steps in the capital which Sam doesn't really care about and gives her a pity smile as he's trying to work and she asks "guess how many windows there are in the Great Sept of Balor" and Sam just says "none anymore" roflllllll and Gilly can tell he's ignoring her but keeps talking about how this Great Septon she's reading about recorded even his own bowel movements rofl and she asks what "annulment" means and he explains it and she says this guy gave one to someone called Ragger so he could remarry in Dorne and Sam can't take anymore trivia and goes on a huge angry rant about how the maesters have him wasting time transcribing dumb shit about bowel movements rather than researching how to defeat the Night King and snaps "but that's alright isn't it we can all become slavering murderous imbeciles in thrall to evil incarnate as long as we have full access to the records of High Septon Maynard's 15,782 SHITS!!!" and Gilly, having put up with way worse from the one man in her life before, just corrects him "steps... that number was steps" and smiles kindly at him and Sam realizes he's been doing this for way too long so jokingly gives Lil Sam the book to read (hope the flesh eating lice don't get your step-son mate) and he rushes off knowing what he has to do and raids the forbidden section for everything that might help and sneaks out through the dark megalibrary and looks back up at the huge hanging mirror thing to appreciate it one last time in case they kick him out for this but he puts his bag of books on a cart with Gilly and lil Sam and gets to riding back up North and Gilly makes sure he's sure to abandon being a measter but Sam says "I'm tired of reading about the achievements of better men" and rides off, maybe he should have checked to make sure the books have the answers he needs before leaving lmao, anyway wow that storyline was over quickly only 5 episodes of Sam pottering around a library with old men lmao that could have dragged on for yeaaaaaaars



then in Winterfell CIA is up to some shenanigans having some suspicious woman whisper in his ear and be handed a secret message but Arya is spying on him as she can tell there's some bullshit he's up to and when CIA senses her and looks over she's already gone since she's a magic ninja now and she's already up on the gantry spying on him talking to some Lords so she sneaks through the castle spying on CIA going into his room and the maester coming to give him something he asked him for out of the archives and CIA makes sure this letter is the only copy there and the maester assures him as he reads it intently and he tells him "Lady Stark thanks you for your service" and Arya can tell it's bullshit and nothing to do with Sansa but CIA opens the door again and peaks out before locking it behind him and leaving and Arya gets her HITMAN™ on and sneaks behind him and picks the lock to open it and starts searching his room, ooh I love these long sequences of no dialog it's so easy to megathread, and she checks his desk not finding anything not even under the bed and she thinks where someone like CIA would hide something and figures somewhere close for most of the time and lifts up the mattress to ind a hole in the bed and pulls out the secret message and unrolls it to find... something conspiring to marry Sansa to Joffrey or something? and Arya quickly rolls it up to replace it and relocks the door on her way out and walks off... BUT CIA CAUGHT HER LEAVING inb4 getting caught was part of her plan



then on the mainland Jon and his party are arriving at Eastwatch by the Sea that has all this scaffolding to walk around on the wall rather than an elevator powered by one 10 year old and inside Tormund is already there and asking Davos "isn't it your job to talk him out of stupid fucking ideas like this?" with the actors singsong scandinavian accent letting slip and Davos admits "I've been failing at that job as of late" and a confused Tormund asks "how many Queens are there now? and you need to convince the one with the dragons or the one who fucks her brother?" LMAO TORMUND IS LIKE A CASUAL GoT VIEW WHO CANT KEEP ALL THIS SHIT STRAIGHT and Gendry chuckles at that bit of gossip and Jon admits "both" and Tormund asks "how many men did you bring? the big woman?" and looks at Jorah as if he's one of the only new faces there and Jon just sighs as he can tell he fancies her and Jorah asks for the Free Folk's help with Davos saying he'll be staying behind as he can't fight and Tormund agrees "you are" as they fought together at the Battle of the Bastards and Tormund thinks Jon's off his nut and asks "you REALLY want to go out there again?" and when Jon nods he lets him know "you're not the only one"

and we cut to the facilities cells and Tormund says his scouts caught them saying they were coming up there and we pan around to see... hmm... who will it be... uh... idk, oh it's THE HOUND, BERIC AND THOROS shit what happened to all their NPCs? wasn't there that archer guy that was Thoros' friend? rip them I guess, and Jon recognizes The Hound from the very first episode probably well aware he killed a local kid and he sits up and Tormund sneers "they want to go beyond The Wall too" like they're crazy but Beric says "we don't want to go beyond The Wall, we have to, our Lord told us to go beyond the great Wall-" but Gendry cuts him off telling Jon "don't trust him! don't trust any of them, they're the Brotherhood" and grasses them up for selling them to the Red Lady to be murdered and third one up for an awkward Reunion is Jorah who spots "Thoros? I hardly recognized you" as they served together overthrowing the Mad King and Thoros recognizes him as "Ser Jorah Mormont?" and begs for some wine lmao and Tormund realizes "you're a fucking Mormont? like the last Lord Commander?" and Jorah admits that was his father and Tormund tenses up says "he hunted us... like animals!" and Jorah just says "you returned the favor if I recall" and Tormund growls at him trying to control himself and Beric looks around at the four bizarre revelations that just happened between their groups and says "here we all are... at the edge of the world, at the same moment, heading in the same direction, for the same reason..." but Davos disagrees but Beric assures them "there's a greater purpose at work and we serve it together whether we want it or not, but the Lord of L-" and The Hound snarls "FOR FUCK'S SAKE WILL YOU SHUT YOUR HOLE?" lamooooooooooo



and just asks "we coming with you or not?" and Thoros says anything is worse than freezing in a cell and Jon says "he's right we're all on the same side" and Gendry gets mad and asks "how can we?" and Jon just sighs "we're all breathing" and takes the keys from Tormund and unlocks the door as... and at the castles rear exit the gate is being raised up as Jon, King of the North, looks back at his new squad of Tormund, leader of the Wildlings, Jorah, the Mother of Dragon's most loyal enforcer, The Hound, the most dangerous killer (fully) alive, Thoros, a fire priest with pyromancy abilities and Beric, the Chosen One who can be brought back to life by him, probably the best fighters on the continent left bar maybe two... and fucking Gendry lmao some random orphan from a shithole slum, and they all steel themselves to get ready and Thoros just takes a slug from his wine flask lmao as they pull out on their mission to capture a fucking zombie with some random NPCs... not going with them and staying behind oh shit no redshirts to get killed here oh damn oh shit





Game of Thrones 7x06: "Beyond the Wall"
Left 4 Dead 2 special edition
First aired: August 20, 2017

and we open on a pan up Dany's table map to beyond The Wall where we cut to the 8 men, wait I thought it was 7 I'm confused, oh they have some NPCs with them after all, rip all them redshirts, well they're walking through the frozen tundra and Jon asks the cold Gendry if he's ok and he admits he's never even seen snow before but Tormund says "beautiful ay? I can breathe again! down South the air smells like pig shit!" as she's not used to living in stationary civilisation and Jon and him bicker about him considering Winterfell the South and Gendry asks how the fuck Tormund keeps his balls from freezing off and Tormund says "gotta keep moving, walking's good, fighting's better, fucking's best!" but Jon reminds them "there's not a living woman within a hundred miles of here" and Tormund gives Gendry an evil smirk and says "we gotta make do with what we got" and he looks around worried this dude'll rape him lmao but Tormund sees he didn't get he was clearly joking and whispers to Jon "this one is maybe not so smart" but Jon says Davos vouches for his fighting ability and Tormund says "good, that;s better than being smart, smart people don't come up here looking for the dead!" and jokes to Jon that he spent too much time with the Free Folk to not bend the knee to Dany and points out not to let people die for your pride like Mance did and Gendry starts bitching at an already sloshed Thoros for selling him to a witch, which I would have thought Davos would have had some input into but I guess he doesn't want to talk about the woman who did a lot worse to him, and Beric justifies that they needed money and Gendry bitches about them betraying someone who wanted to fight for them and says "do you know what she did to me? she tied me down on a bed, stripped me naked-" and The Hound butts in saying "sounds alright so far" roflll and Gendry finishes "and put leeches on me!" and all The Hound cares about is "was she naked too?" and Thoros explains "she wanted your blood" and Gendry snaps "yeah I know that thanks!" rofl and explains she woulda killed him if it wasn't for Davos and The Hound tells him to stop whinging as he's alive which he denies but he says "your lips are moving and you're complaining about something, that's whinging, this one's been killed six times you don't hear him bitching about it!" and struts off and a confused Gendry takes an offer of Thoros flask as he begins to regret his decision rofl, then Jon is talking to Jorah about his father's death assuring him they avenged his killers and Jorah's just sad that he died in the worst way, betrayed by the men he'd die fighting for, and Jon agrees, telling Jorah about how his own father was so honerable but died on the executioners block, and Jorah tells him Ned wanted the same done to him and admits he was right and Jon just smiles "glad he didn't catch you" and stops to give him Longclaw telling him he changed the bear handle to a wolf but it's still his family's but Jorah unsheathes it and says he doesn't deserve it for bringing shame to his house, I assume for his crimes with slavery, and tells him it's Jon and his family's now, and Jon sighs thinking about his siblings back home



and then we see in Winterfell Sansa coming up on Arya in the spot where Ned used to look down on his children and she tells a story about Bran leaving his bow down there and she could only find one arrow but loved shooting it over and over again at the target despite being a bit shit but when she finally hit the bulls eye she heard clapping and looked up to see... Ned applauding her and smiling despite her breaking the rules, and she realized if it makes her father proud of her then the rules must be wrong, but then she remembers "but now he's dead, killed by the Lannisters... with your help" and Sansa asks "what?" ooooooooh nooooooo CIA is giving them le fake letter to turn them against each other? no wait it's the real letter that Cersei made Sansa send to Winterfell telling Robb to bend the knee? shit so getting caught was CIA's plan lmao, and Arya can tell right away it's Sansa's handwriting and reads out the letter Cersei made her write telling Robb to cuck out on Ned and bend the knee and Sansa asks her to stop but she keeps going and Sansa tries to say "they forced me to do it" but Arya implies it doesn't count unless she was tortured into it and insists she was also a child and would never do that and calls her stupid for believing their lies and gets angry reminding her she saw her the day Ned died in her fancy dress and hair as she knows Sansa loved being there right up until that moment and Sansa realizes horrified "you were there?" but then starts attacking Arya's pride saying she never did shit to save him either and Arya snaps that Sansa betrayed their family for Joffrey and she steps forward and tells her "you should be on your knees thanking me: we're standing in Winterfell again because of me, you didn't win it back, Jon didn't win it back, he lost the Battle of the Bastards!" and Arya defends that she was busy training and Sansa reminds her "well when you were off "training" I suffered things you could never imagine" and Arya quips "oh I don't no about that I can survive a lot" but Sansa can tell from Arya's ever spunky attitude she never had her womanhood assaulted and tells her "you never would have survived what I survived" as Arya's whole identity revolves around being independent and protecting herself and Arya just sneers "I guess we'll never know" as if blaming her for not being able to defend herself and Sansa asks "what are you gonna do with that letter?" and Arya taunts her with the possibility of showing it to Jon teasing her that he'll understand she was just a "stupid little girl" and Sansa tries to tell her this is what Cersei wants but Arya keeps taunting it's the Northern Lords she wants it kept from since Lady Mormont would certainly not understand the "but I was just a child" excuse and there's some kino where there's hanging slaughtered pigs behind Arya as the vice tightens and she tries to calm Arya down saying "you're angry, sometimes anger makes people do unfortunate things" but Arya corrects "fear sometimes makes people do unfortunate things, I'll go with anger" calling her out for her cowardice in King's Landing ok this is obviously some sort of reverse ruse against CIA like maybe Sansa planted that note there to test Arya's loyalty now she's acting so weirdly or Arya is only acting so cuntily to Sansa to test her determination or something and trying to manipulate her away from CIA or something since there's no way they'd fight like this, I smell an ebin twist coming



then back over The Wall the 7 player characters and what looks like 7 NPCs are still marching across the frozen wasteland and Tormund comes up to The Hound and says "you're the one they call The Dog" and The Hound instantly says "FUCK OFF" hahaaaaaaa and Tormund chuckles "they told me you were mean, were you born mean or you just hate Wildlings?" and The Hound snaps "I don't give two shits about Wildlings, IT'S GINGERS I HATE!" lmaoooooooooooo and Tormund memes "gingers are beutiful, we are kissed by fire... just like you!" and points at his scar like a child and The Hound bats his arm away telling him "don't point your fucking finger at me" and storms off and Tormund grins as he's found someone new to wind up lmao and he pesters him "did you trip into the fire when you were a baby?" and The Hound explains "I didn't trip I was pushed" and Tormund realizes "and ever since you've been mean" and The Hound growls at him like an angry mutt "will you fuck off?!" and Tormund keeps pushing "I don't think you're truly mean, you have sad eyes" and The Hound stops in his tracks and asks him "you want to suck my dick is that it?" and Tormund just asks "dick?" and The Hound explains "cock!" and Tormund realizes "ah, dick... I like it" as if he suddenly understands other Notherner conversation and The Hound smiles and says "I bet you do" and walks off roflllllllll but Tormund claims "nope, it's pussy for me, I have a beauty waiting for me back at Winterfell... if I ever get back there! yellow hair! blue eyes! tallest woman you've ever seen! almost as tall as you!" and The Hound stops dead in his tracks and realizes "Brienne of Tarth!" and Tormund asks "you know her?" like he's amazed he might get to know more about his crush like he's a little boy at heart and The Hound can't fucking believe "you're with Brienne of fucking Tarth?" as he clocked how uptight she was just from one conversation and Tormund claims "well not yet but Is ee the way she looks at me!" and The Hound sneers "how does she look at you? like she wants to carve you up and eat your liver?" and Tormund clocks "you do know her!" and The Hound just grumbles "we've met" and an excited Tormund says "I want to make babies with her! think of them: great big monsters, they'd conquer the world!" and The Hound seems to be aware he's in the penultimate season and asks himself out loud "how did a mad fucker like you live this long?" and Tormund just guesses "I'm good at killing people?" top fucking kek what a pair

then the new combination of interesting characters to see talk is Beric who tells Jon "you don't look much like him" hmmmmmmm maybe there's a reason for that hmmmmm and they talk about how it was Ned who sent him on his mission after The Mountain and that Tormund told him the Red Lady brought him back just like Thoros has done for him six times and assures Jon they both serve the same Lord but Jon says he only serves the North and doesn't know anything about Allah wanting him alive and Beric admits neither does he and Jon complains "what's the point in serving a god if none of us know what he wants?" and Beric does the christcuck shit of saying it's not their place to understand they just need a reason to fight, which isn't any stranger sitting on a throne, but he fights for "life: death is the enemy, the first enemy, and the last" and Jon looks confused "but we all die?" and Beric smiles saying "the enemy always wins, but we still have to fight him, that's all I know" and warns they wont be happy up there but can at least protect the weak and Jon remembers his vows saying the same thing and Beric says that's enough for men like them and Jon actually agrees with him, maybe I'm on the wrong track but I guess this is more shit about climate change where you're worried it'll kill people who'll die anyway but you still want to keep them alive for as long as you can and give them a good life not having their slum flooded or town starving or whatever the fuck, then The Hound stops in his tracks and tells them that a huge spiralling mountain is "what I saw in the fire... a mountain like an arrowhead" and warns "we're getting close"



