GTA IV Cops 'n Crooks Rap: Invite You To This Game - CODYS PUBLIC TRIAL SPECIAL EDITION

[rubycalaber]

so I posted this yesterday and then went to bed and [GLOW=black]The Lizard King Cody's Reptile Insurrection[/GLOW] took place so clay had to reboot the forum (please note it was all clays fault for not taking away cody's spam-o-matic power, hes the one who modded him, I just ordered him to, I'm like Hitler I didn't actually do anything myself and should not be blamed) so what I am going to tell myself was my pages and pages of replies are gone, please reply again telling me how funny I am, but also discuss what should happen to internet war criminal Cody

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I was originally gonna post this rap last as an epic finale but the dayz rap I was gonna post first ended up shit quality and if I learnt anything from my dayz lets play threads its that I start hemorrhaging viewers after the first thread when people realize it's some sort of series so I might as well start off with the best one so maybe I can retain some more viewers for the next few and leave the worst for last when I'll only have one viewer left anyway so lets see if I can keep a combo of good threads going probably not since my last thread only did well because it had the word "computer" in the title so all you autists clicked on it asap, well this rap uses the beat from Game's Put You On The Game and is a loose parody of it, I got the idea to use this song when I went on a binge of Game's music after he was on ANTM in autumn (fall for you illiterate americans) of 2011, but I'd been putting ideas together for it for about a year before that when I made my last raps about valve games since thats when I started playing gta with teknorat every day, so this is one of my insane autistic ideas that has been in the works for three years, I intended to make it last year since I record raps when my family is on holiday but I didnt have the care and I'm unironically glad 5 was delayed so I had time to record them over the summer and these raps would still be relevant, well not relevant because they're about a 5 year old game, but at least not completely outdated yet, only in 4 days time lmao, it started life as a way of getting people to play with us so I guess in that sense its completely defunct since everyone will be playing 5 soon, and its full of hyper-autistic references to obscure animations you only see in one setting of one mode of the multiplayer you'd only notice after playing it for 5 years straight but if I've learnt anything from listening to professional rap it's that the more obscure and in-jokey your lyrics the better they are and if no one can understand what you're saying it's just that they have no sense of rhythm and are probably a racist too so lets get ballin hommie Gs



Lyrics For The Hearing Impaired
yo n00b, yo n00b, yo n00b
do the Morpheus roll with me
yo n00b, yo n00b, yo n00b
tactical plank with me
ah fubungo!
yo n00b, yo n00b, yo n00b
do the crip walk with me
yo n00b, yo n00b
alright let's game

first things first I can now upload over 15 minutes
so now I can rap without limits
but I still had to split this up into three parts like triplets
so you better listen faggets, and not just to a few snippets
and yes I make lots of racist jokes you fucking bigots
I'm glad 5 got delayed so my GTA4 raps wouldnt have to be revisits
then my threads woulda been like yours: nothin but crickets
Rockstar work so slow they aint gotta worry about speed tickets
but if you say shit about any of their games I'll cut off your digits
if you had a wife I'd kill her like Picket's
but you can't get one because your dick's the size of a midget's
mine's even bigger than Bridget's
you're fucking pathetic like m0nde and his collection of widgets

every weekend we play cops and crooks
me and the bros blaze through central Dukes
blasting mooks, like we settin off nukes

PS3 version might not have the graphical looks, but I dont give two fooks
what we've learned could fill books
we'll get you addicted like meth cooks
you wont be able to stop once it gets in its hooks

bro I can survive anything like David Blane, I'll explain
you wont believe the kinda damage I can sustain
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you how to auto-aim (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
its more fun than a glass of champagne, and a hit of cocaine
this city is my domain, all this turf I retain
lemme reenact a car chase from Fastlane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme drop you off a building like John McClain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)


we been playin for years on the PS3, cus its fucking dead on the PC
but we'll never play it on the 360, and dont get me started on the Wii
play with us you'll get so mad you'll snap your game CD, then smash your TV
I'll sidestep your bullets like I'm doing the dougie, then execute you like Dimitri
no matter how much you plea, I'll still slit your throat like X-23, that was a shout out to Laura Kinney