then we see Tyrion staring into a fire himself and Dany starts complimenting him for not being a hero but insecure Tyrion claims he is heroic on occasion and Dany tells him "I don't want you to be heroic, heroes do stupid brave things and they die, Drogo, Jorah, Daario, even this... Jon Snow! they all try to outdo each other: who can do the stupidest bravest thing" which would be a key theme of the show if it hadn't gotten really silly and tropey in the last 3 seasons and Tyrion points out all the heroes she named... all fell in love with her, and Dany claims Jon isn't, but Tyrion points out he stares at her longingly and she glares at him and says "HE'S TOO LITTLE FOR ME" AHAHAHAHAH MANLETS ON SUICIDE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH but then she remembers who she's talking to as Tyrion is almost like the harmless gay best friend to her and she catches herself saying "I didn't mean t-" but Tyrion smiles and says "as heroes go he's quite little" and she compliments him for being brave still wtf is with this show suddenly pointing out Jon's height? it's never been a thing before, is it literally just referencing memes in the fandom about the actors real stature or what? and Dany talks about finally meeting Cersei worrying about her wanting her dead but Tyrion assures her "first she'd torture you to death and then murder you" and gets serious saying they'll go with three dragons and two armies "anyone touches you King's Landing buns down to the foundation stones" and Dany looks sad as she doesn't want civvie deaths and worries about a trap but Tyrion points out Cersei worries the same thing about her and Dany asks suspiciously "are we? laying any traps?" and Tyrion says "if we're trying to build a better world deceit and mass murder isn't a good start" and Dany asks "which war was won without deceit and mass murder?" edgy and Tyrion admits she will need to be ruthless and inspire fear but that's all Cersei, Tywin and Joffrey had it made their power brittle "because everyone beneath them wants to see them dead" and Dany puts forward that it worked for Aegon but Tyrion says she wants to break the wheel he built and Dany cant believe they're walking into the lions den almost literally but Tyrion assures her Jaime will keep control of his me but she doesn't believe any Lannister but him and he says he promised Jaime to keep Dany from doing anything impulsive too and Dany, already homicidally angry from one comment lmao, asks "impulsive?" and Tyrion explains Cersei wants them both headless and has a talent for winding people up "and you have been known to lose your temper from time to time... as all great leaders do" and Dany insists "WHEN have I lost my temper?" trying not to lose her temper right now sulis and Tyrion brings up "burning the Tarlys for instance" and Dany snaps "that was not impulsive! that was necessary" and Tyrion proposes "perhaps" and Dany dares him to keep going "perhaps?" as a fire burns behind him like he's already in it visually and he points out maybe the son didn't need to die or they could have both been put in a cell but she killed them both before any discussion and Dany snaps that he's taking his family's side and Tyrion says you need to take others sides to predict their actions and beat them and he wants that very much since he believes in her and her world but realistically it wont be built in a lifetime and asks how the wheel stays broken and Dany realizes "you want to know who sits on the Iron Throne when I'm dead?" and Tyrion says she might not be able to have kids but there are other methods of choosing a successor and brings up the Night Watches democracy and whatever the fuck the Ironborn do but Dany dismisses it and Tyrion tries to assure her she could have been dropped by arrows at time during the battle and Dany gets paranoid saying "you've been thinking about my death quite a bit haven't you?" accusing him of planning against her and bringing up losing Dorne and Highgarden getting him shook that she really is losing it already and Dany insists her succession will be discussed after she wins the crown and storms off



then over The Wall there is a blizzard and all the men and even Tormund are struggling hard and they suddenly see in the distance... some sort of animal? and The Hound warns "a bear! big fucker!" OH SHIT IS IT WHITE BEAR THE RACIST POLAR BEAR? ohfug its gonna be a zombie bear or some shit, and the bear looks right at them... and Gendry asks "DO BEARS HAVE BLUE EYES?" uuuuuuuhhhhhh



ITS A ZOMBIE POLAR BEAR!!! AND IT RUNS RIGHT AT THEM!!! AND THE SCOUT THEY SENT AHEAD RUNS IT LIKE FUCK BACK TO THE MEN WHO DRAW THEIR WEAPONS AND HE LOOKS BEHIND BUT THE UNDEAD BEAR POUNCES ON HIM FROM OUT OF THE SNOWSTORM BESIDE HIM AS IT'S SO FAST IT COULD OUTMANOEUVRE HIM EASILY



and the men all fucking brick it but Jon runs after his man and finds... just blood, and the remaining 12 men (thought it was 14 out there plot hoooooooole) go back to back in a circle to defend themselves with their weapons at the ready and the camera pans around The Hound... Thoros... Jorah... Tormund



THE BEAR SUDDENLY CRASHES OUT OF THE BLIZZARD EATING ANOTHER REDSHIRTS AND MAULING HIM ON THE GROUND OH FUUUUAAAA WE FUCKING NOW BOIIIIIIIIII AND JON RUNS UP TO SAVE HIM BUT THE ZOMBIE POLAR BEAR SLAPS HIM AWAY AND ITS TIME TO GET STAR WARS UP IN THIS BITCH AS THOROS TRIGGERS HIS ULTIMATE AND IGNITES HIS OWN AND BERICS SWORDS ON FIRE WITH HIS PYROMANCY AND AS THE HOUND DRAGS JON TO SAFETY THEY CHARGE IN READY TO DIE FOR ALLAH



BUT THE BEAR SLAPS ONE OF THE OTHER REDSHIRT DOWN AND GRABS HIM IN ITS MASSIVE JAWS AND THROWS HIM AWAY KILLING HIM AND BERIC SLICES HIS FIRE SWORD DOWN THROUGH ITS EXPOSED RIBCAGE SETTING ITS ROTTEN FUR ON FIRE AND LEGS IT BEFORE IT CAN RETALIATE AND IT ROARS IN ANGER AND SPOTS THE HOUND WHO STANDS THERE PARALYSED IN FEAR BY HIS PHOBIA OF FIRE AS THIS FLAMING UNDEAD POLAR BEAR LUNGES AT HIM



BUT THOROS SHOVES HIM OUT THE WAY AND THE ZOMBIE BEAR DIVES ONTOP OF HIM AND HE PUTS HIS FLAMING SWORD IN THE MONSTERS MOUTH GRIPPING THE BLADE TO STRUGGLE TO KEEP IT AWAY AND TORMUND RUNS UP SCREAMING AND SMASHES IT IN THE HEAD WITH HIS AXE BUT THE BEAR SLAPS HIM AWAY AND GOES BACK TO CHEWING ON THOROS FLAMING SWORD



AND THE HOUND SEES IT PULL IT OUT OF HIS HANDS AND THROW IT AWAY AND BITE INTO HIS JACKET PULLING HIM AROUND ON THE GROUND AS THOROS SNARLS IN TERROR AND PAIN SOUNDING LIKE FUCKING ARHOLD SWARTZENEGGER AS THE ZOMBIE POLAR BEAR CAN'T FIND ANY NON-WHITE PEOPLE THERE SO IS GOING FOR THE NEXT BEST THING TO KILL: THE DUDE WHO SEEMS LIKE SOME KINDA MUSLIM



AND THE HOUND JUST SITS THERE PARALYSED IN FEAR BUT JORAH RUNS UP AND STABS A KNIFE INTO THE BEASTS SPINE KILLING IT I uhhhh I guess that knife was valaryian steel so it can kill zombies or something?



and Gendry and Beric run in to pull Thoros away from it's flaming carcass in case it reanimates and they open up his coat to find... the bear sunk it's teeth in, and The Hound looks miserable that he bottled it when he could have saved his the closest thing to a friend he has in this fucked up world, and Jorah says "we need to get him back to Eastwatch" but Thoros knows its too late and just asks "flask" and his old friend Beric gives it to his lips and he grabs it downing the whole thing and tells Beric "go on" and I thought he was saying to mercy kill him but BERIC CAUTERISES THOROS BITE WOUNDS WITH HIS FLAMING SWORD as he hisses in agony and The Hound walks away as he cant watch someone bring burned (ok new prediction, when he finally fights The Mountain again... he'll wield a flaming torch against him, and he'll finally have to overcome his fear or some pottery like that) and Beric asks "you alright?" and Thoros snarls "I just got bit by a dead bear!" and Beric jokes "aye, you did" and Thoros just sighs "funny old life" and they drag him to his feet and Beric puts his sword in the ground to extinguish it and Jon and Tormund go over to the dead redshirt, I guess all of them got killed during that lol rip, and they look up to see... the bears footprints going into the snowstorm? but they're coming in from there so I don't think we're meant to think it got up and left they're just shook about what else is out there



and in Winterfell Sansa is asking CIA where Arya got the letter from who claims "I don't know, she seems very resourceful" as Sansa rushes to lock the doors so they can talk privately as she worries that they have 20K men to keep loyal during an awful winter and worries that they're only loyal to Jon but CIA tries to assure her they respect him so respect her and insists they respect her or maybe even prefer her but Sansa isn't impressed with the men who betrayed her brother and are itching to do it again accusing them all of being "wind vanes" and knowing they'd turn on her for marrying not one but two enemies of her house and CIA assures her Arya would always be loyal but Sansa worries she wouldn't if she thought she was going to betray Jon as she doesn't even know her own sister any more and CIA suggests getting Brie to help connect with her and she'd have to by oath help them get along uhhhhhh riiiiight they're obviously doing some ebin ruse on CIA get on with it

then back North of The Wall the 7 lads and the two remaining NPCs are marching along and Jorah asks Thoros "there's something I've always wanted to know... how drunk were you when you charged through the breach on Pyke?" and Thoros admits he doesn't even remember it and was only told the next morning lmao and struggles to get his flask packed away and Jorah does it for him and tells him the Ironborn thought he was some sort of god with his flaming sword and Jorah thought he was the bravest man he ever saw and Thoros admits "just the drunkest" and hobbles on tapping Jorah's arm but he can tell he's fucked from his own experience with facing death and Tormund stops Jon as he can hear some weird banging sounds in the distance and they sneak around a ridge and look down to see... some human figures walking past, I guess the zeds, and Jon asks "where's the rest of them?" and Tormund warns "if we wait long enough we'll find out" so Jon nods that it's time to party and we pan up with a drone shot over this frosted valley and we see a campfire in the middle of it and a White Walker that's leading his gang of zombies along sees it and is like ya wot bruv and goes to investigate it and looks around knowing humans must be nearby but can't see anything but then



THE HUMANS ALL AMBUSH THE UNDEAD FROM EITHER SIDE WITH THOROS AND BERIC CHARGING IN WITH THEIR FLAMING SWORDS AND JON STARTS DUELLING THE WHITE WALKER WITH HIS VALYRIAN STEEL SWORD THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT CAN BLOCK HIS ICE WEAPON AND GENDRY SMASHES A ZOMBIES SKULL IN WITH HIS HAMMER AND TORMUND DUELS ANOTHER WITH HIS AXE AND JORAH SLASHES A ZOMBIE IN THE CHEST WITH HIS KNIFE BUT IT JUST GRABS HIM BY THE THROAT AND STARTS CHOCKING HIM AND HE DROPS HIS KNIFE STRUGGLING TO GET LOOSE AS THE WHITE WALKER WAGGLES HIS ICE BLADE AT JON WHO DUCKS AND KILLS THE FUCKER BY SLICING THROUGH HIM WITH HIS SWORD EXPLODING HIM INTO CHUNKS OF ICE AND EVERY ZOMBIE IN THE AREA SUDDENLY DEANIMATES COLLAPSING INTO PILES OF BONES



freeing Jorah from their grasp and Jon looks around like awww fuck how do we capture these things if that's how it works but the men all look up to see... one zombie is left alive... I guess because it's the only one with flesh on it so can stay walking under it's own power and isn't only being held together by magic like the skeletons or something, and it's pacing around snarling at them as the humans surround it and it starts screeching at them and staggering around as the men shove it back and fourth as shit's about to get POOR LITTLE ZOMBIE IN THE HOOD 8: A NEW WAY TO EAT HUMAN COCK



and The Hound looks around like wtf do we do so Tormund tosses his axe away and TORMUND PUNCHES THE ZOMBIE IN THE FACE and The Hound dives ontop of it and the zombie goes REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE like an angry frog/autist



and and he tries to put his hand over it's mouth but it bites through his glove exposing it to the painful cold air and hopefully not giving him the zombie virus so he just piles his other hand over it's face trying to hold it's jaw shut but then Jon... hears rumbling in the distance... it sounds like thunder... but it's not... it's footsteps... and Jorah looks up to see a huge snowstorm coming in and Tormund looks up utterly fucking terrified as he knows that's the Night King coming so Jorah puts a sack over the zombies head and Jon orders Gendry to get back to Eastwatch and get a raven to Dany and Gendry insists he come but Jon snaps "you're the fastest, go, NOW!" and runs off and Tormund grabs him saying "you're faster without the hammer, give it!" and Gendry thinks about it and just lets him take it as he fucking legs it back the way they came and The Hound has the tied up zombie over his back as Tormund races after him and Jon and Jorah follow and Beric and the one remaining NPC to survive helps the weakened Thoros up the hill out of the valley (wait... why didn't they just... go with Gendry? or tell The Hound to carry the prisoner zombie away while they distract the army? are they seriously going to hide in the mountains until Dany saves them lmao?) and oh I guess there's another two NPCs with them but Jorah screams "stop!" as he realizes THE MEN HAVE RUN ONTO A FROZEN LAKE and they fucking shit their pants as they turn around to see THE ARMY OF THE DEAD BEHIND THEM!!!



SO JON JUST SCREAMS "GO!" AND THE MEN ALL LEG IT OUT ACROSS THE FROZEN LAKE TOWARDS A SMALL STONE ISLAND IN THE MIDDLE AS THE ZOMBIES FLOOD IN ALL AROUND THEM AND ONE OF THE NPCS SLIPS AND SLIDE AND GETS BACK UP BUT IT'S TOO LATE AND THE ZOMBIES DOGPILE HIM BUT THE WEIGHT BREAKS THE ICE AND HUNDREDS OF THEM FALL IN AND THE RETARDS KEEP SHUFFLING ALONG ALL POURING INTO THE WATER BUT THEY EVENTUALLY GET THE PICTURE AND... THE 8 REMAINING MEN FIND THEMSELVES STANDING ON THE ROCK SURROUNDED BY THOUSANDS OF ZOMBIES UNABLE TO CHARGE AT THEM EN MASS BECAUSE OF THE FROZEN LAKE a very clever and original situation tbqh that means the zombies have to only trickle on attacking one at a time like the Agent Smith fight in Path of Neo where they couldn't animate you fighting more than a handful at a time so all the others just stood around waiting their turn lol or risk cutting themselves off from them



however these guys dont have to fucking eat so could just stand there and wait for them to starve or break the ice and leave knowing if the humans try to leave they'll freeze to death, and Jon sighs in relief as he realizes they have to stop and we see Gendry running like fuck back the way they came as he's the youngest and fastest I guess and the idiot's already geting winded from running all out but somehow is already back at The Wall and it's now dust as the zombies just stand there staring at the men with the low light making their blue eyes glow out of the darkness and the zombie POW they have is still wriggling around not knowing wtf is going on trying to escape it's bag lol and the men are all hunched up freezing their ballbags off and looking around trying not to get psyched out at the army of fucking monsters surrounding them and Gendry runs along and faceplants in the snow having exhausted himself but the gate rumbles open and the Wildlings manning the castle come out with torches and Davos grabs his friend and asks "what happened? where are the others?!" and Gendry spurts out that they need a raven and back on the frozen lake it's morning and the men are all covered in frost huddled together still surrounded by the zombie army standing in an frozen idle animation while their POW snarls in his back and The Hound wakes up being the only one cold blooded enough to sleep in this situation lmao and he looks around confused as if he's remembering where he is and he goes up to the zombie POW and angrily kicks it it actually makes the zombie army grumble as if... they don't like him abusing one of their people? and Beric kneels down as he realizes... THOROS DIED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT... >TFW YOUR HEALER DIES LIKE A NOOB TO THE ENVIRONMENT JUST BEFORE YOUR BIG TEAM FIGHT SO YOU DON'T GET ANY REZ