I'm gettin hacker money, I get rich or die tryin like 50
oh shit time to flee, cue a car chase more epic than in Terminator 3
pull up next to the boss on the NRG, tellem if you want to live come with me
shield us from your SMG, by coming atcha pulling a wheelie
power slide under your RPG, it'll probably hit your mates banshee
weave past this PMP, switch lanes just missing the DF8-90
amma pop the tires on that Cognoscenti, send it into your other mates Zombie
cap this NPC, enjoy your on-coming Cavalcade FXT
say goodbye to your Super GT, I just sent it into a nice little tree

bro amma shunt your car into a nice little electric main
when your health starts to drain, you're only to blame
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme crush you under a landing plane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
your thumbs will start to strain, and you'll start to complain
I stay cool like John Wayne, and continue my campaign
lemme offend you by being profane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme dodge your bullets like Max Pain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

bitch I've been gaming since the very first GTA
I bust more caps than the NRA, blow up more cops than the IRA
I'll torture you like the CIA, and finger your hole like the TSA
you'll be MIA, if you fuck with this kid from the UK, DEATH TO THE USA
you're my pray, when I corner you in an allay, I don't need an AK, or an auto-shotty
I'll kill with my car door like in Knight and Day

I'll take a shortcut through the subway, so you can't get me with the chopper from Alderney
when you see where I am on your heads up display, you'll say AH FUCKIN A!
I'm smarter than Rodney McKay, faster than Colin McRae
better aim than Donovan Ray, proer than Tim O'Shea
even if the cops catch me I'll still get away, just like OJ
I'll snipe you like Renee, you're unfunnier than Tina Fey
you suck more cock than Sasha Grey, you even gave a dog a BJ!
you eat more Snickerz™ than clay, you molest more kids than m0nde
you're so gay, you're even more queer than Miss Jay

you die over and over again like in Groundhog Day
you're a bigger loser than every single poster on /r9k/
even if you answered Roman's calls without delay
you won't even get to see one big american tittay

bro you'll never hear me coming like Cassandra Cain
gimme a sniper rifle and I'll back up that claim
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you the highest skill you can attain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
I show you raps that are fucking insane
better written than Mark Twain, not one line inane
lemme chase you across off-road terrain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you the best cars to obtain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

I mostly play with teknorat, dont talk shit in the chat
or he'll run over you in his bobcat, make you go splat, crush you flat
get out his gat, go ratatatat, kill you where you sat, you fucking pratt
dont get too close you little brat, or you'll have to take him on gunkata combat

he'll cyber stalk you stat, kill you irl with a baseball bat
swat you like gnat, you wont survive that
speaking of dudes who have fucked a wombat, sometimes we play with Matt
last name Bailey, plays the trumpet fuck the ukulele
he gets mad pussy daily, dont tell fanfare but he even fucked Haylie, he took her anally
he didnt even use any lubes, cus hes motherfucking boobz
if you have a daughter you better tie her tubes, he'll even fuck your companion cubes

one plays the trumpet, the other takes breaks to eat a crumpet
but both from Australia, and when we fish tail ya, your aimbot'll fail ya
with bullets we gonna impale ya, and when we nail ya,
we're gonna tell you your dad loves to rail ya, gay nigger scat we gonna email ya
we'll get you through walls like the gun from Eraser
we kill whores like you for fun like in The Chaser
we be hoppin over cars like in fucking Speed Racer


bro amma killa the cops can't restrain, they can't contain
can't stop owning I can't refrain, I can't abstain
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme rage you by turning on rain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
all you niggers look the same, amma lynch you by your slave chain
or just run along that gas pipe so I can set you aflame
lemme camp up the top of this crane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme sit up there until no players remain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

you fucking fagget, if you're my target,
I'll hop on a bike like Scarlett, drive it up walls like in Ultraviolet

hop off and introduce your Coquette, to my precisely aimed rocket
and when I introduce you to the bonnet, of my hot pink Comet
you'll get so upset, you'll be screaming down your headset
and start writing a death threat, calm down kid it's just the internet

let me just bust a fact, your health will never remain intact
when you're attacked, you wont even have time to react
you'll think you've been hacked, when your boss you try to extract
but you find yourself smacked, by the grill of my blista compact
you'll be whacked, by the impact, goddamn this game is action packed!

bro my weakness you'll never ascertain, you bring your family nothing but shame
a 9 year old could kill you like Shane

lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme make fun of your stupid user name (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
when I get to you your ability to walk you'll never regain
when the ambulance team sees you they'll be like dayum!
lemme show you the kinda KDR I maintain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
[GLOW=black]lemme kill you with a tank of propane[/GLOW] (in GTA4 cops and crooks)


now dont get defensive and start making fun of our accents
but here's my two cents, on why you touch adolescents
you got molested by your parents, in a series of sexual experiments
meanwhile we should be playing in tournaments, we've unlocked all the achievements
we've memorized all the environments, you can't escape our torments
we can tell you suck off gents, meanwhile our cars never get any dents
it doesnt matter if you got all the armaments, we'll never stop coming for you like a team of Agents

you're only human, I make you piss the bed like Rachael Newman
oh sorry was that too obscure? you're a virus and we're the cure
gonna hack your myspace and change your orientation to "not sure"
gonna distract you by calling up your in-game phones, gonna sneak up and kill you with a contact shot like Agent Jones
we're gonna chase you across rooftops like Agent Brown, kill you while you're fiddling in the boat tryin to sit down
chasing you through the airport like Agent Jackson, prepare for the nigger jokes if you're black son
dumping on you from a police cruiser like Agent Tompson, gonna tear your car apart like Agent Johnson
if you heard you could win that's a myth, it doesn't matter what plans you come at us with
so just shut the fuck up and plead the fifth, while I take out your escape chopper with a deagle like Agent Smith

you'll never touch a dame, you go on gay cruises to Spain
you swallowed when every black cock you sucked came
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme break your back like Bane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
compared to me that nigga he's tame, I have much more fame
my power you'd love to constrain, but amma own you yet again
lemme warn you I can be inhumane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you how the chopper can maim (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

it's time for some pro gaman, maybe one or two exploit shenanigan, I just jumped over your car like Jacky Chan
and now I'm racing around in the best sedan, you're still driving that shitty minivan
did you borrow it from your gran? I already made it outta Bohan
speeding through the recreation of Manhattan, you'll think I've time traveled in a DeLorean
I'm gonna kite you towards a propane can, limit your life-span
you're gonna burn to death in your car like Han, your whole world will turn to shit like Stan

you're gonna get madder than when both Kirk and Spock screamed KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN
I'll make you crash your sultan, with my brutal insultan, and then you'll go missing like Megan
I'm like batman, I always have a plan, I'm a gaming veteran, your mum's my #1 fan
you should have just ran, avoided my dot like its pac man
but now you're outta the fire into the frying pan, I was born to kill like a Spartan
you better just submit to this Scotsman, bitch kiss my tartan
I've only just began, and I'm not sure if I can put up with your stupidity like Susanne
when it comes to girls you're a virgin, you hide in your attic all day like Anne
the only woman, you've ever been with turned out to be a tran, her name was Jan
there needs to be a dildo ban, cus you lost one so far up your arse you needed an x-ray scan
you're type get bashed by the Ku Klux Klan, let's just say you'd feel right at home in San-Fran
you jerk off to Game of Throne's Bran, 'cus you're an abomination according to the Koran
they hang your kind in Iran, you'd get stoned to death if you were a Mongolian
I also suggest you never check out Azerbaijan, or visit Borat in Kazakhstan
you're even too perverted for Japan, once you even sucked off a dolphin, I get smiley faces from Haylie Loftin

yesterday you got bummed by a fireman, nigga I get signs from motherfucking Creepy-chan!

yo! rest in peace Dan!