and he tries to say "Thoros... Thoros?" but everyone can tell he's gone so he puts his cloak over his head and The Hound kneels down and tells Beric "they say it's one of the better ways to go" which is true you kind of just get more and more tired until you're asleep and die without any pain I've heard but that also means if you try to save someone from freezing they'll be very groggy and not have the energy to move so you have to drag them out or scream in their face to snap them out of it or something and The Hound takes his flask and tries to drink but its running low lmao at least he died how he lived: buzzed and Beric says a prayer for his fallen savoir "Lord of Light, show us the way, come to us in our darkness and lead Your servant into the light" and as The Hound tries to squeeze any wine left in the flask out Jon snatches it off of him and tells them "we have to burn his body" and pours the wine left out on his corpse like pourin the last sipa lean for the fallen homie and Tormund warns "we'll all be close behind him... unless the Lord of Light is kind enough to send us a bit of fire" and BERIC IGNITES HIS OWN SWORD ON FIRE by running it across his palm, this is a funny meme in tv shows: cutting your palm when you need blood for magic very casually, in real life you bleed like fuck if you cut your hand from all the veins going through it and it takes a while to close and then you can't use it as well for ages as you need to keep it still to heal, but sure just go put a big gash in your most important bodypart for using tools fam, and some of the zombies surrounding them actually snarl as they see the fire in the distance, ah I didn't realize he could do that on his own or maybe this is the first time he's managed it and Tormund looks like uhhhh ok then and he says the meme prayer "Lord of Light, come to us in our darkness, for the night is dark and full of terrors" as he lights the wine on Thoros' body with his sword, and Jon walks out to look at this huge army and Jorah warns him "we'll all freeze soon... and so will the water" as they can't survive if the ice gets any thicker for obvious reasons and points out "when you killed the White Walker almost all the dead that followed it fell, why?" and Jon figures "maybe he was the one who turned them?" ah like how if you kill an original vampire all the vampires they sired die too in The Vampire Diaries and Jorah figures then "we can go for the Walkers... maybe we'll stand a chance" smart thinking but Jon says "no, we need to take that thing back with us, there's a raven flying for Stormborn now, Daenerys is our only chance" yeah you could have fucking specified to Gendry to tell her to bring some dragons hopefully she gets the picture, from non-stop spamming of the imagery of this upcoming sequence all over autist internet media and advertising I know the dragons show up but I like that it's to save just 6 of them from a hopeless retarded scheme to capture a zombie rather than some big epic battle of armies against the dead which is what I assumed which seemed a bit premature to do that and then go for a round 2 next season I assume but it's cool they're leaving that for presumably the big finale of the next season and show itself so the zombies seem like complete endgame content you can't do anything but take evasive measures against before then and Beric says "no... there's another... KILL HIM, HE TURNED THEM ALL" POINTING UP AT THE NIGHT KING WATCHING THEM FROM A CLIFF aawwww shit



and Jon warns "you don't understand" but Beric says "the Lord brought you back, he brought me back, no one else, just us" and his most recent killer steps behind him and looks up at this fucking devil, or all we know the literal devil from Beric's religion as the Red Lady explained it was about light/life v dark/death, looking down at them and Beric asks "did he do it to watch us freeze to death?" and The Hound taunts "careful Beric, you lost your priest, this is your last life" but Beric insists "I've been waiting for the end for a long time... maybe the Lord brought me here to find it?" and The Hound just growls "EVERY LORD I'VE NEVER MET'S BEEN A CUNT... don't see why the Lord of Light should be any different" roflllll and scary ass thumps on a piano start playing as Jon and the Night King maddog each other from across the freezing lake and sea of zombies awww shieeeeet, so what's the plan, they literally dare him to 1v1 them irl?



then in Winterfell Sansa is given ye old tweet by the Maester and she's shocked to find "an invitation to King's Landing" and later discusses it with Brie, ordering her to go as her proxy, but Brie warns it's her they want, and Sansa assures her she won't let Cersei take a Stark prisoner again as she has work to do there and burns the letter and Brie gets shook and says "it's not safe" and Sansa assures her Jaime treated her fairly before, hmmm I guess the meme here is CIA faked that letter knowing Sansa would send one of her closest confindaunts away so he can fuck with her head (and ginger minge) some more, but Brie insists it's her that's not safe with Littlefinger, but Sansa says she has loads of guards who'd love to kill him, but Brie doesn't trust them not to be corrupted by him and offers to leave Podrick behind as he's become a competent swordsman but Sansa snaps she doesn't need anyone watching over her, she's the Lord of Winterfell and is perfectly safe there, and Brie insists she swore her oath to protect her but Sansa cuts her off saying she better get on the road as that's her order and Brie gives the stiff upper lip and says "yes m'lady" and marches out and Sansa sits back nervous wondering if she did the right thing

then in Dragonstone Tyrion is telling Dany who walks up to her three dragons that were napping together on the ground "the most important person in the world can't fly off to the most dangerous place in the world!" and insists they're just fucked up there and tries to talk Dany out of not risking herself as they're all fucked without her, all of them, everything



but Dany is already dressed in her fashy winter clothes and tells him she wont listen to him and do nothing again and climbs up on Drogon and he leaps off the cliff and takes flight and his two wingman brothers jump off and fly after him too awww shit



then back in the North The Hound is holding Gendry's war hammer and staring out at the army of the dead waiting for their order to move in and THE HOUND THROWS A ROCK INTO THE ARMY, KNOCKING A SKELETONS JAW OFF AND CALLS IT "DUMB CUNT!" HAHAHAAHAH



shitposting until the very end, nice, and the other 5 men all look at him like they can't fucking believe this retard he is risking agroing them when they just have to wait for Dany's exfil but he picks up yet another rock and tries to heave it at the army but it just... lands on the very solid ice and skitters across, showing that it's frozen shut again, and Jon bricks it... and the jawless skeleton slowly looks down at the rock... tries to rub it's two frozen branicells together... and looks back up and The Hound can see it thinking as hard as it can as he realizes "oh... fuck" wow good job you fucking idiot because THE SKELETON MARCHES FORWARD ACROSS THE REFROZEN LAKE and all the men stand up as this one jawless skeleton walks over to get revenge for being bullied...



and a few of the other zombies start walking over too, not wanting to rush all at once so they don't break it again as this metalic thumping sound plays that reminds me of the score from Terminator 2... and Jon takes out his Valaryan steel sword... Tormund gets his axe ready... The Hound has Gendry's war hammer... Beric lights his sword on fire...



Jorah gets his obsidian knives out... and the NPC just stands there with his spear like why am I even fucking still alive... and the 6 men are surrounded from all sides by dozens of zombies staggering towards them awwwww shiiiiiit THE HOUND SAYS "AW FUCK IT"



AND SMASHES THE JAWLESS SKELETON OFF ITS FEET WITH THE HAMMER, JON STABS A ZOMBIE, JORAH CUTS ONES HEAD OFF, AND ANOTHER, AND JON CUTS ANOTHER SQUEALING ONE DOWN, THE JAWLESS ZOMBIE COMES AT HIM YET AGAIN SO THE HOUND THUMPS HIM AND ANOTHER DOWN



TORMUND AXES ANOTHER, BLOCKS AN ATTACK AND DESTROYS ANOTHER, BERIC RUNS ONE THROUGH WITH HIS FLAMING SWORD SETTING ITS CLOTHES ALIGHT AND KICKS IT AWAY, JON AND JORAH BOTH GO HAM COPPING ZOMBIES BACK AND THE HOUND SEES THE JAWLESS SKELETON GET BACK UP AND COME FOR HIM SPECIFICALLY AND HE GROWLS BACK AT IT BUT THEN THUMPS HIS HAMMER DOWN ON THE ICE CAUSING THE SKELETON TO FALL THROUGH IT INTO THE FROZEN LAKE LMAO OWNED NOOB AND THE CAMERA PANS BACK TO SHOW ALL THE MEN FIGHTING THE UNDEAD



BUT WE GET A BIRDS EYE VIEW OF THE ENTIRE ARMY REALIZING THEY CAN START TO CLOSE IN SOME AGE OF ULTRON SHIT UP IN THIS BITCH



AND THE ZOMBIE POW IS GETTING MAD AS THE HOUND TAKES OUT A HANDAXE TO GET UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL AND TORMUND IS GOING APESHIT CHOPPING THE DEAD DOWN LIKE TREES WITH HIS AXE AND EVEN THE NPC DUDE GETS A KILL AND ONE GRABS JON FROM BEHIND TRYING TO BITE HIM BUT JORAH KNIFES IT IN THE BACK TO DRAG IT OFF AND THEY COVER EACH OTHER KILLING ZOMBIES AROUND THEM AND THE HOUND PUNCHES ONE DOWN AND TORMUND STABS ONE IN THE BELLY AND BERIC CHOPS ANOTHER DOWN AS THE NPC RAMS ANOTHER WITH HIS SPEAR AND TORMUND HOLLARS AS HE JUDO FLIPS ONE OFF HIS BACK ONTO THE GROUND AND HACKS DOWN INTO IT AND BERIC PUTS HIS FLAMING SWORD THROUGH ANOTHER SETTING IT ABLAZE



AND SAWS THROUGH ANOTHER AND JON SEES THE FLAMING ZOMBIE RUSH AT THE PRISONER AS IF IT'S TRYING TO FREE HIM SO HE CUTS IT DOWN AND HE CHECKS TO MAKE SURE IT'S STILL SECURE AND "ALIVE" AND HAS TO SLASH ANOTHER THAT COMES UP BEHIND HIM AND A SKELETON THROWS ITSELF AT HIM SO HE PUTS HIS SWORD UP EXPLODING IT INTO BONES AS IT LANDS ONTO IT AND THE NPC TRIES TO STAB THEM BACK WITH HIS SPEAR BUT THEY START DOGPILING HIM AND EATING HIM ALIVE AS BERIC SLASHES HIS FLAMING BLADE AT THE ONES COMING FOR HIM SMASHING A SKELETON APART UNABLE TO SAVE HIS COMRADE



AND JON SEES ALL HIS MEN BEING SURROUNDED SO ORDERS "FALL BAAACK! FALL BAAAACK!" AND THEY ALL BACK THE FUCK UP AROUND THEIR PRISONER AS THE ENTIRE ARMY OF ZOMBIES STARTS MAKING THEIR WAY ACROSS THE ICE AND TORMUND STRUGGLES TO GET AWAY FROM ZOMBIES GRABBING AT HIM BUT HE AXES THEM AND A SKELETON RUNS UP AND SMASHES HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A MALLET OF ITS OWN AND HE STARTS GETTING DOGPILED BY THE UNDEAD TRYING TO EAT HIM TOO AND JORAH CUTS THROUGH ZOMBIES TRYING TO GET TO HIM BUT THERES TOO MANY AND THE HOUND SEES TORMUND GETTING GANGBANGED AND SCREAMING "NNNOOOOOAAAAGGHH HELP ME!"



AS HE TRIES TO THROW THE ZOMBIES OFF BUT... THE JAWLESS SKELETON AND A BUDDY BURST OUT OF THE ICE BESIDE TORMUND AND START DRAGGING HIM IN BY HIS FEET!!!



AND HE SCREAMS IN HORROR TRYING TO KEEP A ZOMBIES BLADE AWAY FROM HIS THROAT... BUT THE HOUND SMASHES A ZOMBIE OFF OF HIM AND PULLS HIM AWAY HACKING THE UNDEAD TRYING TO PULL HIM UNDER GETTING HIM BACK TO THE OTHERS AND JON DRAGS THE PRISONER BACK UP THE HILL AS JORAH, THE HOUND, TORMUND AND BERIC KEEP THE ENTIRE ZOMBIE ARMY NOW AT BAY TRYING TO GET UP ONTO THEIR ROCK AND ALL FOUR WARRIORS, WHO HAVE EACH KILLED HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE EACH IN CAMPAIGNS UP AND DOWN WESTEROS, ESSOS AND BEYOND THE WALL, POWER UP TO MAXIMUM OPERATING AND ALL START SCREAMING AND GRUNTING AS THEY GIVE IT EVERYTHING THEIR BODIES ARE CAPABLE OF HACKING THROUGH DEAD BODIES LIKE THEIR WHOLE LIVES HAVE BEEN LEADING UP TO THIS ONE MOMENT WHEN ALL THEIR MURDEROUS SKILLS CAN FINALLY MEAN SOMETHING



AND A CHEEKY CUNT RUNS UP BEHIND JON TRYING TO FREE THEIR PRISONER BUT JON FLIPS HIS SWORD AROUND AND RUNS IT THROUGH WITH IT AND ANOTHER ZOMBIE GOES FOR THE PRISONER BUT... OUT OF NOWHERE THE NPC RUNS UP AND KILLS IT WITH HIS SPEAR AND JON KICKS HIS ZOMBIE AWAY AND TRIES TO HELP THE NPC BUT A ZOMBIE DIVES ONTOP OF HIM AND JON CUTS IT AWAY BUT THE NPC TOPPLES OFF THE EDGE OF THE ROCK AND INTO THE HOARD OF ZOMBIES WHO ENGULF HIM AND TEAR HIM APART IN SECONDS AND LOOK BACK UP AT JON WTF THAT DUDE WAS HARDCORE TOO



AND JON LOOKS OUT AT THE SEA OF THE UNDEAD COMING AT THEM HOPELESS AS HIS FOUR COMRADES GO ABSOLUTELY HAM TO DEFEND THIS LIKE THREE FUCKING METER CLIFF ON THE ROCK THEY HAVE LEFT AND THEY'RE GETTING SO CLOSE TORMUND BUMPS INTO JON AND STARES AT HIM WIDE-EYED AS THEY BOTH KNOW THIS IS IT BUT TORMUND WILL FIGHT TO HIS LAST BREATH AND KEEPS CHOPPING AND THE HOUND UNLEASHES HIS LIFETIME OF PAIN AND MISERY ON ALL THE ZOMBIES HOWLING LIKE A MAD DOG AND BERIC CLEAVES HIS FLAMING HOLY SWORD IN THE NAME OF THE ONE TRUE LORD ALLAH THROUGH THE MONSTERS AND JORAH SLICES HIS DAGGERS AS FAST AS HE CAN AT THE ZOMBIES UTILIZING THE BUILT-UP POWER FROM HAVING BEEN EDGING TO HIS ONEITIS FOR 7 YEARS STRAIGHT SO HIS T LEVELS ARE AT 9000 NG/DL IN HOPES HE'LL FINALLY ESCAPE THE FRIENDZONE BUT JON KNOWS NO AMOUNT OF INCEL RAGE, ISIS BEHEADINGS, CHILDHOOD TRAUMA OR BEING A GINGER MENTALIST WILL SAVE THEM AND RAISES HIS SWORD READY TO DIE AS THE ZOMBIES HAVE PILED UP SO HIGH IN FRONT OF HIM THEY'RE CLIMBING OVER EACH OTHER UP THE CLIFF BUT SUDDENLY



DROGON APPEARS AND INSTANTLY EVAPORATES THE ENTIRE UNDEAD PILE WITH A BLAST OF FLAME!!! GET LIT THE FUCK UUUUUUUUUUP!!!



AND VISERION FLAPS HIS WINGS TO HOVER DOWN TO SHOOT FIRE OVER THEIR HEADS INTO ALL THE ZOMBIES IN FRONT OF THEM



AND RHAEGAL SWOOPS IN BLASTING ALL THE OTHERS AND THE ICE APART ON THE OTHER SIDE SENDING THEM SINKING INTO THE FREEZING LAKE



AND THE FIVE SURVIVORS LOOK AROUND AMAZED AT HOW SUDDENLY ONLY CHARRED REMAINS SURROUND THEM



BUT ANOTHER FLOOD OF ZOMBIES IS INBOUND BUT A MASSIVE JET OF FLAMES SAWS ACROSS THE ICE ANNIHILATING THEM ALL



AND JON LOOKS TO SEE THE SAME THING HAPPENING ON THE OTHER SIDE AS THE TWO ESCORT DRAGONS COVER THE PERMITER OF THE LAKE



AS DANY TAKES DROGON DOWN ONTO THE ROCK ISLAND AND BLASTS A LONG JET OF FLAMES OUT TO CLEAR OUT ANY ZOMBIES THAT GOT CLOSE



AND DROGON STOMPS OVER TO THE FIVE MEN WHO DUCK AS HE FIRES A BLAST OF SCORCHING HOT FIRE OVER THEM TO FRY THE ZOMBIE ARMY ON THE OTHER SIDE



AND DANY PUTS OUT HER HAND TO PULL JON UP ONTO HIS BACK BUT A ZOMBIE RUSHES HIM SO HE HAS TO FIGHT THEM OFF AS HIS MEN CLAMBER OVER TO DROGONS WING



and on the cliff side we see... a White Walker... put an almost... reptilian hand on an ice javelin on his undead horse and take out out it's sheath... to hand it to the Night King... and back on the rock everyone is onboard Drogon who's trying his best to let them on but still blast the army away and Jon is going ham hacking the zombies back and Jorah yells down "JOOOON!" as he racks up a crazy 5 zombie kill combo OH MY FUCKING GOD GET ON THE FUCKING DRAGON ALREADY YOU BRAINDEAD MANLET



THE NIGHT KING CASUALLY WALKS ACROSS THE FLAMING REMAINS OF HIS ARMY, EXTINGUISHING IT WITH HIS FREEZING AURA



and we see The Hound slam the prisoner down onto one of the horns on Drogon's back to secure it as the other men try to find a way to secure themselves into place up there as fucking idiot brainlet moron Jon is still hacking away at zombies as the other two zombies lay down covering fire, literally, just meters away from him... and the Night King steps up to the edge of the lake... and looks up at one of the dragons, the orangy yellow one, Viserion, and puts up a hand to put the javelin back and aim like he's in the olympics... and as the dragon is distracted raining fire down onto the ground...



THE NIGHT KING THROWS HIS JAVELIN INTO ONE OF DANY'S DRAGONS, PRICING IT'S THROAT AS IT'S USING IT'S FIREBREATH CAUSING IT'S NECK TO EXPLODE!!!



AND IT SCREAMS IN AGONY AND LOSES ALTITUDE AS BLOOD SPRAYS OUT OF ITS BLOWN OPEN SIDE AS DROGON ROARS IN DISTRESS AS HE WATCHES HIS BROTHER FALLING TO ITS DEATH



AND JON TURNS TO SEE THIS DRAGON SPILLING THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF ITS BODY'S BLOOD OUT OF ITS WOUND AND SMASHING INTO THE GROUND GIVING AN AGONIZED WHIMPER AND GURGLE AS IT SKIDS ACROSS THE ICE



AND THE OTHER DRAGON TRIED TO GRAB IT BUT CANT REACH IN TIME AND CIRCLES ABOVE AS THE LIFE LEAVES HIS BROTHERS EYES AND ITS MASSIVE PLANE SIZED CORPSE SINKS INTO THE FROZEN LAKE



and Beric, The Hound and Tormund watch horrified that their only chance for saving possibily the entire world just went down by 33% and Jorah looks over grimacing at Dany... who just saw the closest thing she had to a son be murdered, and Jon turns to scowl back at the Night King as Drogon grunts and growls in mourning and Jon starts hacking his way through the zombies trying to and stares up at the Night King as Drogon starts to roar but the Night King just stares back at him as A WHITE WALKER GETS ANOTHER JAVELIN OUT and Jon bricks it and finally gets his fucking act together the absolute fucking idiot and screams back "GO! GO NOW! LEAVE!" as the fucking moron finally runs back to Drogon chopping zombies away from him but he goes "NOOOOOW!"



AS ZOMBIES TACKLE HIM THROUGH THE ICE AND INTO THE LAKE!!! AND DANY WATCHES HIM DISAPPEAR INTO THE WATER AND LOOKS BACK AT THE NIGHT KING READYING HIS NEXT JAVELIN THROW BUT CANT RISK DROGON SO ORDERS HIM TO TAKE OFF AND HE HOPS DOWN ONTO THE ICE THAT IMMEDIATELY GIVES WAY AND FLAPS HIS WINGS BLASTING THE ARMY OF ZOMBIES AWAY FROM THE BACKDRAFT TO GET ONTO LAND AND KICKS OFF OF A HILL TO GET ENOUGH ALTITUDE TO START FLING AWAY AND THE NIGHT KING READIES HIS NEXT SHOT AND THROWS HIS JAVELIN... RIGHT OVER DANY AND THE MENS HEADS MISSING DROGON, THANK FUCK, AND DROGON ROARS IN THE FIRST FEAR OF HIS LIFE WEAVING OUT THE WAY SENDING JORAH SLIPPING OFF BUT TORMUND GRABS HIM JUST IN TIME AS DROGON FLAPS AS HARD AS HE CAN TO GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE



and Dany looks back at the army of the undead surrounding the flaming rock and the Night King mounts up onto his zombie horse and pulls out with his White Walkers and the zombie army all follow him just abandoning the frozen lake and then JON BURSTS OUT OF THE LAKE, GRABS HIS SWORD AND USES IT TO PULL HIMSELF OUT OF THE WATER somehow not dead to fuck and back by the ice cold water...



and a zombie stops and turns and sees Jon hilariously waddling along the ice and all his mates turn back around to see this one human wandering around and he struggles to raise his sword as THE ENTIRE ZOMBIE ARMY RUNS BACK STRAIGHT TOWARDS THE HOPELESS JON... BUT THEN OUT OF NOWHERE UNCLE BENJEN RIDES UP



WHIPPING HIS FLAMING CHAIN AROUND LIKE GHOST RIDER SAWING THROUGH ALL THE UNDEAD



wow what a convenient rescue and he hops off next to Jon and reveals himself who recognizes him and he's like "Uncle Benjen? how?" and Benjen puts him on his horse and tells him "ride for the pass" and Ben begs him to "come with me" but Benjen for some reason says "there's no time" as if he can't get on the horse too, not like Jon is too big or something the manlet lmao



and he slaps his horses arse that takes Jon off and he just stands there setting his chain on fire again, maybe using the same Lord of Light magic Beric does, and starts twirling it ready to solo the entire zombie army and Jon looks back in amazement as his uncle takes as many undead out as he can before they easily overwhelm him not knowing wtf just happened but at least he has a horse taking him away, welp rip I never even understood which side of the family he's on



then at Eastwatch The Hound dumps the zombie prisoner on a rowboat and gives Tormund a nod of respect as they went from strangers to brothers for life and Beric is sure he knows "we'll meet again Clegane" and The Hound just sighs "fucking hope not!" haha and nods him with respect too and gets in the boat and Tormund and Beric both look up in amazement when they hear screeching to see Rhaegal flying about above The Wall angrily reeeeeeeing not having his identical twin brother anymore and Jorah comes to Dany who's looking back up North from the top telling her concerned "it's time to go Your Grace" and she requests all upset "a bit longer" as she watches Drogon soaring around looking agitated too and she watches the forest like she's almost hoping the dead one'll come out of it, or Jon I guess, but it aint happening so she turns around but then... there's a horn blast, and a watchmen screams "rider approaching!", and they look down to see... a horse riding out of the forest, with a slumped over body on there, and on Dany's ship with the targ sigil on the sails we see Davos getting Jon into bed and struggling to get him out of his frozen solid clothes and Dany gets a look at his stab wounds all over his chest and realizes he really is jesus, ok if Jon came back anyway and wasn't dead or like the Night King's prisoner or something what was the point of him falling into the water and waiting around like an idiot not getting on the dragon? just to kill off Uncle Benjie who was barely explained? ebin, and wait, what's the logicistics of this series of events exactly? Gendry runs all the way back to The Wall, sends a raven all the way from there to the very southern tip of the continent, and Dany rides all the way up in like 12 hours? uh right, and I know Jon has the IQ of a sponge but couldn't Beric have told Dany to just light the Night King the fuck up right then and there if he's the main kill switch to the hivemind? whatever we goofy adventure now boi, and I'm guessing the meme is going to be is Cersei doesn't give a shit and kills the prisoner zombie so they cant use it to sway anyone else to their side, shoulda really tied up Thoros' corpse and let it reanimate so they can have a second prisoner lol, well that whole thing was still fun it was like a team-up episode like some Avengers shit and the show's silly enough by this stage that I'm just like whatever hit me up with that fan service fam



then in Winterfell Sansa is conspicuously locking doors when she sees... Bran's Valaryan steel knife... and she checks under her bed to find a sachel and brings out... A FACEMASK... OF WALDER FREY? this plot device is so fucking stupid lmao, why even establish they have to be harvested off of corpses if you then go on to say actually you can make a facemask for anyone, and how does that even happen? they invented latex production? Arya can just cast a spell on a piece of special cloth or something to make it morph into anyone she likes that can also change her body and voice and clothes? absolute unbridled dogshit tbqh



and Sansa turns around to see ARYA WATCHING HER and she asks "not what you're looking for?" oh my god this is so retarded and obviously Arya playing CIA somehow by like leaning into him trying to frame her or some shit and Sansa warns "I have hundreds of men here at Winterfell all loyal to me" and Arya just stares at her and says "they're not here now" and Sansa asks "what are these?" and she answers "...my faces..." uh right and Sansa asks "where did you get them?" and she answers "in Braavos, while I was training to be a Faceless Man" so she had them custom made knowing what she'd do with them back home or... can make them on the fly? and Sansa asks "what does that mean?" as if this organization wouldn't be world famous since seemingly any random person with a gripe can hire them and Arya explains The Game of Faces where you have to try to tell someone a lie about yourself and goes a bit jigsaw and says "let's play" and Sansa mumbles "I don't want to play" but Arya asks "how do you feel about Jon being King?" and circles around the room like a shark



and Sansa is basically like TELL ME ABOUT ARYA, WHY DOES SHE WEAR THE MASK? and Arya still playing is like "you want to do the asking? are you sure? The Game of Faces didn't work out so well for the last person who asked me questions..." edgy but Sansa demands to have this contrived plot mechanic explained to her, I feel you sister and Arya talks about how they always wanted to be different people, her sister a Queen and her a Knight, but "the world doesn't just let girls decide what they're going to be" #thisiswhyineedfeminism but with the faces she can become someone else... even Sansa... and Arya picks up the Valaryan steel dagger... and comes towards Sansa wondering what it would be like to wear her pretty dresses and be the Lady of Winterfell, and Sansa tries to stay strong and maddog her little sister and Arya says "all I'd need to find out... is your pretty face" (except that's clearly not how it works and you can make copies of a living person as she just found a copy of CIAs face who was right next to her as Arya sparred unless she's meant to think that is a second Faceless Man or some shit but ok duuuuuuuuuuuude) but Arya simply flips the knife over and hands her the handle and walks away leaving her looking super shook... right it's obviously a fucking plot against CIA of course Arya is not going to turn on her sister when she gave up being a Faceless Man she trained at for 2 years (by sweeping floors and being whacked with a stick) for her family



then on Dany's boat Jon wakes up looking confused and stares around with blurry eyes and the first thing he focuses on... is Dany looking relieved and they just very awkwardly stare at each other and Jon says "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" for her dragon-sized loss but Dany just shakes her head and takes his hand and Jon whispers "I wish I could take it back, I wish we'd never gone" but Dany says "I don't, if we hadn't gone I wouldn't have seen" and she explains "the dragons are my children, they're the only children I'll ever have, do you understand?" and Jon shakes his head at this insane facebook dog mom and Dany delcares "we are going to destroy the Night King and his army and we'll do it together, you have my word" as Dany is now the #1 ye olde grievance collector who would shoot up her workplace one day and is primarily motivated by revenge and Jon says "thank you Dany" and she chuckles "Dany?" as this is the first time they actually use that nickname in the show which is I guess where fans get it from although I've seen it long before this ep was released so I think it's the show referencing the fandom which is always a bad thing and she talks about how she cant even remember the last time someone called her that but it's probably her brother so he says "ok, not "Dany"... how about "my Queen"?... I'd uh... bend the knee but uh..." lol and Dany asks what about his people and Jon thinks they'll support her too and she tears up with happiness and takes his hand again and strokes it with her thumb and she says vulnerably "I hope I deserve it" and Jon mumbles "you do" and he holds her hand tightly as he looks longingly into her eyes with his big dumb puppydog eyes and she awkwardly says "you should get some rest" and he immediately closes his eyes and groans in pain lmao but as she walks away he looks around the room and rolls his eyes and sighs as if maybe he's playing her since he needs her support so will pretend to fancy her so she thinks he'll be loyal like he's picked up beta orbiter supreme Jorah is



and then beyond The Wall in that frozen lake there are huge lines of zombies all tugging on huge boat chains... to pull something out of a hole in the ice... and out from the frozen lake...



they drag Viserion's corpse out of the ice... oh... oh no no nonononono... and the White Walker overseers watch as it takes the entire zombie army to drag his dead body onto the surface... and the Night King walks up to the giant dead dragon.... and puts his hand on his frozen snout... and...



THE NIGHT KING REANIMATES VISERION'S CORPSE...