bro I'm here to entertain, you're so mundane
I get so much acclaim, you ain't even in the frame
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you how there's no train (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
"what the fuck?!" you shall exclaim, when you're slain
"you're fucking hacking!" you shall proclaim, you're so lame
lemme haymaker you like Dwayne (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme take all your money like Jane (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

go ahead and get armored, do I look like I'm bothered?
my drivings like some shit outta the Dukes of Hazard, I'll shove you into a nice little bollard
I hope you enjoy getting steamrollered, cus I'll take out your mates one by one like in Die Hard
I'm an expert sniper like Bernard, your entire team will get high-calibered
if you were a Yu-Gi-Oh! card, into the Graveyard, I would discard
I'm as hot as Thor from Asgard, you're a fat tub of lard
you don't understand anything about the internet like Julia Gillard
we all know you're a kiddy roggering bastard, but seriously are you a fucking retard?
I think I'll leave you to get killed by the fat nigger security guard
while I shoot the shit about Lost with Allison Harvard

bro you're worse than that fag internutt from the ukraine
dude no one cares if you just had chow mein
lemme invite you to this game (of GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme show you the best weapons you can gain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
I knock you over and give you an ankle sprain
shoot you in the kneecap just to increase the pain
lemme put one through your jugular vein (in GTA4 cops and crooks)
lemme finnish you off with one in the brain (in GTA4 cops and crooks)

alright here is where the rap loses all pretense, of having any structural sense
if that causes you offense, chill out and burn some incense
you're so fucking dense, you have no defense
you can't even get past the nice little adamantium fence
my dick's immense, you'd probably suck it for 50 pence
my raps I refuse to condense, I spare no expense
shits about to get intense, let the badass rhyming commence

Top Model backwards is Pot Ledom, I fucking hate Tyra Banks but I'd still let her be my femdom

now listen up young padawan, when you're running around thinking where have all the cars gone
you gotta look behind you to make one spawn, make sure to hammer X like you're trying to scream JAAAAASOOOOOOON!
don't even bother trying to get a better weapon, we're already so close you should be able to smell bacon
we're coming for you with more guns than jon, if only I could get out this collapsible baton
don't make me yawn, you're just a pawn, I have all the brawn
you'll shit your pants as soon as you see my mini-map icon
I admit when I was a baby I ate a crayon, [GLOW=black]but you were teething on your daddy's condom[/GLOW]
he needed a magnum just like Ron, I'm packing heat too just ask your mom

you're a fucking moron, your favorite color is [GLOW=red]lemon chiffon[/GLOW]
you're socially withdrawn, you're only girlfriend's your palm
you attend fucking Anthrocon, I get handjobs from Haylie using a pompom
bitch you aint goin to Guam, soon you'll only be able to talk to Miles Straume
you'll die in your escape vehicle like Yemi in the 23rd Psalm, you're in the closet like Tom
your favorite movie's Breaking Dawn, you're a tiny little bitch like Napoleon, you'll be hiding in a hole from me like Saddam
but you'll never see me coming like the VC in Vietnam
I aint got a qualm, about frying you like a fookin prawn
I already set up you the bomb, like I'm a follower of Islam
no offense to my Muslim brothers salaam
your whole crew I'm gonna rain lead down upon, your body I shall flatten
I've killed more enemies than Alex Mason
you'll never really kill me like Michael Vaughn
I dive through the air firing my deagle like Deaqon
I never lose my cool like Little Jacob mon, I'm gonna stab you in the face like in Black Swan
and when you're bleeding out on Tony's front lawn, after I bust my iron
while you're crying awww come on! [GLOW=green]getting more depressed than Camoron[/GLOW], I'll be screaming [GLOW=black]STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON!!![/GLOW]
yo shout out to my hommies on rubycalaber.com, 2fjs.com, lolalmighty.com, thepriceislol.com, IGN.com, even bounty-board.com
remember to pre-order GTA5 on Amazon!

[skrizach]

amazing, as always

[Autistic Spectrum]

been playing gta5 all fucking day

yeah fuck you ruby

[Autistic Spectrum]

he stole fanfare, he had 2 do it, he's giving her monde aids right now,,,

[Ruby's Wife's Sister]

this was great i love alison she is my all time fav top model

[Autistic Spectrum]

no that was my plan all along when i asked for mod i just waited until no one was on that could stop me and then had my fun, but seriously now i want ruby to DFE my acct i sent him a pm about it make sure he does tyia otherwise im giving faggotchat all the emails and ip's i grabbed last night when i nuked those accts...

[Tahiti Joe]

lemon chiffon. calaberx.

[Autistic Spectrum]

lol