HE LITERALLY HAS A BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON, WE YUGIOH NOW BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII



you know I hope the Night King gets some depth, like he's actually the very first Stark or something or literally future Bran who became so wise he realized humanity is the sources of all problems and needs to be exterminated so Warged back in time to control this body to spend tens of thousands of years trying it but he'll probably just stay some mysterious pure destructive force of nature/racist metaphor for Scottish people who need to be kept back by Hadrians wall



Game of Thrones 7x07: "The Dragon and the Wolf"
MY GRANFATHER'S DECK HAS NO PATHETIC CARDS, JON special edition
First aired: August 27, 2017

in this fucking hour and 20 minutes long episode we open on an Unsullied helmet and pan up to Grey Worm in front of his entire army of 8K men all standing in formation outside of what looks like the city walls of King's Landing and Bronn is inspecting the walls making sure the Lannister army are all ready as they prepare burning oil for a siege and Bronn asks a commander how many barrels they have and he says 500 and he looks out at the formation and tells him "get 500 more" and walks away nervously to Jaime and admits "I still enjoy it when they call me "my lord"" and looks out at the sea of enemies and ponders aloud "an army of men with no cock? you wouldn't find me fighting in an army if I had no cock... what's left to fight for?" and Jaime proposes "gold?" but Bronn points out "I've spent my life around soldiers, what do you think they spent that gold on?" and Jaime suggests "family?" but Bronn reminds him "not without a cock you don't" and Jaime admits "maybe it really is all cocks in the end" really gets ya noggin joggin, I mean he's right everything humans do is because it helped them reproduce in the past and anything seemingly obviously deviating from that is just those systems going a bit wonky in a complex environment, and Bronn points out these are who his brother sided with and Jaime says he always sided with the downtrodden, but then they hear a horn blow in the distance and the thunder of thousands of horses as THE DOTHRAKI HOARD FLOODS OUT OF THE WOODS AND CHARGING AROUND THE UNSULLIED FORMATIONS TO FILL UP THE FIELD IN FRONT OF THEM and Bronn gulps "I think we're about to be the downtrodden" and the Lannister army's archers all take aim just in case



and then we cut to Euron's Iron Fleet on stand-by behind the Red Keep ready to join any battle that kicks off and we pan over to see Dany's shitty little fleet of 5 sailboats that Tyrion, Varys and Theon are on sailing to KL and he walks up to Missy and Jorah looking out at the continent and Davos and Jon who asks how many people live there and Tyrion says "a million give or take" and Jon wonders "that's more than the entire North crammed into that, why would anyone want to live that way?" and Tyrion just explains there's more work... and better brothels, and in the cargo hold of the ship The Hound is sneaking about, I guess Beric stayed with Tormund to try to defend Eastwatch? and he goes up to a coffin looking thing and knocks on it and THE ZOMBIE INSIDE GOES APESHIT FLAILING ABOUT AND SCREECHING as he was just making sure it was still "alive" I guess

then in the Red Keep Cersei is asking Qyburn why Dany isn't with the others heading down to the Dragonpit where I don't know if we've seen before (the answer is so she can arrive dramatically riding Drogon) and Cersei just asks "including our brother?" which he confirms and she just walks up to The Mountain and orders him "if anything goes wrong, kill the silver haired bitch first, then our brother, then the bastard who calls himself King, the rest of them you can kill in any order you see fit... come Ser Gregor it's time for us to meet our guests" and Jaime cringes as his sister orders their brothers death and The Mountain thumps his massive hand down on his person-sized sword and thuds after her, (also is it just me or does this helmet look like a dickhead lmao)



then Dany's crew they're walking up a road Missy asks why this place was built and Jaime explains Dragons have no understanding of what isn't theirs and just take it all so they can't be left to roam around a city and Tyrion tells them by the end they were only the size of dogs from captivity but it was once the most dangerous place in the world when Balerion the Dread was there



and when Davos sees a patrol with Bronn and... Brie and Pod there he quips "maybe it still is" and Jon spots his family's bodyguard and Bronn explains "welcome m'lords, your friends arrived before you did" and The Hound spots the woman who came within an inch of taking his life and she maddogs him back and Bronn says they're there to escort them for the meeting and Tyrion just nods to his Dothraki guards to go with them and everyone apprehensively walks along and Pod nods hello to Varys and Tyrion tells him "a pleasant surprise in an unpleasant situation" and Pod smiles "I never thought I'd see you again my Lord" and Tyrion jokes "supporting the enemy no less" and Pod says "hard to blame you" but Tyrion knows "Cersei will enemy" how is Tyrion the enemy Pod is on their side and just there to deliver a message but I guess from their old point of view of working for the Lannister's they're both enemies now and Pod smiles and says "I'mm glad your alive" and Bronn quips to Tyrion "come on, you can suck his magic cock later!" and smiles at Pod who he saw more recently and they both roll their eyes at each other at their old friends classic bants



and with this whole crazy eclectic group of the mainest main characters to ever main a random NPC Lannister soldier asks his old comrade The Hound "what's in there?" as they are transporting a coffin on muleback and The Hound of course just growls "fuck off" at him lmaoooo and the soldier just decides he better not push it and then Brie starts walking beside him and says "thought you were dead..." and The Hound just grumbles "not yet... you came pretty close" and Brie still takes this shit seriously and tries to explain any bad blood with "I was only trying to protect her" and The Hound encounters even more ironic torment as he explains "you and me both" and Brie lets him know "she's alive, Arya" and he asks "where?" and she says "Winterfell" but The Hound asks "who's protecting her if you're here?" and Brie lets him know "the only one that needs protecting is the one that gets in her way" and The Hound gets a little smile that Arya kept taking levels in badass without him and is now a real nigga too and he just promises Brie "it wont be me" and lets her see him smiling and she smiles back seeing he holds no bad blood for Arya presumably abandoning him or her for reking his shit as he's taken a level in niceness from living a peaceful life for at least 2 years, aww that's sweet



and Tyrion quips to Bronn and Pod "here we are, the heroes of Blackwater Bay... strange place for a reunion" and they joke about how he's not a Lord anymore, that's Bronn, and Bronn tells him Dany can make him a Lord again, and Tyrion tempts him by reminding him whatever he's being paid he'll pay double if he wants to switch sides, and Varys slithers up asking "and that would be double what exactly?" probably knowing full well somehow that Bronn hasn't been paid shit so far lmao but Bronn can tell this guy tries to get in your head and claims "don't you worry about me I'm doing all right, looking after me self" but Tyrion points out he put himself at risk helping him arrange this meeting but Bronn warns he's the only one at risk and he'll be rewarded for bringing "two traitors heads coming right through her door, she can lop them off whenever she gets tired of the clever words that pour out their pieholes, all thanks to Ser Bronn of the fucking Blackwater" and Tyrion gives Varys a scared look who doesn't look to fussed as he always has a backup plan so Tyrion just tells him "it's good to see you again" and Bronn can't help but give up the tough guy act and admits "yeah you too" as this whole fucked up caravan reaches their destination and The Hound announces "anyone touches it, I kill you first" and the Lannister soldier looks back worried about the coffin, one of these fucking brainlets gonna open it isn't he lmao



then they all walk into... an ancient coliseum in ruins... and it's so foreboding even the Dothraki leader gives Podrick a nervous glance as he knows heavy shit goes down in places like this, and Bronn motions for Dany's crew to all take their seats and Tyrion looks around nervously and the Dothraki leader and Missy stay together as if he knows to protect them and Bronn pads Pod on the should and says "lets me and you go get a drink while the fancy folk talk ay?" and Pod looks at Brie concerned as he's become quite the real nigga and can tell he might know shit's about to get bad and is trying to spare Pod from getting Total Party Wiped with everyone else but Brie nods that it's fine for him to go and Pod leaves concerned if it's because she thinks it's safe or wants him gone to safety too and Bronn gives a concerned look back implying it might be the former as the two assistants walk away and Jorah picked up on that subtext too and looks around concerned and so does Tyrion as The Hound walks up to him and growls "I left this shit city because I didn't want to die in it... am I going to die in this shit city?" and Tyrion admits "you might" and The Hound grumbles "and this is your idea, seems every bad idea has some Lannister CUNT behind it" but Tyrion reminds him "and some Clegane cunt to help them see it through"



and then they both see... Cersei, Jaime, The Mountain, Qyburn and Euron roll up surrounded by Kingsguard and Lannister soldiers and dramatic violin music plays as Tyrion eyes his sister shiftily and goes to take his seat with The Hound and everyone else and Jaime gives Brie a serious look like this is the real nigga shit that could kick off at any second and she looks shook and Cersei maddogs Tyrion who maybe didn't merc Joffrey but still betrayed their father and Euron gives Theon a cheeky smirk as he still has his sister captive doing GRRM's wank fantasies only knows what to her who struggles to maintain eye contact with him and everyone sits down and The Hound recognizes the absolute size of the unit beside Cersei and THE HOUND WALKS STRAIGHT UP TO THE MOUNTAIN who steps in front of Cersei as if he's just a robot following his programming to protect her and The Hound says more clearly than usual "remember me?" and sees... his brother is maddogging him under the helmet... and realizes "yeah you do... you're even fucking uglier than I am now" and The Mountain just stares back and The Hound asks "what did they do to you?" as if he... almost feels sorry for his big brother being kept in this inhuman state but he shakes his head forcing himself to decide "doesn't matter... that's not how it ends for you brother, you know who's coming for you... you've always known" and walks off as The Mountain just stands there... swaying a little... like even 1% of Gregor is still in there trying to attack, I remember reading a cool fan theory that le based Clegan bowl will go down at a trial for Cersei's crimes where based on one of the spin-off books GRRM wrote called Dunk & Egg there is a thing where instead of trial by combat being just 1v1 it's actually 7v7 where each fighter represents one of the 7 Gods, and it'd be the 7 Kingsguard including The Mountain versus the good guys best fighters who have beef against Cersei like Jaime, he could recruit Brie and Bronn, Jorah would be sent by Dany, Arya would be sent by Jon and of course The Hound would want a go at his brother and maybe the seventh could just be Gendry tags along too lmao and it'd be pretty hype of The Mountain literally kills all of them in the final episode except The Hound who I'm sure will do some epic shit involving overcoming his fear of fire to set him on fire or something since that's the only way to kill the undead since he can seemingly take spikes being rammed into his chest like it's nothing now



but he steps back into position besides Cersei, and Cersei sits there like she can't fucking believe the absolute drama bullshit that goes on with these people as she watches The Hound step down the steps to exit the arena and she asks "where is he?" and Tyrion glances at Dany's empty seat and cant even look at his sister as he says "she'll be here soon" and Cersei asks "didn't travel with you?" and Tyrion struggles to look up and say "no" and Cersei looks away trying to contain her butthurt and Brie gives Jaime a concerned look who looks down guilty and Cersei can see her brothers second thoughts but then... there's a screech in the distance... and Jaime bolts upright as his fucking PTSD gets triggered but Cersei just looks up scowling and the whole group stands up and Euron looks up bewildered as DROGON AND RHAEGAL FLY IN AND DROGON LANDS ON THE RIM OF THE STADIUM AND ROARS DOWN AT THE PARTY and Tyrion looks over at his sister and sees her just scowling as DROGON ROARS AGAIN as he clambers down the ancient seating sending bricks tumbling down to let Dany off his wing into the arena and Euron goes eyes wide as if this is the coolest shit he's ever seen in his life as Drogon gives them all a warning glance and takes off into the sky and flies around with his smaller brother



and Cersei mad dogs Dany with disgust as she goes to take her seat and just sits there like it's taking every fibre of her being not to have this silver haired thot gangraped and she snarls "we've been here for some time" and Dany, who at least has good intentions, controls herself perfectly, and sits there politely saying "my apologies" and Cersei grips her hands together as she stares at her and after a glance from Jon Tyrion gets up to give the big epic speech but then EURON CALLS OUT "THEON! I have your sister, if you don't submit to me here, now... I'll kill her" and Theon looks super shook and Tyrion looks around confused like what the fuck is going on in this madhouse and looks to Jaime to know what to do and Jaime just nods to him to indicate they can't do anything to Euron and he tries to tell the group "I think we ought to begin with larger concerns" and Euron just quips "then why are you talking? you're the smallest concern here!" and stands up and walks towards him and Tyrion just says to Theon to let him know he has his back "do you remember when we discussed dwarf jokes?" and Theon steels himself and jokes "his wasn't even good" and Tyrion agrees "he explained it at the end, never explain, it always ruins it" and Euron doesn't give a fuck and stares him right in the eyes and tells him "we don't even let your kind live in the Iron Islands you know... we kill you at birth, an act of mercy for the parents" and cranes his head down to maddog him and Jaime calls out "perhaps you ought to sit down!" and Euron doesn't break eye contact from Tyrion and asks "why?" and Cersei can't handle any more of these fucking dipshit idiots antics and orders "sit down or leave" and The Mountain thumps forward to carry out his Queens orders and Euron looks back and Dany looks around nervous and Euron walks back looking like it's no big deal as Theon watches



and Tyrion tries again "we are a group of people who do not like one another... as this decent demonstration as shown" and admits they've all made each other suffer and taken each others loved ones, but if they wanted more then why this gathering, they can wage war without ever meeting face-to-face, and Cersei mocks " so we should settle our differences and live in harmony for the rest of our days?" and Tyrion admits "we all know that will never happen" and she asks "then why are we here?" and Jon stands up to tell her "this isn't about living in harmony... IT'S JUST ABOUT LIVING, the same thing is coming for all of us, a general you can't negotiate with, an army that doesn't leave corpses behind on the battlefield, Lord Tyrion tells me there's a million souls living in this city, they're about to become a million more soldiers in the army of the dead" and Cersei just quips as she fucking despises her citizens "I imagine for most of them it would be an improvement" and Jon walks up to her and tells her "this is serious, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't" but Cersei tells him "I don't think it's serious at all I think it's another bad joke" and smiles as she turns to Dany and asks if she really wants a truce and Dany says "yes, that's all" and glares at her and Cersei gets an evil smirk thinking of all the ways to fuck her over and snarls "that's all? stand down my armies while you go on your monster hunt? or while you solidify and expand your position?" and Dany gives her word the capital will be safe... until the threat is dealt with and Cersei whispers "the word of a would-be usurper" and Tyrion admits conversation cant erase the last 50 years so they have something to show them... and The Hound marches up the steps back into the stadium carrying the big box on his back, and everyone looks around like wtf... as he starts unchaining it and pulling a bolt loose... and Cersei looks at Jaime like wtf are these retards doing, as The Hound slides the heavy wooden box open and stands back scared of what's inside... but nothing... and everyone gets super tense... and The Hound puts his hand on his sword in case... and Tyrion looks worried nothing will happen... so THE HOUND KICKS THE BOX OVER AND THE ZOMBIE RUNS OUT SCREECHING AS IT RUSHES STRAIGHT TOWARDS CERSEI AND LUNGES AT HER BEFORE ANYONE CAN STOP IT...



BUT ITS CHAIN SNAPS TAUT STOPPING IT JUST INCHES FROM HER FACE AS SHE LOOKS FUCKING TERRIFIED AS THE HOUND YANKS ITS CHAIN BACK



and Jaime stands up to defend his sister and the zombie sees The Hound is the one controlling it and he bricks it and takes his sword out as the monster rushes him and THE HOUND CUTS ITS ENTIRE LOWER HALF OFF... BUT ITS TORSO KEEPS CRAWLING TOWARDS HIM, SPILLING ITS ROTTEN INTESTINES OUT AS ITS LEGS TWITCH BESIDE IT



and everyone watches as it screeches and struggles to get at The Hound and Qyburn stands up as he's never seen anything so scientifically fascinating before and Tyrion sees how scared Cersei is as The Hound hacks off it's hand and Jon sees Cersei swallow hard as it keeps crawling around and Qyburn picks up it's severed hand and studies it in wonder and Jon takes it from him as Davos provides a torch he lights and so he can demonstrate "we can destroy them by burning them" and holds the flame to the animated hand and Qyburn observes fascinated as the zombie on the ground writhes around and screams in suffering as if it's still aware of the removed limb and Cersei looks extremely uncomfortable as Jon takes out a knife and says "and we can destroy them with dragonglass... if we don't win this fight, then that is the fate of every person in the world!" and Cersei looks horrified as this this one-limbed corpse still tries to crawl around as JON RAMS HIS DRAGONGLASS DAGGER INTO ITS NECK, REKILLING IT and walks up to Cersei telling her "there is only one war that matters: the Great War™, and it is here" and Dany tells Cersei seriously "I didn't believe until I saw them... I saw them all" and nods trying to get her respect and Jaime, still a military man at heart, asks "how many?" and Dany says "a hundred thousand at least" as they took most of the Wildlings at Hardhome and Euron walks up to whats left of the zombie... and touches it making sure it's not some sort of trick... and asks "can they swim?" and Jon says "no" (surely they can just walk along the sea bed or something, or would the current just drag them around? surely they can work boats if they can do large operations like pulling a dead dragon up with chains?) and he goes "good... I'm taking the Iron Fleet back to the Iron Islands" rofllllllll and Cersei is like ya wot m8 and Euron says "I've been around the world... I've seen everything, things you couldn't imagine, and this... this is the only thing I've ever seen that terrifies me"



and walks up to Dany, who he was planning to seduce last her, to advise "I'm going back to my island, you should go back to yours, when winter's over, we'll be the only ones left alive" and simply walks the fuck away as he doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself rofl, and Cersei says "he's right to be afraid... and a coward to run! if those things come for us there will be no Kingdoms to rule, everything we've suffered will have been for nothing, everything we lost will have been for nothing... the crown accepts your truce, until the dead are defeated they are the true enemy" and stares at Dany dead serious and Tyrion looks around like he cant believe it and Jon and Davos sigh and Cersei adds "in return the King in the North will extend this truce... he will remain in the North where he belongs, he will not take up arms against the Lannisters, he will not choose sides" and Dany asks "just the King in the North? not me?" and Cersei chuckles "I would never ask it of you, you would never agree to it and i you did I would trust you even less than I do now... I ask it only of Ned Stark's son... I know Ned Stark's son will be true to his word" and Jon looks surprised she didn't say something horrible like she knows Ned Stark's son is a punk bitch lmao and he nervously looks at Davos and Dany... and turns down her offer, saying "I can't serve two Queens" and Cersei looks extremely bitchily at Dany who sighs in relief and everyone tenses up real hard and Cersei sneers "then there is nothing left to discuss, the dead will come North first, enjoy dealing with them, we will deal with whatever is left with you" and storms off with her entire party in tow and Brie tries to talk to Jaime who grumbles "it was good to see you, I imagine the next time will be across a battlefield" and Brie insists "we both saw what just happened, we both just saw that... thing" and Jaime says "yes and I'm not looking forward to seeing any more of them and you're loyal to Sansa and her dolt brother" ahhaahh Jon btfo and seeing that zombie made Brie reach her breaking point and she snaps "oh fuck loyalty!" and grabs him and shes like "fuck loyalty?" not believing the most dutiful person he knows would say that but she insists "this goes beyond houses and honor and oaths, talk to the Queen" and he looks at Cersei who's already maddogging him for talking to the enemy and he just asks "and tell her what?" and storms off



and Davos tells Jon "I wish you hadn't done that", what, kill the one thing you risked your lives for and friends died for to bring back kicking to prove to people it was real? didn't think to not kill it and just lock it back up so you can show the maesters or hell foreign Kings to come help? fucking idiot Jon and Dany tells him "I'm grateful for your loyalty... but my dragon died so we could be here... if it's all for nothing then he died for nothing!" and Tyrion stares on after his siblings and says he's glad he bent the knee but "but have you ever considered learning how to lie every now and then? just a bit?!" and Jon snaps "I wont swear an oath I cant uphold, talk about my father all you want, tell me that's the attitude that got him killed! but when enough people make false promises words stop meaning anything!" woah calm down Jordon Peterson! but Tyrion points out "the more immediate problem is that WE'RE FUCKED" and Davos asks wtf to do and Tyrion's last gambit left is to talk to Cersei in private but Dany says she'll merc him and Jon says he should go but Tyrion says she'll definitely merc him so Dany stares at him and gives in and he walks of sadly knowing he probably wont come back and all his friends look after him giving one last look back also sad



then tiny Tyrion walks along the hall nervous as the massive Mountain, literally twice the size of him, thumps behind him escorting him to his brother who tells him Cersei kicked him out for trusting him and his lil bro says "I'm about to step into a room with the most murderous woman in the world who's already tried to kill me twice... that I know of, who's an idiot?" oh yeah Cersei probably has the highest kill count of anyone alive after the Sept bombing lulll and Jaime just says "I supposed we should say goodbye, one idiot to another" and they awkwardly smile at each other as Tyrion walks off to his fate... a chat with his sister... and he enters her dark chambers that the Mountain closes behind him and keeps following him until he gets to their fathers old office desk his sister is behind and the cuntyness starts up "I shouldn't be surprised, she's your kind of woman: a foreign WHORE who doesn't know her place" rofllllll and Tyrion counters "a foreign whore you can't abduct, beat or intimidate... that must be hard for you" and she accuses him of only getting Jon on her side to destroy their family while he insists his innocence as she glares daggers at him and he tells her he's the one that's trying to sue for peace and limit casualties and never wanted to destroy their family and she just stares at him with her eyes welling up in rage as she says "you killed our father" and he admits he hates himself for it despite that his father was going to have him executed and Cersei teases "oh poor little man, your papa was mean to you, do you have any idea what you did when you fired that crossbow? you left us open, you laid us bare for the vultures and the vultures came and tore us apart! you may not have killed Joffrey but you killed Myrcella you killed tommen no one would have TOUCHED them if father was here" and Tyrion begs that he's sorry but Cersei SCREAMS "I WILL NOT HEAR IT!" as she blames him for everything and despises him and Tyrion just accepts "all right, you love your family and I have destroyed it, I will always be a threat, so put an end to me" daring her to do something and Cersei looks up at The Mountain smiling that it'd be so easy, just a nod, and she glares at Tyrion pushing and pushing her that he took her mother and father and son and daughter and admitting to wanting to kill her himself and he walks up to The Mountain and screams "DO IT!!! say the word!"



and Gregor steps forward and half-draws his sword ready for the order and Cersei smiles at the balls on this lad and shakes with the tension of deciding to do it or not... but know she can't and sighs collapsing in her chair and Tyrion stands there gasping as he had no idea if calling her out would work or not but it was his only move left to cut to the chase and either die in which case whatever at least it's over with or live and now force her to talk like an adult without just making threats and The Mountain drops his sword back down and steps back and Cersei closes her eyes to calm down and Tyrion staggers to pour himself a wine and downs it all from the stress and Cersei looks at him and he needs to top up another drink lmao and forces himself to wall back to her... and offer her the wine... (maybe testing to see if she's pregnant? assuming in this world they know not to drink when pregnant and he knows she likes the wine and maybe figured she was scared of that zombie when she might have kept strong before because she's carrying a new child in her) and almost tip toes back to get his own glass and they immediately start bickering again with Tyrion insisting he loved his niece and nephew and she knows it in her heart and she tells him it doesn't matter and she doesn't care as she only cares about the practical effects of his action taking their future but he points out upset his sister is telling him she doesn't give a shit about his feelings that she still brought him there and she insists not to collaborate her enemies and he almost breaks down crying demanding she still has hope and she just sneers and asks what his hopes are such as Dany winning demanding to know why and Tyrion awkwardly admits it and that he thinks she'll improve the world but she reminds him he said she'd nuke KL and Tyrion defends her saying she knows herself and chose him to check not feed her worst impulses and "that's the difference between you" and Cersei sighs telling him "I don't care about checking my worst impulses, I don't care about making the world a better place, hang the world" as she's had to control herself for this shit world that does nothing but hate her all her life and can finally do whatever she wants but holds her stomach from the stress and she talks about how when she saw that zombie she didn't give a fuck about it taking the world but just keeping it away from the only people she cares about and admits Euron had the right idea hiding on an island but Tyrion deduces "you're pregnant" and she sighs that the lions cubs out of the bag, it's good storywise that she's preggers as being a mother is her best motivation rather than just being power hungry and angry although I wish she could get some more to do this season since she blew away her entire supporting cast last season and only has Jaime to talk to now



then in the arena Jon is awkwardly fiddling with ancient bones left there and Dany comes up and they awkwardly talk about his decision that might have fubungled the whole proceedings and probably did but Dany tells him she still respects him and takes the bone to fiddle with it and talks about how this place was the end for her family and says "a dragon is not a slave" in Valaryan and talks about how amazing her familys dragons were and they locked them up until they grew small and in turn her family grew small no longer being extraordinary (think it was probably your dad going insane and killing random people but ok dude) as she hands back the bone now clear that it's a tiny dragon jaw but Jon assures her that she's not like anyone else and her family will go on but she says it clearly "I can't have children" and Jon points out that maybe the witch that murdered her husband would lie to her lmao and Dany just tells him she should have trusted him and he's not one to say I told ya so so just asks what now and Dany says she cant ignore the zombies but also cant ignore Cersei and Jon says Tyrion was right: we're fucked and Dany just smiles at him lovingly like she's glad he's there, but then Jon hears something coming... and it's Tyrion... who comes back to his people... and Cersei comes marching out with all her people... and everyone gets super tense as Cersei walks up... and says... "my armies will not stand down, I will not pull them back to the capital... I will march them North to fight them along side you in the Great War, the darkness is coming for us all, we'll face it together, and when the Great War is over perhaps you'll remember I chose to help with no promises or assurances from any of you... I expect not... call our banners, all of them" and looks around smug like she can even feel superior to others when doing the right thing, inb4 she completely fucks them over and just invades Winterfell when all the armies get up North lmao



then in Winterfell a crow struggles as hard as it can to stay flying through a snowstorm as CIA points out how hard it will be to get a message here but Sansa says it's just Jon ignoring her yet again and CIA rubs it in saying "I can't believe he'd surrender the Northern crown without consulting you" wanting to get her to turn on Jon so then he can manipulate another young Lord but Sansa has the message saying Jon bent the knee from Dany and CIA starts floating the idea mischievously that Dany is beautiful and they're both young and unmarried and together they'd be extremely powerful... but Jon could be unnamed King of the North, and Sansa thinks about it but knows Arya loves Jon more than her and would kill her for betraying the family and CIA prods the sore wound "do you really think she'd murder her own sister?" and Sansa warns "do you know what she is now? do you know what the Faceless Men are?" and CIA looks at her pokerfaced and tells her "only by reputation, they worship the God of Death I believe, I never trust godly men" *tips fedora* and Sansa warns "they're killers and Arya was one of them" and CIA just stares at her and Sansa asks "what do you think she's after?" and CIA does a bit of the ol psychic driving asking "she's your sister, you understand her better than I ever could... sometimes when I try to understand a person's motives I play a little game... I assume the worst... what's the worst reason they could possible have for saying what they say and doing what they do? then I ask myself, "how well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?" so tell me: what's the worst thing she could want?" and Sansa realizes "she could want me dead... because she thinks I wronged my family" and CIA pushes "why did she come to Winterfell?" and looks satisfied as Sansa starts imagining "to kill me for marrying our enemies and betraying my family" and CIA keeps pushing "why did she unearth the letter Cersei made you write?" and Sansa imagines "to provide proof of my betrayals, to provide justification after she murders me" and CIA adds "and after she murders you what does she become?" and it hits Sansa "....Lady of Winterfell" (except Bran is back so... isn't he actually in charge? ok duuuuuuuuuuuude) and CIA just nods at her as Sansa's been mindfugged even though this is obvious some ebin ruse Arya is playing on CIA



then in Dragonstone Jon is on the warmap gaming out how to win Left 4 Dead now they have the Unsullied army, the Dothraki army, the Nothern armies, the Wildlings and now the Lannister army in their coalition of the living, suggests sending the Dothraki up to Winterfell and sail up with the Unsullied and Jorah suggests she fly up for safety as she has many enemies in the North still bootyblasted at her father that might want to become a hero by lighting her up with a crossbow and Jon says it's up to her but they should be seen as allies to the North and Dany does her Telltale game style binary decision and agrees with Jon that she needs to make clear she's no conqueror but a savoir and Jorah flashes Jon a knowing look as he can tell Dany is suddenly emotionally bias towards him, then later Theon stops Jon on the throne room and does the "leave us" meme to Davos and he talks about Jon not lying to Cersei and he explains they need to be honest to fight together and Theon ponders how he always knew the right thing even as kids and everything he dies is always right like hes jealous but Jon admits he barely knows what the fuck hes doing and has loads of regrets but Theon says "not compared to me you haven't" and Jon... agrees, and Theon looks down ashamed, but makes himself walk up to Jon and say he wanted to do the right thing but had no idea what that meant and it always seemed an impossible choice, Stark or Greyjoy, and Jon marches up to him and tells him he betrayed Ned who was more of a father than his actual father and Theon admits it completely but Jon tells him he hasn't lost the part of him that's Ned and that he can't forgive him for all of it... "but what I can forgive, I do" and Theon looks up with that meaning the world to him and Jon tells him "you don't need to choose, you're a Grejoy... and you're a Stark" and Theon has some existential moment where he stops trying to deny parts of himself and can finally realize he's a whole human being like anyone else is and he talks about Yara trying to save him from Ramsay and starts sniffling that he couldnt do it and says "she needs me now" and Jon just asks "so why are you still talking to me?" to give him the confidence to go do something uhhhhhhhhhhh idk probably asking you for help though Jon since you have access to like 6 different armies



then on the beach Theon walks up to the Ironborn and insists to them that they are all loyal to Yara and need to save her but the prominemt NPC insists Yara is dead or as good as dead but Theon insists "she's our Queen" and he reminds her "she's your sister and you left her to die!" and Theon just admits "I did, I ran from my uncle and I'm a coward" and the NPC says yeah so we wont fallow you and says they'll just go find some island to kill all the men and take their wives to hide on and Theon tells him blankly "we're done with all that, Yara made a pledge, we're going to find her, and we're going to set her free" and THE NPC SPITS IN THEON'S FACE AND MOCKS "RUN AWAY LITTLE THEON IT'S WHAT YOU DO BEST!" and Theon stares at him blankly with the mans words having zero effect on him as he hates himself more than anyone else ever could so the man looks around confused this dickhead is just standing there so THE NPC PUNCHES HIM AND THEON SWINGS BACK BUT HE DODGES AND KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD AND GRABS THEON AS HE LUNGES AND TOSES HIM OVER AND THE MEN CHEER AS THEON GETS HEADBUTTED AND PUNCHED OVER... BUT HE GETS BACK UP AND CHARGES AND THE DUDE ELBOWS HIM IN THE BACK, KNEES HIM IN THE STOMACH AND PUNCHES HIM OVER AND WARNS "STAY DOWN OR I'LL KILL YOU!"



BUT THEON GETS BACK UP AND STAGGERS TO THE MAN TO PUNCH HIM BACK DOWN AND HE WARNS AGAIN "I SAID STAY DOWN OR I'LL KILL YOU!!" BUT... THEON'S BEEN READY TO DIE FOR YEARS AND STANDS BACK UP... AND THE MAN CANT BELIEVE IT AND GRABS HIM AND KNEES HIM IN THE BALLS... TO NO RESPONSE... AND THE MAN KNEES THEON'S CROTCH AGAIN... BUT THERE'S NOTHING THERE!



AND HE KNEES HIM AGAIN AS HARD AS HE CAN TO ZERO EFFECT AND TRIES WEAKLY A LAST TIME AND JUST STANDING THERE LIKE N-NANI?!



AND THEON GETS HIS FIRST GRIN IN 7 YEARS SMILING LIKE YOU JUST TRIGGERED MY TRAP CARD BITCH



AS HE REALIZES HE'S ACTUALLY GOT ONE LESS VULNERABILITY THAN HIS ENEMY AND IN FACT HAS TAKEN A FUCKING SHIT LOAD MORE PAIN AND SUFFERING THAN HE EVER WILL IN A HUNDRED LIFETIMES SO HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE FACE, DIVES ON TOP OF HIM, SPITS BLOOD IN HIS EYES AND STARTS BEATING THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF HIS FACE AS HARD AS HE CAN NOT EVEN WORRYING ABOUT HURTING HIS HANDS



AND FLIPS OVER EXHAUSTED AS THE MEN ARE ALL LIKE HOLY SHIT THIS DUDES ACTUALLY HARDCORE AND THEON STRUGGLES BACK TO HIS FEET AND THE MEN HELP HIM FROM STUMBLING AND HE ANNOUNCES "NOT FOR ME, FOR YARA!" AND THE MEN ALL CHEER "YARA!" AND THEON STAGGERS TO THE OCEAN TO CLEAN HIS FACE, NOW LEADER OF THE... LIKE 12 IRONBORN ok that was fucking funny but also a bit kino, maybe it would have made more logical sense if Theon then started kicking him in the balls over and over again and that's how he won the fight rather than suddenly overpowering him since he's fighting in an unfair way this guy can't do back to him but obviously the pottery here is that the Ironborn are huge into machismo and when Theon bought into their le toxic masculinity he was a fucking moron who made terrible decisions just to be like le real man according to his horrible rape and pillage culture but still got no respect, but now that he'll never be able to fulfil that role again due to having no genitals to make children to loot for and boast about his conquests and rapes with it actually makes him be able to be true to himself, a man who's survived worse than anything that can happen to him now, and start making better decisions now that he's not burdened by those stupid stereotypes and ironically wins the respect of his men by persevering despite his evident severe PTSD and missing bodyparts and become better than when he had a dick and was a useless dipshit coward, so he's not only down a physical weakness but a mental one, exceeeeeept the only problem is I am pretty sure Theon only had his dick cut off and not his balls lmao, except I guess Ramsay did make a joke about Yara having bigger balls than Theon "ever did" so maybe they went into the dogs dish too, eagerly waiting for Theon to overthrow his uncle and him and Yara bring his entire fleet to conveniently save Jon and Dany at just the right moment



then in Winterfell Sansa is looking edgy in a hood standing out in the snow trying to focus on the cold wind against her face and orders a man "have my sister brought to the great hall" and then sitting at the special table with Bran in his wheelchair and the room full of guards and that Lord Glover guy some guards bring in Arya and everyone looks at her suspiciously like they might have to merc her and CIA eyefucks her and Arya warns "are you sure you want to do this?" and Sansa says "it's not what I want it's what honor demands" and Arya asks "and what does honor demand?" and Sansa says as CIA watches "that I defend our family from those who would harm us, that I defend the North from those who betray us" and Arya calmly says "alright then... get on with it" and Sansa pauses and asks "you stand accused of murder, you stand accused of treason, how do you answer these charges... LORD BAELISH" lmao it was just a prank bro! your trial's right here!



and CIA drops his jaw and looks at the smirking girls like N-NANI?!



and everyone turns in shock to him and CIA's mind goes wild as he tries to calculate wtf to do here and Arya smugly says "my sister asked you a question" and CIA looks super shook at her as she smiles so CIA licks his lips and darts his attention to Sansa ready to talk for his life and starts up "Lady Sansa forgive me... I'm a bit confused" and smiles bewildered at his niece-in-law and she asks coldly "which charges confuse you? let's start with the simplest one: you murdered our aunt, Lysa Aryn, you pushed her through the moon door and watched her die, do you deny it?"



and CIA glances at Lord Glover who Sansa lied to and CIA instantly decides fuck this dude and says "I did it to protect you" and Sansa corrects "you did it to take power in the Vale, earlier you conspired to murder Jon Aryn, you gave Lysa Tears of Lys to poison him, do you deny it?" and CIA gets to memeing "whatever your aunt might have told you... she was a troubled woman, she imagined enemies everywhere!" now more talking to the entire room as he can tell he's lost Sansa and she says "you had Aunt Lysa send a letter to our parents telling them it was the Lannisters that murdered Jon Aryn when really it was you, the conflict between the Starks and the Lannisters it was you who started it, do you deny it?" and CIA claims "I don't know of such letter" and Sansa accuses "you conspired with Cersei Lannister and Jofrey Baratheon to betray our father Ned Stark, thanks to your treachery, he was imprisoned and later executed on false charges of treason, do you deny it?!" wait how do they know he betrayed Ned? I guess Lysa told Sansa and she was just biding her time to get revenge on him? and Arya looks super smug that she finally gets to avenger her father and CIA snaps "I deny it! none of you were there to see what happened! none of you knows the truth!" to the whole room but, ah, I guess this is how they know, Bran tells him "you held a knife to his throat" and CIA gets shook but tries to hide it and Bran quotes "you said "I did tell you not to trust me"" and he looks confused how the fuck he knows that and Arya tells him "you told our mother this knife belonged to Tyrion Lannister" and takes out the dagger and adds "but that was another one of your lies, it was yours" and he turns to see Bran staring at him emotionlessly and Sansa not much better and he marches up to her desk and leans down to plead into her eyes "Lady Sansa I have known you since you were a girl, I've protected you" and Sansa calls out the dumbest writing in the show "protecting me? by selling me to the Boltons?" and CIA struggles to come up with bullshit and asks "if we could speak along... I can explain everything" but Sansa quotes him back "sometimes when I'm trying to understand a person's motives I play a little game... I assume the worst... what's the worst reason you have for turning me against my sister? that's what you do isn't it? that's what you've always done, turn family against family, turn sister against sister, that's what you did to our mother and her sister and that's what you tried to do against us, I'm a slow learner, it's true... but I learn" as Arya circles in beside CIA and he begs "Sansa please, give me a chance to defend myself, I deserve that" and Sansa sits back in her chair like it's already a done deal and CIA rushes to Lord Glover and insists "I am Lord Protector of the Vale and I command you to escort me safely back to the Eyrie" and he just says "I think not" to this dude who threatened his life and it's attempt number whatever for CIA who literally falls to his knees and cries "SANSA, I BEG YOU! I loved your mother since the time I was a boy!" but beta orbiting is only a super power for Jorah and can't save him now



as Sansa points out "and yet you betrayed her" and CIA looks at her trying to hide his vindictive nature and replies "I loved you... more than anyone" and starts fake-crying and Sansa adds "and yet you betrayed me... when you brought me back to Winterfell you told me there's no justice in the world, not unless we make it... thank you for all your many lessons Lord Baelish, I will never forget them" meaning ironically his memes will live on and CIA kneels there in shock that he can't talk his way out of a situation for once and he tries one more time to whisper "Sansa!" but ARYA SLITS CIA'S THROAT WITH HIS OWN DAGGER HE STARTED THE WAR OF THE FIVE KINGS WITH



LOOKS LIKE GETTING CAUGHT WASN'T PART OF HIS PLAN



AND HIS BLOOD SPRAYS OUT AS CIA GRABS HIS THROAT AND HE TRIES TO TALK BUT CAN ONLY GARGLE, HIS ONLY POWER TAKEN FROM HIM, AND HE THUMPS DOWN AND BLEEDS OUT OVER THE FLOOR ok uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS MANY ANY SENSE? IF SANSA AND ARYA WERE MEERELY EPIC RUSING HIM THEN WHY WERE THEY... YOU KNOW.... ARGUING IN FUCKING PRIVATE?!?!?!? I can barely be fucked to play through the logic of this so maybe I'll come back to it later but basically what a lazy end to such a great character, compare this meme-fest to how complex the writing was for his exit from KL in season 3 when he dabs on even Varys, now he is getting dabbed on by two girls who are fucking about pretending his plans are working on them... even though Bran saw he was a traitor and they could have just killed him at any time and didn't need to pretend to argue in private for the epic lulz? or did they just want to clarify that Bran was seeing the real thing and his vision was accurate? because CIA didn't really incriminate himself at all, Sansa didn't trick him into handing over evidence of his past crimes as part of some ruse to claim she was going to frame someone Arya was close with with doing it or something actually coherent they were just roleplaying in private to play a funny prank on CIA rather than just merc him and get it over with, absolute autism



in KL Jaime is telling his generals their men will march North in three days, and the men claim they need a fortnight, but Jaime says they're all going to Winterfell or it's all lost, and Cersei comes down asking "what are you doing?" and Jaime says innocently "preparing the expedition North" and Cersei is like "expedition north? I always knew you were the stupidest Lannister" ooooooooh snaaaaaaaaap and she rants "the Starks and the Targaryans have united against us and you want to fight alongside them? are you a traitor or an idiot?" and Jaime doesn't get it and Cersei lays it out "I'll say whatever I need to say to ensure the survival of our house" unlike mega brainlet Jon and she hisses "you expect me to trust the man who murdered our father?" and Jaime looks utterly heartbroken that his sister isn't going to be redeemed and is going to get them all killed because of her rage as she rants "you expect me to command our troops to fight beside foreign scum? to fight for the Dragon Queen?" and Jaime insists she saw that fucking zombie but Cersei points out if Dany and Jon's forces can't stop them her armies won't make a difference and Jaime tries to tell her "this isn't about noble houses, this is about the living and the dead!" and Cersei implies their best bet is to just let Dany and Jon waste their resources doing it all so they're not in danger and can mop them up easily if they win and Jaime insists "I made a promise" and Cersei looks at him like he's a silly boy who needs manipulating to do the right thing and puts her hand on her womb and tells him "our child will rule Westeros" but Jaime gets shook and says "our child will never be born if the dead come south" and Cersei teases they simply let the monsters kill each other while they take back their lands so they can rule looking turned on but Jaime says if Dany loses, the dead kill them too, if Dany wins, she'll kill them too for betraying them lmao but Cersei says thats already the case so might as well let them die and Jaime insists he knows they cant beat their dragons but Cersei noticed "how many dragons did you see at the pit? what happened to the third?" and Jaime says it might be guarding their fleet but Cersei can tell Dany was showing them all their power and Jaime insists they cant even defeat the Dothraki either and Cersei says they have the backing of Iron Bank and taunts him for not studying with their father as he just wanted to hunt and ride and fight unlike her who learned and says she bought the Golden Company with the Tyrell gold and now have 20K men on horses and elephants and Jaime is like how tf is Essos going to help us but Cersei says Euron didn't really turn tail and is already ferrying the Golden Company back there and Jaime realizes "you plotted with Euron Greyjoy without telling me, the commander of your armies?" super butthurt and cucked and Cersei points out he conspired with Tyrion and they bicker like, well, brother and sister, about conspiring and she says if he goes North it's treason and he shakes his head having had enough and says "it doesn't matter what I call it" and marches off... BUT THE MOUNTAIN BLOCKS HIS PATH and Cersei hisses "I told you no one walks away from me" and Jaime cant believe it "are you going to order him to kill me?" and she just looks at him like what of it bitch and Jaime snarls "I'm the only one you have left, our children are gone, our father is gone, it's just me and you now!" but Cersei smiles "there's one more yet to come" as if she's got what she wanted from him, his jizz, and Jaime dares her "give the order then" and CERSEI NODS TO THE MOUNTAIN TO DRAW HIS SWORD AND HE DOES but Jaime calls her bluff that The Mountain someone knows too and says "I don't believe you" and marches out and The Mountain just follows him not doing shit as Cersei glares after her brother/lover



then outside KL Jaime is riding into the hills and he make sure to put a glove over his discrinctive gold hand so he can ride in secret but then something lands on his glove... ash? no... SNOW, IT'S SNOWING IN KING'S LANDING, and we see it land in the dragon pit, in the walls, in the city streets and in Cersei's own apartment in the Red Keep... Winter really is Here™



then in Winterfell it's piling up and we see Sam and Gilly arrive and he goes to visit Bran who smiles as he sees "Samwell Tarly" and Sam chuckles "weren't sure you'd remember me" and Bran says "I remember everything" and Sam just nods weirded out already and Bran thanks him for helping them beyond The Wall calling him a good man and Sam says he's not sure he is but asks what happened to him and Bran turns to say "I became the Three Eyed Raven" and Sam goes "oh... I don't know what that means..." even more weirded out and Bran explains "I can see things that happened in the past, I can see things happening now all over the world, why did you come to Winterfell?" as he can't see absolutely everything yet and Sam says if Jon's fighting the dead he's come to help and Bran updates him that he's coming back with Dany and a fascinated Sam asks "you saw this in a... vision?" but Bran just lifts up the crow message he got lol and he tells him "he needs to know the truth about himself, no one knows, no one but me, Jon isn't really my father's son, he's the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and my aunt Lyanna Stark" wait... Rhaegar... that's Dany's other brother right? as he's the other smaller dragon? so that's who was keeping Ned's sister from him, not the Mad King but his son? so that makes... Jon is Dany's uhhhh... nephew? r-right, and Bran explains "he was born in a tower in Dorne, his last name isn't really Snow... it's Sand" wait.... uhhhhhhhhhhhh.... wouldn't it be Targaryen since that was his father? or, oh, that's what bastards are called in Dorne, just a generic placeholder name, rather than Jon and Ramsay who were called Snow since they were just generic placeholder names up North, ok, and Sam looks super confused and insists "it's not" and Bran spells it out "Dornish bastards are called Sand" but Sam rushes to explain "at the Citadel I transcribed a High Septon's diary, he annulled Rhaegar's mariage to Elia" woah woah woah woah... so Elia Martell that Oberyn was avenging... wasn't even married at the time of her murder... but was actually the princes wife? not the Mad King's wife? he used to be his daughter in law? who was the Mad Ling's wife exactly? what the.... how come we havn't even met Rhaegar or heard anything about him or seen him in a flashback wtf is this character? and Sam drops the bombshell "he wed Rhaegar and Lyanna in a secret ceremony" and smiles and Bran asks "are you certain?" and Sam shrugs saying "it's what the High Septon wrote in his private diary I don't know why he'd lie... is there something you can see?" and Bran is instantly at Rhaegar and Lyanna's wedding as they do the meme to the 7 gods and have their hands tied by a tree being married and we finally get to see the two and Bran realizes "Robert's Rebellion was built on a lie" as the two lovers kiss as he sees "Rhaegar didn't kidnap my aunt or rape her... he loved her!" wait so that makes... Jon... the more rightful heir to the Targaryan throne than Dany? if he was her brother's secretly legitimate child? uh ohhhhhh she gonna kill him or some shit



and we cut to Jon knocking on Dany's bedroom door as oh boy I can see it coming as she opens it Bran says "and she loved him" as if he's watching this happen to and Jon enters as Dany looks lovingly at him and closes the door and a suspicous Tyrion sneaks around in the dark watching, and Bran adds "and Jon... Jon's real name" and we cut to what his aunt whispered to Ned that day "HIS NAME IS AEGON TARGARYEN" wait so... was Amon's final words... actually trying to talk to Jon or something? that was the baby he was talking about? not his baby brother as a little boy but... a baby he looked after only like two decades ago? wait wasn't Rob only in power like 14 years? so wouldn't that make Jon still a teenager lmao? I can't keep track aaaaaaaaaaa and Bran watches his father's sister begging him to protect her son as we cut to JON FUCKING HIS AUNTY DANY!!! INCEST, I LIKE IT COUNT: 11 as Bran's voice over explains "he's never been a bastard... HE'S THE HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE" as Jon and and Dany look deep into each others eyes and breath heavy as if they can sense something weird but decide to kiss passiontely



as Tyrion listens outside like a little cuck and sulks off since I guess he's the fucking like 6th guy to fall in love with Dany out of nowhere lmao welcome to the Cuck Crew! and Bran decides "he needs to know, we need to tell him" as we see Dany's ship sail across the sea, boy can't wait for Jon to find out about this and have a big ol brood about it since he's such a whiny faggot, although for once to speak out against incest Dany is already inbred to fuck and back so maybe adding another layer of incest to the Targ family tree will not be good for the kid lul



then later in Winterfell Arya is talking to Sansa as she talks about how "in his own horrible way I believe he loved me" and Arya tries to tell her "you did the right thing" but Sansa insists "you did it" and Arya says "I'm just the executioner, you passed the sentence, you're the Lady of Winterfell" even though it's Bran in charge now but ok duuuuude and just to clarify for the dumb audience "does that bother you?" her sister asks and Arya smiles and says "I was never going to be as good a lady as you so I had to be something else, I never could have survived what you survived" but Sansa takes it back saying "you would have, you're the strongest person I know" and Arya looks at her seriously and says "I believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me" saying that she'd survive getting raped by a serial killer husband lmao and Sansa quips "well... don't get used to it, you're still very strange and annoying" amen to that! and Arya looks out into the snow smiling and quotes "in winter we must protect ourselves, look afterone another" and Sansa remembers "father: "when the snows fall and the white wins blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives"" and they stand there remembering him and Arya says "I miss him" and Sansa says "me too" fucking hashtag me too more like



and under the holy white tree Bran has wheeled himself through the snow there somehow and is away on a DMT trip doing some recon on Eastwatch by the Sea and his flock of birds soars around the edge of The Wall and up above it and over it along the scaffolding and we see Tormund and Beric ontop of it looking at this odd, well, murder of crows circling about in a strange fashion and they go up to a lookout tower and Beric notes "it's a long way down" and Tormund sighs "yeah, crows keep telling me I'll get used to it" and they smile at each other but then... TORMUND SEES... A WHITE WALKER RIDING OUT FROM THE TREE LINE... AND THEIR MEN YELL TO WATCH IT AS MORE ZOMBIES STAGGER OUT... AND TORMUND GASPS AS... THE ENTIRE UNDEAD ARMY MARCH TOWARDS THE WALL...



AND A HUGE SNOWSTORM STARTS DRIFTING TOWARDS THEM, AND A HORN BLARES... A SECOND TIME... AND A THIRD TIME TO SIGNAL WHITE WALKERS... AS THEY SEE IN THE SEA OF ZOMBIES THERE'S EVEN UNDEAD GIANTS... BUT THEY JUST STOP... AND THE WHITE WALKER LOOKS UP... AND TORMUND HEARS SOMETHING SCREECHING IN THE DISTANCE... AND LOOKS UP TO SEE...



ZOMBIE VISERION SWOOPS OUT OF THE SNOW STORM BLASTING THE WALL WITH... BLUE FLAMES!!!



AND AS IT DOES ANOTHER PASS THEY SEE... THE NIGHT KING IS RIDING HIM AS HIS MOUNT!!!



AND TORMUND SCREAMS AT HIS MEN "COME ON! RUN!!! RUN!!!" AS THE ZOMBIE DRAGON BLASTS THE WALL WITH IT'S FUCKING GODZILLA STYLE BLUE FIRE BEAM



AND ALL THE MEN RUN LIKE FUCK DOWN THE STAIRS AS BLUE FIRE DRILLS THROUGH THE WALL LIKE A LASERBEAM AND HUGE CLOUDS OF STEAM RISE INTO THE AIR AS THE WALL STARTS TO CRUMBLE



AND MEN SCREAM AS THEY FALL OFF AS HUGE SHARDS OF ICE SLIP DOWN AS THE ZOMBIES JUST STAND THERE WATCHING AND TORMUND AND BERIC CANT GET TO THE STAIRS IN TIME AND SEE A MAN FALL TO HIS DEATH AS THE ENTIRE STRUCTURE COLLAPSES PROBABLY KILLING THEM TOO



WHATEVER ANCIENT CHILDREN OF THE FORREST WHATEVER THE FUCK ELF MAGIC HOLDING IT UP BEING NO MATCH FOR A ZOMBIE DRAGONS UNHOLY BLUE FIRE CAUSING THE WALL TO COLLAPSE OFF THE CLIFF INTO THE SEA



AND THE WHITE WALKERS WHO SAT THERE PATIENTLY SIMPLY LEAD THEIR UNDEAD ARMY TO SWARM THROUGH THE GAP IN THE WALL LIKE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF ANTS...



THE ZOMBIES FINALLY MAKING THEIR WAY INTO WESTEROS... AND THE NIGHT KING RIDES HIS UNDEAD DRAGON MOUNT TO GUIDE THEIR WAY AS THEY FLOOD OVER THE WALL AND ACROSS THE BORDER...



UGGGHH IVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO NOT MAKE TRUMP JOKES ALL THIS THREAD BUT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE: WHEN THE NIGHT KING SENDS HIS WHITE WALKERS, HE'S NOT SENDING HIS BEST, HE'S SENDING WHITE WALKERS THAT HAVE A LOT OF ZOMBIES AND THEY'RE BRINGING THOSE ZOMBIES WITH THEM



THEY'RE BRINGING REANIMATED DRAGONS, THEY'RE BRINGING UNDEAD GIANTS, THEY'RE BRINGING WYTES, AND SOME, I ASSUME, USED TO BE GOOD PEOPLE, WE HAVE SOME BAD ZOMBRES HERE, AND WE'RE GOING TO GET THEM OUT



hmmm you know what the dragons blue flames reminded me of? Varys talking about how the fire he heard a voice from turned blue hmmm gets my noggin joggin that the warlock that cut his junk off was trying to summon the Night King or something and that's how Varys learned about him or something, inb4 this is complete coincidence and the warlock is never brought up again and uhhhhhhhhh well I guess Beric wasn't the Chosen One then was he lmao guess it's Jon after all, also rip Tormund he'll never get that giant Brie pussy, alright time for me to just rant about how I felt about this season, compared to all the obnoxious filler (the Sand Snake Cringe Crew, Arya's "training", extremely slow build-up to the High Sparrow turning on Cersei) and absentee interesting characters (The Hound, Bran) in season 5 from trying to compress two books into one season and the absolute fucking drivel that went down in season 6 with five different people just killing Kings to take their positions and the climax with a 4 seasons long villain being an almost anti-climax it fell so narratively flat from having to come up with their own ideas this season flowed a lot better due to the shortened episode amount and it's honestly just devolved into literal fanfiction now lmao where they have clearly said fuck it dude and made the show a typical fanservice adventure story with less edge than the previous seasons since all the extremely edgy characters like Joffrey and Ramsay are rip'd so there isn't that dissonance in season 5 and 6 where it's meant to be le gritty and ground le consequences universe but with plots being told by fucking morons and is now just entirely silly fantasy fodder since DnD did a good job adapting the best bits of GRRMs extremely autistic and pedantic books so there was a best of both worlds of the gritty themes from the books being shown on compelling tv episodes but once they ran out of books they couldn't keep the same themes going and it was a bit cringy but now they seem to have decided fuck it duuuude since GRRM wont even get another book out within like 5 years never mind the final one so they can do whatever they want with the show getting even more plot driven than before, which isn't so bad but it just makes it another typical generic american tv show, since before it was character driven, where the characters drive the plot, where even if it has no pay-off in the plot or fucks up plots you were following, if that's what those characters would do or would happen to them that's what happens, e.g. Robb planning out battles he never gets to see because he fucking dies, Oberyn being cocky and paying the price despite vowing revenge on Tywin, The Mountain just gets poisoned to death despite having a rivalry with another character, Jon's love interest getting killed not by him, his arch nemesis or rival to advance their characterization by a side-character 12 year old boy because she killed his father, Ned doing the right thing even if it endangers him and dying for it even though he's the main character, Locke coming from a House that allows mutilating enemies and resents Lords telling him what to do despite Jaime's claim to fame being a sword fighter, Theon not getting a traditional redemption arc since Ramsay wants to torture him for years for fun just because he's a twisted fucking psychopath, important Kings like Rob and Joffrey dying just because someone gets tired of their shit and poisons them no matter how unfitting their replacement is, ect ect, and it made it exciting since you never know where the plot would go and made all the characters seem in real danger and playing really clever games since they were up against consistent grounded rules rather than the rule of whatever is cool and dramatic most shows go by, but now the plot drives the characters like most shows to get them to be certain places and do certain things those characters would probably never decide to do or manage to achieve, e.g. the selfish Bronn saving the completely fucked Jaime in the nick of time and he somehow gets pulled up from the bottom of a lake in full plate armor, Jon's Avengers team-up episode where all our favorite fighters fight the zombies epic style that has actual redshirt usage, I forgot what season I was watching and thought one of the long haired dudes that got taken out by the racist polar bear was Thoros but he's a main character so of course needs a poetic death, and Jon survives falling in freezing cold water surrounded by an army of zombies because his uncle somehow finds him somehow just in time and somehow gets him away from 100K enemies so he can go back to Dany after being pointlessly seperated for 5 minutes of screentime, before it took months to travel Westeros and was a big decision for characters to try to attempt that but now characters can fast travel across the map to bring them to places for the plot to take place, Arya is now OP as fuck and is basically a T-1000 now who can change into any human and has somehow gotten perfect at assassination and combat after 2 years of training with staffs only, Bran is also OP as fuck and basically omnipotent but the characters are not consistent with the plot since these two people motivated to make great change in the world and are able to simply don't unless it's to serve the plot by revealing pointless twists and getting rid of characters too complex to keep around and Dany, lord, Dany has always been shit, she has no consequences or risk or anything to anything she does, Jon just falls in love with her being her 6th beta orbiter after Drogo, Jorah, Triple X, Daario, I guess Tyrion and almost Euron, Dany literally gets fucking raped and there's zero repercussions, she fell so in love with her rapist that him being killed is her main motivator for her vengeance against her vaguely defined "enemies" that at that stage is one woman she can easily have killed, she has a miscarriage which is bad but it's from later consensual sex, she says some cringy shit about all men must die but has no problem letting the agonizingly obviously thirsty as fuck Jorah and Daario orbit around her which you think might make a rape victim uncomfortable, all her enemies are instantly defeated when she bothers to bring her dragons or in the case of the blue-lipped warlock guy(s ?) they send one assassin after her and then give up and fuck off forever never to be seen again lmao, she effortlessly takes city after city and the closest thing to a price she pays is Barry gets merced, but now Dany's Mary Sue aura has spread across the whole continent of Westeros to the other hero characters with a nice dash of Ramsay's "make everyone around me a fucking idiot so I look good in comparison" aura, like the Night King throwing his spear at the smaller dragon instead of Drogon who has the most important characters among his enemies which he must know from having similar abilities to Bran or at least remembering Jon and seeing Dany obviously controlling the dragons, Cersei doesn't think to have more than one balista built and kept in King's Landing where Dany will obvious bring her dragons and Dany doesn't even consider there might be more there, Cersei has a free opportunity to betray Dany since Tyrion is now a fucking moron who forgets what a ruthless backstabbing sadistic hateful bitter petty cunt his sister is and risks Jon and loses them the extremely important assets of a dragon and literal rez medic Thoros sending him North of The Wall to do the extremely difficult task of capturing a zombie for the obvious fools errand of winning Cersei over, in fact his IQ is falling rapidly thinking the Masters would give in to their threats if he simply gave them 7 years, telling Dany not to burn Euron's fleet even though she can obviously send the two little ones to do it without physically being ontop of them, coming up with the pointless plan to seize Casterly Rock that is strategically useless to them, I'd say he was brain damaged from too much alcohol but it's just because DnD are clearly too stupid or simply don't have the time GRRM takes to write intelligent characters like Tyrion, Varys and CIA so they tried to do the best move and keep the latter two off-screen mostly but can't hide how Tyrion is now a fucking idiot and as soon as they bring Varys and CIA back Varys is now useless and despite being the best spymaster in the world can't find out about their enemy teleporting their army about (but don't worry they did the teleporting army meme back to them with the Dothraki sneak attack and the Unsullied somehow leaving Casterly Rock with no fleet) and CIA is so character assassinated that Sansa and Arya can waste their time literally like roleplay in private or whatever the fuck is going on there (I was almost thinking they were trying to trick Bran or some other omnipotent third party observer by arguing in private, well I guess they are, the audience lmao) and he can't see Sansa clearly resenting him and Arya clearly wanting to kill him coming from a mile away never mind that Bran LITERALLY QUOTES WHAT HE SAID IN PRIVATE BACK TO HIM, PROVING HE HAS SUPERNATURAL KNOWLEDGE ON HIM and yet CIA doesn't do shit about it he doesn't try to kill Bran or at least, you know, fucking leave, or come up with some scheme to talk his way out of it or turn the girls on Bran since he'll obviously tell Sansa shit about him, since they need to kill off an actually for once well written Machiavellian character like that bringing him from the most dangerous power player in Westeros who starts a war between five houses and assassinates the King to stupidly marrying Sansa to a serial killer and then just floating about her being blatantly obviously a sneaky backstabbing snake who constantly talks about being a sneaky backstabbing snake and dies like a bitch in a blatantly obvious thing to happen from how Arya is a, you know, trained assassin suspicious of him and shits all over the really cool theme that the Game of Thrones was not played between Kings but by CIA and Varys which is probably how it goes IRL with leaders just being figureheads and the real most influential people being their advisers scheming in the background yet the two never meet or interact ever again, I've seen some autistic fan theories that CIA actually faked his death by having a Faceless Man body double and he did all this shit because Sansa is secretly his love child he had with Caitlyn and that's what message the girl was passing him was about but that would actually be cool writing so probably won't happen, the whole show is basically fan service now where characters like The Hound are popular so are good guys who have a nice wee smile with the woman who almost killed him and the writers got super shook at the backlash from the last rape scene they wrote since they couldn't just say i-it was in the books so now have Sansa brutally getting revenge on Ramsay in an extremely underwhelming scene and her and Arya effortlessly dabbing on the most cunning man in the world since they think that's what the fanbase wants to see however this runs into the problem that the show started out being about subverting tropes (which is already a problem since you're just reacting to other material rather than, you know, coming up with your stories lmao) with muh grounded consequences but if you jettison the grim n gritty themes for your usual set-up and pay-off entertainment this makes all the fucking rape scenes put in for realism's sake a but of a retroactive cringe lmao (even though let's be real, that's what normies want to see, violence and sexual violence and sexual taboo, but they can't admit it so need to hide it behind "uh idk its just in this cool fantasy tv show lol") I mean it was always a bit yikes since like, ok I do like the theme in this show of reality rushing up to smack people in the face and if I was going to write something that's probably what it would be like, retarded characters saying "why don't you just shoot them in the leg" and then getting their femoral artery blasted open and non-stop edge and horrible things happening but again normies should probably not like anything I'd like, and the problem with extreme EDGE that a lot of this material falls into, as in doesn't actually serve the story, is that it's got nothing now adays to be rebelling against, the idea of grimdark fantasy specifically is that it's an answer to things like Disney fairytales that depict the medieval period as a time of wonders and adventure and the antics of royals to be heroic and fun rather than how ghastly and shit it was in real life (which is just how we in the modern day think of those stories, in reality actual fairtyales were fucking horrifying and used to scare children into being good and we've had narratives deconstructing the typical heroes journey by putting those tropes in a more realistic setting since like Don Quixote in 1605 and arguably stories in the bible where people act on the foolhardy tropes of their cultural context and get fucked the hell up by God for being dumb), but we don't really culturally have fairytales anymore thanks to Americas cultural hegemony over the planet and them being completely psychologically broken since 9/11, probably the most optimistic material in pop culture is the Marvel movies but they still have almost all the protagonists being flawed and alienated, and the DC superhero movies didn't fly so good because making a gritty reimagining of superman is pointless because all heroes in our modern day are already brooding angry anti-heroes, people completely miss that characters like Walter White are villain protagonists because our pop culture is already sutured with stories unirionically glorifying violent selfish criminals, people don't get that Jack Bauer is meant to be a miserable monster destroying his soul for torturing people when pop culture is already full of badass soldiers being justified in torturing their enemies, there's no point in making a grim and gritty Jack Ryan tv show about how stressful and damaging being a spy in real life would be in response to the silly spy movies because there are none anymore that's what fucking James Bond already is since he can't have fun anymore, in fact now adays if you want to be edge then just playing heroic tropes, that haven't actually been in fiction since like the fucking 50s or some shit before the Vietnam war when america could still say they were the good guys with a straight face which is why Captain America is such a successful character because he's genuinely just a good person and the only character like that in all of modern pop culture when every single other one is "heh this dude isn't a straight laced boyscout! hes what a man of violence would ACTUALLY be like! fucking hardcore and badass dude!", so idk that much of how the literary world is since I don't read that many books (although whenever I try to dip into some is seems it's even fucking worse than mainstream media, every book I have ever heard of in my life for adults is either a crime thriller about a serial killer who eats babies or a drama about a woman who got raped by her grampa for being gay or whatever the fuck) but what exactly is this show being the dark and edgy version of? Lord of the Rings, an adaptation of a book from the 30s? that was actually very violent and dark itself? its also got the undercurrent that there's something wrong with idealized fiction, which in a non-retarded world would be fine as something for children to enjoy and then grow out of as they have their own lives, but this is a world where 30 year old men love media for children so feel some sense of pride in actually enjoying "heh grimdark and violent fiction for serious fans such as myself", if you want actual brutal realism just watch the fucking news mate lmao, like seriously, if you wan't stories that go against the tropes and have real consequences read about true crime and you will get some real shocking twists and extreme edge no pussy ass writer would ever come up with